Do you know any parents who have their kid in full time daycare AND need more childcare on the weekends? Because my 3 year old is killing me on the weekends with his endless energy combined with poor decision making because, he’s 3. He’s the kid that you take to the playground and he’s off trying to find how to escape the playground and run on the road. Same with the pool. Our friends were there yesterday and her kid is the same age as DS. Her kid stayed in the baby pool the entire time while DS wandered in and out and kept eyeing the fence to exit the baby area. And managing DD at the same time, both of them from 7 am to 8 pm, it’s becoming too much for me.
I guess I’m looking for anecdotes and hair pats please because I feel like a mom fail for not having enough energy to keep up with my own kids.
Yes, we have a special needs child and have seven day a week care. We have been that way for many years. There is nothing wrong with needing a weekend break as well. I think that is particularly true when kids are little and I essentially have a baby forever.
3 is the worst. My DD daycare calls her “high energy.” She just has no chill at all. Constant motion/talking/attitude. If I didn’t get a break e/o weekend I would lose my shit. I still sometimes get sitters for dates or other events when it’s “my” weekend. I need it.
Having a routine with a sitter on weekends would probably be great for your kids. Maybe even a young teen who could start out as a mother’s helper and then transition to watching them alone?
My good friend has her nanny come most weekends. She also usually comes on most vacations and long weekends. They have no other local help (parents/siblings), so it’s the only way to get any real down time. Their son loves it and their nanny also loves the extra hours.
My son is also super energetic and as my job gets more and more demanding, I am exploring the idea of weekend help. I just need a couple hours to myself.
Post by ellipses84 on Jul 11, 2021 17:19:25 GMT -5
I know people who do, mostly when they have multiples or 3 kids under age 5. Most of our friends are also way better about having regular weekend date night baby sitters for their school age kids. One has her husband take the kids out of the house for the majority of the day Saturday (he’s a homebody and she was about to go bananas during quarantine with everyone home 24/7). It’s not fair to never get a break as a mom.
My preference is to outsource everything else I can so I can spend my time with the kids, which it totally due to ridiculous mom guilt. I have considered getting a mother’s helper because it’s really hard to get anything done and they expect my focus to be 100% on them when we are all home. My 5 year old has been a handful since he was 2 and I still feel this way.
Post by maudefindlay on Jul 11, 2021 17:26:31 GMT -5
My friend has a mother's helper on the weekends as her DH travels often. This young woman is a college student and accompanies my friend on weekend kid outings and activities and if they aren't going anywhere she plays with the kids at home.
3 is the worst. My DD daycare calls her “high energy.” She just has no chill at all. Constant motion/talking/attitude. If I didn’t get a break e/o weekend I would lose my shit. I still sometimes get sitters for dates or other events when it’s “my” weekend. I need it.
Having a routine with a sitter on weekends would probably be great for your kids. Maybe even a young teen who could start out as a mother’s helper and then transition to watching them alone?
Yes, 3 is awful! DS has always been "high energy" since he figured out how to move. He used to pull himself up to stand in his crib at 6 months and then yell and not let the other babies sleep at daycare. They always said they had to fight him so hard to get him to fall asleep. He stopped napping for them by a little after 2.5.
I was debating posting "Come in if you have a 3 year old at home" and decided to go with this thread instead.
I know people who do, mostly when they have multiples or 3 kids under age 5. Most of our friends are also way better about having regular weekend date night baby sitters for their school age kids. One has her husband take the kids out of the house for the majority of the day Saturday (he’s a homebody and she was about to go bananas during quarantine with everyone home 24/7). It’s not fair to never get a break as a mom.
My preference is to outsource everything else I can so I can spend my time with the kids, which it totally due to ridiculous mom guilt. I have considered getting a mother’s helper because it’s really hard to get anything done and they expect my focus to be 100% on them when we are all home. My 5 year old has been a handful since he was 2 and I still feel this way.
My husband will take them out for a max of 2 hours. He is also a homebody that doesn't go anywhere. It's why I stopped going to the IL's house because otherwise I get zero break. They go periodically when school or daycare is closed. It never feels like enough.
I have outsourced much already which is adding to my guilt.
When my kids were about the age of yours, M-F they went to daycare, Saturday we visited the in-laws, and Sunday we visited my parents. I went with them, but we had backup every day because they were high energy. The summer they were 4 and 6, I stayed home with them and read a full book to them each day because it would calm them down. Then, COVID hit at 4.5/7 and I (and my husband) have been home with them everyday while working from home. I teach, so I am “off” in the summers (I still teach online classes during summer, so that is why it is “off.”) My husband put in for vacation days at the end of the month and I asked him to set aside a few hours for me to get a pedicure. He looked at me as if I was insane because why was I asking that? Well—someone has to watch the kids. As an introvert, kid entertainment has been the worst part of parenting. I’m cool with parallel play but cruise directoring is exhausting.
Post by ellipses84 on Jul 11, 2021 22:03:25 GMT -5
Don’t feel guilty for outsourcing and getting a weekend sitter. 3 really is terrible! I constantly feel burned out. Burned out at the end of the workweek and burned out at the end of the weekend. My frustration level is high. Don’t be me. They do better if they get out of the house on weekend mornings to burn off some energy and it would be amazing if I could have a sitter take them to a park so I could get stuff done or relax.
I do not, but I was this person for a family when I was younger. My mom actually kept the kids full-time during the week (she had an in-home daycare), which is how I met them. I babysat at least one weekend day almost every weekend for 6 years.
Sometimes I watched the kids while the parents were around, sometimes they left to get stuff done. I went on shopping trips and other outings with them, and went on vacation with them a couple of times. I thought it was all a lot of fun, and the parents got some time to actually breathe and get a break.
Not a mom fail. You might be a mom genius. Toddlers are hard.
We had kids in daycare and occasionally had a date night sitter. It’s been off and on because we lost our first sitter when she graduated high school.
DH actually found our next date night sitter on the sitter city website. It was one of the best things he has ever done because she became our nanny during Covid when we weren’t sure if summer camp would open and then school didn’t open.
Also I wanted to address the outsourcing. Just because someone outsources some childcare and maybe a cleaning lady or lawn stuff does not really mean they are outsourcing so much. If we were, we would also have personal trainers, dieticians, chefs, personal assistants etc coming to our house, so I think we are OK. It’s become the norm for 2 parents that work because of the high demands and hours of the workplace. Unless we want to spend our entire 2 days off on chores… and especially during those really intense baby/ toddler years that is the time to do it. Now that mine are older I can clean the house without them destroying things while my back was turned, but not when they were 3.
Also the date nights definitely helped my marriage. I know that’s not the goal for OP, but just throwing it out there for other readers. And as our relationship is foundational for the family, I’m going to say the kids benefited from that too, and they gained another caring friend from their sitter.
I’m in the process of hiring a mother’s helper because I also have to fight for breaks and I’ve had two years of grandparents promising help and then it being sporadic at best. It sounds like you have even less regular help. Our normal babysitter is getting ready to go on maternity leave for a few weeks so I used that as an excuse to introduce the boys to someone else. My twins are 2.5; life is BUSY.
You are not alone. I stay at home and DD is still spending 4 out of 5 days this week with her grandparents. I cannot keep up (she’s two weeks shy of 3), it’s too hot outside, and I’m heavily pregnant. We generally get help for at least one day on the weekend too. I don’t see this changing any time soon, particularly as I get busy with a newborn. I can’t wait for her to start preschool in September so she can balance being with her peers and grandparents.
Anyone who is left to handle their kids alone all weekend would need help. If you want it and can make it work financially then do it and don't feel bad about it.
Post by ginandtonic on Jul 12, 2021 8:25:57 GMT -5
Hi - I'm mostly a lurker and I remembered my log in just to answer this
My 13-year-old is the weekend babysitter for someone. She's a single mom with a six-year-old who goes to fulltime care during the week (in the summer - she was virtual for the school year and went to the same person to do virtual K - she'll be in before and after care next year). She uses her time with my daughter there to run errands, get a haircut, etc and often she's home and cleaning or just having some alone time. DD usually works from about 10-2 both days, so there's actually plenty of time left in the weekend for her to do fun mom things (and for DD to see her friends and whatever). Her rate is bargain basement - but she feels like she's rich. I say go for it!
I worked as a PT nanny for YEARS for a family that had a SAHM. Their youngest just graduated high school (sob - I feel old - I started working for their family 5 years before the youngest was born) and we are still in touch.
I think mom felt guilty at first for hiring help, but it made everyone’s life so much better. We built such a great relationship, and having a hand in raising those kids is one of the great joys of my life. It was win, win, win all around.
If you need help and can afford to hire the help, do it. You won’t regret it. No shame in recognizing a need in your family, and filling that need.
Thanks everyone. I’m glad you all get it. Yesterday was a lot. DS was up since 6 am and begging for chocolate ice cream. He never asks for ice cream and especially not a particular flavor so I was like fine, we’ll go to Whole Foods which doesn’t open until 8. I got up and got us ready and then he refused to get in the car. He climbed into his stroller because he wanted a grownup to stroll him there.. Fine, we walked the mile there and back and got groceries and ice cream and it was… 9 am. I was already exhausted and he was just getting started.
Somehow we killed the next several hours with some TV and inside playing and aimlessly driving around and finally both of them playing outside. Usually I take them on errands but I didn’t have any.
At 3:45, I asked my husband to please take them to the pool and he said fine, right after this game ends at 5. This game apparently went into overtime and he refused to leave the TV so guess who hauled them to the pool? Me! Ugh.
I’m going to post on our mom’s FB group and find someone for hopefully 4 hours.
When DS was tiny, he wore out 2 different nannies. He was only 5 months old and that’s when I was like “he needs to be in daycare.” Last Saturday he wore out his older cousin who is 13. I don’t know where he gets all this energy!
At 3:45, I asked my husband to please take them to the pool and he said fine, right after this game ends at 5. This game apparently went into overtime and he refused to leave the TV so guess who hauled them to the pool? Me! Ugh.
Fuck this noise. I'm sorry you need to deal with this BS.
Yup! DD1 is 3 and some days its a lot. Some weekend days are great and we have tons of fun but others are just plain exhausting. She's up at 6:30, doesn't nap on the weekends, DD2 is 5 months and we're tired. We take turns giving each other breaks over the weekends, but sometimes its just not enough! We're lucky that my parents are nearby so they take her a few times a month for an afternoon or overnight so we can have a break. I used to feel bad about asking them to take her but now I feel no guilt about being honest that it's hard and we need a break. Having that time makes us better parents for her. If we didn't have my parents, we'd probably hire a mother's helper or a sitter for a few hours every weekend.
We have FT childcare for our two kids during the week, and also have a mother's helper over for a few hours on Saturday morning. I really love having that time to workout in peace, get some things done around the house without interruption, or just chill by myself.
We're lucky that my parents are nearby so they take her a few times a month for an afternoon or overnight so we can have a break.
My parents are also nearby and sometimes DD will ask to spend the weekends there to get away from DS. Which is great but not great since DD (age 7) isn't the one exhausting me. They want nothing to do with DS unless I'm physically there so no drop offs and pickups allowed with him. I can't force them to do something they don't want but this "pick a favorite grandkid" is not sitting well with me either.
We're lucky that my parents are nearby so they take her a few times a month for an afternoon or overnight so we can have a break.
My parents are also nearby and sometimes DD will ask to spend the weekends there to get away from DS. Which is great but not great since DD (age 7) isn't the one exhausting me. They want nothing to do with DS unless I'm physically there so no drop offs and pickups allowed with him. I can't force them to do something they don't want but this "pick a favorite grandkid" is not sitting well with me either.
Ugh, I'm so sorry. That really sucks that they are playing favorites with the grandkids.
I hope you are able to find someone on your mom FB group who can help you out and give you a much needed break!
We have four kids 8 and under who are in full-time weekday care while we work. We don't have a regular daytime sitter on weekends, but we do have a couple of sitters who help us on weekends when the older kids have activities that we don't want to bring the little ones to. For example, a couple weeks ago DH was taking DD to a party and I was taking DS1 to a party, and both were during the baby's naptime. So we had a babysitter come for 4-year-old DS2, who no longer naps, and she played with him while the baby napped. I see that becoming a more regular thing as the kids get older and the older ones have more commitments. We also do a date night every other weekend.
We're lucky that my parents are nearby so they take her a few times a month for an afternoon or overnight so we can have a break.
My parents are also nearby and sometimes DD will ask to spend the weekends there to get away from DS. Which is great but not great since DD (age 7) isn't the one exhausting me. They want nothing to do with DS unless I'm physically there so no drop offs and pickups allowed with him. I can't force them to do something they don't want but this "pick a favorite grandkid" is not sitting well with me either.
My 3 is starting to be pissed that 6 yr old brother gets grandparent sleepovers and he doesn’t. Everyone took my older one at 3 no problem.
My kids have daycare/school during the week, but I still have a sitter every Saturday. She is there from 11-2pm, and I give her $50. My husband works on Saturdays, and I we initially got the sitter about a month after my 2nd was born (3 year age gap). My kids are now 3.5 y/o & 6.5 y/o and I still use her every Saturday. I use that time for some combo of chores, errands, and exercise. Last week, I went to the pool by myself, with nothing more than a towel & book.
Our sitter is great, and actually plays with the kids. I need to get this stuff done regardless, so they are better off with a sitter who engages with them so that I can get through my weekend task list (I work Mon through Fri). It's a bit of a luxury, but my mental sanity requires it.