@@@What would you do? - UPDATE #2

[AJL]

8/4/21 -- UPDATE #2 in the thread below.


Thanks everyone! (Update #1 in the thread)

[lemoncupcake]

What the absolute fuck? I’d straight up contact both of the parents to set things straight, and gently (aka not so gently) make sure they understand the risks of their kid making violent threats against mine.

[NewOrleans]

wtf

Call their parents right now. Call the ones with the BB gun first.

When do they return to school? If this week or next, call school.

[foundmylazybum]

Yes, I'd call the parents.

[gardengal]

Yeah, I’d call both parents.

I’d wanna know if I was these kids parents bc I am not raising them to be like that and would DEFINITELY want to put a hard stop to that

[pixy0stix]

I'd call both parents. I don't care if it's just bbs, it's still a gun.

[DotAndBuzz]

Absolutely the fuck not. To any of that.

Call BB gun’s kids parents first, and Accrued Interest kids parents immediately after.

[bears]

Call everyone. This is serious shit and the parents need to know what's going on.

[NewOrleans]

It’s times like this I miss G the most. I would have had her make the calls. 🥺

[Jalapeñomel]

OH HELL NO.

Fucking guns. Normalizing any gun is NOT ok in my book.

[af1212]

Is any of this in text and are these kids white?

If yes and yes and you are not currently in school I might consider involving the police depending on what things are like in your community.

If you are currently in school I would go straight to the school.

I guess whether or not I would contact the parents depends on if I knew them or not and how much of assholes they are.

[abs]

WTF.

This is where kids are no longer able to work it out themselves. Get the other parents involved for sure.

[heat40]

wow. absolutely not. call both parents.

[AJL]

Update: Called the BB gun kid's parents and Accrued Interest kid's parents. Very productive discussion and both kids' parents were 100% on board that this is NOT ok behavior. Then I started a group text with all the boys' moms (there are five boys in this friend group who were on the group chat that the threatening text was posted on.) We all live in the neighborhood and will be getting together to formally meet each other in person and basically form a network of all-knowing-all-seeing moms (lol! You know what I mean, though.)

[af1212]

Aug 1, 2021 21:25:05 GMT -5 AJL said:

Update: Called the BB gun kid's parents and Accrued Interest kid's parents. Very productive discussion and both kids' parents were 100% on board that this is NOT ok behavior. Then I started a group text with all the boys' moms (there are five boys in this friend group who were on the group chat that the threatening text was posted on.) We all live in the neighborhood and will be getting together to formally meet each other in person and basically form a network of all-knowing-all-seeing moms (lol! You know what I mean, though.)

This seems like a wonderful outcome. Glad you were able to connect with the parents.

[cville]

Fantastic update.

Glad you didn't have to pop a cap in any of the parents' asses.

[meganew]

Oh man, I bet BB gun mom is SO embarrassed right now.

[AJL]

(PDQ)

UPDATE #2 --- We met last night and it was both good and awkward.

We started out really positively, just getting to know each other, then it was time to talk about the issue at hand. The mother of the boy who sent the text, we’ll call her Anna, actually defended her son’s text saying, first “that’s how the boys sometimes talk to each other. I don’t want to tell them how to communicate. It’s not my place, really.” Umm, WHAT??? The hell it isn’t your place! She’s the mom! They’re 13 and 14 year old boys. They need a shitton of guidance.

Then she actually tried to find a silver lining in her kid’s behavior and said, “I was kind of proud of [kid] for standing up for his friend and seeking justice for the money DS owed.” No! You do not condone threats of shooting one friend on behalf of another friend, EVER!

She was really hurt that I called her out in the group text with the other moms because she said the other boys hadn’t said anything. But they were all in the group chat and they did see the threat. They needed to also know that that isn’t OK. Their moms needed to be in the loop too. There have to be some hard boundaries and threatening to shoot someone is a very, very hard line.

Everyone left and she wanted to talk to me privately. She tried to make me take the blame for not coming to her one-on-one and for singling out her kid. I was all “I will always make my child’s safety the #1 priority over anything else. I take violent threats extremely seriously. I’m not sorry that I brought this to light. Your son has to learn that he can not threaten those things and all the boys need to know that this is not OK behavior, ever.”

Y'all. 

[pixy0stix]

The nerve. What the fuck?

[sparkythelawyer]

Aug 4, 2021 10:38:06 GMT -5 AJL said:

Ohhh, yeah, that Mom is all pissed that its her kid that was the prime asshole in this mess.  This is not a time to save face, lady. 

I'm glad it otherwise went well.

[cville]

She's lashing out because she's embarrassed and taking you calling out her son's actions as a referendum on her as a parent. Kids say and do stupid shit sometimes. That's not necessarily a referendum on their parents' parenting. But the parents' RESPONSE to it sure as hell is. I give this lady extreme side eye.

[wildrice]

I mean, if she wants to give her child a weapon, she's going to have to learn to deal with people not being ok with him threatening to use it. WTF!?

I know a BB gun isn't the same as a real gun, but it can definitely cause harm. Personally I do not think they belong in the hands of children at all. A kid in my school growing up was shot with one and it left a pretty noticeable scar because it caused a real wound.

[somersault72]

I'm hoping y'all are right and she IS truly embarrassed and not ACTUALLY proud of this kid's behavior...because you never know.

Good job getting all the moms together (I don't care what "Anna" says). Kids need to know whether the intent is actually there or not there are some things you just can't go around saying to people. I am constantly having this conversation with my own 13 year old son.

[Jalapeñomel]

Did the other mom support you?

This woman is like half the parents I deal with on a regular basis: justifying their kid’s bad behavior, blaming it on someone else, etc.

So glad you addressed it!

[pugz]

Great job staying strong and direct in response to that mom! She was out of line.

[gardengal]

"Anna" kinda sounds like a "Karen" tbh.

Like, I would be *super* embarrassed if that was my child b/c that's not how I'm parenting. But my reaction would be repeated apologizes by myself & my child to you/yours, not "BUt hE'S sUcH a GOoD frIeND." Because it's also part of my parenting to model accepting fault and responsibility for poor choices.

[sonrisa]

Saying you are proud your kid threatened to shoot a friend over $3 is more than just defensiveness. Wtf?

[abs]

Gosh I know so many of these "but my precious child didn't really mean anything" parents. Great job staying strong.

[AJL]

Aug 4, 2021 11:59:50 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Did the other mom support you?

This woman is like half the parents I deal with on a regular basis: justifying their kid’s bad behavior, blaming it on someone else, etc.

So glad you addressed it!

The mom of the boy who was owed the money was like "Uh, no. [my DS] doesn't owe my son anything and this isn't really how I think we should encourage the boys to seek 'justice.'"

I had also apologized for going a bit mama bear on the situation and the other two moms (not Anna) very firmly said, “Don’t ever apologize for being the mama bear. You were protecting your child. That’s your job.” So yeah, I definitely have the other moms support.

[AJL]

I agree that she was embarrassed and felt like this was a reflection of her as a parent. But I also emphasized that I didn’t think her kid is a bad kid. I don’t. The boys are good kids but they’re YOUNG and really dumb sometimes. They say stuff that they don’t realize could get themselves or someone else hurt. Threatening to shoot someone is a big threat that necessitated a big response. I’m not sorry I called her and him out.