@ Snoo - parental judgment, anxiety and privilege

[sparkythelawyer]

Jul 14, 2021 14:53:28 GMT -5 abs said:

I have no dog in this fight because my kid is now 10 and all I have to do is say good night and leave the room.

I so remember the days of screaming though and crying along with her because I was so dang tired. She slept in a swing, a RnP, and on zero flat surface until she was like 7 months old. I cannot and will not judge a new mom for doing what they need to in order to sleep. It's not like we really give any education or support to new moms. It's literally here is your baby, goodbye and good luck. If this helps then great.

When mine was a newborn, in those first few weeks where nobody has a clue what they're doing, and sleep is a mythical thing you used to know?  I would sing, in my sweetest lullaby song tones, all of the four letter cuss words I could think of, to my newborn.  I figured she didn't understand the words anyway

[noodleoo]

Jul 14, 2021 20:38:45 GMT -5 melmaria said:

Jul 14, 2021 20:17:11 GMT -5 @hiphopanonymous said:

This is my third. It doesn't get easier. Lolsob.

We did the Oh Crap method. Kid's been perfect at pee, including nighttime. Today, in a matter of two and a half hours, kid had three revenge poops and two revenge pees on the floor, four of which were right next to me. Bedtime came early tonight.

So far my kid has yet to poop on the potty. She’s been saving all poops for the nighttime diaper, and her poor butt is so rashy/chapped in the mornings, which is a fun thing to wake up to. I know they say that kids grow out of this and that she’ll try the potty eventually, but how long does it take?? Would love to outsource this part of parenting 😅

She’s doing fantastic with pee though so there’s the bright side I guess.

We did the Oh Crap method too and pee was good after a weekend but poop took almost a month of hell.  I still say potty training was one of the hardest parenting things we've done.  But once she was potty trained, it was so awesome to be diaper free!

DD2 is already past the age DD1 potty trained and has no interest.  With diaper prices going up, I wish she'd hurry up already!

[BicycleBride]

All you potty training people, I want to tell you about DS. I did not think he was ever going to potty train. We tried everything. He didn’t care about any reward or anything. He was also going through some other stuff so he was seeing a developmental pediatrician. I remember crying in her office when he was 3.5 because we just couldn’t get him to use the potty and she told me to just drop it and never mention it again and that he’d tell me when he was ready. I did not believe her but I did believe I was going to lose my mind if we kept trying to potty train so I dropped it completely. A few months later, right before his fourth birthday, he announced he was going to use the potty. Within a week he was in underwear full time and never had an accident.

With DD, I learned my lesson. We never tried to impose potty training on her and she announced she wanted to wear underwear a few weeks before her third birthday and that was that. I am convinced that potty training is useless and waiting until the child tells you they are ready is the only way to go.

[basilosaurus]

I had to open an @ thread just b/c I had to know wtf a snoo is and is it a typo.

[Jalapeñomel]

Jul 15, 2021 11:51:12 GMT -5 BicycleBride said:

All you potty training people, I want to tell you about DS. I did not think he was ever going to potty train. We tried everything. He didn’t care about any reward or anything. He was also going through some other stuff so he was seeing a developmental pediatrician. I remember crying in her office when he was 3.5 because we just couldn’t get him to use the potty and she told me to just drop it and never mention it again and that he’d tell me when he was ready. I did not believe her but I did believe I was going to lose my mind if we kept trying to potty train so I dropped it completely. A few months later, right before his fourth birthday, he announced he was going to use the potty. Within a week he was in underwear full time and never had an accident.

With DD, I learned my lesson. We never tried to impose potty training on her and she announced she wanted to wear underwear a few weeks before her third birthday and that was that. I am convinced that potty training is useless and waiting until the child tells you they are ready is the only way to go.

I do think a lot of us are just in such a hurry to move on to the next phase, we end up driving ourselves crazy instead of waiting it out.

[eddy]

We also did the wait and see approach and both times it was pretty painless. I learned my lesson with my first kid when I gave in to all the pressure to PT. Well I tried to give in but my kid was having none of it lol. But when he was ready he was ready!

I think there is a saying that you can start PT at any age but all kids end up PTing completely at the same age regardless of when you start.

[woowoo]

What's funny about the Snoo judgement is that we hired a night nurse for our ONE baby, even while my husband was also on paternity leave, and never once felt judged.
We know we were incredibly privileged to be able to afford that, but we also gave up a lot of the more expensive items we were hoping for (strollers, car seats, etc) so we could afford it.

BicycleBride, quick question - was your DS in daycare? I am in no hurry to pottytrain at ALL (racing to the bathroom wherever we go sounds way less appealing than diapers right now) but daycare will be forcing the issue by close to 3 years old. I'm just not sure what to do.

[BicycleBride]

Jul 15, 2021 13:39:41 GMT -5 woowoo said:

What's funny about the Snoo judgement is that we hired a night nurse for our ONE baby, even while my husband was also on paternity leave, and never once felt judged.
We know we were incredibly privileged to be able to afford that, but we also gave up a lot of the more expensive items we were hoping for (strollers, car seats, etc) so we could afford it.

BicycleBride, quick question - was your DS in daycare? I am in no hurry to pottytrain at ALL (racing to the bathroom wherever we go sounds way less appealing than diapers right now) but daycare will be forcing the issue by close to 3 years old. I'm just not sure what to do.

Not daycare but he was in 5 day a week preschool when he was 3. They said he had to be potty trained before he started but once I actually talked to his teacher, it didn’t end up being an issue. He never pooped at school and I don’t think he was ever changed (I picked him up at noon) so idk what could have been a problem there anyway. What happens if you tell daycare no?

[foundmylazybum]

Jul 15, 2021 12:32:35 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

I had to open an @ thread just b/c I had to know wtf a snoo is and is it a typo.

Same.

I went to the website. I still don't know.

Does it shake the baby to calm them down or something?

[morecoffeeplease]

Just like cville, I would have ordered this while crying in the middle of the night. My husband was deployed and my son woke up every 30-60 minutes for those months. It was a truly awful time in my life. I would have went into debt for it honestly because we also didn't have much money then.

[StrawberryBlondie]

Jul 14, 2021 17:43:21 GMT -5 eddy said:

You know how much your body is in survival mode once you start getting good sleep again. Then one random night your kid doesn’t sleep well and you feel as if you have been hit by a truck and it takes days to recover. And then you think “how the fuck did I do that for months/years” 😫

For real

I've slept like crap for the last week and a half and I legitimately feel sick.

[isabel]

Jul 14, 2021 7:36:27 GMT -5 tiki said:

We were gifted one when they were new (no renting at that time) and then couldn't even use it for the first 3 months due to reflux. We've loaned it out to 3 different families since then because I think the price tag is ridiculous.

I know the Rock n Play is bad and horrible and unsafe and all, but pre-recall the version with auto-rocking worked much better for us than the Snoo. Now there is nothing comparable in that price bracket to help fussy babies and their parents get some sleep.

ETA: the Snoo we got cost ~$800 new + during a sale. I had no idea they'd gone up to $1500!

I bought the auto-rock Rock n Play at like midnight one night with my second. It was worth every penny and I am so glad they didn't announce that recall until after I was done using it.

The mamaroo was around when my kids were babies, but we didn't have the money for stuff like that. I think I could have justified the $150 a month rental, but the $1500 price tag feels outrageous to me (no judgement, I just never would have been able to make myself do it). But that's coming from a person who literally owned a single pair of maternity jeans because I couldn't justify owning multiple pairs of pants that I would only wear for like 5 months. lol

[suburbanzookeeper]

Jul 14, 2021 17:43:21 GMT -5 eddy said:

You know how much your body is in survival mode once you start getting good sleep again. Then one random night your kid doesn’t sleep well and you feel as if you have been hit by a truck and it takes days to recover. And then you think “how the fuck did I do that for months/years” 😫

My oldest (11) was a shitty sleeper and rarely napped unless worn, I suffered from PPD & PPA with her. #2 was a better overnight sleeper but also a crappy napper. I foster bottle puppies and kittens and sometimes I know that's my body visceral reaction to 2-3 hour sleep stretches when we get new babies. "What.THE.FUCK are we doing again?!" 

[basilosaurus]

Asking for a friend: Is there a snoo for foster kittens? Holy hell, they can be loud and obnoxious as fuck in the middle of the night! I already have wicked insomnia and have been to go 36 hours without sleep. I'll microsleep for literally mere seconds (without a kitten) to the point where I fell in the shower, sliced my forehead open, (and scalp/facial wounds GUSH), had to get stitches, an xray, and 36 hours under observation in hospital to make sure no concussion. If I'd had to care for a NB, no way.

Also, sleep deprivation is a torture tactic. And I mean that literally. If they teach soldiers, by experience, tactics to resist going crazy, how can we expect parents to not be affected with zero training? Even with training, which lasts for about a week, they still consider it pure hell. Parents do it for months. Hats off. After a 36 hour wake cycle, I'll sleep the next 14 and still not feel rested.

Also, what qualifications for night nurse? I have my rn bsn, and I might as well put insomnia to good use.

[ny96]

Jul 15, 2021 12:35:26 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Jul 15, 2021 11:51:12 GMT -5 BicycleBride said:

All you potty training people, I want to tell you about DS. I did not think he was ever going to potty train. We tried everything. He didn’t care about any reward or anything. He was also going through some other stuff so he was seeing a developmental pediatrician. I remember crying in her office when he was 3.5 because we just couldn’t get him to use the potty and she told me to just drop it and never mention it again and that he’d tell me when he was ready. I did not believe her but I did believe I was going to lose my mind if we kept trying to potty train so I dropped it completely. A few months later, right before his fourth birthday, he announced he was going to use the potty. Within a week he was in underwear full time and never had an accident.

With DD, I learned my lesson. We never tried to impose potty training on her and she announced she wanted to wear underwear a few weeks before her third birthday and that was that. I am convinced that potty training is useless and waiting until the child tells you they are ready is the only way to go.

I do think a lot of us are just in such a hurry to move on to the next phase, we end up driving ourselves crazy instead of waiting it out.

I get the wait it out advice, but my kid would have gone to kindergarten in diapers if we let him. He just turned 4 and we have tried multiple times over the last year to potty train him. I have a big reward toy that has been sitting in my garage for 6 months. About a week and a half ago I just decided we were done with diapers and put underwear on him and told preschool to keep him in underwear. We’ve had some poop accidents, but he’s been peeing in the potty consistently and only wears pull ups at nighttime. Daycare trained DS1 right at 3 and we hardly had to do anything, but preschool wanted us to wait until he was ready. My back up plan for DS2 was going to be to send him to daycare when preschool got out in August and ask them to train him (I know they would have happily taken on the challenge).

[Jalapeñomel]

Jul 16, 2021 8:47:41 GMT -5 ny96 said:

Jul 15, 2021 12:35:26 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

I do think a lot of us are just in such a hurry to move on to the next phase, we end up driving ourselves crazy instead of waiting it out.

I get the wait it out advice, but my kid would have gone to kindergarten in diapers if we let him. He just turned 4 and we have tried multiple times over the last year to potty train him. I have a big reward toy that has been sitting in my garage for 6 months. About a week and a half ago I just decided we were done with diapers and put underwear on him and told preschool to keep him in underwear. We’ve had some poop accidents, but he’s been peeing in the potty consistently and only wears pull ups at nighttime. Daycare trained DS1 right at 3 and we hardly had to do anything, but preschool wanted us to wait until he was ready. My back up plan for DS2 was going to be to send him to daycare when preschool got out in August and ask them to train him (I know they would have happily taken on the challenge).

I think like anything there is a happy medium. Clearly, you can’t send a neurotypical child to kindergarten in diapers, but you also don’t have to make yourselves miserable trying to potty train a two year old.

And like anything else, what’s good for my kid may not be good for another.

[laurack]

We didn’t have a snoo but were heavy rock n play users for both kids. My kids would not sleep flat at all. The RNP allowed a stretch of a couple hours sleep. Otherwise I do think I’d have lost my mind from exhaustion. Going back to work at 12 weeks right when the sleep regression began was extra great. My son woke up every 1-2 hours until he was 14 months old.

I felt like society was telling me I had to be a good employee and mom and I had to breastfeed and pump and somehow be a professional yet also not use a Rock N play because it’s “cheating”.

I mean honestly something’s gotta give. If it wasn’t the rock n play I’d be falling asleep on a glider with the baby probably .. which is worse I think. The problem is these “decisions” about whether to use a device to assist with sleep don’t happen in a vacuum - everyone’s life is going on, around this decision. And that matters.

[tiptoetulips]

Jul 15, 2021 16:42:10 GMT -5 foundmylazybum said:

Jul 15, 2021 12:32:35 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

I had to open an @ thread just b/c I had to know wtf a snoo is and is it a typo.

Same.

I went to the website. I still don't know.

Does it shake the baby to calm them down or something?

It detects crying from your baby and ups it’s level in response
They researched what type of white noise baby’s sleep best to and are calmed best to.
If you just turn it on it lightly “sways/rocks” and has white noise to help baby fall to sleep. If baby starts crying it will change sounds to a different white noise one sounds sort of like a washing machine, another like a hair dryer, another like a loud swoosh of the heartbeat inside the womb. It will also increase the movement. If it doesn’t settle baby in 5 min it shuts off and sends an alert to your phone. You can’t turn it back on from your phone without going to the bassinet itself if it’s shut off due to crying. The app will show you if it’s cut on at all at night for how long and the levels it stayed on for.
It will help your baby connect sleep cycles and settle them back to sleep. If they are hungry it won’t be able to settle them back. I know it helped my baby learn to sleep without me. It has a swaddle that hooks to the sides so baby cannot roll over into an unsafe position.
support.happiestbaby.com/hc/article_attachments/360061346314/Daily_Sleep_Log_Overview.png[/img]

[woowoo]

Jul 15, 2021 14:30:22 GMT -5 BicycleBride said:

Jul 15, 2021 13:39:41 GMT -5 woowoo said:

What's funny about the Snoo judgement is that we hired a night nurse for our ONE baby, even while my husband was also on paternity leave, and never once felt judged.
We know we were incredibly privileged to be able to afford that, but we also gave up a lot of the more expensive items we were hoping for (strollers, car seats, etc) so we could afford it.

BicycleBride , quick question - was your DS in daycare? I am in no hurry to pottytrain at ALL (racing to the bathroom wherever we go sounds way less appealing than diapers right now) but daycare will be forcing the issue by close to 3 years old. I'm just not sure what to do.

Not daycare but he was in 5 day a week preschool when he was 3. They said he had to be potty trained before he started but once I actually talked to his teacher, it didn’t end up being an issue. He never pooped at school and I don’t think he was ever changed (I picked him up at noon) so idk what could have been a problem there anyway. What happens if you tell daycare no?

I honestly don't know.  I haven't asked as I don't want to stress about it yet.