Advice- Daycare vs Nanny??

[wanderingback]

Update at the end


Things are moving right along, so I guess I should start thinking ahead/planning a few things to have a child!

Right now I work Mon-Thurs with pretty set hours till 5ish and then per diem Fri and Sat where I can make my own hours monthly but when I’m at that job I could get stuck there after 6 with little ability to leave. My partner is self-employed and often works from home so a little more "flexible" but he is sometimes out of town and he can sometimes have to work in the evenings/at night and I don’t want to have the expectation that he has to always take on the burden of childcare/emergencies. We def need full time child care.

My parents live a few hour drive away, so can’t be counted on for emergency child care. I do have a couple local family members and closer friends that I think I could call in a pinch for an emergency.

So anyway, thoughts on daycare vs a nanny? My partner and I talked and I’m researching day care options and he is going to research nanny options and then we’re gonna talk about it. I hope/plan to take off about 4.5 to 5 months leave, then I think my partner and/or mom can watch the baby for a month, so then we’d start needing childcare at 6 months.

Daycare seems more stable, but less flexible if I need to work late, while a nanny seems more flexible but what happens if a nanny is sick for a week??
*Lets pretend that money is not an object and can afford either option.

Thank you!

ETA: sorry if my post wasn’t very clear. We would never really need childcare on Saturdays and maybe only occasionally on Fridays. My shifts on Fri and Sat are totally up to me and I can do none or however many I want. I know with daycare I’d prob have to pay for Mon - Friday anyway. So really we need Mon - Fri full time care. And even on the days I don’t work on Fridays I have other projects/organzations I work with and I write articles for stories and do interviews, etc, so would still be working. But that’s all flexible as well and I know I’ll likely cut back on some if that.

[lemoncupcake]

The M-Th seems like it could easily be solved for through daycare. Friday & Saturday is going to be tougher. How many of those shifts do you do monthly?

[scm1011]

We've always done daycare for the stability, regulation, and socialization. One thing I will note with nannies is that turnover seems HIGH, at least in my area. I have many friends that have nannies for flexibility reasons, but it seems like one of them is always mid-nanny crisis because of unreliability, or quitting after 6-12 months, or not a good fit, sickness, etc. It seems so stressful to me.

I recognize daycare isn't super helpful for the per diem job - is that something you really want/need to continue? Can you get a standing Friday evening sitter that is paid regardless of whether you need the post 6pm hours or not and then maybe not do Saturdays? Even with a nanny, you're probably looking at 2 different people if you want all 6 days covered.

[mswax]

A few thoughts, from someone who's kids are older, but still need care.

We do "organized care" after school for my youngest, as he needs the structure it offers. However, we also need help in the evenings with kid transportation for activities that conflict with work schedules. For this, we employ someone else...we use high school kids, but you may want a more seasoned babysitter/nanny for the "after hours" time. Maybe you could do both daycare AND a nanny, promising X # of hours/week to the nanny and arranging on a weekly or monthly basis when those are?

In the times of covid, I'm not sure daycare is really more stable than a nanny, with exposure quarantines, staffing shortages (quarantines), etc, so this solution may make you more resilient to those things as well.

Good luck! Navigating this stuff is so hard.

[AdaraMarie]

I preferred daycare center to any other options because they have more redudancy if a provider is out for sick/vacation and because there are people watching the people watching the kid. I also liked that I knew where my kid was going to be - no getting in someone's car (I know at least 1 person who had a bad experience with a daycare provider and a car).
If you are considering a center you may want to get on a waiting list asap depending on demand in your area.
I have never had a nanny, partly due to costs, but my friends here who have had them seem to struggle to find a good one/go through a couple before settling. They also tend to do nanny share with another family to bring down costs but that is another big aspect of coordination regarding expectations, where care will be provided, cost etc. I think they also do nanny share in part because of difficulty finding a spot in a daycare for little kids.

[noodleoo]

I think you’re going to need both, daycare for Mon-Fri and a nanny for evenings/weekends. Are you planning to continue the Fri/Sat job? With your partner working evenings and traveling, that sounds like a lot to juggle with an infant unless you have a lot of backup care.

[momin2013]

I agree with PP, I think you're going to need both. Mon-Thu in daycare should be no problem (I would get on a wait list like now), but daycare won't work for the weekend time slots. I'm not an expert on nannies, but I'm wondering if a nanny share would work best, since you'd only be looking for care on weekends.

[gerberdaisy]

We always used daycare, was better for us cost wise and fit our needs hour-wise.

My SIL has a nanny and couldn't really do anything else. They are both doctors, and don't have back up care for when the kids are home sick, she has late nights, or rounds on weekends. They've been lucky with having great, reliable nannies.

[sdlaura]

Sorry for the long post - I have a lot of thoughts on this topic since I have four kids under 10 We have always gone the daycare route for the past 10 years that we've had kids and both worked full-time. For under age 3, we've used licensed in-home daycares in our neighborhood (one woman for our two older kids who then retired, and then another woman for our two younger kids). I like that it's like going to grandma's house (but my mom was never interested in doing full-time childcare, even if she had lived close). There's the social interaction with a few other kids, but not a ton of germs/very strict policies. It's also wonderful to walk our kids to and from daycare around the block.

The two women we have used have been doing in-home daycare for years, so they have immune systems of steel and are very reliable, so I think we've had fewer scrambles than we would with a nanny. I also like that these are women who live in our neighborhood and are in a similar socioeconomic situation as us/run their own businesses. With larger daycares and preschools, as well as with nannies, I have felt kind of uncomfortable with the big gap in our socioeconomic situations between me and the caretakers. I didn't like the feeling of this amazing person rocking my baby to sleep for nap everyday not being able to afford a car to get to work. And when that person worked for a daycare, there wasn't much that I personally could do about that.

It can be hard to find a spot in a good in-home daycare. Our YMCA has a referral service, but you have to do a lot of calling around. We move our kids to a larger full-time preschool (the YMCA) at age 3.

Another reason we haven't gone the nanny route is because I don't want to deal with managing an employee and thinking about taxes and health insurance, etc. I think there are a lot of pros and cons to any childcare situation, though, and you're smart to think about it now. One thing to remember is that you can always switch. We used a larger daycare center for my third child from 4-6 months and then moved to an in-home. While a preschooler might get super attached and have a hard time adjusting to a new routine, babies are usually pretty resilient if you decide to switch childcare situations after a few months, or however long.

ETA - I also travel for work, so we've also always had a couple of babysitters that we use frequently as well. I have recently found the Urban Sitter app/service and it has worked great for us to find regular, experienced and reliable sitters. An in-home daycare provider may have some flexibility to watch your child outside of normal hours if you work out an arrangement, or you may be able to hire daycare workers as babysitters outside of normal hours if you go the larger daycare route.

[secretagent]

I know you said not to worry about the money in this post, but where I live nannies are WAY more expensive than daycare (which isn't cheap) until you get to 2.5 (lol) kids.

We had 4 under 5 at one point and THAT was obscene in daycare but it was "only" 6 months (and put us way into the red) and made logistical sense at the time (don't get me wrong, I would have PREFERRED a nanny, but for spot-saving reasons, it didn't make sense). Anyway, with all these under 5 kids, the main reason we stuck with daycare is our center had a full preschool curriculum and I couldn't figure out the logistics of PT preschool + nanny (and we wanted the kids in a group environment at least part time from 2 up). Nannies can be really hard to find and keep, and daycare centers are fairly stable, and ours was only closed a handful of holidays a year and open 7-6:30.

So, long story, short, team Daycare, and I would look for a couple of stable babysitters for the times you need weekend care.

[UMaineTeach]

I vote daycare and a reliable paid caregiver for Friday and Saturday ,especially since you can plan ahead for the weeks you need.

[wanderingback]

Jun 13, 2022 13:57:38 GMT -5 lemoncupcake said:

The M-Th seems like it could easily be solved for through daycare. Friday & Saturday is going to be tougher. How many of those shifts do you do monthly?

It really is totally up to me. Right now I do anywhere between 3-5 per month. The money is nice and I enjoy the work so I want to keep doing them but I obviously know life after kids change. Minimum I’ll do at least 1 shift a month, but would hope to get back up to more. We likely wouldn’t need care on Saturdays as if my partner had a project to work that day then I just wouldn’t work. And if it’s a week or more in advance I can typically switch with someone or just tell them I can’t work, there’s a large pool of people available to work.

[wanderingback]

Jun 13, 2022 14:04:21 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

We've always done daycare for the stability, regulation, and socialization. One thing I will note with nannies is that turnover seems HIGH, at least in my area. I have many friends that have nannies for flexibility reasons, but it seems like one of them is always mid-nanny crisis because of unreliability, or quitting after 6-12 months, or not a good fit, sickness, etc. It seems so stressful to me.

I recognize daycare isn't super helpful for the per diem job - is that something you really want/need to continue? Can you get a standing Friday evening sitter that is paid regardless of whether you need the post 6pm hours or not and then maybe not do Saturdays? Even with a nanny, you're probably looking at 2 different people if you want all 6 days covered.

I edited my post to make it more clear. We don’t need care on Saturdays. Only Mon - Thurs and Mon - Fri some weeks.

[wanderingback]

Jun 13, 2022 14:13:30 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

I think you’re going to need both, daycare for Mon-Fri and a nanny for evenings/weekends. Are you planning to continue the Fri/Sat job? With your partner working evenings and traveling, that sounds like a lot to juggle with an infant unless you have a lot of backup care.

I edited my OP to be more clear
Would only need Mon - Thurs care for sure and then Fridays as needed. Wouldn’t need Saturdays. My schedule is totally up to me so will see how things go and start with adding back 1 shift per month and then go from there.

[lemoncupcake]

Jun 13, 2022 15:04:14 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Jun 13, 2022 13:57:38 GMT -5 lemoncupcake said:

The M-Th seems like it could easily be solved for through daycare. Friday & Saturday is going to be tougher. How many of those shifts do you do monthly?

It really is totally up to me. Right now I do anywhere between 3-5 per month. The money is nice and I enjoy the work so I want to keep doing them but I obviously know life after kids change. Minimum I’ll do at least 1 shift a month, but would hope to get back up to more. We likely wouldn’t need care on Saturdays as if my partner had a project to work that day then I just wouldn’t work. And if it’s a week or more in advance I can typically switch with someone or just tell them I can’t work, there’s a large pool of people available to work.

Then it sounds like daycare could be a good fit for you - and you can choose Friday/Saturday shifts ahead of time as your partner is available or you have alternative arrangements.

There are for sure downsides to daycare, but in general it has been a really safe, reliable and steady way for our family to care for our kids while we work.

[hermione]

With your updates, I think you can make a daycare work. If Fridays at 6 are tricky, can you/your partner just rotate them and you don't work the ones that are yours? So every other?

Our rule is if it is our day to pick up, we are responsible for figuring it out if the other person cannot easily do it. Whether that means calling family, a friend or leaving work. So, if my husband was supposed to get her today and all of a sudden could not, he would ask me. If I could not easily do it, he figures it out. Same for me if it is my day.

[melmaria]

We have a nanny because we both travel for work/need to stay late occasionally and we like having the flexibility. We pay a premium for it (although now that we have 2 kids it’s a much closer comparison to what daycare for 2 would cost) but for us it’s been worth it.

Pros:
- Nanny comes to our house, we save a lot of time and hassle on not doing daycare dropoff/pickup.
- She does other things that make our lives easier (all kid laundry/changing of linens, toy and clothing reorganization/rotation, emptying of dishwasher every morning, researching and planning kid stuff, etc.)
- One on one care, especially in the early/infant days, is a big plus. Avoidance of all the daycare germs, at least early on (because your kid WILL get them eventually, whether it’s daycare, preschool, or kindergarten lol).
- Our nanny truly feels like a member of our family. She’s wonderful and she's like a third grandma to my DDs.
- I think both of my kids get a lot more outdoor time than they would in daycare (at least during good weather).  Our nanny takes them on a morning outing every day and they often go to the park/playground for a good chunk of the morning, etc.

Cons:
- Usually more expensive
- You have to manage an employee (I don’t mind doing this but some people do) and deal with all of the taxes/insurance assuming you’re paying legally (which is a hassle to set up but if you use a payroll system it’s easy after that)
- You need backup care for your nanny’s paid vacation/sick days (standard in my area is 2 weeks paid vacation, one week of which must be during the employer’s scheduled vacation, plus paid holidays and sick days).  My employer offers a certain number of days per year of backup daycare as a benefit, though I've never had to use it.
- I’ve personally had fantastic luck with nanny retention, but I know it is an issue for some. We specifically looked for candidates with 10+ years of experience who had stayed with their family for many years and the family had aged out of needing care (in other words, a “career nanny”). Our current nanny plans to be with us until my youngest is ready for kindergarten and she was with both of her previous families for 4-7 years.

[sent]

My youngest is 4 years old and I am still scarred by the horrible nanny I had for him when he was tiny. I contacted references and everything and had no way to know ahead of time how unreliable she would become once she got comfortable. It was so stressful for those 3 short months. Team daycare all the way. I should have started him sooner than 6 months but I kept hearing "nanny nanny nanny" around me so much that somehow I thought I needed that. If the weekend job is flexible as to when you set your schedule, then in this situation I'd plan ahead so my spouse is home on the weekends I have to work. It's been 6 years that I've been working "1 weekend a month" and once in a while I still screw up my weekend schedule. Recently he went on his first post-COVID solo trip and was returning on the same Sunday afternoon I had to be at work by 8 am. I end up having to rely on my parents for backup when I goof but thankfully situations like that are rare and if they're around, they're happy to do it.

[gerberdaisy]

With your update, I would do daycare. Try to find the ones with the best hours and maybe a get a good relationship with a babysitter that could do pick ups if you work late or cover sick days.

[gretchenindisguise]

We did in home daycare from 8 weeks to 2-3years and then switched to preschool.

It was great for us and we never had an issue with the provider being sick. They have really built up immune systems of steal.

The first one I found by requesting a list of licensed in home providers from the state, cold calling them and meeting them. We met several and immediately felt comfortable with the woman we went with. Even though we moved across the country we still keep in touch.

The second one was through word of mouth, our friends had both of her kids with her. She was also great and is also still a friend - as is her mother who helped out for a year or so.

[Susie]

I've had at least one daycare age child for the past 6.5 years, and have used a daycare center for all of it, for all the reasons scm1011 mentioned. I don't have any family support to help out with gaps between different nannies' tenures or their PTO, and I don't know a single professional in my city/region who has successfully hired a long term nanny.  I know a bunch who have tried, and either keep trying because they have the family support to weather the gaps, or they give up and switch into daycare.

Among my dual career couple friends, the ones who are most successful at this working parent thing, are the ones with grandparents who watch the kids.  They're more reliable and longer term than nannies, the kids have less germ exposure so fewer illnesses, and exclusions from care aren't a thing.  But if you don't have it, you don't have it.  Plus, anecdotally, those kids seem to have rougher kindergarten years from an illness perspective than kids who went to daycare, so that's something you put off, but don't so much avoid.

My local observation is that the childcare industry as a whole, including both daycare staff and nannies, has really high turnover.  Every time we get a parent update that so-and-so is leaving our daycare center, I think, omg, thank god it's not on me to find and vet a replacement AGAIN. It seems like half the teachers at our center have been there for like 5-20 years, and the other half is a rotating cast of teachers who are kind and certified and vetted, but are only there for mere months.  There's not much in between. It seems relatively rare for teachers to stay for the range of >6 mo., <5y, which is exactly the zone I'd want to hire a nanny for.

We do struggle a lot with daycare, and I feel like I catch a lot of criticism for continuing to rely on it, vs. "just hiring a nanny."  We KOKO because it does still feel like the best option.  We've been through a rough stretch recently where I feel like I just can't catch a break with illnesses and quarantines, and that is a major problem with daycare.  The last time I put together 5 straight weekdays of childcare was the last week of April.  This has been a uniquely and acutely bad period for us.  On the plus side, at least I know he'll have care to go back to.  I can't imagine how stressful it would be to add nanny resume review/interviewing to my plate during periods where I'm without care.

In the past, daycare has worked much better.  As my career has ramped up, we seem to need "daycare plus" some additional care.  I don't think there's any getting around needing some level of redundancy at this point.

[waverly]

Schedule: Daycare around here is open 6 am-6:30 pm. When I moved to the preschool daycare those hours were 6:30-6pm, so definitely doable unless you are working late. If you can reliably get your child by 6 or 6:30, then daycare is a great option.

The major con for daycare is illnesses.

Nanny- Our nanny was very reliable so that wasn't an issue. She worked for us from June 2020-Feb 2021 until the kids went back to school full time. She was our date night sitter before the pandemic and lost her job during the pandemic. I worked from home on Fridays (light day) to provide the other day of care. When she was sick for a week, I called off work or DH and I tag teamed it. This might be an opportunity to find an "emergency care sitter" like maybe your parents could come in for a few days when the nanny is ill.

We had a great experience with both. Ultimately a nanny would have been easier in the first year, but if we had someone who was unreliable it would have been harder.  And Covid throws a wrench into it.  I would do what you are doing and tour daycare centers, get on waitlists, and see what is out there nanny wise.

We were lucky that our nanny fell into our laps literally because she had lost her job and we needed childcare.  And we knew her from before.  But if those card were not in play, I might suggest a nanny agency who looks more for career nannies.  They are $$$$, but if people are having trouble with nannies flaking out, they might have a better vetting system and sign contracts for a year or something like that, and help you find replacement. I haven't personally done this, but our lawyer friend did.

[penguingrrl]

I would probably opt for a daycare center in your situation as I’ve heard a lot of less ideal nanny situations. Is it possible to line up a sitter for Friday pick ups for when you need it? When H was in grad school I found a gig picking a kid up from daycare once a week because both parents had to work late those nights. I walked a few blocks from my apartment to daycare, walked the kid home, fed him dinner and got him playing or to bed until his parents got home (both were professors who had ended up with a late class the same night). It was cheap for them and a touch of extra money for us when times were very lean.

[cricketwife]

A nanny was never an option for us so I don’t have much to offer there. However, if you aren’t already on waiting lists at centers, I think you may need a nanny for the gap between when you go back to work and when you get a spot. Waitlists here are long, especially for infants.

[brooke77]

I would do daycare over a nanny. You may not be able to get Mon-Thursday, so just be prepared to pay for a full week. At my daycare, you could opt for Mon-Fri/Mon.Wed.Fri/Tu.Th. I paid for full time daycare even though my DS only went Monday through Thursday. When he was older, it was nice to occasionally drop him off and take the day to myself on Fridays. I worked Mon-Thurs.

My daycare had great hours, was highly regulated, and was nearly always open. A nanny would have cost twice as much and my friends had horror stories about retaining nanny’s.

We did daycare until age 3 when we opted for preschool. I miss the convenience of daycare!!

[jamaicam]

I had a nanny for 5 months to 4.5 years for both my kids. I know the culture in the Caribbean is very different but that is what nearly all of my professional friends did. I loved it for the flexibility if we got stuck late at work; the other things she did (like washing their clothes, cooking their food and tidying up). I was lucky as she had worked for someone I knew before so was highly recommended and we knew she was reliable. We planned vacations ages in advance so we could always figure out back up care.

She was with us for nearly 5 years in total, when DS1 went to preschool, DS2 was ready for her! so he did preschool in the morning and then she had both of them in the afternoons.

[pandorica]

I think pre-covid, I would definitely say daycare. Covid has definitely been rough with constant, never ending quarantines. However, I really enjoy the socialization aspect of it! I think it's good for kids. If your weekday hours are pretty standard then I think daycare could be a good option. I'd start getting on wait lists now though.

However, with twins on the way we're looking into a nanny and I'm not looking forward to it at all!! It seems exhausting to find/manage an employee, and after reading this thread I'm really worried about retention...

[thebreakfastclub]

I think I'd do 5 days of daycare, because you generally can only pick 2, 3, or 5 days in my experience.

I'd get 2 regular sitters in rotation for after hours or possibly sick coverage.

My son went to daycare full time until he started K and was only out sick once, so I hope you're just as lucky!

Eta: you may also find some of the daycare teachers are willing to babysit too.

[wanderingback]

Jun 13, 2022 17:16:26 GMT -5 cricketwife said:

A nanny was never an option for us so I don’t have much to offer there. However, if you aren’t already on waiting lists at centers, I think you may need a nanny for the gap between when you go back to work and when you get a spot. Waitlists here are long, especially for infants.

Yeah that part sucks I’m hoping that since it’s about a year away since we won’t need anything for the first 6 months we can at least find something if we decide to go with daycare. Crossing fingers!

[ellipses84]

People have lots of great advice. It’s probably still more expensive than daycare but you could consider a Nannyshare. Parents get a discount and the Nanny makes more money per hour. The kids get socialization without as many germs and you can agree on days / locations to host the nanny and kids. If you join an existing one you can feel more confident about the nanny’s experience and reliability, and it takes out some of the learning curve of hiring a nanny on your own. I’ve heard of many people doing this for part-time care or one kid is full time and the other is part time, maybe they have older siblings in school the nanny picks up and watches for a short time. You’ll want to interview the other parents and the nanny to make sure everyone is a good fit and check past references (like does the nanny drive the kids places and are you ok with that, is their house clean and childproof?, etc.). Similarly you could hire a nanny mom who brings their own kid/s.

We had great experiences with home daycares and daycare centers. We moved a lot so the kids went to different types as infants. It’s truly something you need to go with your gut on when you meet the provider and tour the location. If we could have afforded it, I might have done the nanny route for the first year or two, but I was worried about reliability. A nanny is more expensive in my area, especially if you want a true professional but a lot of people do it because there are very limited options until kids turn 2. For your situation, you may need 2 part-time Nannies, since many only work 30-40 hours per week. Some aren’t flexible for last minute schedules unless you guarantee pay for that time, so make sure to make your needs clear up front.

I know a lot of people who do daycare with a flexible backup sitter who can do pickup. For the cheaper cost of daycare you can pay for 5 days but keep them home for a day when you want to.

Our first home daycare had 2 adults and 2 backups (and they never used a backup without planning because they had very strong immune systems from doing it so long). They did take a planned 2 weeks vacation and we usually tried to plan our vacations at the same time or fly my mom down, but sometimes we scrambled for care or had to take time off. The home daycare that only had one adult sometimes had to take off for last minute Dr appts.