I'm starting to think this was all a mistake. We're having massive power struggles and now he won't even sit on the potty. It's been one accident after another and I think he doesn't give a shit anymore.
Yesterday we had 1 pee in the potty. One! And today just one.
:::sob:::
I desperately want to give up for a few weeks. I know Oh Crap says not to, but OMG.
icedcoffee I'm so sorry about the COVID closure (luckily our preschool is no longer closing whole classrooms for COVID!) and the PT challenges. I usually advise people that if their kid isn't close to 3, it's worth waiting another few months. I see he's only a couple months from turning 3, so I would probably stay the course. I know it really really sucks!
icedcoffee, ugh, that sounds rough! How old is he again? We tried to potty train DD2 at 2y9m and it didn't work. We gave up (granted pretty quickly, you have been in it for a while!) and went back to diapers. We tried again at 3y3m and she was *stubborn* for 2 full days, but she got it by day 3. I almost gave up the second time too but didn't. It was rough though. We did the 3 day method with DD1 and it was hard, but she wasn't as stubborn as DD2 (more scared).
icedcoffee, I think to proceed you have to have forward progress. DS had a regression because he was sick and he just refused. After he got better, we tried again. It's OK to take a break if you have to.
We go to the point of 2 accidents a day, and then 1 accident a day, then 2 a week, then 1 a week, then 1 accident every other week and so on.
But if you aren't seeing the progression then I don't know what to say. I read it a book somewhere that if you were hitting that 60-75% rate that you were doing OK, but if you aren't even hitting the 10-20% rate, then it might not be working.
Thanks sdlaura, noodleoo, and waverly. He's 2 years 9 months. We've been at it for almost a full week at this point so I am really hesitant to turn back. He was doing so well this weekend and it's like something clicked and now he is just being a poop head.
I know he has made progress in some (very small lol) ways. One of which is when we started he was dribbling EVERYWHERE. And he doesn't do that anymore. Now it's legit full sized accidents. So I know he has changed his bladder control. So that's good I guess, but OMG. Stop it.
Yesterday I tried to back way off on the pressure and that didn't work at all. So today more reminders and that's not working either.
Another reason I am hesitant to pull the plug is he is home until Tuesday and we legit have like no plans until then. That's like potty training dream and basically never happens. This time off will not happen again for a very long time (we hope LOL).
DS had his 3 yo well visit this morning and the pedi was almost sort of shaming me for him not being PTed yet. She declared that he had the ability and was just being lazy, since he doesn't like being wet/etc. She also leaned on the environmental impact of diapers. She's not wrong, especially about the latter, but she asked if we had underwear for him and I said yes, and she was like, then this weekend! Oy. No. I need to mentally prepare. She said she PTed one of her kids at 17m. Yay I guess? She is probably my least fav doc in the practice, and now I remember why.
DS had his 3 yo well visit this morning and the pedi was almost sort of shaming me for him not being PTed yet. She declared that he had the ability and was just being lazy, since he doesn't like being wet/etc. She also leaned on the environmental impact of diapers. She's not wrong, especially about the latter, but she asked if we had underwear for him and I said yes, and she was like, then this weekend! Oy. No. I need to mentally prepare. She said she PTed one of her kids at 17m. Yay I guess? She is probably my least fav doc in the practice, and now I remember why.
Tell her all the laundry I've done in the past week is not good for the environment either. LOL
PTing is my least favorite parental task. If I could hire a consultant to come and do it for me I would.
Also 17m? My almost 3yo can barely pull his pants down. Haha.
icedcoffee, since you think it's a power struggle, maybe you should experiment to find the right motivation. A trip to the park if there are no accidents in X hours. Maybe a high value reward would help the the power struggle.
icedcoffee , since you think it's a power struggle, maybe you should experiment to find the right motivation. A trip to the park if there are no accidents in X hours. Maybe a high value reward would help the the power struggle.
Good point. He was responding pretty well when we had a potty chart. Maybe I'll bring one back. I didn't think it helped that much, but in hindsight things were better when we had it. Thanks!
Susie , OMG I'm rolling my eyes *SO* hard at that doctor. Potty training is by far one of the hardest parenting things we've done (so far...). It is awful! PTing at 17 months is so over the top and I hate when people discount that all children are different and just because something worked for *you* doesn't mean it will work for everyone. I also had to be in the right frame of mind to take on the challenge of PTing. We actually PTed DD2 later than DD1 because 1) we knew how hard it was and 2) she is way more stubborn than DD1 was!
icedcoffee , if you have the time at home, I'd probably try to push through. The power struggle is tough, we dealt with that with DD2. I can't remember what worked, but I know we had to bribe. I think we used gummy bears or some small cookies for sitting on the potty and trying. Is he still naked or have you gone back to pants yet? My kids were much more likely to have accidents with pants/underwear on so we did naked time for a LONG time. We started with the potty seat and put it in the middle of the living room so we could plop her on it quickly once she started peeing. My friend did a basket of wrapped toys and I think kid got one for each successful poop. And then after a week of no accidents got a really big toy as a reward.
noodleoo , We're still naked. Pants were a disaster. We had the potty seat in the playroom and slowly moved it away as I could tell he did better with privacy but now with all the accidents it's back in the playroom.
He already "won" a few rewards this weekend and then this week we moved to 1 M&M per win but maybe we need something better.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
We did mini M&M’s for going in the potty. It was easy to phase out once they got it. School discouraged pull-ups or going back once we got started so that was super helpful as they were so willing to help continue at school. Also my boys and girl loved the Alona Frankel book, she has one for girls/one for boys and Potty by Leslie Patricelli.
So it's been about 2.5 weeks since we embarked on this journey. Things were ok the weekend we trained, horrible the following 5 days when daycare was closed, better the week daycare opened and terrible this weekend. We're having so many power struggles. I know he is physically ready because for example yesterday we were all out at the pool. I had him bottomless with the potty a couple feet away and he walked into the covered patio where he was all alone, sat down on a cushioned chair and peed. Like...that was intentional. For sure. Asshole.
Daycare said he was starting to be defiant and recommended a potty watch so we're trying that today.
ANYWAY--my question. We're going on a small beach trip this weekend and staying in a rental house. I really want to to just all enjoy it and not have a weekend of power struggles. And also--I CANNOT have him peeing on any couches or rugs there. I'm thinking of having him in a pullup Friday to Monday. Call them our vacation underwear and we do not pee in them. Is this a mistake?
Maybe the break will even reset our power struggles.
icedcoffee take a break during your vacation! Don't give it a second thought!
My BFF PTed her DD right before a beach vacation and did SO.MUCH.LAUNDRY and had to clean the floor/carpet/cushions on vacation because of the accidents. She had a miserable vacation. Don't be her.
I’d use a pull-up for vacation. You can layer undies under the pull up so they still feel wet. Maybe also implement a rewards system (this could be only for on vacation or bigger rewards the first week on vacation depending on if you want to continue it at home or not).
I think that sounds fine. Maybe the pull ups that give a cold sensation?
We went to Disney for a long weekend with my potty trained toddler, but she hates public toilets and won’t use them. So we just used a pull up for a few days while flying and out and about. Worked out fine.
I know everyone is saying to keep going, but I trained ds1 around his 3rd bday and he did ok for a week or two and then just absolutely refused and peed everywhere. Like, looked at me and smiled while peeing all over the couch. I was 8 months pregnant and I just could not have the power struggle or physically deal with it so I said fuck it and put him back in diapers.
3 months later he did it totally on his own in a day. Every kid is different. I waited until ds2 was almost 3.5 to train him and he did it pretty easily too.
Post by icedcoffee on Jul 19, 2022 14:39:50 GMT -5
It's me again!! I'm losing my mind. We went to pull ups before we went to the beach. He seemed happy about it. Daycare was happy. We had a nice weekend. We got home and the next few weeks were busy so we stuck with them. As suspected, he treats them like diapers and has essentially not gone on the potty in a month. Fine. Except he pulls off his diaper every nap and bedtime and pees everywhere. I keep asking him if he wants to potty train again and no he doesn't.
Life is slowing down now so I'm happy to restart potty training, but he is not interested AT ALL.
WTF do I do? Like..I'm fine with diapers but PLEASE for the love of god stop taking them off and peeing everywhere. It's gross, weird and annoying.
icedcoffee, I think you have to stay in there during nap time and address it when you see it. Several ways to address it depending on how you want it to go. 1. You leave that diaper on- when he tries to take it off. 2. Facilitate the removal of the diaper and move to a little potty to pee or facilitate to the regular toilet.
PT was the nail in the coffin for any remaining dregs of some semblance of a nap time. DS would poop as soon as I left him alone in his crib and then smear his poop everywhere. It was terrible. It was a phase that felt like it lasted forever. #nothelpful
It's me again!! I'm losing my mind. We went to pull ups before we went to the beach. He seemed happy about it. Daycare was happy. We had a nice weekend. We got home and the next few weeks were busy so we stuck with them. As suspected, he treats them like diapers and has essentially not gone on the potty in a month. Fine. Except he pulls off his diaper every nap and bedtime and pees everywhere. I keep asking him if he wants to potty train again and no he doesn't.
Life is slowing down now so I'm happy to restart potty training, but he is not interested AT ALL.
WTF do I do? Like..I'm fine with diapers but PLEASE for the love of god stop taking them off and peeing everywhere. It's gross, weird and annoying.
Advice?
What size is he in clothes now? DD went through a phase of this, but with pooping, and it nearly killed me. We tried double diapers. Taping diapers. Backwards diapers. One piece jammies. Backwards one piece jammies.
The thing that finally worked was backwards one piece jammies with a t-shirt over top.
That approach will be limited by the availability of one piece jammies in his size, but could work if he's like 4T, maybe 5T or smaller.