Wellness Thread - August

[just]

A little early ...

Rules still apply - this is not a weight loss or diet thread. Keep @ posts to a minimum.

[just]

My post is pretty heavy with ED talk so adding spoiler tags. Tell me to take it elsewhere if appropriate. There's specific discussion about fasting. If responding consider spoiler tags if necessary to prevent triggers for others ... (How to do spoiler tags)

SPOILER: Click to show

For some reason that I haven't worked out, after close to 5 years, my ED is back in force. Restricting Binging Purging.

While I don't know the psychological reason that pushed me now, I know the behavioral issue that did.

I got it into my head could do Intermittent Fasting in a healthy way. It was everywhere, everyone I know was doing it. And I kept thinking that - I can do it - I did it for years.... All it is - is skipping breakfast ... and then lunch ... and eating a small dinner ... and before I know it, I'm back here.

I know that when you have an eating disorder that any diet can be an entry point, but damn was IF a gateway for me.

I know my next steps - back into therapy (find a new therapist), be honest with those that love me, all that stuff. But <little voice> I don't want to yet, I want to keep going for a little longer </end>

[lexus]

Thank you for starting this thread. I’m sorry that you “relapsed” but it sounds like you have a plan to get back on track.

I stopped therapy because I was not feeling like I was getting anywhere with the last two therapists I tried. I know that I need to keep trying but it is just another task. I am considering making it a priority because I’m struggling to stay on my IE journey when I spend a lot of time with my family. Even though I have made it clear that they should no longer offer me their diet tips and tricks, my family still makes a lot of negative body comments about themselves or send memes that have to do with fat people binging. In an effort not to lash out in anger I have just been ignoring it but it really bothers me.

[pugz]

just I am sorry you are struggling. Thinking of you.


I had hopes that in person appts would start back up at the ED clinic but now the delta variant is ruining everything again. I don’t like Zoom therapy. I have gone a year since my last appt. I am not in crisis but I miss my regular check ins.

In the last couple of weeks I have been attacked by internet strangers out of nowhere with some really harmful fatphobia. Never experienced that before and it has really bothered me to the point I am like, do I remove my photos on my FB account? Literally they looked at my profile picture, saw I am fat, and came at me with vitriol. I did not provoke them. Both times it was women. A friend was also confronted by a dude because she dared wear shorts at a Panera.

I knew this shit happened but experiencing it is different. I am REALLY GLAD this board is a serious about calling out fatphobia.

[SwimDeep]

just - I can really relate to that experience, and I'm sorry you're struggling 😔

SPOILER: Click to show

When H and I decided to try keto it didn't take long at all for me to relapse. I started counting macros and then it made sense to count calories too. And then I was right back in the restrict/binge/purge cycle. And it felt good until it didn't. I don't try to stay keto anymore, but I still struggle with the carbs=BAD mindset. And it doesn't help that H is constantly making comments about all the carbs I eat. To be fair, he isn't keto anymore either, but he stays low carb during the day and then binges chocolate and candy at night. (And beats himself up about it, so I don't want to pile on...) I know we both have serious issues with food, but he hasn't been diagnosed and I haven't been able to explain to him how serious it is for me.

And I'm a little resentful about it to be honest... I feel very stuck. I need to lose some weight for health reasons, but everything I try triggers my ED. It's hard enough to deal with that. Adding judgmental comments from an SO is just icing on a shit cake 😞
I know I need to talk to him about it, but when I get resentful I get stubborn and vindictive and mean. If my goal is for the conversation to be healing, well... I'm just not ready to be that vulnerable yet.

[SwimDeep]

pugz - that's awful! They must be so miserable if they feel like they need to spew their hate at complete strangers. I'm sorry you're dealing with that 😕

[1confused1]

I am freaking out about going back into the office on the 25th. My mental health has been so much better working from home and I am scared I am goingto slip back into a depressed state.

Does anyone have any recommendations on how to ask to remain telecommuting in an organization that does not normally support it?

[AJL]

Is this a general wellness/well bring thread? I hope so.

I lost both parents last year. My dad in March. My mom in December. Their deaths were unrelated to COVID. The entirety of 2021 has been spent dealing with their estate as well as trying to come to terms with being parentless. I have GAD and OCD. I'm in therapy and take medication. My medication is very good at keeping my anxiety in check but it can also inhibit emotional releases, like crying. It took me a good five months to finally have a cathartic crying session. It was good but it was exhausting.

This summer has been a back and forth of feeling stable and then feeling unmoored. We had some plans that didn't pan out this month and changed them. The alternative plans were a trip to Seattle. We got home last night.

The six days we spent in Seattle and the PNW were restorative! I gravitate towards water in general. Being in it, near it, and on it is very soothing to me. We spent time on Whidbey Island at Deception Pass SP. We spent hours walking up and down the shore, collecting interesting rocks and wading in the frigid water.  It was like a balm to my nerves. 

There is a lot coming our way in the next two months-- school starting back up, me starting graduate school, selling my parents' house, having first holidays like Thanksgiving and Hanukkah without them. I'm not sure what to expect but I dread those things a little bit less than I did a month ago.

So, baby steps, I guess. 

[aurora]

AJL, I am sorry for your loss. You've been through a lot in the past year.

[aurora]

I have been sleeping better lately, without even needing melatonin most nights. I think some distance from some of my triggers at work is a big part of that.

I still haven't figured out for sure if I have a digestive sensitivity beyond cow's milk, but I am so thankful for the people who gave recommendations to my post last week. I'm really loving the Barista blend oat creamer by "Caligula" (Califa) Farms and it's really nice to be able to enjoy my morning coffee routine again.

(I hope this doesn't count as diet - it's not about calories or weight loss or any of that, but rather finding food that doesn't make me sick; let me know if I should remove it.)

[pugz]

I has a sleep study almost a month ago and haven’t heard anything yet. I need to call and get the ball rolling on next steps. I was so exhausted today I took 2 naps. That is not normal.

[raangoli]

Hugs to all who have been struggling. You are stronger than you know.

[litebright]

Hugs all around.

I am feeling better than I have in months. Meds are helping, I finally was able to line up a therapist and started sessions two weeks ago. I have worked out 3x per week the last two weeks, too, and I think I'm going to achieve it again this week. I feel like, maybe for the first time in my life, that I might be on the verge of consistent consistency. Oddly, I am doing this with morning workouts -- which I have spent most of my life avoiding. I am never going to regularly get out of bed at 5:30 a.m. to work out. But I am finding that I can manage at like, 7 a.m. Especially in summer where that's really the only tolerable time to do a workout in my garage.

I am seeing changes physically already -- I lift, so I'm seeing more muscle and tone, and feeling stronger. That makes me feel good. I am not trying to lose weight and I'm not weighing myself. I already know that I tend to gain weight when I'm lifting regularly anyway, and I have never in my life seen a reduction in clothing sizes because of working out -- and I feel like maybe I've finally gotten to a place where I've let go of having expectations in those terms. I'm focusing on how it feels good, I like being strong and I am challenging my body and making progress that feels good for my mental health, too.

I have also cut way, way back on drinking again. I cut it out completely for awhile last year, eventually started drinking more again and now I not only feel worse when I drink, but some of my usual go-to drinks just don't taste good to me any more. So between not enjoying the drinks themselves and feeling gross afterwards, I'm just not drinking much at all.

[taratru]

Now that we are a week out from upending our lives, I'm finding myself turning to drinking and eating for comfort. And because that has historically never worked well for me, I'm back and forth on how much space and grace to give myself. Knowing that once we get overseas I will be busy from the get go, I think it will be easy to get out of this cycle, but I'm worried.

Then I get angry because why should this even matter? The deprogramming is such a challenge.

eta: thank you all for sharing in these posts. Even when I'm only reading, I feel so much better. 

[glitzy07]

I am trying to make really small habit changes in hopes that they stick. I started using a habit tracker app at the beginning of July and I’m tracking a handful of things and just being mindful of them every day has really been helpful. Here are the things I’m tracking in case anyone finds it helpful.

Cuticle care (lol)
Drink 72oz water
Floss daily
Brush with prescription flouride toothpaste nightly
10 minutes of movement
Read 10 minutes daily
No alcohol
Take vitamins
Get 7+ hours of sleep

It’s rare that I hit all of them every day, but they’re helping turn around some bad habits I was developing. I’m terrible at getting up often enough when working from home, so I’ve been trying to start my day with a walking “commute” around a local lake before starting to work at home.

I was also having a few glasses of wine with my sister a few nights a week, which would make me stay up too late and then not want to be active the next day. Currently trying to do no alcohol Sun-Thurs at a minimum. Partially because of the lack of sleep and partially because of the calories, if I’m being honest. But it also means I’m reading more before bedtime, which is a nice bonus.

[pugz]

Failed my sleep study! Which I expected. Moderate sleep apnea. My O2 sat dropped to 79%! 😱 and I had like 130 episodes in 7 hours of sleep. Not surprising I am so tired. Next I have to do a follow up study and CPAP trial.

[atarianna]

My mental Heath has not been good. I can feel myself beginning my anxiety spiral that always seems to hit around this time of year. I need to get labs and follow up with my endo because I think my meds might need tweaked.

I have been keeping up with my activity goals (20 minutes on my bike each day) so that is something.

[VillainV]

Jul 28, 2021 21:51:58 GMT -5 pugz said:

Failed my sleep study! Which I expected. Moderate sleep apnea. My O2 sat dropped to 79%! 😱 and I had like 130 episodes in 7 hours of sleep. Not surprising I am so tired. Next I have to do a follow up study and CPAP trial.

My husband failed his too. They actually woke him up and stopped the study because of how many episodes he had. His CPAP has made a world of difference, he’s almost a new person. It’s also really helped his depression (he’s on meds for that, but getting more sleep makes everything better).

[VillainV]

I head home in a few weeks. I’m mindful that the transition back to being home with my family is going to be weird and that it’s going to be a big adjustment for all of us.

I’m really looking forward to being able to prepare my own meals again. Don’t get me wrong, cafeteria food is extremely convenient, but it makes my body feel yucky.

I’ve developed a lot of healthy habits here and I want to continue as many of them as I can, but I know I probably won’t be able to continue them all: eating more fresh fruits and veggies (they’re pre-washed and cut in the cafeteria at all hours, so easy to grab and go), I’m being active nearly every day with usually 15k steps, elliptical, strength/core/weight training. I’m feeling stronger than I have in a while. I’ll have to show myself a lot of grace at home when I just won’t have the time to be as active as I am here.

[SwimDeep]

Jul 28, 2021 21:51:58 GMT -5 pugz said:

Failed my sleep study! Which I expected. Moderate sleep apnea. My O2 sat dropped to 79%! 😱 and I had like 130 episodes in 7 hours of sleep. Not surprising I am so tired. Next I have to do a follow up study and CPAP trial.

My sleep study results were similar. I have a CPAP machine now and it really does help, but it took some getting used to. I'm happy to help with any questions you have

[cattledogkisses]

This thread gave me the kick I needed to do some "unfun" self-care, so there's that. I scheduled myself bloodwork tomorrow... the bloodwork that was supposed to be a 6 week follow-up from my last appointment back in April (oops). And I'm going to call and try to find out what's going on with my BRCA test results. They told me I'd know results in 1-4 weeks and it's been 6, and I'm tired of having that hanging over my head.

[picksthemusic]

I've been having heart palpitations multiple times daily and it's starting to worry me. I saw my PCP and got an EKG and labs (normal, thankfully!), and now I wait for a Zio Patch and an echocardiogram.

I have been focusing on intuitive eating and I'm trying to also incorporate intentional movement into my day, but some depression seems to have creeped in and I don't know where it's from. Although, it could be the new manager at work, or some @ stuff happening at home that is tough to manage. I'm in a 'I give up' mentality right now, but not sure quite how to snap out of it.

[Susie]

I just had a physical yesterday with some blood work, and it was an eye opener.  I knew I'd been having trouble with iron, because I failed the iron test to donate blood on 4 occasions in a row (after that I gave up) this spring, which was new for me.  I'd been borderline before, but never failed in 36 previous blood donations.  I was not surprised today to get a call that I am anemic, but I was surprised to hear I have elevated blood sugar too.  My weight is not up, but my stress is.  I've been sleeping poorly, stressed to tears over work on regular occasions, and haven't run since May.  

The answer to everything (with possible exception of the anemia) is that I need time to workout, which is how I've always self-medicated.  But when the problem is that I'm working constantly, IDK how to actually achieve it.  I landed a new client in May, moved at the same time, and haven't had as much support at work as I need to get the work done for this client.  I'm miserable, and I wish I saw a path forward for my mental health.  I am only just realizing that my physical health needs it too.

[amberlyrose]

We just moved back to Denver and my routine has been so off. I work best with lists EVERYWHERE (thanks ADHD!) and I haven't had the motivation to make new ones. It's a whole cycle.
My drinking has gone up with DH being back from his deployment. It's been nice to have some wine with him on the porch or walk to a brewery nearby, but my skin is freaking out and I just feel bleh.
I need to get back to a workout routine as well, but I keep putting it on the backburner.

[atexan]

I finally got my mammogram that I've been putting off.

Getting back in the habit of doing yoga before bed, but I feel like I'm sleeping crappy anyway. It sorta feels like I'm on the edge of sleep or barely asleep all night. Not exactly sure what to do about that.

[sillygoosegirl]

I finally got my long overdue MRI of the thingie-that-probably-isn't-a-tumor in my brain. It has gotten significantly smaller and less abnormal! Which is really good news, as well as (I think) a good sign that it really isn't a tumor and I probably won't need surgery.

Next up, going back to the dentist... for the first time in forever.

[1confused1]

Jul 27, 2021 17:20:32 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

I am freaking out about going back into the office on the 25th. My mental health has been so much better working from home and I am scared I am goingto slip back into a depressed state.

Does anyone have any recommendations on how to ask to remain telecommuting in an organization that does not normally support it?

Yes, I'm quoting myself.

We have had positive cases at my office and they reinstated a mask mandate. I met with my manager to ask for an extension on my return date due to being worried about my health and safety and he denied it. I hated to do it, but I went to HR who referred me to medical. I met with the doctor today and he is fully supportive of less on site hours (FTR, I can do my job from home). We will see if anything comes out of it, but it feels good to have advocated for myself.

[wildrice]

Jul 29, 2021 19:47:04 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

Jul 27, 2021 17:20:32 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

I am freaking out about going back into the office on the 25th. My mental health has been so much better working from home and I am scared I am goingto slip back into a depressed state.

Does anyone have any recommendations on how to ask to remain telecommuting in an organization that does not normally support it?

Yes, I'm quoting myself.

We have had positive cases at my office and they reinstated a mask mandate. I met with my manager to ask for an extension on my return date due to being worried about my health and safety and he denied it. I hated to do it, but I went to HR who referred me to medical. I met with the doctor today and he is fully supportive of less on site hours (FTR, I can do my job from home). We will see if anything comes out of it, but it feels good to have advocated for myself.

Is medical an on-site doctor for your employer?

If you have a mental health issue that is exacerbated by being in the office, you may be able to get a medical accommodation under the ADA. I would not think you'd have a lot of success saying "I'm having anxiety due to being scared of COVID" since if a company is taking reasonable precautions (such as masking), they may argue that they have accommodated your issue through their policies keeping you safe. But if you have a diagnosable mental health condition that cannot be addressed through accommodations in the office, your doctor may be able to write you a letter staying so. I would probably trust your own doctor more than a company doctor, though.

[1confused1]

Jul 29, 2021 20:05:14 GMT -5 wildrice said:

Jul 29, 2021 19:47:04 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

Yes, I'm quoting myself.

We have had positive cases at my office and they reinstated a mask mandate. I met with my manager to ask for an extension on my return date due to being worried about my health and safety and he denied it. I hated to do it, but I went to HR who referred me to medical. I met with the doctor today and he is fully supportive of less on site hours (FTR, I can do my job from home). We will see if anything comes out of it, but it feels good to have advocated for myself.

Is medical an on-site doctor for your employer?

If you have a mental health issue that is exacerbated by being in the office, you may be able to get a medical accommodation under the ADA. I would not think you'd have a lot of success saying "I'm having anxiety due to being scared of COVID" since if a company is taking reasonable precautions (such as masking), they may argue that they have accommodated your issue through their policies keeping you safe. But if you have a diagnosable mental health condition that cannot be addressed through accommodations in the office, your doctor may be able to write you a letter staying so. I would probably trust your own doctor more than a company doctor, though.

Medical is on-site through my employer. My reason for the extension isn't anxiety, it is underlying health conditions that put me at risk for Covid and, with the rise in cases at work, I am scared.

[mrsukyankee]

This past week my H has been off work and we've been having windows replaced in the back of our house. It's really disrupted everything (I am working pt this summer so at least I only had to deal with 2 days of it). Because H was off work, we had at least 1 to 2 drinks every night and it's been bad for my sleep. Last night I slept about 3 hours, despite not drinking at all last night, because I'm so dehydrated (I usually have a routine of drinking water that also stopped) and was coughing (I took a Covid test, just in case, which was negative). I am not going to drink for a while just to get back on track with sleep, drink more water (already drank more today than yesterday and it's only 11am) and find more time to exercise.