People that live near/with retired parents

[amberlyrose]

Tell me your good stories or advice because it's all starting to get real.

A few years ago, I mentioned to DH that once we have kids, I'd be sad that my parents would be far away and wouldn't have that close relationship I had with my maternal grandparents (they lived across the street from us). So about two years ago, he brought up the idea of building an ADU/in-law apartment and we brought the idea up to my parents for their retirement, which at the time was maybe 5 years away. They loved it and we started the process of finding a builder and getting the city approvals started. Then the pandemic hit. My dad retired last April and my mom is looking to retire next summer after this school year. 
DH and I regularly "live" with my parents once a year between thanksgiving and Christmas since we work from home, so this wouldn't be a crazy adjustment for us, just different since it's our property and not theirs. But now we need to add in that they'll both be retired with a ton of free time in a new city, so I'm worried that they'll be a little more needy/clingy than we are used to. We also have a construction delay because of the pandemic and they might need to move into the house with us first. 

So if you have some good stories or advice to make the transition easier, I'd appreciate it. Talk me off the ledge. lol. DH sees no issues with this, loves my parents and is no help right now.  

[Patsy Baloney]

We live near my mom and her H and my MIL.

My mom is our childcare provider, so we have a pretty dependent relationship.

I will never move. I simply can't see living our lives without them being near. We see my mom every day during the week and sometimes spend time together on the weekends. We see my MIL once per weekend, usually for a Sunday dinner or Saturday breakfast/lunch, whatever works with our schedule.

I think what works for us is that my mom and her H and my MIL are all very aware that they are retired and we are not. We tend to be the ones to set the schedule of time spent together because we have more going on. Holidays are easier, because we just bop in and buzz out whenever is convenient for everyone, usually the weekend after a holiday so that everyone can get any traveling they may need to do done (although, we really don't travel anymore, because FIL and my dad tend to come to us for a day visit). Daily life is easier - if anyone goes on a vacation, the other family will take care of pets, check on the house, etc.

We have a great time living so close together. I imagine that at some point someone will move in with us, but we are hopefully a little farther away from that step in our lives (good health for them, please!). I think boundaries are important - we aren't at each other's beck and call, but we do spend quality time together and are ready to be present in an emergency.

I give it two thumbs way up.

[tacokick]

Growing up my grandfather lived in our basement apartment. My family has always been super big on boundaries so he really stayed there (it had a full kitchen and he made his own meals) except for holidays when he’d come upstairs. We’d go down to visit him instead. He didn’t “parent” or discipline us at all (not that he needed to, we had parents) but we could stay home while my parents went out and he was home. He wasn’t our babysitter or main child care. He’d watch our dogs when we’d go on vacation. It might have been a little extreme since he didn’t come up much but it really worked for us and we were really close.


I think it’s really about setting expectations and boundaries. How often do you want to have meals or spend time together? We basically lived as if we lived in different spaces that happened to be attached which worked really well. We did have a fishing cabin we’d all go to a couple of week days a week all summer but we didn’t do weekly meals or anything like that.

My grandfather didn’t really end up needing much help until the very end but it was great to be there if he needed us.

I think starting out all in one place might make the transition more difficult. In our case we lived separately then bought a new house with an apartment and moved in all at the same time so we all had our own space from day one.

Now we live near my dad. I have no interest or room for him to move in but I do take care of his finances/bills etc remotely. He does his own shopping and meals. Fingers crossed that continues to be fine.

[ssmjlm]

This is timely because my parents just built a house 10 mins from us and moved in shortly before Christmas. After my sister passed, I knew they needed out of the old house and a change.

@@ I will say, it's been a huge blessing with COVID. When school went back in person 4 days a week, my mom volunteered to help with pick-up as we weren't sure how to balance the time to do that. This summer she's been our camp chauffeur for the day camps we signed up for here/there.

We typically do dinner with them 2 weekends a month and my kid spends the night here/there. We've helped them a lot with moving in and some small projects as they tweak things.

My parents are both VERY protective of our time. They realize we're working FT and managing a kid. So they are really good about not trying to get together all the time and/or not expecting us to spend every weekend with them. They are the first to help with anything kid/dog/house related.

This is still new for us, but I'm really glad at this stage we have them closer. Having a school aged kid is a whole other game to FT daycare and I'm not sure how we would do it without family help, esp with COVID.

[candreco]

My parents live nearby (20-25 min, though we often meet up at in between spots) and it's great. They actually moved here after we did for my dad's job, but have both since retired. They definitely keep busy on their own with hobbies, friends, volunteering, etc., but are more than happy to work around our schedule to get together and watch kids pretty much every time we ask. They also rarely stop by unannounced, if one or both of them happen to be nearby they'll text first to make sure it's ok to visit. It's especially appreciated because DH travels a lot for work, so knowing that I've got that safety net is a huge weight off my shoulders.

I didn't grow up with grandparents nearby and was never close to any of them, and I really love the relationship my kids have with my parents. 10/10, totally recommend.

[winecat]

I can occupy them with projects at my house. I'm happy to show up for dinner anytime as well.

I think discussing ground rules/boundaries/whatever you want to call them is a healthy idea. Talking about how day to day life is going to go once they are living there so that there's not assumptions which can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. I'm not sure how it came to be that you lived across the street from your maternal grandparents, but it was a decision that they made. I'm guessing that there was growing pains that you might not remember or happened before you were born. Maybe AARP or other senior focused groups could help with resources, like a therapist/mediator/facilitator that could help? Not having you and R being their whole lives is a valid concern and worth discussing with them. It won't be healthy for you or them.

You've lived with your parents loooong term; R hasn't. Living with someone temporarily is a whole different ballgame. Your concerns are valid but not insurmountable.

[amberlyrose]

Jul 19, 2021 11:20:18 GMT -5 candreco said:

My parents live nearby (20-25 min, though we often meet up at in between spots) and it's great. They actually moved here after we did for my dad's job, but have both since retired. They definitely keep busy on their own with hobbies, friends, volunteering, etc., but are more than happy to work around our schedule to get together and watch kids pretty much every time we ask. They also rarely stop by unannounced, if one or both of them happen to be nearby they'll text first to make sure it's ok to visit. It's especially appreciated because DH travels a lot for work, so knowing that I've got that safety net is a huge weight off my shoulders.

I didn't grow up with grandparents nearby and was never close to any of them, and I really love the relationship my kids have with my parents. 10/10, totally recommend.

Pre-covid, DH traveled 90% for work and will probably go back to 50% in the future. He's also in the military reserves and I'm sure will have a few more trainings/deployments during his career. The idea that I'll have them nearby really is a huge weight off my shoulders now that we are looking to have kids. 

DH didn't live near his grandparents but he spent weeks on end in the summers with them and we talk about how special those relationships were to us. I "ran away" a lot to my grandparents  

[pooh8402]

My ILs are retired and live in the same city, about a 5-10 minute drive, depending on traffic.

I used to be worried about it, because they have a history of not respecting boundaries. However, it has honestly been awesome. They do respect boundaries now, after a CTJ several years ago. They have their lives, their church, and we have our lives. So they're not showing up at our house on a daily basis. We see them once or twice a week. They have been super helpful with the kids, and will even watch the dog for us when we go out of town.

DH and I have already decided that we will never move until they die. And we have already casually discussed an IL apartment in our next home, for when one of them dies but the other is still living.

We also live 2 doors down from my husband's brother and his wife. Again, we all respect boundaries, they have their lives and jobs, we have ours. They both work FT so they are less available to help with the kids but they have helped as needed.

We all have a standing family dinner date and time and location.

I grew up in the same small town that both of my parents grew up in. I had extended family on both sides that lived within 15 minutes of my house. So I am close to everyone on both sides of my family. I loved having that relationship with my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. I spent a lot of time at my grandparents' houses, and I know they helped my parents out a lot, especially when they were divorcing and custody and living situations were still in flux. I 1000% recommend having parents/ILs/grandparents close by.

[amberlyrose]

Jul 19, 2021 11:27:04 GMT -5 winecat said:

I can occupy them with projects at my house. I'm happy to show up for dinner anytime as well.

I think discussing ground rules/boundaries/whatever you want to call them is a healthy idea. Talking about how day to day life is going to go once they are living there so that there's not assumptions which can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. I'm not sure how it came to be that you lived across the street from your maternal grandparents, but it was a decision that they made. I'm guessing that there was growing pains that you might not remember or happened before you were born. Maybe AARP or other senior focused groups could help with resources, like a therapist/mediator/facilitator that could help? Not having you and R being their whole lives is a valid concern and worth discussing with them. It won't be healthy for you or them.

You've lived with your parents loooong term; R hasn't. Living with someone temporarily is a whole different ballgame. Your concerns are valid but not insurmountable.

My parents love you so much- I'm sure they'll be happy to have you over any time! My dad loves to randomly bake too  
When I was little, my parents bought a house on one end of the block, then my aunt moved in across the street at the other end of the block. Grandparents decided to buy a house soon after. Haha. The other aunts lived in more rural areas, so our neighborhood basically became a family block party for most holidays. I loved it. But they did have ground rules on both sides and we've talked about that before. 

I'm hoping with the senior center around the corner and the school across the street, my parents will find things to fill their time. My mom wants to volunteer at the school with the tutoring program. 

[wildrice]

I do not live by my parents, but they live right next door to my sister. As others have said, boundaries are important. Neither household just drops by the other without calling or texting first. My parents are retired so are almost always available for childcare, but they don't generally set the days/times for social visits and just plan around my sister's family. They do have a standing Sunday dinner/swimming date, but if something comes up for either family they don't get mad about it, they either find another night or just skip that week. I think being flexible about their "usual" habits has been helpful in avoiding conflict - nobody feels obligated, but they also do make an effort to prioritize (so if something comes up on Sunday night they can cancel, but they would also probably try to avoid making other social plans that night as much as possible).

It has been great for my parents to be so close with the grandkids. I don't feel like they have oodles of free time because they have 1 or both kids at least 2x most weeks overnight, and the kids often also come over for other random days/times. It gives my sister a break and/or some 1:1 time with the kid who stays home so I don't think she feels like she's giving anything up by sharing her kids with them. I imagine as the kids get older they will see them less, but I know they will be at all their games/performances/etc and will likely help with carpools and such.

[ellipses84]

Growing up my grandma owned houses across the street from each other, so many family members have lived in one or the other house through the years and it was great to be so close and be able to check in daily when my grandparents had health issues as they aged. There was some visual privacy though, so you couldn’t always see who was home / not home which was nice. We’d generally still call before stopping by unless we saw them outside. Later we and some other relatives had houses within walking distance. Now my mom and sister live a 5 minute drive from each other (and work together) and that is ideal. Sometimes they are at each other’s houses daily and sometimes they go a month or two without stepping foot in the others house.

Honestly it might work out to have them live in your space first. By the time their ADU is done they may be really ready for their own space and in the meantime they can see how busy your normal (non-vacation) lives are and you can help them transition and suggest ways to get them out of the house. If they are fairly social now, they should be fine. If they are introverts I’d be worried they wouldn’t be as comfortable or successful at finding a new friend group. Be clear from the beginning what boundaries you need and any division of responsibilities ($ / maintenance costs). My other grandmother is a little isolated in retirement / illness that keeps her mostly housebound. Everyone in the family stops by when they can, but my aunt and uncle call daily and set up a weekly dinner / card game with her. It’s nice that she has that set time to look forward to and it’s scheduled for everyone. She also does the same with one friend on a different day.

[sdlaura]

My parents bought a condo near my house when they retired, and they spend about 4 months a year there, one month to six weeks at a time. Their primary residence is still on the opposite coast, where they moved to be very close to my sister and her 3 kids (about an hour from where I grew up). The condo here is in a senior community, so they've made their own friends there. My dad also is very involved in a hobby (woodturning) and he joined the local chapter out here, and made friends that way. It's really the best of both worlds on all levels - they are super close but not with us 24/7, and they help us out and hang out with us when we want, but also have their own life here. Sometimes I'll need help with a sick kid or something and they can't help because they already have plans, but I'll take that trade-off for them to not want to hang out with us 24/7.

[ellipses84]

I’ll also add that a lot of this is personality dependent. If your DH loves staying at their house and has no issues with it, you’ll probably be fine. They are your family and you are used to them so you should have a good idea of what will annoy you and try to set boundaries early to prevent that.

DH and I had relatives live with us for several months a few times and we spend significant time with family staying with us or us with them for vacations. I’m very laid back, the more the merrier, could happily live with just about anyone, no problem…except DH’s relative that lived with us mostly because he was very needy, messy and smoked outside (but still smelled like smoke). DH had a hard time with every relative who has stayed with us for over a month, especially mine and doesn’t like visiting them for more than a week even though the kids and I love it. He just doesn’t do well with people in his space and would get very BEC about them. His 18 year old niece wants to move and live with us and we are considering it because on paper it seems like it would benefit all of us, but he is especially hesitant because of his past experience.

[Bernadine]

My parents lived in our basement, which is basically an in-law suite, for about 8 months while they were house hunting. It was SO much better than I even imagined. They were great- helpful with dd, not all up in our business, my mom didn’t even comment on the cleanliness, or lack there of lol, of our house. I’d say it really just depends on your parents, but it’s great that they’ll have their own space. I think that makes all the difference.

[winecat]

Jul 19, 2021 12:09:41 GMT -5 amberlyrose said:

Jul 19, 2021 11:27:04 GMT -5 winecat said:

I can occupy them with projects at my house. I'm happy to show up for dinner anytime as well.

I think discussing ground rules/boundaries/whatever you want to call them is a healthy idea. Talking about how day to day life is going to go once they are living there so that there's not assumptions which can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. I'm not sure how it came to be that you lived across the street from your maternal grandparents, but it was a decision that they made. I'm guessing that there was growing pains that you might not remember or happened before you were born. Maybe AARP or other senior focused groups could help with resources, like a therapist/mediator/facilitator that could help? Not having you and R being their whole lives is a valid concern and worth discussing with them. It won't be healthy for you or them.

You've lived with your parents loooong term; R hasn't. Living with someone temporarily is a whole different ballgame. Your concerns are valid but not insurmountable.

My parents love you so much- I'm sure they'll be happy to have you over any time! My dad loves to randomly bake too  
When I was little, my parents bought a house on one end of the block, then my aunt moved in across the street at the other end of the block. Grandparents decided to buy a house soon after. Haha. The other aunts lived in more rural areas, so our neighborhood basically became a family block party for most holidays. I loved it. But they did have ground rules on both sides and we've talked about that before. 

I'm hoping with the senior center around the corner and the school across the street, my parents will find things to fill their time. My mom wants to volunteer at the school with the tutoring program. 

<3  I could use a mom while mine has her head up her ass.  (loong story)  It would be so fun to bake with your dad! 

It sounds like you've got good plans and good communication.  IDK if this is how your brain works, but my ADHD likes to hyperfocus on things like this and I get SUPER anxious and my imagination runs wild; and not a good wild!  But once I say it out loud, the issue becomes much less of a Big Thing.  If that's helpful to you, I'm happy to grab a beer or something.  I haven't been to the cider place yet.  A super cute coffee shop opened near me.  It's got a great patio.  

[amberlyrose]

Thank you guys- this really is making me feel better I think it helps that they do know my friends here (see winecat's response) and my husband's sister and BIL are excited to have them around too. My mom just had knee replacement and it's been hard not to be there to help but she's adamant that DH and I get some time together alone while we still can.

[amberlyrose]

Jul 19, 2021 12:53:23 GMT -5 winecat said:

Jul 19, 2021 12:09:41 GMT -5 amberlyrose said:

My parents love you so much- I'm sure they'll be happy to have you over any time! My dad loves to randomly bake too  
When I was little, my parents bought a house on one end of the block, then my aunt moved in across the street at the other end of the block. Grandparents decided to buy a house soon after. Haha. The other aunts lived in more rural areas, so our neighborhood basically became a family block party for most holidays. I loved it. But they did have ground rules on both sides and we've talked about that before. 

I'm hoping with the senior center around the corner and the school across the street, my parents will find things to fill their time. My mom wants to volunteer at the school with the tutoring program. 

<3  I could use a mom while mine has her head up her ass.  (loong story)  It would be so fun to bake with your dad! 

It sounds like you've got good plans and good communication.  IDK if this is how your brain works, but my ADHD likes to hyperfocus on things like this and I get SUPER anxious and my imagination runs wild; and not a good wild!  But once I say it out loud, the issue becomes much less of a Big Thing.  If that's helpful to you, I'm happy to grab a beer or something.  I haven't been to the cider place yet.  A super cute coffee shop opened near me.  It's got a great patio.  

Oh, this is definitely it. Hahahah. I think this thread really helped though! Reminds me that we do have a great relationship and my parents are pretty good with boundaries. 
This was mostly brought on by this weekend, where we just grabbed our stuff and headed to the mountains out of nowhere. My mom does like to know where we are because she's anxious and I worry that it'll feel like I'm checking in as a teenager, but that's more of me projecting- my parents don't push for the info, I just know she likes to know.

Cute story as a kid: we had a tradition of calling my grandparents every night to let them know we were closing and locking the front door. Usually just to signal we were all in for the night and safe. We would fight over who called but in the end, my little sister usually did it. Even after we all moved from that block, we kept that up until probably late high school years. And now I'm crying just thinking about it. lol.

[boiler717]

My parents live close to us and it’s wonderful. We were 3 min away and now 20 min away. Less convenient but still able to see them a lot. My son spends one night a week with them and they help a ton.
They are looking for a new house. I considering add a second floor to our garage for an ADU, but I think it will be too small for two people. It would be great if they lived that close though!

[meowmaps]

My parents live seven minutes away by car. I can and have put my kid in the stroller and walked to their house within 30-40 minutes. I love that because it's built-in exercise for me and then we can all hang out/visit for a bit until it's time to come home. My in-laws live about 15-20 minutes away by car (not walkable). Both sets of parents have been invaluable when it comes to helping us with childcare. They've always been involved and around to help but they've really stepped it up recently. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I definitely need boundaries. I learned this when we had to live with my parents for about nine weeks while we were between homes but that's more due to certain idiosyncrasies/personality clashes - this doesn't sound relevant to your situation. I'm really glad that my kid(s) will have their grandparents so involved in their lives. My daughter loves being with her grandparents and I love that for her.

[winecat]

amberlyrose- I'm guessing that's been the case regardless of whether or not they're next door or in the next state over.

<3 that story

[oregonpachey]

My in-laws live 6 blocks away (they used to live almost an hour away). It's nice to pop over for a quick visit after dinner, or have dinner together. Just yesterday I picked up MIL and we all went and got ice cream.

They do not come over unexpectedly which is nice. I am very much a planner and don't like unexpected visitors of any sort.

They have been great about letting us drop the dog or kids off if we need to run an errand together.

[gastro]

My parents live about an hour away but three nights a week stay with us. We have a small guest cottage (1 bedroom, kitchenette, bathroom with shower) so they sleep there. It’s too small to be a primary residence though so if they did move in completely with us we would need to upgrade the cottage to have more space. As it is on the days they stay with us they are in the main house most of the day.
I am SAHM with three kids and my DH is gone three days a week for work. My mom helps me with meals and my dad helps with driving the kids to camp/lessons etc. They also watch my two year old if I need to run errands etc. They are hands on, do bedtime reading and tuck ins, and it’s been great for all of us.
That said we do get breaks from each other which is much needed (for me the most!). I get annoyed sometimes because I feel like I’m never alone…but partly that’s because of Covid and my youngest is a young two year old.
I grew up in a multigenerational household where my mom had us kids and her parents so she gets it and is super cognizant of everyone getting their space and not overstepping parental boundaries.

[notsopicky]

This is a timely thread for me, b/c my retired parents live 10+ hours away from me by car, and I really don't know why. They chose the place they live randomly, and I wish they would live closer (I am locked into my job for retirement reasons for 6 more years--I can't move).

We bought a second property about a year ago, and every day I spend there, I think more and more they would love the town & the property's amenities (pool/waterfront dock, which they would be welcome to use). They do not want to live in the area where my primary home is; they lived here many years ago and were not fans (second property is 90 minutes from our primary). I would love to have a conversation about them potentially moving to this town (not into our house, lol).

Maybe I'll just start sending them house listings, lol.

[sent]

My parents live 15 minutes away. They're both retired yet busy. They've helped me with after care, pick ups/drop offs, backup care if someone was sick, etc. We go over there after school/work every day. My mom kept my kids fed. It's been an enormous help, physically and financially. My mom cooks amazing gourmet, organic, farm-to-table, cooked-to-order dinners and many lunches for the kids. DD loves staying overnight with them. She lived with them during the week when she was in K & 1st grade. My dad would drop her off and pick her up and she would come home with me on Fridays. I kept DS at home and my mornings were easier just having 1 kid to get out the door.

However, they don't follow concepts like problem solving, boundaries, forgiveness, etc. so it's mentally very challenging for me. I put up with it because the kids adore them and they adore the kids. But I regularly breakdown and the whole thing just adds to my depression.

[stemmie]

This is so personality, health and age dependent.

I have a friend whose " Younger Boomer" ILs moved closer when they finally retired. They're lovely people, but it's been a process. They had to downsize when moving from a LCOL area to a more MCOL area and mom really misses her old house and large garden/yard. The mom has a lot of non-life threatening health issues and while medical is better here, she misses her old doctors. They were very integrated into their old community where they were both kind of leaders and doers; here they've not clicked anywhere in part because of COVID. They have truly been a godsend for my friend managing their elementary age son's virtual schooling (they're both retired teachers) and providing care 2-3X a week during the summer. My friend and her DH often entertain and his parents are almost always included. The parents have their own place now, but they're creating a first floor in-law suite should they decide the parents need to live with them.

Good luck. I agree with the others that boundaries and expectations would be healthy all around.



My mom moved near me after dad was diagnosed with dementia after retiring away for 15 years. She's older and sicker and widowed which is different than your situation or that of my friend. I'm an only and TBH, I feel a tremendous responsibility for her happiness and well being. She has no real friends where she lives, doesn't drive (she's a walkable distance to her community clubhouse and pool as well as a really nice shopping center) and isn't a joiner. My kid is beyond needing a sitter, so that isn't part of the situation here.

[puppyluv]

My experience on this is from when I was a kid. My parent had an in law suite on our house for my grandma. She had a full 1 bedroom apartment with a separate entrance. She was me and my siblings daytime caregiver until she was older and passed away. We would go up there before school until we caught the bus and then after school we would head back up there for a couple hours until mom got home.

There were definitely boundaries. She only came down a few times a month and on holidays. We would all go up there on wed nights and have dinner together. I saw her much more than my parents ever did and loved having her so close. I would get to have sleep overs up there every once in a while. It was a really positive part of my childhood.

[isabel]

We don’t live with MIL, but I’m confident we could do so without issue. She lives about 15 minutes from us. Our kids are with her either one on one or together at least one weekend a month and we sometimes get together for lunch or dinner on the weekend. We are all very respectful of boundaries. We don’t stop by without checking in first, and both she and we always ask first about her taking the kids with no assumptions made.

I am so happy our kids have the relationship they do with her. I never had that with any of my grandparents and it is such a special bond.

[amberlyrose]

Jul 19, 2021 19:50:31 GMT -5 sent said:

My parents live 15 minutes away. They're both retired yet busy. They've helped me with after care, pick ups/drop offs, backup care if someone was sick, etc. We go over there after school/work every day. My mom kept my kids fed. It's been an enormous help, physically and financially. My mom cooks amazing gourmet, organic, farm-to-table, cooked-to-order dinners and many lunches for the kids. DD loves staying overnight with them. She lived with them during the week when she was in K & 1st grade. My dad would drop her off and pick her up and she would come home with me on Fridays. I kept DS at home and my mornings were easier just having 1 kid to get out the door.

However, they don't follow concepts like problem solving, boundaries, forgiveness, etc. so it's mentally very challenging for me. I put up with it because the kids adore them and they adore the kids. But I regularly breakdown and the whole thing just adds to my depression.

I'm sorry that the lack of boundaries are causing you so many issues  

[mich1]

My grandmother lived with us while I was in college (I commuted, so still lived at home). By the time she moved in with us, she was not in great shape. Her sister also came out periodically to visit.

Both my parents worked full time, and my younger siblings were in school so we tended to schedule her appointments around my college schedule so I could take her where she needed to go. I really don’t remember her living with us being too onerous…….but she was cognizant of what she asked and hated asking…..which drove my dad nuts as he would walk on coals for his MIL.

8 guess with as many good stories you’ll get as many bad stories. Maybe make sure you have ground rules in place?

[ProfessorArtNerd]

We live a mile from each set of parents- but we don't really see them all that much. It's great bc i know i can count on them, like when i broke my ankle and couldn't drive for months, or if something happens with the house. We used to go to my parents' on sundays for dinner but stopped for COVID. My ILs are pretty busy, and go out a lot. I have to like reserve them, i can rarely just plop the kids in the car and drive them over. My mom, too, she has to go to the doctors a lot still, and it seems like no one is ever available when i need someone on short notice. And i WISH they would take the kids overnight. OMG does ANYONE want to take my kids for a day or two? They're up my ass all the time!