This is such a great update! You seem so comfortable and confident with where you are right now, and it makes me so happy. I agree that moving him to a different daycare is a great idea. They seem to have him “pegged” and have unrealistic expectations.
Your comments about embracing his Neurodiversity bring tears to my eyes. If everyone was more like you, this world would be a better place. We need ALL kinds of people, brains, and beliefs to make the world function at its best. It sounds like you’re a great mom (and that’s NOT a compliment I give lightly) and your son is super lucky to have you.
lilac05, Thanks. <3 Apparently proboards ate that part of my post. I went in to edit a grammar error and accidentally deleted two paragraphs. Ugh. I'll try to edit it back in, but can't remember the exact words.
So glad the meeting went well and you have a great plan moving forward! I love your attitude- you are an amazing mom and your kids are lucky to have you! Our kids don’t always fit into the norm…that’s not necessarily bad. DS1 is super smart!! So much so that his challenges get dismissed. It’s a constant struggle and balance. Hang in there and keep following your mama’s intuition! You are doing a great job- wishing you all the best as you continue to navigate all of this! Hopefully his new daycare or preschool are a better fit for your DS!
So glad the meeting went well and you have a great plan moving forward! I love your attitude- you are an amazing mom and your kids are lucky to have you! Our kids don’t always fit into the norm…that’s not necessarily bad. DS1 is super smart!! So much so that his challenges get dismissed. It’s a constant struggle and balance. Hang in there and keep following your mama’s intuition! You are doing a great job- wishing you all the best as you continue to navigate all of this! Hopefully his new daycare or preschool are a better fit for your DS!
Thanks. Keeping a positive attitude is tough sometimes. I’m really anxious about switching daycares, but it needs to be done. I have a few good leads on in-home centers, but haven’t followed up because of my own baggage.
I’m definitely going to keep my antennae up to ensure things don’t get overlooked because he’s smart. H is guilty of this. Our pedi has done this a bit with DD. We’re all quite smart. It doesn’t eliminate neurological challenges, just causes us to unconsciously overcompensate and appear to be functioning fine. Outward appearance isn’t everything.
I have anxiety- we all do I’m sure, but it’s not at a clinical level most of the time.
I find it helpful to just rip the band aid and face it, but I get it’s not that easy. If he’s going to the school pre-school in August it makes sense to make that change ASAP, and get it over with somewhat at the same time.
We changed when DD was 4, and our former daycare was excellent. The preschool we switched to was cheaper, the teachers were more professional and it was on campus of the elementary school and closer to home. It was still a huge adjustment for us and took a while, but in the end it was the right decision due to the savings and also their K curriculum was better (1/2 day K at public school).
waverly , so true. My kids weather these changes so much better than I do, in most cases. These are 100% my trust/fear of change issues. It's a bigger issue for me beyond daycare. I have to stop overthinking and just do it.
ETA: Our current daycare is the most expensive option in the area. Like, by a lot. It's stupid that I stay there at this point. H and I have adjusted our world so much to try to make it work. We're currently both working 4, ten hour days so that DS only has to attend 3 days per week. Almost every other option I'm looking at will cost the same for 4 days of care OR be cheaper if we stick with the current 3 days. I love the extra day home with my kids, but the 4 ten hour days really don't work for me. It would be nice to have a more moderate schedule when I transition back to the office next month.
Final Update: The district evaluation and IEP meetings went very well. Most of his concerns are moderate, in their opinions. Some significant language delays and sensory needs, but combined with other areas of higher functioning, could be typical variations. They decided to give him the Significant Developmental Delay label, which qualifies him for an IEP and 3K services. Our district's 3K program is excellent. It's a combo of mainstream and kids with extra needs. Usually a maximum class size of 12-15 with maybe 5 kids with extra needs. ECC/Spec. Ed. certified teacher and at least two other professionals present at all times, whether SLP, OT, para, or another teacher.
He will attend mornings and qualifies for transportation to daycare. This is really best case scenario for us. This program feels like it will be a great fit for his needs and have experienced, watchful eyes on him to determine whether something bigger is going on.
I'm still looking for a new daycare and striking out. Either my gut said NOPE or they have no openings in our area. Still looking into a possible nanny. H and I have decided that we're okay if he stays at the current daycare if that's what has to happen. With the 3K program, he'll be there for 15-20ish hours per week max.
I have a follow-up appointment with his pediatrician to discuss things and will ask for a referral to private OT and another opinion on the ASD diagnosis. The district didn't feel he met criteria during their evaluation. My gut says he has autistic traits. Time will tell whether he needs further accommodations. We don't have plans to pursue ABA at this time.
The SLP did note the mismatch between his big vocabulary and language/receptive delays. She didn't say much beyond that, just that the mismatch isn't typical. Any SLPs here can feel free to offer insight
THANK YOU for sharing your experiences and perspectives. This is such a thing to navigate and I truly appreciate everything that was shared. Hugs to all.
ETA: grammar. And, the district's decision was a cautious one, erring on the side of providing him with interventions. The consensus was that they don't see a kid with major red flags or areas of concern that indicate long-term issues.
My DS started a very similar program (even including transportation) at 4. It was 3 days of the special needs/co-taught class and 2 at our home preschool.
He also had a PreK teacher who wasn’t a great fit for him at our beloved school, which really also showed when he started SNPK. He grew enormously from that program in just 3 months in-person! He also got the benefit of being introduced to real school experiences that can seriously challenge sensory kids like the noisy gym and cafeteria. He knew his school before everyone else and we talked about how cool that is. They worked magic and he met all his IEP goals last year, and I’m hoping his SLP gets to tick one of this year’s off very soon because I saw DS rock it at the pool on Sunday.
lucybrown , great update. If you decide to keep him in the daycare as opposed to a nanny, do you plan to bring the evaluation and sit down and discuss the best placement with the director?
The other thing I was going to mention is that school definition of needing OT is widely different from private/ clinical OT. So definitely pursue OT outside of the classroom. DS definitely needed it, but the school district would not provide it no matter what. He even failed one of their tests, so then they did another test to avoid it. And this is typical of schools all over, so I am not saying they were being sneaky, just that their barrier to entry is much much higher or the kid is more severe than clinical based OT.
My work around for this is to have OT come in once or twice a year to help him on an "one off" basis rather than continuous care.
waverly, definitely. I had a conversation with the director already. I'll set up a meeting when I have more information and/or know we're staying. He's doing great in the 3 year old classroom and should move up with his peers. If they don't keep him in age-level classrooms, we will pull him and not look back. It's non-negotiable for us at this point.
School was very clear that their services were limited to helping him in the classroom and suggested we seek outside OT to support him at home and elsewhere. I intend to ask for an OT referral at an upcoming appointment. I'll also ask for a referral to a specialist that will evaluate him broadly, not just for ASD. DD and I had neuropsych evals done recently. They were informative and offered great information about how our brains work. Excellent accommodations and ideas to improve functioning. I will ask for a referral to that person, unless his pedi convinces me of a better option.
My DS started a very similar program (even including transportation) at 4. It was 3 days of the special needs/co-taught class and 2 at our home preschool.
He also had a PreK teacher who wasn’t a great fit for him at our beloved school, which really also showed when he started SNPK. He grew enormously from that program in just 3 months in-person! He also got the benefit of being introduced to real school experiences that can seriously challenge sensory kids like the noisy gym and cafeteria. He knew his school before everyone else and we talked about how cool that is. They worked magic and he met all his IEP goals last year, and I’m hoping his SLP gets to tick one of this year’s off very soon because I saw DS rock it at the pool on Sunday.
This is so great! We recently received an update from his SLP and he made SO much progress this summer. His daycare teacher even made a point to tell me he's doing really well. As frustrated as I have been with them for some things, I am grateful they brought issues to our attention when they did. If he had been home and functioning fine, we might not have noticed anything until he started school. It feels great to see progress and gives us hope we can support him well.
DS is really excited to start school like his big sister. I'm bummed he will not attend our neighborhood school, but there are only 3 schools in our district where they have staff with the extra certifications for the 3K level. He'll also attend 4K at that school and transition to our neighborhood school for 5K. It's not a huge deal, but we do love our neighborhood school and community. Which is good, because with a 6.5 year age gap between kids, we're going to be at that school for like 12 years.