another Covid wwyd

[beerlover]

My brother is getting married in CA on Saturday the 16th.

H and I are in the wedding. We live in PA. We were not planning on bringing DS (5). My MIL and FIL were going to watch him. We were going Thursday the 14th through Monday the 18th.

My MIL called me this morning that FIL had a positive Covid test this morning. They are both vaccinated. She is not required to quarantine and has kept herself relatively separate from him since he developed some cold symptoms on Thursday 10/7 (not staying in same bed but obviously sharing the house). She is still willing to watch DS at our house instead (pending she doesn't develop any symptoms herself of course).

I need to know honestly what you would do in this situation. If she develops no symptoms (and maybe takes one of the Binax tests I have at home Wednesday) would you still let her watch him at your house? My concern would be that she gets sick like a day or two into it and then she's stuck with him here and not feeling well (I'm not sure how likely this is, that she would develop symptoms 7 days later, but I know it could happen).

My other options would be to cancel the trip and just visit another time. My father who was recently in the hospital and is feeling pretty weak still is in favor of this option (he and my mom were traveling with us). Plus there have been all the Southwest cancellations which is concerning, I don't want to get delayed going and/or stuck out there.

Another option could be to bring DS to CA but I don't really love that.

I'm not sure we can really get anyone else to watch him for 4 days straight. We have other family and friends but they have jobs, kids in school, etc.

I'm just really upset right now and not thinking clearly. This month has just been such a disaster and I was so looking forward to these few days. I'm just curious of any and all thoughts you have on this.

Side note - I don't need any comments about how they're selfish for having a wedding or whatever. This is the 3rd postponement and its happening no matter what, it's not in my control. Most guests are local except us, vaccination is required, mostly outdoors, all the disclaimers.

Side note #2- I have been anxious about this happening for months, so its almost like my anxiety willed my FIL getting Covid into existence. When I have a bad feeling I am always right.

[minzy]

I’m sorry. I’d leave my H at home with the kid and go myself. One of our groomsmen was a Navy SEAL who deployed at the last minute and missed our wedding but the show went on.

[longtimenopost]

I'm sorry. Since your MIL has been exposed at least since Thursday, I'd ask her to go get a PCR test today and pending a negative result, have her take care of him at your house. It's my understanding that the Binax tests aren't super reliable for asymptomatic cases.

[timorousbeastie]

I’d either have H stay home and go by myself, or both of us skip it. I wouldn’t have MIL babysit. I’m sorry.

[beerlover]

minzy , I didn't really think of that option but I have horrible driving anxiety when I'm going places I am unfamiliar with and don't really prefer to drive to the Baltimore airport (3 hours away) alone (I always make H do that kind of driving lol) Ugh. THIS F*CKING SUCKS.

Should also add that PCR's around here are taking at least 5 days now so I don't know that that's really an option.

Central PA sucks. No access to airports with direct flights and no fast Covid testing. Why do I live here?

[longtimenopost]

Oct 11, 2021 12:16:12 GMT -5 beerlover said:

minzy , I didn't really think of that option but I have horrible driving anxiety when I'm going places I am unfamiliar with and don't really prefer to drive to the Baltimore airport (3 hours away) alone (I always make H do that kind of driving lol) Ugh. THIS F*CKING SUCKS.

Should also add that PCR's around here are taking at least 5 days now so I don't know that that's really an option.

Central PA sucks. No access to airports with direct flights and no fast Covid testing. Why do I live here?

I'm sorry. Honestly, if your MIL is up for it and you have any friends/family in the area who could take him if she becomes symptomatic and not up to care for him, I'd still go. Breakthrough infections happen (clearly) but they are rare and it's likely if she hasn't gotten sick by the time you leave, she won't. 

[beerlover]

longtimenopost , we do have some family, quite a few friends, and a couple college aged babysitters (all vaccinated too) who are usually home on weekends that could probably take him in a pinch.

I need to talk this through with my H but of course he is slammed at work all day/night :/

I can't even get into researching this right now, if I do cancel a Southwest flight how far in advance do I need to do that, and will I get a credit for a future flight or something? There's also a lot of money wrapped up in this trip

[jinkies]

Oh man. I'm so sorry. If you cancel, will your parents cancel also? I couldn't tell from your post.

I would:
1. Research Southwest's current cancellation policy
2. Start calling around to the other babysitter options to see if you can piece together care from someone else. It doesn't have to be 1 person for 4 days. If you can find one person for Thursday/Friday (probably the harder days) and one person for Saturday/Sunday, that could also work. But you need to determine if anyone is even available, and if so, on which days.
3. Put out requests on social media and through your friends to see if anyone has found a testing site within a reasonable drive that offers a faster turnaround. If you could get a quick turnaround test on Wednesday, I'd be OK with your MIL watching your son at your home. (Assuming she is able to stay completely separate from FIL at their home)

If your parents will bail if you do, I think I would make every effort to find a way to make it work. Yes, the wedding will go on even if you can't make it, but if I were your brother I'd be pretty sad if none of my immediate family could attend my wedding.

[hermione]

I wouldn't have MIL babysit in this situation. I am sorry, this sucks.

[lemoncupcake]

I think you have a few decent options depending on your personal risk level in your son catching it. Is it just normal “I don’t want my kid to get sick if we can avoid it” or are there other concerns or risk factors at play?

Assuming your MIL is feeling fine by the time your trip comes around (if you can’t get a PCR you can do a few rapids if you can access those), I’d consider still having her watch your son. If you all want to be extra cautious she can mask in the house (annoying but doable for a few days).

Worst case scenario, she comes up with symptoms while you are gone. Since your son will have been exposed at that point, your FIL (who is presumably feeling better) can come step in.

[lemoncupcake]

And as an absolute backup, you can have your DH stay home and you go to the wedding. Especially if your parents are also thinking of canceling their trip.

From an emotional perspective, I would really really really want to make sure that I was there for my brother if the others couldn’t.

[beerlover]

jinkies, my dad is still weak from being hospitalized 2 weeks ago (not Covid related, just a bad virus) so we have to drive them to the airport and kind of help him manage everything (my mom won't drive, similar anxiety to me lol) So if we would cancel, I doubt they would go. Honestly, it sort of sounds like my dad would prefer to cancel just b/c hes not feeling 100%, but I agree with you that my brother will be sad if literally none of us make it out there

I talked to H finally and he's going to call his parents too and start looking at other options for piecing together the care. Maybe if we could get someone else for like Thursday/Friday, and MIL is still good by the weekend, she could do Sat/Sun/Mon if need be.

[jaylea]

I wouldn’t have your MIL babysit. We had a similar situation - my parents were supposed to stay with my kids on a Sunday night, my mom had a cold and took a test “to be safe” and was shocked when it came back positive Saturday. My dad stayed away for several days, had negative tests that weekend. And still tested positive on Thursday.

They are now a month out and still recovering. Thought symptoms were “mild” it was still pretty bad, and they are still very tired.

No one is going to want to take your son if you MIL test positive or gets sick while you’re away.

I’d look into other backup babysitter options or have your husband stay home.

I’m sorry, I’m so so sick of it all. It sucks to keep having things fall apart over covid.

[Velar Fricative]

Based on everything you've written so far, I'd go alone. I wouldn't want to miss my brother's wedding unless I exhausted all reasonable (to me) options, and going alone is a reasonable option for me. At least your DS would be with your H if you do get delayed out there. If you cannot drive, would your H be willing and able to drive you to the airport? If DS wouldn't handle the long road trip both times, can you find another non-exposed vaccinated sitter just to stay with him during the drives? Any other transit possibilities to that particular airport from where you live (I'm guessing not, but worth a shot)?

[beerlover]

Oct 11, 2021 12:59:44 GMT -5 lemoncupcake said:

I think you have a few decent options depending on your personal risk level in your son catching it. Is it just normal “I don’t want my kid to get sick if we can avoid it” or are there other concerns or risk factors at play?

I do not want her to get him sick, of course, though I know he'd likely be fine, I feel like an asshole parent risking that for him. He does not have any risk factors. My main concerns about HER getting sick while watching him, I would feel horrible if she starts to feel really sick while with him. I don't know if she has any risk factors per se (she does have ongoing issue with Lyme disease and stuff seems to hit her harder though).

And then of course if she does expose him then that's quarantine time for him from preschool, etc. and like jaylea said upthread, how am I going to in good conscience call someone else if she does end up sick and ask them to take him?

[beerlover]

Velar Fricative, I would drive if I absolutely had to, I think. My anxiety isn't at the point where I won't go places, I just get really nervous. I am not actually a bad driver though lol. Yeah, H would take me if he had to, though a 6 hour round trip seems like a lot to ask.

[wizardressofoz]

My order of preference would be:
Someone else - not MIL - watches 5yo DS
Go by yourself
Take DS
MIL watches DS

Honestly, keeping a 5yo is wayyyyy different than the effort involved in keeping...say a 3 yo. I'd do that for a friend, no problem. 5yo are cool.

[beerlover]

wizardressofoz, yeah hes not difficult- a little wild but he's easily entertained. It's just hard wrapping my head around finding care for Thurs/Fri because people work and whatnot. He does attend daycare 8-5 though so if I could get someone who didn't mind bringing him there and back they'd at least get 8 hours off from him a day lol.

[beerlover]

mofongo, the reason we weren't taking him to begin with is because we are both in the wedding party and I didn't want to foist him on my parents the whole time. However, they were originally getting married in April 2020 when he was 3, and its been delayed til now and he's 5, so I'm sure he would be a little easier now. Bringing him still ruins all my bar hopping plans though (j/k, kinda, lol).

[sdlaura]

I would also be afraid of your worst-case scenario, so I wouldn't have MIL babysit. I would either go to the wedding alone, or bring your son with you.

[gretchenindisguise]

I’d go alone to brothers wedding.

It sucks.

[dcn]

I would either go alone or bring him with you. My kids would be ok with grandma for 5 days but I don’t think they’d like staying with anyone else that long without me or H. I’m sorry, this stinks and is the worst timing.

[mrsGreeko]

You can cancel southwest flights up to an hour or so before take off without penalty. You’ll get credits.

I’d just take your DS with you to the wedding honestly.

[beerlover]

I was just looking (haven't made any decisions yet) and it doesn't look like I can add a passenger to our reservation. It feels weird to make a separate reservation for a 5 year old though? I don't fly a lot so I apologize if this sounds stupid.

[redheadk]

Oct 11, 2021 14:04:30 GMT -5 beerlover said:

I was just looking (haven't made any decisions yet) and it doesn't look like I can add a passenger to our reservation. It feels weird to make a separate reservation for a 5 year old though? I don't fly a lot so I apologize if this sounds stupid.

You likely need to call, but be prepared for waits. Any chance you can book everyone on a different airline entirely?

[Blue Moon]

First of all, I’m sorry you’re in this position to begin with. I was in a similar position about two weeks ago, and suffice to say I am just finishing a 14 day quarantine with my kids this week. I hate that every decision we make is agonizing and full of what if’s.

Given all the details you shared, I’d postpone the trip. There’s too many variables— your dad’s health, childcare, southwest issues- that it seems like your worry would overpower the fun. I get that it’s for a family member’s wedding though, and that really sucks.

[sdlaura]

beerlover I make separate reservations for my kids all the time because of points/companion passes, etc. My 4 and 1 year olds are on their own reservation for our flight next week. If Southwest, when you book for them there will be a pop up box that says "this child is under 12, please enter the confirmation number of the adult that will be traveling with them" or something along those lines.

[mrsGreeko]

Oct 11, 2021 14:04:30 GMT -5 beerlover said:

I was just looking (haven't made any decisions yet) and it doesn't look like I can add a passenger to our reservation. It feels weird to make a separate reservation for a 5 year old though? I don't fly a lot so I apologize if this sounds stupid.

If the tickets are still the same price or cheaper you can just cancel and rebook all three of you now. The beauty of southwest is that you can rebook regularly if prices go down (we fly SW a lot and I recently just rebooked our next trip to save 20k points and I check back regularly to see if I can get it cheaper). Not it’s not cheaper or same price I’d just make a separate reservation for him. You can combine reservations if you really need to, but this week is going to be a terrible week to call southwest’s customer service with the issues they are having with cancellations at the moment. You won’t be able to get through.

[luckystar2]

I’d go alone or bring ds. If this was just a random trip, I’d cancel but I wouldn’t want to miss a close family member’s wedding. And it sounds like they’ve been through the ringer with multiple postponements! And especially if you cancelling would cause your parents to skip too.

I definitely would not have mil watch your ds. Out of everything that would give me the most anxiety. And I really think trying to find somebody else unless you have really close family/friends will be hard for that many days and one being a work day.

[beerlover]

Oct 11, 2021 14:06:14 GMT -5 redheadk said:

Oct 11, 2021 14:04:30 GMT -5 beerlover said:

I was just looking (haven't made any decisions yet) and it doesn't look like I can add a passenger to our reservation. It feels weird to make a separate reservation for a 5 year old though? I don't fly a lot so I apologize if this sounds stupid.

You likely need to call, but be prepared for waits. Any chance you can book everyone on a different airline entirely?

Southwest from BWI is the only direct flight to San Diego (at least amount our airport options which are few in the middle of nowhere PA). The other airport option is Pittsburgh and they have nothing direct. I don't want to mess around with flights that have layovers etc.