We have asked our 7 year old DD to wear a mask in school. We are in a state where it is parents choice and the school is not enforcing it. There are only a few kids in her class who are wearing them and her teacher was only recently required to wear one.
We have talked soooo much about why we want her to wear a mask and originally she said she wanted to wear it to keep herself and our family safe. She has sensory issues complains often about not being able to breath as well, getting hot and sweaty, etc. I have bought her so many masks to get her some that she is comfortable with.
She recently came home and I could tell her mask wasn't really worn. She told me she hasnt been wearing it much and I did not ha e a good reaction at all. We have a baby a 3 year old and I just just so worried.
I'm not sure what to do. We are going to talk to her teacher but as far as I'm aware they aren't supposed to really enforce it. My DD is stubborn and she's already a good bit of work for the teacher to handle.
Last year she wore it daily and it was enforced for all the kids. They had desk shields and allowed mask breaks behind the shields so it wasnt all day wearing. This year there are no desk shields or any social distancing so she has to choose to wear the mask all day long.
I'm at a loss of what to do. I'm glad she told me she wasn't wearing it so we could address it but she's also not been upfront that she pretty much wasn't wearing it all day either. I was hard on her last night and she was asking to get the vaccine asap or be homeschooled because she hates being one of the few who wear masks.
So sorry they aren’t enforcing it at her school. That makes it harder.
Our school is masks required indoors but not outdoors. My youngest is high risk so I have asked (and told their teachers to enforce) that they wear them unless eating or drinking. So far they are doing it (minus during social skills at lunch in the library…yeah, thankfully that got addressed and won’t happen again).
My oldest also has sensory issues and masks were a huge ordeal at first. Now he just does it. He enjoys being at school enough and I think he truly gets that his brother could get really sick. But we also live in an area where he’s not the only kid wearing one (I think most aren’t outside though…maybe 1/4 are…).
The only thought I have is maybe a system where she can earn a reward if she wears it? Frozen yogurt Friday if she wears it all week? Something else she wants to earn/work for?
I’m sorry. I’m fully expecting a similar conversation with my 8 year old soon. It makes me LIVID. Not with him, but with the selfish idiots who insist on it being a choice. That’s too big of a burden for these little kids to carry. I fully support masks, understand the whole thing, and I *STILL* get a little self-conscious sometimes if I’m the only one wearing a mask. I know I’m doing the right thing, and won’t take it off, but if it even crosses my mind, I have no doubt it’s really weighing on theirs. It’s completely unnecessary and preventable.
Pre-Delta, I think I posted here about masks and trying to balance mental/physical health. There’s just no easy answer. I’m really sorry that our kids have been put in this situation.
I think a reward system would probably be my first attempt. Along with a conversation about how you understand her and value her concerns, and your reaction included feelings that probably should have been directed elsewhere.
And then I’d be sending yet another email to the school board, legislators, Governor, etc outlining what they’re doing to our children.
I am so sorry. You are in a truly awful situation. There is no good solution here.
But my answer was also going to be if it's a priority to you, incentivize it as much as you can with rewards. You'll have to figure out how to verify - whether you want to trust her self report, or try to seek verification from the teacher - but choose a currency she values and rewards the heck out of her for compliance.
I would also teach her how to seek safe places to take a mask break on her own - in the bathroom stall, or outside, or asking to go to the nurse, or a time/place in the classroom where she can step away from the group.
Does she like any of the kids who are also wearing them? If you can promote friendship/connections with those kids, it might help.
Post by ilikedonuts on Sept 2, 2021 9:31:23 GMT -5
I’m so sorry. I hate that this even needs to be such a stressful thing for parents and kids. There becomes that line too of not wanting to stress them out about it too much because they become too anxious.
I would reward her as much as possible for when she does.
If she wants to talk to another 7 year old whose been the only kid in a mask at times, I can have my daughter record a video message for her. My daughter was the only one at summer camp this summer in one. She’s also the only kid out at recess now in one as well (our mask mandate is inside only).
I am also one who struggles with anxiety/peer pressure if I am the only one wearing a mask, there is no way I could personally expect my kids to overcome it. They imposed a mask mandate at the very last minute for my kids, but before that I was working on accepting that they would probably do whatever the other kids did no matter what I said (ages 8 and 11), but that in person school was still the best choice for us. I think you might have to be in a place where you consider if it is more important to keep her in school or have the reduced risk for the rest of the family. Depending on that decision, maybe consider what she said about homeschool if it is an option for you. This is absolutely in my top 2 reasons for telling everyone I could that mandates should happen instead of optional. All the talk about parent choice is really putting the whole burden on kids.
Post by formerlyak on Sept 2, 2021 10:50:08 GMT -5
Do you know the parents of other kids who are masking? Would coordinating a masked playdate to help it feel more "normal" to her help? Our school requires them indoors, but they are only recommended outdoors. There is a big group of us who prefer our kids wear them outdoors right now until they can be vaccinated, so we all talked with the kids and reminded them about their friends who will also be wearing them. I live two blocks from school and have to drive past the play yard for a variety of reasons. I have seen many of the kids in this group outside at recess and they are wearing their masks. So knowing they aren't the only ones does seem to help.
My high schooler and his friends also wear them outside during passing period even though they have all been vaccinated (his high school is over 80% vaccinated). He said he always eats with the same friends, so I do know who his mask comes off around, and I am actually friends with many of those kids' moms, so I know they are pretty strict about masks as well.
There is comfort for both of them knowing there are actually a number of friends who still wear them outside.
My honest opinion is that age 7 is too young to conceptualize the risk, overcome peer pressure, and overcome sensory issues, to keep the mask on all day. I just don’t think it’s going to happen.
I agree with this. Developmentally, many elementary kids have a hard time with delayed gratification, impulse control, empathy, and understanding the consequences of their actions.
My 7 year old wore a mask during a mask mandate and he did great with it, but it was required and enforced by the adults in his school. Optional masking for little kids is really complicated.
There really isn't a good answer in this situation. If she is required by you to wear it and there is no follow through at school, she might just lie. I'm also not sure if there is a point to having just a few out of 25 kids wearing one. For masks to be effective, there needs to be mask compliance by almost everyone. If she is not required to wear a mask, there will be higher transmission rates in her classroom. I empathize with you and am sorry you're dealing with this.
My honest opinion is that age 7 is too young to conceptualize the risk, overcome peer pressure, and overcome sensory issues, to keep the mask on all day. I just don’t think it’s going to happen.
I agree with this. Developmentally, many elementary kids have a hard time with delayed gratification, impulse control, empathy, and understanding the consequences of their actions.
My 7 year old wore a mask during a mask mandate and he did great with it, but it was required and enforced by the adults in his school. Optional masking for little kids is really complicated.
There really isn't a good answer in this situation. If she is required by you to wear it and there is no follow through at school, she might just lie. I'm also not sure if there is a point to having just a few out of 25 kids wearing one. For masks to be effective, there needs to be mask compliance by almost everyone. If she is not required to wear a mask, there will be higher transmission rates in her classroom. I empathize with you and am sorry you're dealing with this.
I think the kf94 masks -- which are sold in kid sizes -- are meant to protect yourself even if others are not wearing masks. I am not an expert, just going off of news reports (here's a good one) and what some N95 mask manufacturers have said (they obviously have their own agenda, but mostly they are trying to help steer people away from kn95 and fake n95 masks. Since there's not a kid-sized n95 they don't have a lot of self-interest on this question). Our school district requires mask wearing, but whenever I go out somewhere that I think people might not be wearing masks or fudging it, I try to wear one of those and have the kids wear them too.
OP I would talk to your pediatrician/nurse about strategies here. If the teacher has a rewards system maybe mask wearing can be part of the rewards; have her decorate her masks (or even have the other mask wearing kids over for a mask decorating party); show her the video of Brie's kid on local news with jokes on his masks, etc.
Covid is not a huge risk to school age children, so I would try not to worry, but that's easier said than done.
EDIT if a classroom or the entire school has to close because of too many sick/quarantine children or staff, I would ask the principal to require masks. Even if there's no public health angle, school is supposed to be open!
Post by ellipses84 on Sept 2, 2021 11:59:43 GMT -5
Have you tried a variety of masks? My 5 year old has been having tons of sensory issues lately but he has character masks he loves and will wear. He just switched from preschool where they had to wear them at dropoff / pickup only to K where they have to wear them all day, with a 1 week staycation between where we had him wear his mask a lot. He’s been throwing major tantrums about shoes though so I totally sympathize with the sensory issues struggle. He has Marvel masks from Gap and Paw Patrol (DH bought at Walmart I think). He also had a breakaway lanyard so if he takes it off it’s easy to put back on and he doesn’t lose it. I agree with others that a reward system will help. You don’t necessarily have to verify with her teacher every day, but talk to the teacher and spot check so she thinks you will (you’ll probably be able to tell if the mask is unused). Ultimately, I wouldn’t make it a power struggle though, since other kids aren’t doing it 😔
Thank you all so much for the advice. To answer some questions, I am in FL it's certainly an uphill battle to fight in so many ways. Our numbers are so scary but our school board won't defy the governor so nothing is going to happen in that case.
She has a few friends that also mask but she doesn't seem to really care about the peer pressure of wearing a mask. She has sensory issues and she just hates wearing it all day. Which I get, we don't go many places but just wearing it for the short periods I'm in stores I can't stand it. It's so hot here right now and that makes it 100 times worse.
She wore it last year and it wasn't an issue, but thinking about it today it was so different. Everyone had to wear it and it was encouraged by the teachers and staff. They had plexiglass at their desks and didn't have to wear it at their desks which was a large amount of time. This year, they have no protections so she is wearing it all day non stop with only small amount of breaks.
My husband also made the point that shes not likely very protected since delta is so contagious and so many kids are maskless.
Her teacher is vaxxed and had covid this summer and teachers are required to wear masks so there is that at least.
We have tried so many masks. So much money and time finding the perfect ones. I thought we found a winner but that was the one she probably wasn't wearing at all. Today she said it made her ears hurt.
I am going to try and do a reward for her, I am hoping that will help but I'm not sure how to know if she's being truthful or not.
We have talked to her about it in age appropriate ways, had our doctor neighbors talk to her as well and do encourage her to associate with others that have our same mindsets, but it doesn't seem to help much.
She certainly wants to keep her family and herself safe but she also gets really sweaty and uncomfortable in it and it seems like comfort is winning.
She's also struggling with learning as well. She missed almost half of her kindergarten year with covid and the thrown together virtual garbage we had and we had a baby in July of last year so we did a hybrid virtual (with a good program) and homeschool and while we got through it, it made her really dislike learning because it wasn't a lot of fun. And I had a newborn and a 3 year old at home as well. She went back in january of last year and struggled with certain things. She is very quiet in school as well so that combo with reading difficulty and the mask is really hard.
I'm going to go through all your suggestions and come up with a plan this weekend. Thank you all so much.
I agree with the others and I know you know it's hard at that age. Anecdotally, we've never had a mask mandate for my daughter's age group in school. I do expect her to wear one. I have seen a big difference in her maturity between last year and this year and with that has come much greater compliance with masking. Reportedly, she wears one at all times she is indoors at school except at lunch. She also happens to be in a class where 2/3 of the kids mask and her teachers also choose to mask. More than anything, though, I feel like it was just maturing and understanding things better that helped.
DD also wears a mask at dance and tumbling. She's often the only one. This was more of a battle because it is harder when she's physically active. What did work for us was starting small and with set breaks. So, she had to wear it during barre but could take it off when when they are doing petite allegro (small jumps) because it's so strenuous. Over time, she's worked up to not needing to remove it. Last year, we compromised by letting her take it off when she was still and at her desk (so, during quiet work time) but putting it on when doing collaborative work or moving around at all. This won't translate perfectly to a 1st grade classroom but maybe will give you some ideas.