If you or someone you know had a preemie

[tiki]

How did you talk about the baby's age in the beginning, between when the baby was born and the original due date? I know some families use "corrected age" or "adjusted age" later on, such as "he's 4 months, 2 months adjusted", but what about when the adjusted age would be less than 0? Trying to be sensitive / use the right language. 

[sdlaura]

I think it's fine to say baby is however old he or she is based on birth date. I think adjusted age is usually used when discussing milestones or development. I think it's fine to say "I can't believe your baby is already two months old!" or whatever you would say in normal conversation, if baby was born two months ago, without referring to adjusted age.

[krystee]

My brother was born at 29 weeks, and we only ever used his age based on his actual birth date.

[lemoncupcake]

Jul 19, 2021 16:22:15 GMT -5 sdlaura said:

I think it's fine to say baby is however old he or she is based on birth date. I think adjusted age is usually used when discussing milestones or development. I think it's fine to say "I can't believe your baby is already two months old!" or whatever you would say in normal conversation, if baby was born two months ago, without referring to adjusted age.

This has been my experience with friends - I think the context is the most important consideration after the parents’ opinions/feelings.

How are you planning on referring to the baby’s age?

[al dente]

My friend has had two premies, and she only ever uses their actual age in conversation.

I think adjusted age only really comes up in regards to milestones or with medical professionals.

[kershnic]

Just their actual age. But don't say stuff like "wow, he's so small for a 2 month old!" or "wow, he's already 3 months old and he's not _____?" But you probably knew better than that anyways.

EDIT: If it's relevant to the conversation it's okay to add "but he was born x weeks early" or similar qualifier.  Again though, that pretty much comes up with development stuff. 

[thoseareradishes]

Adjusted age is used after the baby passes their due date. Gestational age can be used before the due date. So for instance, if a baby is born at 24 weeks, 3 weeks later they would be three weeks old and "27 weeks gestation". But I don't think it really comes up like that in real life conversation, I mostly see it in a micropreemie facebook group I'm in.

[tarajane]

Jul 19, 2021 18:45:22 GMT -5 thoseareradishes said:

Adjusted age is used after the baby passes their due date. Gestational age can be used before the due date. So for instance, if a baby is born at 24 weeks, 3 weeks later they would be three weeks old and "27 weeks gestation". But I don't think it really comes up like that in real life conversation, I mostly see it in a micropreemie facebook group I'm in.

This!

My triplets were born at 29 weeks and I usually used both actual and adjusted age the first year or so as it made a big difference in their development.

[sent]

I used to say "She's 3 weeks old. but she was born a little early." DD was born during the worst winter so we hardly went anywhere anyways. But we lived in an apartment building so sometimes neighbors would see her and ask. I remember the across-the-hall neighbors gushing when they saw DD for the first time. She was 7 weeks old which would have been her due date. They didn't care, they were all "BABY!!!!!!"

[Susie]

Our goddaughter was born at 31 weeks, and we (with her parents) always talked about her actual age. Like she came home from the hospital at 3 weeks, did something else at 7 weeks, etc.

[tiki]

Jul 19, 2021 18:45:22 GMT -5 thoseareradishes said:

Adjusted age is used after the baby passes their due date. Gestational age can be used before the due date. So for instance, if a baby is born at 24 weeks, 3 weeks later they would be three weeks old and "27 weeks gestation". But I don't think it really comes up like that in real life conversation, I mostly see it in a micropreemie facebook group I'm in.

Thank you! This helps a lot. Also from the other responses I'm clearly overthinking the situation 

[raangoli]

tiki, It is kind of you to think about this - I am sure your friends will appreciate you knowing the difference.

[waverly]

I didn't have a true premie, just right on the edge of the cut off. So if it came up which it didn't always I would say born X weeks early.

[shakeitout]

Lurker here and parent to a 32 weeker. The age terminology never bothered me, but the comments about how tiny he was did. It would go like, “oh your baby is so cute, how old?” “He’s two months.” “Omg really, he’s so small.” I would bite my tongue but really wanted to say yeah he’s supposed to still be inside of me thanks for pointing that out. You’re a great friend for thinking about these things. It would have meant a lot to me at least

[egishere]

My triplets were born at 33w and I only used their actual age/birthdate. I would just say they were born at 33w if it came up. Now they are almost 10 and you would never know they were preemies!

[af1212]

Jul 20, 2021 11:11:21 GMT -5 shakeitout said:

Lurker here and parent to a 32 weeker. The age terminology never bothered me, but the comments about how tiny he was did. It would go like, “oh your baby is so cute, how old?” “He’s two months.” “Omg really, he’s so small.” I would bite my tongue but really wanted to say yeah he’s supposed to still be inside of me thanks for pointing that out. You’re a great friend for thinking about these things. It would have meant a lot to me at least

As a parent of three “full term” kids I can tell you the size comments really grated on me as well.

So big that’s great!

Wow so tiny - my baby Was already xx lbs at that age.

Ugh. It is not a matter of accomplishment or pride if your baby is super chubby, nor is it a matter of failure if they’re a peanut! But the way those comments were made to me when my kids were babies absolutely made me feel like shit.

I can only imagine it would have been even more painful if my kids had medical reasons for their size.

I’m sorry that happened d to you.

[sillygoosegirl]

It's not something I found myself having a need to talk about much, since I can never keep track of how old my friend's kids are in the first place. Our friends with the micro preemie often talked about age (since her actual birth), as well as how long she'd been at home (which was pretty close to her adjusted age, but I think felt more relevant to them). She's been home 2 years now and they celebrate the anniversary of both days.

[aliciabella]

We always used their actual age. The adjusted age is really just for the doctors within the first year or two.

[ellipses84]

I have a friend who always mentions age based on birthdate and adjusted age, but I don’t think she’d expect anyone else to mention adjusted age.