MOOKs question

[waverly]

Since DS is turning 11 soon that had me thinking.  What do you do with kids that have aged out of childcare?  

Whether we are working in our offices or at home, I am still not sure I want a 12 year old home all day every day in the summer.  Or maybe they would be 13 because childcare ends at 12?

There is an option to be a counselor in training, but I feel like that is a week here and a week there, not really an all summer type thing.  

My mom was a SAHM until I was 14 or 15, so she could take me places.  I don't remember what I did when I was that age, so that isn't helpful.  

[VillainV]

Aug 2, 2021 14:42:43 GMT -5 waverly said:

Since DS is turning 11 soon that had me thinking.  What do you do with kids that have aged out of childcare?  

Whether we are working in our offices or at home, I am still not sure I want a 12 year old home all day every day in the summer.  Or maybe they would be 13 because childcare ends at 12?

There is an option to be a counselor in training, but I feel like that is a week here and a week there, not really an all summer type thing.  

My mom was a SAHM until I was 14 or 15, so she could take me places.  I don't remember what I did when I was that age, so that isn't helpful.  

Do you live near a college or university? They usually have summer day camps for teens — sports, academic, STEM, writing, visual and performing arts, etc.

For high school-aged kids, you could look into summer school. My district offered PE as a summer school option, and it got me a one-period study hall during the school year.

[af1212]

Aug 2, 2021 14:42:43 GMT -5 waverly said:

Since DS is turning 11 soon that had me thinking.  What do you do with kids that have aged out of childcare?  

Whether we are working in our offices or at home, I am still not sure I want a 12 year old home all day every day in the summer.  Or maybe they would be 13 because childcare ends at 12?

There is an option to be a counselor in training, but I feel like that is a week here and a week there, not really an all summer type thing.  

My mom was a SAHM until I was 14 or 15, so she could take me places.  I don't remember what I did when I was that age, so that isn't helpful.  

Are you saying just for summer, or after school as well?

Where I live there are tons of summer camp options for those ages. Sports, acting, programming, art, etc.

After school is trickier - if you’re home physically in the house though I think would be fine to come home after school.

[waverly]

Mostly summer because it is all day every day.

For afterschool in middle school, they would be bussed home. I think where that gets tricky is if they have sports where they get out before I get out of work because there wouldn't be anyone to pick them up. Theoretically, they could walk home because it is just over a mile, but in practice that might be difficult on a daily basis as well as in bad weather. So if you have afterschool advice also, I am open to it.

[pinkdutchtulips]

You probably won’t like this response - mine is 12 and has spent the summer home while I wrk from home. Very few camps were open that weren’t cost prohibitive. She’s currently binge watching Grey’s Anatomy.

That said, I have no problems taking her to the movies, friends houses, pool, etc as I can build them into my workday.

[186momx]

Summer: we have a few camps that are gear for the 11-14 group. I've had friends with older kids do them for a variety of reasons. The kids said the 1st year the camp was cool but to repeat them were boring.

Afterschool: I have a really great village between DD's teammates, neighbors, and my mom that I rely on them to get DD when I can't get her.

[luckystar2]

She has done some different summer camp programs when she was younger. But honestly we all kind of hated it. It was a pain transporting her to camps that usually weren’t close and she was often exhausted. The summer she was 11 (2019) we cut back some and she just stayed home other days. I would just check in on her on those days by FaceTiming her. Last year was Covid so she stayed at home. This year at 13 she is doing a program through our town for 2 days a week for 6 weeks. (They offer 4 days a week too). Precovid it was 5 days a week. They play games/sports at a school and stuff on one day and the other day they’ve done some field trips. Maybe check if your town rec programs have anything similar.

I really don’t care if she stays home all the time in the summer. It’s really not a full 3 months here. And she does gymnastics and soccer and is busy 5-6 days a week with those. So the downtime during the day is good for her.

[estrellita]

E is only 6, but we did some community ed activities and day camp at a gymnastics place we went to. They had options for older kids too I think! Check out the school website, they probably have links to community ed things.

[ohgillian]

Our daycamp (all day all summer) goes up to I think 13. Then I think at 14 they can be CITs, which is still all day all summer. So there may be all day camps you just don’t know about?

DS is 11. He wants to stay home all summer but I said no. I don’t mind him being alone, but I don’t want him on screens allllllll day all summer.

[CrazyLucky]

DS is 11, so I'm in the same boat as you. For afterschool, we're going to have a high school kid come watch him and DD (9) for a couple of hours, mostly to be sure that time isn't spent entirely in front of the TV or another screen. For summers, we'll cobble together weeks of camp, a vacation, hopefully a week at Grandma's. The trouble with so many of the camps is that they're 9-3 or something like that. Basically, times when it's a pain in the ass to drop him off and a pain in the ass to pick him up.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Most of ds's friends who have working parents have younger kids too, so they have a nanny for the summer who watches the younger kid, and the 11ish year old has someone who they can check in with/can drive them places, but are mostly left to do what they want (for example, we do swim team, and I know of 2 kids who live in walking distance, and when the nanny brings the little kids to the pool, the older can sometimes comes with them, sometimes walks over alone later, sometimes leaves on their own and goes home, etc.).

If you don't have any younger kids, I would still look for someone like a college kid who is maybe taking summer classes who could be 'around' most days and available to drive them places, but would have a lot of time on their own to work on schoolwork or whatever else they want to do.

[minniemouse]

Dd1 is 11 going into 7th grade (Fall bday).  dd2 will be 8 next week. This summer they have been mostly home while I work from home. They did 2 weeks of half day horse camp, we are on vacation this week, and they have had a few grandparent sleepovers sprinkled in (would have been more but my dad is having health issues). Also my best friend has picked the kids up a few times for them swimming, picnics, playground etc. Her kids are a little younger but they all get along great. 
There are plenty of summer day camps that go through age 12 here, but dd1 has lost interest in them. None of her friends go to them anymore. Some go to overnight camps. Most seem to be doing a couple weeks of a speciality camp (sports, theater, music) and home “bored” the rest of the time. 

[devonpow]

DS2 is 14. This isn’t for everyone but he does overnight camp in the summer -this summer he is there the full 7 weeks. Not sure if he will decide to go back again next summer or not, but for us he needs to be in some type of camp (either as a camper, or as a CIT) until he can get a job. Otherwise he will ne on Xbox or wandering by himself all day (almost all of his friends either also do overnight camp or have summer houses they go to, so no one is around).

[ECB]

Ironic that you posted this.

First, this summer, DS was home with me most of the summer while I was WFH. He's 12 - he went to the pool a bit with friends, when I could, I'd take him to do stuff. we did a LITTLE bit of camps, but not much.

But I'm back in the office a couple days a week now and today is the first day he's spending a chunk of the day TRULY alone. But my stepmother will come over later and take him to the movies. Thursday she'll take him to the pool. Even if he spends a few hours alone, I'm not thrilled about ALL day EVERY day. It's too much alone time. I have a friend who started out the summer letting her 11 year old do this and they ran into issues (staring fires!! Turning on the gas stove and forgetting to turn it off - serious issues)

I'm not sure what I'm going to do next summer! I won't be WFH the way I was this summer. So.... I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

[somersault72]

DS is 13 and this is his 2nd summer that he's been able to stay home alone. He's at his dad's house maybe 40% of the time? His dad is a teacher so he and his lady friend are home in the summer. He hangs out with a couple of kids in our neighborhood a lot and I'm sure he probably does get a lot of screen time, but he also runs XC and the practices started last month, so at least I know he's getting physical activity as well.

[mrsGreeko]

My kids just stay home. However at the tween age they usually do 2 weeks of overnight camp, we go on vacation for 1-2 weeks, and they might do a specialty camp or something like that for a week. So really they are only home for half the summer. They do things like swim team or tennis team and just bike themselves there. Friends whose parents either don’t work or work different hours might pick them up to hang out, they spend time at our neighborhood pool with friends (kids can go at 11 without an adult because it’s lifeguarded).

[ellipses84]

We have lots of summer camp options that end after 12. The Y has a great program, and there are a few of options for teens, some of which are overnight camps and camping trips. Overnight camp is not that common where we live but I feel like tons of friends on the east coast or south send their kids. I went with school for 1 week in 6th grade and it was the best time ever so I do want to send my kids when they are older. We are also by the beach so there are some surf camps for teens. DS1 is 10 and I’m WFH this summer so I didn’t put him in full camps. He’s gone to VBS (which he could become a counselor at), and gone to friends houses who have SAHMs. He’s going to do an outdoor watersports camp. That seems to break up the monotony. We’ve gotten tons of library books and at home he likes to read a lot.I also try to take a couple weeks off and have DH take some random days off.

[waverly]

We definitely do not know what next summer will look like in terms of DH's work. Will he work from home or not, we have no idea. I am always in the office.

Last summer due to Covid, was our first summer having a nanny. This summer they are back at summer camp, but this is our first summer of them doing less of the full day camp, and more time at specialty camps/ sleepaway camp and with relatives.

I could potentially sign DS to be a Counselor in Training for most weeks in the summer, but honestly I don't think he would like going from having fun to being in charge of kids. And I don't think he would be responsible enough for it. I could be wrong, but I don't think I want to rely on it, and I am paying $250 a week for him to work.

There are some camps for teens at colleges, but that might just be one week here or there. The other colleges are too far away for it to be a regular thing. A babysitter might be an idea too especially for DD since she is 8 right now.

DH is on phone calls all day, so he really would only be able to see them at lunch time for maybe 20 minutes. And I don't work close enough to leave during the day and drive them places. So while he might be there for emergencies, he wouldn't be able to take them anywhere either.

[jinkies]

My kid is 13 this summer and it is a very hard year to find activities. He doesn't really play sports, and most of the camps for teens seem to be sports-based.

The CIT programs around us basically involve paying close to full camp price (400-500/week) to have your kid work there. No thanks.

This year he did a one-week camp through the school, and that is pretty much it. In non-covid times he would have done 2 different overnight camps, but one closed permanently this spring and the other remained closed for the second year in a row due to covid.

He is working here and there for family members and friends, and goes swimming once a week with my mother in law. Otherwise he sleeps in and putters around the house while I work.

I'm hoping next summer he can find a job, and/or the overnight camps that fit his interests will reopen.

[gretchenindisguise]

L turned 12 in July. It was going to be their first summer with less camps. On day 2, they begged me to sign them up for stuff. We ended up with camps geared toward older kids and its worked really well.

This week they are basically jr camp counselor at girl scout camp. They are loving it and I think next year will do most of this with a 3 week theater camp thrown in.

[hocus2]

I think we need to think about ideal vs. acceptable. Many 12 year olds are home all summer. It isn't perhaps the ideal set up but fundamentally they are safe and it is an acceptable choice if the kids is mature enough to handle it.

I feel like many 12 kids struggle to shape their day into something that isn't just video games/TV etc. A week of video games and TV is one thing but a whole summer of that would impact my very awesome kid's mood in ways I don't think are great. Ideally you can find a program that would offer structure and enrichment even if it isn't full time camp. A 12 year old with the ability to bike to a pool, library, community center etc to meet up with friends or have regular extended family outings would be a different thing than just being home and might tip my thinking to no camp being more suitable.

Around here camps go to 8th or older and then you become CIT or staff if you want that. Thought my kids are slightly younger now at 12 both will be at camp since we both work. My basic view is that assuming we can afford it the kids need to be at camp, classes/summer school, volunteering or working (16 or older seems to be when this possible around here) in the summer. I don't worry about small gaps at the start/end of summer anymore they way I used to but I do find something for them for the bulk of summer.

[mcppalmbeach]

In my area there is very very little! And the camps that do have older kids are the very expensive specialty camps that are hours not conducive to working parents. I put my oldest ds (12) in surf camp this year because he wanted to learn and it was $320 for the week from 9 to 1pm (with flexibility to pick up until 2 at no additional charge). I wish there were more options...I am a sahm so they have me around, but I think if he was alone all day from 8am to after 5, even he would get sick of video games lol.

[MDmomof2]

DD turned 13 last fall and we had nothing for her this summer. Area camps for older kids are typically sports camps (she doesn't play sports) or half day camps (which I could transport to and from, just a pain). This year there was NOTHING that wasn't an outdoor sports camp. Fortunately, she can ride her bike to the pool and did summer swim so she had something to get her out of the house each day. I work from home, but I'm working so I don't interact with her much! She still meets friends at the pool most days, so she's out and about. She does not like working with kids so she'll never be a CIT. I think it will just be her loafing around all summer.

[waverly]

hocus2 , exactly ideal versus acceptable. Will my 12 year old be safe home alone all summer, maybe, especially if DH is still working from home in an emergency. We are 2 miles from the pool which right now on the bike is a bit far, but in 2 years maybe he would be able to do it. I also hesitate for him to swim by himself, but really when I am in the pool I am not watching him either since there are tons of lifeguards there and he can swim, so I am not eyes on him at all times anyway. The library is 1 mile away. He just learned to bike this summer, so maybe this fall or next summer we might bike to the library and see how that goes.

I have the feeling there are more to do with this age group here than other places, but it is a matter of looking into them/ interests/ and yes those weird hours. If it is at the middle school say like band camp that is that 2 mile radius, so maybe he bikes there and back and leaves his instrument there or something like that. There is a dance/ theater company downtown which would be a half mile, so if he is interested in theater there might be something there for that also.

But yeah, I think DH and I are both slowly transitioning from the kids must be in care at all times every minute, to yeah if DH is home and both of them are home for a couple of days here and there it isn't a big deal. But after those days, I am like you need to be in camp.  Not because they are unsafe or bothersome but because they just sat around and watched TV.  

[formerlyak]

Mine is going into 10th grade. The past two summers, so since he finished middle school, he has taken summer school and has had practice for the high school golf team. This year he is taking 2 honors classes and and AP class and they all had summer homework. He also got a job tutoring a rising 6th grader in math two mornings a week. He will also go to lunch with friends or just hang out at his bff's house. In middle school, some weeks he stayed home with me. Middle school English had summer reading requirements, so he'd do that in the morning. Fart around a bit. Have lunch with me. Fart around more. Ask me to drive him to a friend's house. You get the idea. A few weeks he worked as an intern at the golf camp he's gone to since he was like 8. He also did a week or two at the local Junior College taking a class in VR programming. He liked those weeks. Middle school was the time when there definitely seemed to be less organized options available, but having him around "bored" figuring out stuff to do wasn't as horrible as I had expected.

[InBetweenDays]

DS is 12.5 and DD is 15. DD isn't doing any camps this year. She has high school sports practices and driver's ed and hangs out with friends. DS did a week of lacrosse camp and is doing a week of sailing camp. Other than that he too is just biking around and hanging out with friends.

In recent years they've done a combination of sports camps (soccer and lacrosse), cooking camps, and sailing camps. And last year DD spent 3 weeks as a counselor-in-training at our boys and girls club.

I work 75% time from home, so it makes it easy to be here if needed but they're old enough to mostly manage themselves.

[katiecj6]

Our summer is December/January in Brazil and my 12 year olds spent all summer lazing around in the morning and playing videogames all afternoon.

We were under strict lockdown anyways and I was recovering from a surgery.

It got exhausting to fight about screen time and I essentially gave up.

[cjcouple]

When my oldest was 12, he started staying home alone but not all 5 days. I worked home Fridays and DH was often home/off 1 day.

Another day we worked it out with his BFF mom and he would go to their house and the 2 boys would stay together (they had a dog home too).

So he really just stayed home 2 days a week that summer. He had dialy chores and responsibility of getting his own breakfast and lunches. I checked in frequently and my family is nearby. It was a nice transition because he wasn't home all 5 days to start.

[lolalolalola]

My 13 &15 year olds are home this summer and we’re home last summer as well. I used to put them in camps but they hated them. The 15 year old has a job. The 13 year old is bored, sleeps till noon. Shrug. I don’t see much for alternatives… we are taking 3 weeks of vacation this summer so that helps too.

[waverly]

lolalolalola , good point on the vacations. I normally take more in the summer. I get 5 weeks, so I could definitely take 3 weeks in the summer and still have time later on.