DD1 (7th grade and 13) was recently diagnosed with dyscalculia and GAD. We were aware of the anxiety and she’s been seeing a therapist since January. She is a bright girl, which is why math LD wasn’t recognized until middle school. She was able to compensate.
This is the 3rd week of school and she’s not real thrilled to go to school. They are on an odd/even schedule and it’s worse the days she has PE and math.
We are realizing how much the LD impacts other classes as well (hello geography).
She does have a Learning Plan at School (private school) and we are comfortable with it.
How do you know what is 13 year old behavior and what is issues with classes/learning style?
It’s wearing on us, especially me since I deal with majority of mornings and homework.
I know we need to give it time, but how much? I don’t want to let her to continue to struggle, but also want her to pull it together and put forth effort.
What is the learning plan? I know there are several people with children with dyscalculia on the boards in general that would have more insight into that aspect and the learning plan. My thought is the disability can be quit tiring and trying for her.
Sometimes public school offers more supports, so it might be something to try if she is struggling where she is at. I personally wouldn't pull to homeschool because that is the very last thing that I want to do. I learned that after facilitating e-learning.
Have you spoken to the teachers/ school psychologist about it recently? Do they have ideas for you? They might be able to give you insight into her behavior vs. learning style.
My 7th grade child was struggling and her anxiety was preventing her from attending to learning during the school day. After two weeks of her begging not to go to school, we found an alternative. We still wanted her in a school setting to push her anxiety a little but not completely overwhelm her as the public school was doing. We quickly found a program which provided the balance we needed (small class, hands-on projects, only three days in-person). The downsides of the large public school were outweighing the benefits for us. I would start research what options are available--including your child in the research. Good luck!
My now 11 year old was having major school related anxiety 3 years ago related to being bullied. We were able to speak with his teacher and principal who agreed to some accommodations to help him make it through the year (this all came to a head about mid year). But we decided to pull him at the end of the year.
We explored all our options- transferring to another public school, or district, private school, etc. and ultimately decided to homeschool through a charter.
We also pulled my then kindergartener to homeschool who oddly enough was later diagnosed with dyscalculia.
I’m in CA so we have homeschool charters which means we get all the oversight and support of a regular school but do most of our learning at home. My now third grader gets support for her dyscalculia.
For us, we just knew the school wasn’t meeting our son’s needs anymore when his anxiety became almost debilitating.
If your child is struggling and you can make a change (I know not everyone can) then I think you owe it to your kid to put them in a better environment. Good luck, it’s a really hard position to be in.
My ds has dyscalculia (and dysgraphia, dyspraxia) but not anxiety so a little different perspective. He struggles with math but has never said he does not want to do his homework or go to school. There are no fights over these issues. He is 14 and in ninth grade. He doesn't get a whole lot of help -private school- but continues to power through and does ok grade wise. He also has issues in other classes specifically foreign language - not sure if that is related but working memory is an issue for him. He does get tired easily from working so hard mentally all day long. Goes to bed by 8:30pm every night. So from my perspective, this is more the anxiety than the learning differences. But every kid is different. I would talk to the school counselor or pscyh if they have one for any ideas they might have.
Post by gretchenindisguise on Sept 9, 2021 12:42:16 GMT -5
Hi, my 7th grade 12 year old also has GAD and suspected ADHD (full eval next week). It's hard and it sucks.
What has worked best for us is medication and therapy. Last year was terrible, this year has gone better mostly. Avoiding school always makes it worse, because then it's harder to go the next day/period.
And I feel you - we struggled this morning because of anxiety about turning in late work in science (for mine - it's science/pe days that are the worst and hooray - that's today! /sarcasm). We do a lot of talk on it doesn't have to be perfect, but it needs to be turned in. Mine spirals about things being not-perfect, but the more I let them spiral, the worse it is.
I'd dig into their learning plan and see what accommodations specifically work for both the anxiety and the dyscalculia. For mine, knowing there are options, even if they don't activate them helps tremendously.
My DD is younger (4th grade, turns 10 next month), but has similar issues (dyslexia, dyscalculia, and working memory problems) and we made the very difficult decision to change her school this year.
In her case, she was both unhappy at school, AND we didn't feel she was meeting success standards even though the school said she was meeting her IEP goals.
We had given the school years to help her, and felt she was falling further and further behind.
She had a HORRIBLE 3rd grade year last year. She came home almost every day either angry and mean, or in tears. DS and I had a running joke about how much DD seemed to hate me. She was just miserable all the time. She would also fight me every morning about going to school, and constantly tell me how much she hated it and didn't want to go. She is a naturally sunny person, so this was out of character. However, she is definitely developing early and I honestly could not tell how much of her behavior was hormone-related, and how much was caused by frustration at school.
We identified a few areas that we specifically felt the school needed to change for her 4th grade year. I called a special IEP meeting in June, at the end of 3rd grade, to go over everything. At the same time, we were also looking into alternative options. In the end, I felt like the school made the decision for us. They spent the entire meeting telling me I was wrong, that they knew DD better than I did, and that none of my concerns were actually real problems. They were completely unwilling to consider meaningful changes to address what I felt were the biggest hurdles to her happiness at school.
As much as she fought me last year and hated school, now that we moved her, she is begging to go back. (Because of course she is LOL).
I feel pretty confident that we made the right decision though. She was a completely different kid over the summer once she was no longer in school every day. Happy, pleasant, loving. Today is only her second day at her new school, but I'm hoping that it is a better fit for her.
In your case, if this is the first year that she has acted like this, I think 3 weeks is maybe too soon to make a drastic decision.
If you pulled her, where would she go? What would be different about that school that you think would be an improvement? (would you move her to a public school with more differentiated math levels? Or a smaller private school where she could get more attention?) How does she feel about changing? Does her therapist think it would help her anxiety at all?
Personally, I would keep an open line of communication with her and her teachers (especially math and PE if those are the pain points), but give it at least until Christmas to make any sort of decision. Hang in there!
You mentioned that you are in a private school. How is your local public school on these things?
I know our district really doubles down on good supportive services. The learning specialists are really well integrated. Most people who started private end up switching over because the district has more of the resources and specialization they need.
Post by ellipses84 on Sept 9, 2021 14:32:45 GMT -5
If you separate the concerns into quality of education for her needs, anxiety/ mental health and social environment, what is the school doing well vs. not? What do you think another school will do better and are they any of those categories that could end up worse? Talk to the principals at the other schools you are are considering and ask specific questions about these categories and what they’d do in certain scenarios. I personally think that private schools often do not address learning challenges very well because they don’t have to in the same way that public schools do. That doesn’t mean yours isn’t though, and even within public schools, some districts or schools are better than others, and you have to advocate for her issues to be addressed if what they are currently doing is not working. If she has a solid friends group there, I’d be more hesitant to move her at her age.
Post by imojoebunny on Sept 9, 2021 14:43:49 GMT -5
My daughter went to a small private school with a low teacher ratio from 2-6th grade. She has dyslexia, dysgraphia, and visual processing disorder. I give the small class size, supportive (but not specialized, though she was allowed O-G tutoring in the early grades during the school day), a ton of credit for her current outlook on school. She has been in public school, since 7th grade, and done fine, without a lot of anxiety. She doesn't always succeed, especially not the 1st time, but she knocks it out, and knows when she needs to ask for help and make sure the teachers are following her 504 (she keeps it in her notebook, so she can whip it out, when a teacher doesn't want to follow it.). I don't know what options are available in your area, but if you can find a school that encourages kids to self advocate, and respects children as individuals, even for a couple of years, it can make a world of difference. My daughter's school was a Friends school (Quaker). I would, also, reach out to her teachers and ask them what they are seeing with her academically and socially, open ended, without a lot of background, as to why your asking, and see what they say. I was surprised that some teachers thought my daughter didn't need extra time or whatever, and thought she was just not trying to do the work, without really being aware that dyslexia affects math and social studies, as much as, language arts. She is also a really inconsistent student, so she might get a 3 (D) on one test and a 7 (A+) on another, even if she studied because the content was slightly different on a unit, and required more visual processing, which she just doesn't have, like heavy algebra, she is great at, but things involving geometry are difficult to hold in her brain. Things like formula reference sheets, calculators (the $1.00 problem solver), make a huge difference in her ability to show understanding of content, and by 7th grade, were generally allowed in a lot of testing situations. Your child's "missing switches" are probably different, but figuring out were she is going wrong and what interventions can let her be successful, can really help. I am dyslexic and have visual processing disorder, too, and having a word processor is essential to my success, as is excel, vs. having to do my own repetitive calculations. I am retired now, but I used to work in corporate finance, and have an MBA. Keep throwing darts in the dark, with her input, and I sincerely wish that you will find the ones that are bullseyes. It is so worth it to see your kid succeed, but it is bumpy ass road. Sorry you are all in the thick of it.
without really being aware that dyslexia affects math and social studies, as much as, language arts.
I mean REALLY.
I assume by really that you mean that it is obvious, and not that it doesn't have an effect? Most teachers have no training in dyslexia, virtually none in dysgraphia. It is a system wide problem that begins in colleges that educate teachers. It is sad, and painful for parents, students, and teachers. My daughter's public school teacher, seeing her get O-G tutoring in the 1st grade, quit her job, and went to school to become an O-G teacher, and worked at a school that specializes in dyslexia, and after a year or two, became an instructor for teachers who come to that school's teacher training unit. She is now back at the same public school where she taught my daughter, as an educational specialist, where she teaches both students and teachers how educate dyslexic students. She is truly an amazing and dedicated professional, and her success is hard won in a large public school system that 10 years ago did not allow the word dyslexia to be uttered in IEP and 504 meetings. I take no credit for showing her the way, she had to do the things, and figure out the path, all on her own, but my daughter did show her, that she could be taught, if only she had a teacher who knew how because I put her in O-G tutoring because I had it, well before she got an official diagnosis. We cannot expect teachers to solve this own their own, when the very institutions training them blow by the most common LD without comment. The solution starts with colleges that teach teachers. I was extremely lucky that I happened to live very close to one of the few schools for dyslexics in the country in the late 70's and early 80's, and my dad's company had a policy to pay for tutoring for "special needs" kids, that was little used back then, but benefited me so very much.
As a teacher and as a parent of a child with a 504 plan for a learning disability, this is exactly the point where I'd request a team meeting. Remember that legally you are as active and meaningful a member of your child's team as their teachers/counselors/admin are. Anyone in that chain can pull the lever and request a meeting. You should do it now.
What experienced teachers are really good at in this scenario is telling parents when behaviors are/are not typical for a child at that age/ability level. We see thousands of kids over the course of our careers from across the spectrum of ability/disability, and can likely give you some insight into whether or not you need to seek additional help from your doctor and other outside supports. This may also be a time when you can gauge whether or not this particular school is going to be able to meet your kid's needs on an ongoing basis. Private schools don't have to provide the special education services that public schools do, and if they seem unconcerned or don't have concrete plans to increase support to your kid I would immediately start looking elsewhere. Lots of bright kids can mask disability-related problems up until middle school, and it sounds like yours may fall into that category.
Bottom line: In my experience the problems you're observing now will not go away on their own. She will continue to struggle, but that struggle will not be productive without some level of support because her disability may not be allowing her to struggle productively. Get help. Recognize when the school's version of help is or isn't helpful.
Post by mrsukyankee on Sept 10, 2021 10:48:35 GMT -5
keyslover, is her therapist communicating with the school counsellor? If not, I'd definitely make sure that is happening as that can also be very, very helpful. It then also allows the school counsellor to help out in ways that are useful. When I was a school counsellor and had kids who had school anxieties, I loved it when we made it a team approach.
keyslover, is her therapist communicating with the school counsellor? If not, I'd definitely make sure that is happening as that can also be very, very helpful. It then also allows the school counsellor to help out in ways that are useful. When I was a school counsellor and had kids who had school anxieties, I loved it when we made it a team approach.
No. Thanks for the suggestion! She sees her therapist tomorrow so we can bring that up.