Remember my grand jury service? Well, the jury voted to indict a guy (well several, but we’ll focus on this guy for now). I was the lone voter that they shouldn’t indict him because I didn’t think they showed criminal intent and someone seriously implied that my thought process was immoral and people who think like me are why society is going wrong.
Well, news just came out.. a judge dismissed the case because.. there was no criminal intent.
I want to go hunt down juror #8 and shove it in her face. But I can’t, so I’m posting a TWERK early.
We have the rest of this week then two half-days next week of school (full days for me though) then we are done. You all probably don’t recall but I pulled DD from our neighborhood school in order to attend my school (where I work, 40 minutes away) in the fall because we were opening 100% F2F. She’s had a wonderful year, delightful first-year teacher, class pet (rabbit), new friends and has sailed academically, but has ultimately chosen to return to neighborhood school this fall. So I’ve got her re-registered and she has told her current class and all the ‘hood friends she has been missing. She’s super excited for it and although I think I’ll feel a little verklempt to not have her accompany me to school next year, I know I’m lucky that we have two great schools to choose from.
DS got waitlisted for the public K4 program at same neighborhood school, so he will continue on at his private preschool next year. He’s already on summer break, at home with DH.
A new family with four boys ages 7 and under moved in a few houses down. The mom WFH and the dad is a SAHD. They’re into riding bikes, hiking, and outdoorsy things, so we’ve connected them with some of our similar neighbors and favorite activities. DH arranged for him, the new SAHD, another SAHM, and all the kids to go hiking today.
Now the problem is that OT and PT at the hospital have said that dad can stand and go to the bathroom, so they won't allow him to go to a rehab or nursing home. Even though he still needs assistance on this, and they provided assistance. They said no, he only needs supervision. 1. He doesn't qualify for VA home because his service related is 50% and he needs to be at 70%. 2. They won't write it so he goes to a nursing home, not sure why because he can't stand up without his blood pressure dropping but because PT said so...., so we can't use Medicare for a nursing home. No word from the med team only PT and OT apparently make this call. eyeroll.
It's a nightmare, and the social worker just digs in her heels and says well we need a plan for where he is to go. He can't go to my house, I have a million stairs. My sister will not take him. I don't want him either really, and he still needs 24 hour nursing care, that they are just ignoring that fact apparently because they won't write him for a nursing home so that insurance will cover it.
Also, in CA apparently he would not be competent to sign a DPOA. But in his state all he has to do is understand what he is signing, so I think he is competent. But IDK. And the hospital won't write a letter (or they haven't yet) saying he isn't competent for us to submit guardianship papers. So basically, I guess he is then? So then he can sign? IDK. And the bank won't let him put me or my sister on his account unless he shows up in person. So when he is released my sister has to take him in a wheelchair to the bank? So many swear words.
Also, he wrote down all his passwords and like 75% of them no longer work anyway.
waverly yay for the refund, but boo to the unreasonable social worker. Can you escalate to her superiors? Patient Advocate? I think it's worth fighting her decision. Even if you need to involve a lawyer.
sdlaura , I might involve a lawyer because DH's mom just happens to be an elder law attorney. But social work "claims" that it isn't her decision. It is OT and PT's decision. I asked to speak to them. I also asked for the phone number on who decides on this disability percentage crap.
They drafted my dad to Vietnam and then he had PTSD and alcoholism ever since, but then they pretend that they are only 50% culpable. Let's try 100%. And, I get it isn't really factored that way, but show me the mathematical formula and spell it out for me. Go ahead.
Oh and someone complained about one of my staff. Yes I know she gossips a little and is negative. We worked to address negativity and be positive.
But they were like she interrupts my conversations with others (they are having right in front of her) and looks at me. Well maybe have personal conversations in private, IDK. It's baffling. Someone looked at you. I don't understand. I do understand their other points, but not really this one.
Now the problem is that OT and PT at the hospital have said that dad can stand and go to the bathroom, so they won't allow him to go to a rehab or nursing home. Even though he still needs assistance on this, and they provided assistance. They said no, he only needs supervision. 1. He doesn't qualify for VA home because his service related is 50% and he needs to be at 70%. 2. They won't write it so he goes to a nursing home, not sure why because he can't stand up without his blood pressure dropping but because PT said so...., so we can't use Medicare for a nursing home. No word from the med team only PT and OT apparently make this call. eyeroll.
It's a nightmare, and the social worker just digs in her heels and says well we need a plan for where he is to go. He can't go to my house, I have a million stairs. My sister will not take him. I don't want him either really, and he still needs 24 hour nursing care, that they are just ignoring that fact apparently because they won't write him for a nursing home so that insurance will cover it.
Also, in CA apparently he would not be competent to sign a DPOA. But in his state all he has to do is understand what he is signing, so I think he is competent. But IDK. And the hospital won't write a letter (or they haven't yet) saying he isn't competent for us to submit guardianship papers. So basically, I guess he is then? So then he can sign? IDK. And the bank won't let him put me or my sister on his account unless he shows up in person. So when he is released my sister has to take him in a wheelchair to the bank? So many swear words.
Also, he wrote down all his passwords and like 75% of them no longer work anyway.
Are you and your sister the sum total of all of his children? And is he unmarried? If so I would have him sign.
waverly, congrats on the refund! Does social worker know that he has no place to go and can't afford to private pay nursing home? That neither you or your sister's houses are conducive to his needs.
mustardseed2007 , oh thank you for weighing in as a lawyer, * I know not true legal advice. Yes, we are the sum of his children and he is divorced.
186momx , yes the social worker knows all that. My co-worker who used to do social work said we should talk to medical and then talk to the nursing home and just move him there under Medicare anyway and ignore the social worker. Just say hey we are moving to X. He still had an IV for now, so she said if he needs an IV and is confused then he qualifies.
Post by traveltheworld on Jun 2, 2021 13:46:26 GMT -5
Crowd sourcing advice - our nanny currently watches our 2 kids (6 and 9) in the afternoons. For the summer, we were thinking of having her do the same. She currently works for another family in the mornings and that'll continue in the summer as well.
We have a really good set of friends whose kids are the same age and need afternoon childcare. I had thought it might be a good idea to have them together, since all 4 kids get along great, especially the two 9 year olds, who are mostly independent. I had originally thought maybe we could pay our nanny 50% - 75% more for watching 4 kids instead of 2, but I asked her what she thought would be fair. She came back and asked for exactly double the amount. I hate negotiating, so do I: (a) just pass along the message to our friends and see if they are willing to do it; (b) just forget about the whole thing; or (c) go back to our nanny and offer 75% increase? I don't know if I'm out of line. We haven't talked about any details, but the kids will be at our house and I assume will eat lunch at our place (which I'm totally fine with).
traveltheworld , I thought about a nanny share or pod last summer, but ultimately we decided against it and just paid the rate for our family. I just generally go with easiest option rather than more social option maybe because I am an introvert?
I think it is more difficult to negotiate now that she threw out a number you think is too high, but it is possible if you really want the group together. I would talk to your friend also.
waverly, you may also want to talk to a lawyer or advocate that has experience with the VA system. There are VA patient advocates that should be in the VA hospital that he is in. If that advocate can't/won't help, then an experienced lawyer should be able to help. You might be able to get some referrals to a VA-experienced lawyer through your local VFW. Some terms to use when talking to them: You cannot and will not be able to take him home in the condition he is in. You cannot provide him 24-hour care and you are not a nurse. They cannot discharge him if he has nowhere to go.
It sounds like your dad's disability percentage should be increased ASAP. This website (www.va.gov/disability) may help guide you. The VA is built on processes that can border on insanity. One missing piece of paper can send you back to the beginning.
The VA system is so confusing. My dad was injured during his service and ended up with brain tumors that the VA hinted could have been as a result of working on a nuclear sub (as per their website). It took several years and several court dates to get the VA to go from 50% to 100% disability for my dad. The most annoying thing is that the VA wants their doctors to make the diagnoses. VA disability benefits do not equate to Social Security disability benefits. My dad was considered disabled by SS, but the VA wouldn't look at any of that documentation. He never could have got through this without his lawyer.
If you have any questions about this process, let me know. Good luck!
traveltheworld it definitely shouldn't be double. Our babysitter started watching our kids when there were two of them and now there are four of them, and her hourly rate has gone from $20 an hour to $30 an hour. Given that there would be some additional moving parts with involving another family, you could round up a bit above 50%, but I wouldn't offer higher than that. It sounds like maybe she doesn't want to add the other family, which is fine, but I would make her another offer. I would say "I've asked around and I think x would be a reasonable rate for the four kids. It's totally fine if you're not interested in watching all four for that rate - just let me know. Feel free to also think about it and get back to me."
Vent: I sent in registration paperwork for fall before/aftercare. In April. Only to find out mid May that.. it got stuck in my drafts. They have spots, but for aftercare only. I sent in paperwork for summer camp last week.. DH called to confirm because we haven't heard anything back and... it was stuck in drafts. This is literally the ONLY emails I've sent from my personal email account from desktop. I DON'T GET IT. And now we scramble...
Tomorrow is the kids' last day of school. It was such a great year despite being covid awful. I'm sad to see the year end. We have a pool party for DS' class planed for tomorrow and there is a very high chance of rain. Our back up is stupid - hang out in our neighborhood club house and play board games. But I'm not sure what else we can do in the rain that short notice. Our house is not big enough to host all of them inside.
mustardseed2007, pool party in the rain? We do that here a lot as well Oregon and crazy June weather. k3am, OMG crazy bad traveltheworld, no way would I say double my rate is okay.
My dishwasher has been broken for over a year. It runs, everything works fine, but it doesn't actually clean anything. I've had a repair guy out and he told me it's just a bad design on a very expensive machine and he sees it happen a lot after a few years with this brand. Great. When I thought we'd be selling the house, I figured "screw it, we'll limp along and hand wash dishes and then it'll be the next person's problem." It's a special order, tiny dishwasher to fit in my tiny kitchen so it's expensive and a pain to get one to replace it. But this morning I decided to buy a new one. I'm sick of looking at a sink of dirty dishes all the time. I refinanced the mortgage, so we have no mortgage payment for this month. So I threw that money at a new dishwasher and it can be here and installed in two weeks! I didn't even ask or tell beau yet, it was a complete impulse buy this morning.
ETA: I'm cracking up. Dishes are beau's chore. I rarely do them. He always jokes that it's how he repays me for letting him live here. So he pointed out that it's hilarious that "for his birthday" I got him a new dishwasher. He joked that it's like that stereotype where the husband buys the wife a vacuum. LOL
The money hit the business account today. It will allow them to pay back all the debt they accrued in COVID and still have some left over to pad the bank account and build a little nest egg for the business so that they're not paycheck to paycheck each month.
twinmomma, why can't I love your post x100000000?! That is awesome news!
waverly, I forgot to mention that you should also pursue SS disability/Medicare for your dad. You'll probably get approvals for that before the VA even acknowledges your claim. And for my user name - my husband likes skunks (I don't know why) so I just changed skunk to polecat.
Work is slow going since our servers are down. No word on when they will be back up. I'm contemplating getting my workout done now since there is not much I can do right now.
polecat8, He does have Medicare. They suggested we apply for Medicaid, but I am not sure of the income cut off for that. Will he qualify for SS disability if he is retirement age?
I'm wondering at what point can I do stuff myself and what point I involve our lawyer (DH's mom). I don't feel right having her do everything without payment. So I kind of want to hire her for the family and friends rate, but that can get pricey. But ultimately, I am sure we will get more money having all the benefits.
waverly- with the VA, hire a lawyer. If they get a letter from a lawyer, I swear applications suddenly go in a special “oh crap this one isn’t playing” stack.
Related story. One of my very closest friends is a radiologist for the VA. She started out looking at X-rays of flat foot cases. There is a diagnostic number that you use for a measurement that says “below this, yep, you have a flat foot case”. So she’s going along her merry way and her boss (not a doctor) chews her a new one for all the positive diagnoses she has. Friend walks her through. Boss says she’s using outdated number and the real number is Y. So, she goes along her merry way for a day or two and her other boss (clinical doctor boss), chews her a new one because he’s reviewed files and she’s not diagnosing when she clearly should. So she walks him through and says “Jane told me the correct updated number is Y” and clinical boss has to tell her “Jane judges her performance on how many claims she can deny and how low of a percentage disability average her group gives. She came from the insurance industry. She’s not a doctor. You’re the doctor. You diagnose based on the science. She has to deal with whatever the facts are, but next time she tries to tell you how to do your job, tell her to talk to me.”
waverly, I'm not sure of the cutoffs for SS disability and Medicare. My dad ended up with a long term disability due to the brain tumors since he was still working. They converted him to SS disability when he hit a certain length of time and the dr told him he could never return to work. That was when he was 63.
But yes to getting a lawyer with VA experience. They know how to fill out the paperwork correctly and get it to the right person. I'll talk to my mom tonight to figure out how she was referred to my dad's lawyer.
The kids' school gives monthly awards to kids for various traits that they call "virtues". Compassion, Justice, Faith, etc. DD2 has won 2 over the years, and DD1 has never won any.
We just received word that DD1 received an award for Generosity. She will be thrilled. She has been upset that she hasn't been nominated, so I'm really, really happy for her. It will be a surprise until her name is called at the ceremony next week. We get to zoom in and watch.
I think I’m going to sign both kids up for scouts. DS needs something he can be good at, where he feels a sense of accomplishment. And DD needs to meet girls she has more in common with. She likes that Girl Scouts do volunteer work. And as bizarre as this is, when I explained how selling cookies means she could earn her own money to help pay for camp, she was like “Sign me the heck up!”
Camp update... there are no spots for next week, but there are spots for the week after that. We're going to pay the 12 year old neighbor an undetermined amount of money to do undetermined things to keep the kids busy next week, which hopefully her mom (one of my closest friends) doesn't take to mean that mom is watching the kids (which honestly, she would totally do, but I don't want to put that on her).
mommyatty, We love scouts. Our cub scouts are so laid back that I never know what we are doing, but somehow it all comes together. Unfortunately, we were in Columbia for the camp out and it was perfect weather.
Girl Scouts in a normal year is too much into the fundraising, but some of the fundraising is working pancake breakfast/ spaghetti dinner, and DD actually really likes it, and she likes the cookie booth. In some ways, Covid helped our troop a lot because they had to get creative and do things outside rather than crafts inside every meeting. We did a mural walk, horseback riding, bug program at a farm, and when Covid numbers were high we did Stem and Cooking labs via zoom. One of our members is a Chef. So we really expanded our horizons this year, but it also helps that they are getting older and can do more. The first year in K was a bit rough because they were figuring it all out.