I need some ideas for how to help my kid wake up for school. Right now it takes me going into her room every few minutes to nag her and we all start the morning in a grumpy way.
Here is what we already do - Alarm goes off in her room and mine- she snoozes hers I go in and turn on her light and talk to her and remind her to get up Alexa talks to her every few minutes - on days she has something specific it tells her (gym today, track meet today, whatever) I continue to go in every few minutes and get more and more annoyed each time
Finally she gets out of bed and does her stuff
I have tried letting her “fail” aka be late which she is upset by but it doesn’t seem to impact her for the next day or future behavior
Relevant info - She is 11 This is her first year of middle school She has always been like this - not a new “tween” behavior She is an amazing sleeper and has always needed more sleep than her peers She goes to bed at 8:15 and Alarm goes off at 6:30 School starts at 7:00 or 7:30 depending on the day (choir) She walks to school and it takes 5ish min to get there Prior to this year school started at 8:45 - we had the same struggles even then I have two other kids who I would like to keep sleeping during this time if possible She has anxiety and OCD - not sure that really matters but figured more info is better
Please share any ideas!! Ugh we just had another rough morning and I’m dreading the rest of this school year
Post by SusanBAnthony on Oct 18, 2021 6:15:46 GMT -5
My middle schoolers use an alarm clock app that makes you do puzzle, math problems, or scan a qr code that you hang somewhere far away from your bed.
Mine use the math problem one. You have to do five problems in a row and you can set the difficulty. It stops ringing while you work on them but if you stop or are just putting nonsense numbers in, it starts buzzing again.
It's been shockingly effective for my kids and my son sounds just like your daughter. I didn't think it would work for him, I thought he'd just do the problems and go back to sleep.
The one we use is just a free one I found on the Google play store called Alarm clock for heavy sleepers.
My middle schoolers use an alarm clock app that makes you do puzzle, math problems, or scan a qr code that you hang somewhere far away from your bed.
Mine use the math problem one. You have to do five problems in a row and you can set the difficulty. It stops ringing while you work on them but if you stop or are just putting nonsense numbers in, it starts buzzing again.
It's been shockingly effective for my kids and my son sounds just like your daughter. I didn't think it would work for him, I thought he'd just do the problems and go back to sleep.
The one we use is just a free one I found on the Google play store called Alarm clock for heavy sleepers.
How do you access this? Like is it something you buy that stands alone? Or does it have to be on a phone?
Post by wanderingback on Oct 18, 2021 6:35:32 GMT -5
Have you talked to her about this? Is there a root cause? Is she tired? Hates school? Just doesn’t want to get up? Does she stay awake through the night?
I’ve never been one to hit snooze so I don’t "get" it, but I know some people are just like that. I would suggest seeing if she has a suggestion. But you could try making her go to bed earlier and then put an alarm across the room so she has to physically get out of bed to snooze it.
I personally like to wake up gently so now I wake up with vibration from my Apple Watch, but I’m guessing that method might not work for her. But just another option to think of if "startling” to wake up isn’t working.
I was like that. I liked school fine but I just wasn't a morning person. It was really hard for me to get going and my mom would have to knock on my door or shake me awake several times. I am sure she found it annoying but she never showed it.
I would try a reward system. I totally understand how frustrating it is to have your day start off on the wrong foot like that repeatedly. Maybe offer her an after school treat on Friday if she can get up on her own during the week.
I do think the new to middle school is part of it. Changes like that are just so exhausting! Hopefully as she settles in to her routine she will get better about getting up.
DD is similar, and she currently has multiple alarms set on her phone as kind of landmarks for the morning that are the absolute latest she can be doing whatever and still be on time for her 6:50 bus pickup. She is not at all a morning person, so someone going in and talking to her is really not helpful, it just stresses her out more.
I am planning to get her a Hatch alarm clock for Christmas, hoping the gentle wakeup features it has will help but who knows. It's definitely rough, MS kids' internal clocks are already not wired for early morning, and then add not being a morning person and it's really hard for DD to get moving in the morning. I know she'll be happy when she gets through these couple years of MS and has the later HS start time and a five minute walk to school instead of the bus ride.
Alarms only wake everyone else in the house up. We literally have to go in and spend 15 to 20 mins shaking him and eventually drag his legs off the bed. I had to have DH start doing it because he is just too big (5'9") and stronger than me now.
Its not like he is just being stubborn either. He will not remember anything I say during that wake up period.
Post by BillyJoelLover on Oct 18, 2021 7:11:37 GMT -5
Is she getting quality sleep? Does she have a phone she stays up with (that maybe you aren’t aware she’s doing?) My DS was doing this. He’d wait until everyone went to sleep and then stay up late watching YouTube. He’s 12. Now his cell phone has to charge in the kitchen, clear across the house. That alleviated the problem for us.
I'm just here to commiserate. DD is the same exact way and we chalk it up to just not being a morning person. I may try the reward system but I don't see it working with her. Her brother is the complete opposite and gets up as soon as you ask him to in the morning.
Post by lemoncupcake on Oct 18, 2021 7:38:28 GMT -5
I sympathize with her and you - I’m someone who has a hard time waking up and have a kid who is the same way. My other kid takes after her dad who can pop right out of bed, energetic and chatty. I have a hard time even waking up after sleeping in on the weekends so it’s not a function of too little sleep, I just have a hard time transitioning to all the way awake.
For myself, I like my hatch light with the sunrise feature. It also helps with bedtime routines if she ever has trouble falling asleep.
For an alarm I respond better to things that aren’t annoying beeps - talk radio or music is best. Something that engages a deeper part of my brain and helps me to mentally wake up.
Post by mrsukyankee on Oct 18, 2021 7:39:13 GMT -5
I'd ask her to come up with potential solutions, cause kids are really good at it sometimes. If there is one that both of you can live with, write it down as well as repercussions if she doesn't follow through. Feel free to give her some alternative solutions if she can't think of anything after 24 hours (like some of the above).
My middle schoolers use an alarm clock app that makes you do puzzle, math problems, or scan a qr code that you hang somewhere far away from your bed.
Mine use the math problem one. You have to do five problems in a row and you can set the difficulty. It stops ringing while you work on them but if you stop or are just putting nonsense numbers in, it starts buzzing again.
It's been shockingly effective for my kids and my son sounds just like your daughter. I didn't think it would work for him, I thought he'd just do the problems and go back to sleep.
The one we use is just a free one I found on the Google play store called Alarm clock for heavy sleepers.
How do you access this? Like is it something you buy that stands alone? Or does it have to be on a phone?
I'd ask her to come up with potential solutions, cause kids are really good at it sometimes. If there is one that both of you can live with, write it down as well as repercussions if she doesn't follow through. Feel free to give her some alternative solutions if she can't think of anything after 24 hours (like some of the above).
Yes we do talk about it. So far we are trying all of the things she has suggested (having Alexa tell her what she is doing, me turning on her light, etc).
We don’t currently have any repercussions so maybe will try that as well as a reward system.
Does she snore at all? My son has always been a really good sleeper too, but very difficult to wake up. When I mentioned his occasional snoring to his pedi she referred us to an ENT and it turns out he had sleep apnea. He had his tonsils and adenoids out and it was an immediate 180. He now gets up easily and in a good mood 99% of the time.
Is she getting quality sleep? Does she have a phone she stays up with (that maybe you aren’t aware she’s doing?) My DS was doing this. He’d wait until everyone went to sleep and then stay up late watching YouTube. He’s 12. Now his cell phone has to charge in the kitchen, clear across the house. That alleviated the problem for us.
She has a phone that she takes to school and gives back to me when she gets home. It stays with me in my room so she definitely doesn’t have it.
She is a really good and solid sleeper. I don’t think it’s that she has a lack of sleep as much as she just is hard to transition from asleep to awake.
Alarms only wake everyone else in the house up. We literally have to go in and spend 15 to 20 mins shaking him and eventually drag his legs off the bed. I had to have DH start doing it because he is just too big (5'9") and stronger than me now.
Its not like he is just being stubborn either. He will not remember anything I say during that wake up period.
I have zero advice, just commiseration.
Yes! This is our situation but I am just not as patient as You haha!
Do you have a plan for when he needs to be responsible for himself? Like how are these kids going to get themselves up for a job someday when we are not here for them?
Have you talked to her about this? Is there a root cause? Is she tired? Hates school? Just doesn’t want to get up? Does she stay awake through the night?
I’ve never been one to hit snooze so I don’t "get" it, but I know some people are just like that. I would suggest seeing if she has a suggestion. But you could try making her go to bed earlier and then put an alarm across the room so she has to physically get out of bed to snooze it.
I personally like to wake up gently so now I wake up with vibration from my Apple Watch, but I’m guessing that method might not work for her. But just another option to think of if "startling” to wake up isn’t working.
After someone on here mentioned a setting to gradually increase alarm sound I did try that because I hate being startled awake. It hasn’t helped so far ha!
She just is a really good and solid sleeper who takes a long time to transition from asleep to awake. It is true on the weekends, on vacation, in summer, etc. so it’s not specific to school.
Post by emilyinchile on Oct 18, 2021 8:02:07 GMT -5
I don't have any tips, but I was like this as a kid. It was SO hard for me to wake up, and then I'd be rushed and/or late to school which I hated, but the pull of sleep was just too strong for that to make a difference. Once I was out of bed I wouldn't get back in, so can you physically get her up and into the bathroom to get her started instead of just waking her up verbally? I'd definitely talk about it with her as to whether that could be an approach to try.
I will say that I grew out of it, by high school for sure I woke up with my alarm and got ready without the nagging, so hopefully in the next year or two at most the same will happen in your household.
I don't have any tips, but I was like this as a kid. It was SO hard for me to wake up, and then I'd be rushed and/or late to school which I hated, but the pull of sleep was just too strong for that to make a difference. Once I was out of bed I wouldn't get back in, so can you physically get her up and into the bathroom to get her started instead of just waking her up verbally? I'd definitely talk about it with her as to whether that could be an approach to try.
I will say that I grew out of it, by high school for sure I woke up with my alarm and got ready without the nagging, so hopefully in the next year or two at most the same will happen in your household.
Thank goodness! This is good to hear that you outgrew it.
I do get her out of bed. I come back in every few minutes. I have found her asleep on her floor half dressed, sitting on toilet back asleep, etc ha.
I love how you describe the pull of sleep. This is exactly what I feel like it is. She just is still being pulled into sleep and can’t get herself out!
Alarms only wake everyone else in the house up. We literally have to go in and spend 15 to 20 mins shaking him and eventually drag his legs off the bed. I had to have DH start doing it because he is just too big (5'9") and stronger than me now.
Its not like he is just being stubborn either. He will not remember anything I say during that wake up period.
I have zero advice, just commiseration.
Yes! This is our situation but I am just not as patient as You haha!
Do you have a plan for when he needs to be responsible for himself? Like how are these kids going to get themselves up for a job someday when we are not here for them?
I just hope his sleep patterns change as he slows down in growing as he gets closer to adulthood. Not much else I can do. I know some of his friends are similar and others wake easily. So we just do what we can in making sure he gets quality sleep and allow extra time to wake him up.
Post by notaregular on Oct 18, 2021 8:08:31 GMT -5
I too sympathize with you and her. I was the same way as a kid, and I still have a hell of a time getting up in the morning. I cringe when I remember the pitch of my mom's voice when she yelled my name for the 100th time downstairs.
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Oct 18, 2021 8:10:09 GMT -5
My son is similar sometimes (if he's still asleep when the alarm goes off he's hard to wake, but he does often wake naturally before his alarm and then gets up on his own easily, but there's no way to predict what kind of day it's going to bed) and always has been (and my younger dd wakes up with her alarm and gets ready without me asking 99% of the time). The only thing that makes it slightly smoother is if schedule time to go in and stay in his room with his light on and door open (for us, this means our dogs can come in and jump on him) and take the covers off and then stay there until he is physically up off the bed. It usually only takes about 5 minutes, and although I can't help thinking of all the other stuff I'd rather be doing when I'm standing there telling him over and over to get up, it actually saves time vs. just yelling at him or going in and saying get up and leaving over and over.
Have you looked at one of those sunrise clocks? Hatch is the pricey version that comes to mind, but I’m sure there are less costly options out there. Maybe gently brightening her room would help with her internal clock.
Honestly, the best I’ve come up with is minimizing everything that needs to happen in the morning so at least we just have the bare minimum to accomplish.
So, clothes are laid out (my mom picked my clothes out each day through 6th grade…), shoes are found, glasses/mask ready, lunch is packed, etc. so that all she has to do is get dressed, brush her teeth and hair, and grab her backpack and breakfast on the way out the door.
Dd is a bit younger (9) and has always been one to wake later. It’s just her circadian rhythm I guess. She was like this as a baby. It’s definitely worse when it gets light later so as much as I’m not looking forward to falling back, it will help with wake up a tiny bit at least.
Have you talked to her about this? Is there a root cause? Is she tired? Hates school? Just doesn’t want to get up? Does she stay awake through the night?
I’ve never been one to hit snooze so I don’t "get" it, but I know some people are just like that. I would suggest seeing if she has a suggestion. But you could try making her go to bed earlier and then put an alarm across the room so she has to physically get out of bed to snooze it.
I personally like to wake up gently so now I wake up with vibration from my Apple Watch, but I’m guessing that method might not work for her. But just another option to think of if "startling” to wake up isn’t working.
As someone whose circadian rhythms have never been in sync with working society - the why is simply my body does not work before 9am. Going to be earlier doesn’t help, I just lay in bed awake for hours. Yes, it can be hours. But that’s me, at 47. Teens and preteens are wired to be up later and sleep later. Why We Sleep is a great book about it.
anyway, on the vibration thing, that might be an option. My H has said his mom got him a vibrating alarm back in the 80s. It was marketed for deaf folks and sat under the mattress. It was the only way he would get up in jr high.
Post by sparkythelawyer on Oct 18, 2021 8:29:52 GMT -5
I think her circadian rhythms just don't align with everyone else's.
My kid is a night owl. My husband and I are both night owls. We jokingly tell everyone that the house of sparkythelawyer is not the morning shift. We are the night watch.
I will say, however, I might run this past her pedi, as she's getting a decent amount of sleep, maybe a quick round of labs to rule out anything would be a wise idea.
Is she getting quality sleep? Does she have a phone she stays up with (that maybe you aren’t aware she’s doing?) My DS was doing this. He’d wait until everyone went to sleep and then stay up late watching YouTube. He’s 12. Now his cell phone has to charge in the kitchen, clear across the house. That alleviated the problem for us.
She has a phone that she takes to school and gives back to me when she gets home. It stays with me in my room so she definitely doesn’t have it.
She is a really good and solid sleeper. I don’t think it’s that she has a lack of sleep as much as she just is hard to transition from asleep to awake.
I still might wonder about sleep apnea, so she's getting "a lot" of sleep, but maybe not the quality she needs.
Once she's up and moving, how is she? Is her energy level ok?