Potty training Q

[noodleoo]

DD2 is just under 3 and has been very stubborn about potty training. She has peed on the potty once a few months ago, but after that flat out refuses to try. I’ve decided I don’t want to push it.  We did the 3 day method for DD1 at 2y9m and it worked, but it was a very rough few weeks for poop and I’m not up for that right now. While DD2 doesn’t seem interested in actually using the potty, she really wants underwear and a big girl bed, which I’ve told her she will get after PT. So Friday, she surprised us by saying she didn’t want a diaper and water to potty train. We’ve done naked time the last 2 mornings, but no pees yet. We ended up putting diapers back on to go out. Today we’re stuck home with Hurricane Henri, so I kept her naked all morning. No pees but after lunch she very urgently said she needed a diaper and was getting very upset. Wouldn’t sit on the potty. I gave in and gave her a diaper and she pooped immediately. She definitely knows when she needs to go, but won’t use the potty. 

Does this mean she isn’t ready? DD1 was different and she was regularly peeing on the potty before bath time by 2.5, so we felt like she was ready when we did the 3 day method. I was really hoping DD2 would be ready by 3, I’m ready to be done with diapers, but I don’t want to push it if she’s not ready. Should I just wait a few more months? 

[af1212]

Aug 22, 2021 13:37:30 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

DD2 is just under 3 and has been very stubborn about potty training. She has peed on the potty once a few months ago, but after that flat out refuses to try. I’ve decided I don’t want to push it.  We did the 3 day method for DD1 at 2y9m and it worked, but it was a very rough few weeks for poop and I’m not up for that right now. While DD2 doesn’t seem interested in actually using the potty, she really wants underwear and a big girl bed, which I’ve told her she will get after PT. So Friday, she surprised us by saying she didn’t want a diaper and water to potty train. We’ve done naked time the last 2 mornings, but no pees yet. We ended up putting diapers back on to go out. Today we’re stuck home with Hurricane Henri, so I kept her naked all morning. No pees but after lunch she very urgently said she needed a diaper and was getting very upset. Wouldn’t sit on the potty. I gave in and gave her a diaper and she pooped immediately. She definitely knows when she needs to go, but won’t use the potty. 

Does this mean she isn’t ready? DD1 was different and she was regularly peeing on the potty before bath time by 2.5, so we felt like she was ready when we did the 3 day method. I was really hoping DD2 would be ready by 3, I’m ready to be done with diapers, but I don’t want to push it if she’s not ready. Should I just wait a few more months? 

It’s been a few years since I potty trained anyone but it sounds like you just need to commit. If you keep giving her the diaper she will continue to wait until she has it to go. It feels safer and more comfortable to her so there is no desire to try something new knowing she will be able to get the easier option if she waits long enough.

[macmars45]

H and I talked up how awesome going on the toilet was, read books to DS about potty training (the elmo one was very loved in our house) for 6 months. Then we just went for it using the Oh Crap method when he was 2y8m old when H had a 4 day weekend over NYD. Just now at 5y3m he has almost no accidents (like 1-2x/month)and they are small I almost made it accidents. It's been an incredibly long journey for our family. I've been told kids with sensory challenges/Autism can take longer to PT though so that fits for DS.

[joy]

Well. My opinions is that no, she’s not 100% ready.

But, potty training is a spectrum. Like, it’s perfectly acceptable for peeing to be accomplished and poop not. I also don’t think making a kid who is scared to poop on the potty is a good idea either. I’d rather she ask for a diaper and poop there than hold it out of fear. It’s fine if both aren’t mastered at once.

I can’t tell if peeing is going well or not, but being ready is a mix of wanting to go, lack of fear of going and knowing when to go.

[al dente]

Jamie Glowacki (the author of oh crap) has a bunch of YouTube videos about poop that I found super helpful. I never actually read the book so idk if it covered the same stuff. I don't think her asking for a diaper means she's not ready. One thing she talked about is how it can be scary for them to poop in the potty because they're use to feeling it in a diaper, and having it just fall away from their body is so different. We had poop issues and one night I literally watched like an hour of her videos and it helped me a ton.

[lauren170]

We just finished training my daughter, and her currency was gold coins (chocolate) - we gave them to her for poop in the potty and also did a crazy silly song and dance. Is there any reward you think your daughter would do it for? If not maybe drop it completely for a few weeks, especially if it’s a power struggle thing and come back when she forgets. Also we praised our older daughter for using the potty in front of our younger one, since she always wants to be just like big sis.

[jorja]

Yeah, I would stop giving her diapers.

[noodleoo]

joy , she’s not peeing on the potty either.

lauren170 , I really thought PTing DD2 would be easier because she would want to be like DD1! She rode a scooter at 18 months and a bike at 2 because she wanted her sisters! 😱 No such luck here yet.

I kind of figured this would be the answer. I’m not ready to go full Oh Crap method yet. We will be trapped at home soon enough with winter approaching.  My original plan was to do it over Thanksgiving. I think we will just hold off until I’m ready to commit to taking the diapers away.

She’ll be moving up rooms at daycare in Sept too where more kids are PTed and they take them to the bathroom on a schedule. Maybe that will help normalize it for her too.

[joy]

I get it, noodleoo. I am scarred from potty training my daughter. She refused and she had no currency. We tried eeeeeverything. Taking away diapers and committing would have really been a disaster move for her. She showed all readiness signs but had a block about actually doing it. Ultimately, we had to wait until she decided. She was the last of her daycare room at 3.75 years old. But when she trained, she was 95% from then on.

[pandora89]

Yep, agree with everyone else and commit and go all out. I wouldn't put her back in the diaper when she requests. When we first trained DS (around 2y2m) he was giving us queues when he wanted to go before we decided to go for it but when it went to actually putting him on the toilet he threw tantrums and refused for the first 2 days, we just had to keep being insistent and wait him out. Fortunately for us he did pick up on poops right away but still had some pee accidents.He finally did give in but of course each child is different.  For his first poop we rewarded him with a toy. 

I would wait till you are trapped at home and try again then. She may come around to it more by then.

[VillainV]

Poop training took a really long time, and from stories I’ve read on here that’s more common than not. There are all kinds of things that can help with poop training:

- Set aside 10 minutes 2-3 times a day to sit on the potty. Allow a preferred activity while sitting (tablet, reading, etc).

- Make a bigger deal about how long it takes to clean up after pooping in a diaper/pull-up, without shaming. “Oh, you got messy from pooping in a pull-up, guess that means we need to take a quick bath/shower to get you cleaned up and your game will have to wait. When we poop in the potty there’s a lot less mess to clean up and we can get back to playing faster.”

- Enlist their help in cleaning up after poop — scraping the poop off the diaper into the potty, rinsing out undies, etc. Again, it’s important to be matter-of-fact without shaming the child.

- Reward pooping in the potty like crazy. I’m talking about new toy level of reward the first time, then small toys the next few times.

I’ll be honest, some kids don’t reliably poop in the potty until much closer to 4, or even older. So it’s possible she’s ready for pee, but you might be working on poop for a while (or you might decide to let her poop in a diaper for a few months before working on it any more).

[tiki]

For us the magic bullet was a kid potty that made flushing noises. The novelty and fun reward made it into something worth doing. www.summerinfant.com/potty/my-size-potty