I need ideas for a BIG birthday gift for my 10 year old dd

[expectantsteelerfan]

Help please!

DD is turning 10, and she had dealt with quite a few disappointments lately (definitely disproportionate to DS), so we said we'd try to make her upcoming 10th birthday really special.  She spent a lot of time trying to think of something (safe) we could do for her birthday or something she'd like as a gift.  She eventually came up with taking 2 of her friends with us to the zoo for the day (and only 1 can actually make it) and she asked for a bearded dragon as a pet for her gift.

She's always loved animals, we have 2 dogs and she has a betta fish, and before landing on a bearded dragon she took me to the pet store to consider all other manner of critters, but bearded dragon is what she landed on.  I've been really hesitant about it for a lot of reasons, but I did actually consider it (and she is super perceptive so she realized it was becoming a possibility).  But even though I do think bearded dragons are cool, I think the answer is going to have to be no.

I know she is going to be devastated when I tell her, and I'm guessing it's going to make her birthday into one more disappointment (she will let it ruin the whole day for her).  So I'm trying to think of anything else to offer her that would be an awesome, big birthday gift. 

Any and all ideas appreciated.  She's not super into technology, but also already has an iPod, a hoverboard, we have a switch for the family (there are no games she wants).  Ds just got a cell phone at 12, and she's not getting one yet.  Animals are really all she is super into.  I'm sure she would love an experience type gift that got her a hands-on experience with any sort of animal (like swimming with dolphins) but I don't know of anything around here or close enough to travel to.   

[mcmel]

Where do you live?

Caged animals are such a pain in the ass. So much work and so little reward. But I say that as someone whose parents allowed me to figure that out on my own. It almost feels like a rite of passage?

What about a cat? Low to medium work for quite a bit of reward. Something all her own. Her little BFF.

[bittybomb]

Can you rent a hotel room in a place with an indoor pool and take the friend for an overnight the day of the zoo? Overnight trips with a friend are always a big hit for my daughter (who also has had her share of disappointments to deal with lately).

Otherwise, maybe a private horseback riding lesson?

[pierogigirl]

Would she want to redecorate her room? My boys (especially DS2 likes to put things on his wall, so I am getting him a bulletin board for Christmas). I thought of letting him pick out removable wallpaper (but I'm sure it's not as easy to put up as "they" say). He also really wants a desk in his room. Maybe a cool beanbag or teen lounger.

Walking shelter dogs and making a donation or playing with the cats (if that's something shelters do).

Takeout from her favorite place. A special breakfast and favorite cake.

[maudefindlay]

I'd call the zoo and see if they are offering any special hands on opportunities or behind the scenes type things (maybe not due to Covid, but worth a shot).

I would tell her ASAP no bearded dragon so she has time to get over it and can then enjoy her birthday. Would she want maybe a salt water fish tank and to pick out some fish/etc to go in it?

[nicolewi]

DS's friend has a leopard gecko and he's supposed to be fairly easy. Is that, for any reason, a better option? I have no personal knowledge of the lizards.

Second checking for special opportunities at the zoo. Ours has several things for which you pay extra but can get up close & personal more than usual.

[erbear]

I have a bearded dragon and he's (she?) not a difficult pet to take care of. Why is it a definite no? Agree that if you're not getting it, tell her now.

What about a farm visit or something?

[dcrunnergirl52]

I wanted to do something special for my twins' 11th birthday for the same reasons. They love animals and DS has wanted a bearded dragon for years. We weren't ready for that so instead last weekend we had a local place bring two alpacas to our house along with two lizards, a snake, a goat, and a bunny for a two-hour interactive experience.

We let the kids invite classmates and we had an outdoor party with them and the animals. It was amazing and they loved it.

I bet you could find something similar in your area.

[gretchenindisguise]

What about horseback riding for she and her friend.

[sonrisa]

Sept 7, 2021 20:02:19 GMT -5 maudefindlay said:

I would tell her ASAP no bearded dragon so she has time to get over it and can then enjoy her birthday. 

I agree. We have also had so many disappointments this year. I try to at least be upfront and as prompt as I can letting them know.

I'd also see if another day would work for both kids at the zoo.

[m15]

This is another pet idea, but we just got our 9 year old an axolotl for his birthday and it is the coolest little thing. Far less maintenance than a caged critter since it lives in a tank, but the cool factor is there!

[mbcdefg]

Do you have a zoo or animal charity nearby that will let you symbolically adopt a bearded dragon? Maybe they can include a meet-and-greet session in the adoption donation. Or a stuffed animal.

This one is named Sheila! www.bcas.org/symbolic-animal-adoptions/

[sandandsea]

Special zoo experience like backstage tour, pet a sloth, feed a giraffe.

Apple Watch (I think this is what Ds will get for his 10th)

Weekend away. My stepmom took me and a friend shopping (we got matching shirts and swim suits) and to a hotel with a pool overnight for one of my birthdays and I thought it was amazing.

[devonpow]

Sept 7, 2021 21:10:26 GMT -5 m15 said:

This is another pet idea, but we just got our 9 year old an axolotl for his birthday and it is the coolest little thing. Far less maintenance than a caged critter since it lives in a tank, but the cool factor is there!

ok not to threadjack but my DS2 is obsessed with these. I didn’t realize people had them as pets! I’ll have to do some research

[ellipses84]

Does your zoo have any special experiences where you can get up close with the keepers and animals? Would you consider any other animal like a gecko, gerbil, cat or dog? Can you explain to her why ahead of time she cannot have one and tell her not to get her hopes up (she may still think you will surprise her but maybe another animal that is hers will make it better).

[goldengirlz]

We had something similar happen two years ago when DD wanted a cat. We ended up taking her to Disneyland instead.

We did cave during the pandemic, however, and our quarantine cat was the best thing to happen in 2020. We’ve had fish, aquatic frogs, crawfish and hermit crabs. The cat is by far the easiest and brings endless joy to the whole family. I told DD that this is the end of non-cat pets.

ETA: Oh, one cool thing I’ve done was sponsor a cheetah in Namibia. They sent a welcome package with a stuffed animal and a photo, and we get regular emails about her. The donation was tax deductible too.

[goldengirlz]

Sept 7, 2021 21:55:52 GMT -5 devonpow said:

Sept 7, 2021 21:10:26 GMT -5 m15 said:

This is another pet idea, but we just got our 9 year old an axolotl for his birthday and it is the coolest little thing. Far less maintenance than a caged critter since it lives in a tank, but the cool factor is there!

ok not to threadjack but my DS2 is obsessed with these. I didn’t realize people had them as pets! I’ll have to do some research

DD is ALSO obsessed with them but FYI they’re illegal to keep as pets in certain states. (I know because I’ve researched this and my state is one of them.)

[expectantsteelerfan]

I think dd is just really set on having a pet that is just 'hers' as opposed to the dogs that follow me around no matter how much she helps out with taking care of them (and she really is good about helping with them).

I'm severely allergic to cats (and bunnies, which was another wish of hers) so those are both a definite no.

My bff's son actually has an axolotl and she is not interested in that at all. She started out thinking she wanted a leopard gecko, but at the store, seeing them just sleep (because they're nocturnal) while the bearded dragons were active made her change her mind. But both have LONG life-spans, which is the major reason I'm saying no. The other is that we have an acquaintance who has one, and apparently she needs to give it a warm bath and massage every day to get it to poop, otherwise it won't eat, and while I know not every one will have issues, I realized that I just don't have the time/energy/bandwidth to care for another living creature right now.

I talked to her this morning and she took the news ok. She is still asking for a critter like a gerbil or hamster, and those seem more manageable (in that it would be her responsibility and if she slacked off and I didn't jump in and help, and it dies, we aren't out a $200 pet). But I also suggested horseback riding lessons and I'm going to call our zoo today to ask if they are doing 'encounters' now, although I'll feel like crap if we go that route because the 1 friend can't go.

I will keep trying to think of other ideas too, but thanks for all the suggestions!

[bugmeetsworld]

Sept 8, 2021 6:41:46 GMT -5 expectantsteelerfan said:

(in that it would be her responsibility and if she slacked off and I didn't jump in and help, and it dies, we aren't out a $200 pet).

I’m having feelings about this sentence. If you do decide to get her a pet, I think you need to be prepared to jump in and help if necessary. It sounds like your DD has shown she is responsible by caring for your other pets, but she is only turning 10 and may need some assistance. If she did slack off, it would cruel to the pet to let it die. If that is something you don’t have the bandwidth for, I would just say no to a new pet until she is older.

[marvine]

Based on your screen name I think we're in the same general area. The aviary offers sloth encounters if that is something she may be interested in.

[Leeham Rimes]

expectantsteelerfan, if you’re not willing to help with the animal, please do not get an animal. That’s not fair to it. Your daughter will be 10, that’s just too young to be 100% responsible for a living creature. Xavier has a snake. He’s 11 and does a lot of the work, but we also do some of it. Which is fine bc we all wanted a snake and I knew that a child could never be completely and solely responsible for a living creature.

Definitely look into non permanent alternatives.

[TR]

Sept 8, 2021 7:36:10 GMT -5 bugmeetsworld said:

Sept 8, 2021 6:41:46 GMT -5 expectantsteelerfan said:

(in that it would be her responsibility and if she slacked off and I didn't jump in and help, and it dies, we aren't out a $200 pet).

I’m having feelings about this sentence. If you do decide to get her a pet, I think you need to be prepared to jump in and help if necessary. It sounds like your DD has shown she is responsible by caring for your other pets, but she is only turning 10 and may need some assistance. If she did slack off, it would cruel to the pet to let it die. If that is something you don’t have the bandwidth for, I would just say no to a new pet until she is older.

Yeah, that’s a little ‘yikes’ to me, esp the dollar value part. Don’t get any kind of pet if you’d be willing to just let it die. It’s ok to not have the bandwidth for it, just say no. 

[expectantsteelerfan]

Sept 8, 2021 7:36:10 GMT -5 bugmeetsworld said:

Sept 8, 2021 6:41:46 GMT -5 expectantsteelerfan said:

(in that it would be her responsibility and if she slacked off and I didn't jump in and help, and it dies, we aren't out a $200 pet).

I’m having feelings about this sentence. If you do decide to get her a pet, I think you need to be prepared to jump in and help if necessary. It sounds like your DD has shown she is responsible by caring for your other pets, but she is only turning 10 and may need some assistance. If she did slack off, it would cruel to the pet to let it die. If that is something you don’t have the bandwidth for, I would just say no to a new pet until she is older.

I get that.  I almost deleted that sentence as I was writing it (and was also rushing to get out the door to take dd to school), but it was how I honestly feel about a critter so decided to let it stand.  I 100% realize that letting my 10 year old dd get a pet means that I will be primarily responsible for it's survival, which is why I put so much thought into the possibility of a bearded dragon.  I might be willing to help her care for it now, but I don't want a 10-15 year commitment.  But I will also honestly admit getting a hamster or a gerbil from the pet store would not feel on the same level of 'adopting a family member' level of care and attention that we give our dogs and would be more on par with doing the minimum to keep them alive like with the betta fish.  But that is also because a betta fish only NEEDS a minimum of care.  But yeah, a friend who I was talking to about this asked me, if her new 'pet' (whatever it would be) got sick, would I be seeking out vets that would see whatever type of animal it is?  And I honestly answered no, I'd probably google to figure out what I could do to help it, and ask advice at the pet store we got it from, but I am not in a place right now where I'm going to seek out a vet for this new pet.  So that is why I am torn trying to find something for her to be excited about that isn't us adopting a new pet.  And I'm sorry if it offends people to think that the amount of money I spend on a pet shouldn't effect how much effort I'm willing to put in to care for it, but that is a factor, along with the usual life expectancy of the pet and their expected conditions for living happy lives.  My other concern with the bearded dragon is keeping the temperature steady because we get a lot of power outages here.  I think overall what I meant is that a bearded dragon or other lizard seems like pet that needs much more invested in it (habitat, time, and price of pet combined) versus something like a hamster or gerbil.  I wouldn't let any animal sit in filth or go hungry, but I'm also not going to beat myself up if we do our best but still have it die on us after a year or so.

[Aloe Vera]

Sept 8, 2021 9:41:50 GMT -5 expectantsteelerfan said:

Sept 8, 2021 7:36:10 GMT -5 bugmeetsworld said:

I’m having feelings about this sentence. If you do decide to get her a pet, I think you need to be prepared to jump in and help if necessary. It sounds like your DD has shown she is responsible by caring for your other pets, but she is only turning 10 and may need some assistance. If she did slack off, it would cruel to the pet to let it die. If that is something you don’t have the bandwidth for, I would just say no to a new pet until she is older.

I get that.  I almost deleted that sentence as I was writing it (and was also rushing to get out the door to take dd to school), but it was how I honestly feel about a critter so decided to let it stand.  I 100% realize that letting my 10 year old dd get a pet means that I will be primarily responsible for it's survival, which is why I put so much thought into the possibility of a bearded dragon.  I might be willing to help her care for it now, but I don't want a 10-15 year commitment.  But I will also honestly admit getting a hamster or a gerbil from the pet store would not feel on the same level of 'adopting a family member' level of care and attention that we give our dogs and would be more on par with doing the minimum to keep them alive like with the betta fish.  But that is also because a betta fish only NEEDS a minimum of care.  But yeah, a friend who I was talking to about this asked me, if her new 'pet' (whatever it would be) got sick, would I be seeking out vets that would see whatever type of animal it is?  And I honestly answered no, I'd probably google to figure out what I could do to help it, and ask advice at the pet store we got it from, but I am not in a place right now where I'm going to seek out a vet for this new pet.  So that is why I am torn trying to find something for her to be excited about that isn't us adopting a new pet.  And I'm sorry if it offends people to think that the amount of money I spend on a pet shouldn't effect how much effort I'm willing to put in to care for it, but that is a factor, along with the usual life expectancy of the pet and their expected conditions for living happy lives.  My other concern with the bearded dragon is keeping the temperature steady because we get a lot of power outages here.  I think overall what I meant is that a bearded dragon or other lizard seems like pet that needs much more invested in it (habitat, time, and price of pet combined) versus something like a hamster or gerbil.  I wouldn't let any animal sit in filth or go hungry, but I'm also not going to beat myself up if we do our best but still have it die on us after a year or so.

I think what you wrote here should be discussed with your DD. Having a pet is a time and money commitment. She is 10 so this might not totally make sense. It sounds like you, expectantsteelerfan, aren't ready for another pet so just tell your DD you'll revisit the question in a couple years. It is OK to say no. She will be disappointed but this is a good learning experience.

[Leeham Rimes]

expectantsteelerfan, then answer for the "pet" question is "no".

It's totally fine to not have any bandwidth to take care of one more creature, I absolutely get that. But then you shouldn't get *any* sort of living creature. End of discussion.

"Daughter, I know that you want an animal, however regardless of what kind of animal it is, they need a lot of work. They will need veterinary care. Maybe a lot of veterinary care. Right now, our family is not able to take that on. I know this may be disappointing, but animals are time and money commitments for the entire family. Let's focus on what we can do, rather than what we can't."

X wanted a rat for a while, we looked into it and were told that if they get sick, it's usually pretty expensive, so we passed on that. Our snake has a vet. We haven't had issues so far, but we did take her in for a yearly visit and to get established as a client.

I would never judge a person for not wanting an animal. I wouldn't really judge if someone thinks an animal isn't worth getting medical care b/c "it's only a ________" I would judge a person for thinking an animal is expendable because it's "only" a _______ and then *getting* that animal.

Kids want lots of things that aren't a good idea or a good fit. The reason for getting an animal shouldn't be "because they want one".

[jinkies]

We got dangerously close to getting a bearded dragon at one point and I'm so glad that we didn't. The big reasons we nixed it were the life span (I think DS was also around 10, and I absolutely did not want to be stuck with it after he went to college), and also the diet (did not want to be regularly buying crickets and/or raising them in my basement).

My kids regularly beg for other animals (notably, a guinea pig and a ferret), but we already have a lot of pets and I just tell them our zoo is full.

My DD is also turning 10 and also loves animals. For her 8th bday, we did a weekend at a dude ranch in upstate NY. It was awesome and I would totally recommend. We were actually considering doing it again for her 10th.

She would also love any of the zoo/aquarium animal experiences that people described above.

This is not a birthday gift rec, but you could consider looking into 4-H for your daughter. There are definitely animal clubs that do not require that you own the animal. My county has a reptile/amphibian club, horse clubs, and other livestock clubs were the group learns about care/works with animals owned by a farm or a member of the group.

[DarcyLongfellow]

My daughter is similar -- she absolutely loves animals. She is desperate for a pet of her own (we have a dog and fish, but neither one is just hers). A cat would honestly be the ideal pet for her, but she and DH are very allergic. I would add a second dog to our household before I added a pet that needed a tank or cage.

As far as activities, here are some animal-related things we've done in the past for DD --
- a trip to Dolphin Cove to swim with dolphins (we live in Florida, so that was an easier trip for us)
- a trip to a local aquarium where you could snorkel in the main tank with sting rays and things
- a visit to the humane society to play with the dogs. I called and asked if it was okay if we came and visited even though we wouldn't be adopting a pet, and they said it was fine.
- She used to volunteer at the humane society -- they have a program where kids could come in and read to the dogs (while they stayed in their cages).
- We haven't done it yet, but I've promised her a visit to a cat cafe (she will have to load up on benadryl beforehand and shower immediately afterwards, but she finds it worth it!)
- Visit a big cat sanctuary near us for their evening feeding time

I'd look into animal rescues or sanctuary places near you, or even the zoo. A lot of them might be willing to do a behind the scenes tour.

[m15]

Sept 7, 2021 21:55:52 GMT -5 devonpow said:

Sept 7, 2021 21:10:26 GMT -5 m15 said:

This is another pet idea, but we just got our 9 year old an axolotl for his birthday and it is the coolest little thing. Far less maintenance than a caged critter since it lives in a tank, but the cool factor is there!

ok not to threadjack but my DS2 is obsessed with these. I didn’t realize people had them as pets! I’ll have to do some research

Mine was too. He researched all summer and we got him one for his birthday last week. He's the coolest! If I had any idea how to upload a video, I would share it for you to show your DS.

[court26]

We “won” a leopard gecko in the 5th grade lottery that I reluctantly let my son put his name in and she has had a lot of issues, but we do play with her everyday and find her to be sweet and friendly. And I know people think it’s weird that we enjoy her so much. But yes, she might live another 20 years and that’s terrifying. Haha

I do not have any great ideas except some people have already said- animal experiences to look into. When I was a kid that age-ish the most memorable birthday I had was a box full of gift cards all individually wrapped to stores in our mall and we went with a friend for the day and had so much fun. My DD who is just 11 wanted AirPods or an Apple watch for her birthday. Or a puppy. Ha.

[redheadk]

Does your zoo offer animal encounters for an extra fee? That might be pretty cool!

We have an elephant sanctuary a few hours from us. It was really great; we got to interact with the elephants! That would be a great gift, too.