Post by cricketwife on Jun 15, 2022 9:18:26 GMT -5
We’ve struggled in the allowance area. We’ve done allowances (I think before they were really old enough, dropped it, started again, dropped it). Currently, we haven’t been doing allowance but I don’t really think it’s fair. I think my kids need practice with money they are 8 and 5. But I don’t want my house full of crap! I have recently gone through a major declutter and I mean major. I’m not counting furniture (which we did get rid of some), but of everything else, I’d say we got rid of about 40-50%. My kids, even my 8 year old, are toys kids. They will spend money on stuff, stuff, stuff. In fact, especially the 8 yo will buy any old crap. I don’t want $5 worth of crap entering my house weekly, but I know I need to get over this. What do other people do? I’m not sure if a “one in, one out” rule is really fair to a kid? In my ideal world, my kids would get allowance and use it for ice creams and things like that in the summer. Or, they would save for a bigger purchase. But no, they buy crap at Target with it, $5 at a time.
My youngest sometimes buys toys with his money. A lot of times he buys candy or some to big consumable. He’s allowed to buy v bucks in fortnite sometimes (only once a month because he was irritating with the constant asking so it had to have rules around it) which’s doesn’t bring anything into the house. Mostly I think you have to just “get over it.” But, also regularly purge stuff that doesn’t get used or is broken or whatever.
As they get older, IME, they start using it to go out with friends and they use it less and less to buy annoying things. Although, my 13 year old used her money to buys a small trampoline that she keeps in her room and that does take up a lot of room. It’s win some lose some I guess.
What has helped with us is selling old/unused toys and games and letting C keep the money. As long as he received it for a gift or bought it himself, it’s his, and he can keep the $$$.
If we bought it (especially big-ticket items) outside of a gift scenario, then we keep the money. This mostly applies to stuff like bikes and sporting goods, so it generally just gets turned around into a larger size or something.
It’s amazing how much he decides to purge when he knows he gets to keep the money. Also, he’s more likely to take care of his things and keep game pieces together knowing that it’s easier to sell items that are complete and in good condition.
We make them wait a week to see if they still want it. If they do, that’s fine. But I also do quarterly decluttering and am not afraid to donate stuff that they haven’t touched in months.
It does seem so wasteful to buy junk though. I’ve been trying to actively have those conversations with DD that x toy may not hold up, etc.
We actually have a bigger problem with my in-laws. They buy them all the toys and I have no idea how to get that under control.
Can you empty a drawer and have that be their crap keeping drawer? When it’s full it’s full and no more until they get rid of some?
This is what we do with my 9 yo’s collection of pop it’s, squishees, etc. She can’t get more until she gets rid of some and it all must fit in the drawer.
What has helped with us is selling old/unused toys and games and letting C keep the money. As long as he received it for a gift or bought it himself, it’s his, and he can keep the $$$.
If we bought it (especially big-ticket items) outside of a gift scenario, then we keep the money. This mostly applies to stuff like bikes and sporting goods, so it generally just gets turned around into a larger size or something.
It’s amazing how much he decides to purge when he knows he gets to keep the money. Also, he’s more likely to take care of his things and keep game pieces together knowing that it’s easier to sell items that are complete and in good condition.
We do this already. He’s actually very good at purging stuff he doesn’t use. I guess he hasn’t made the connection that if he saves for a big ticket item, he’ll get more back in resale than all the junky trinkets that be trashed because no one wants to buy them.
Can you empty a drawer and have that be their crap keeping drawer? When it’s full it’s full and no more until they get rid of some?
This is what we do with my 9 yo’s collection of pop it’s, squishees, etc. She can’t get more until she gets rid of some and it all must fit in the drawer.
We have a box like this, it’s just that it’s full, so it doesn’t because basically a one in, one out, which I guess is ok at his age... OTOH, I’m trying not to be unreasonable, OTOH, I’m realizing I’m not willing to be particularly flexible regarding crap.
I want to do a closet clean up anyway, so may we will do that this weekend. I’ll remind him where he can keep stuff, and then reinstate allowances.
We make them wait a week to see if they still want it. If they do, that’s fine. But I also do quarterly decluttering and am not afraid to donate stuff that they haven’t touched in months.
It does seem so wasteful to buy junk though. I’ve been trying to actively have those conversations with DD that x toy may not hold up, etc.
We actually have a bigger problem with my in-laws. They buy them all the toys and I have no idea how to get that under control.
I love this idea. I’ve suggested it before, but haven’t required it, so they don’t do it. I have a hard time with making rules about spending vs lettting them learn and make their own mistakes. But this seems good. It’s teaching them a good habit, something we do with our own money.
I don't allow them to buy crap with their allowance at least not the $5 at Target weekly. Now, DD did buy some stuffies at the camp Trading post, but that is a 1-2 times a year thing not a weekly thing. Typically she spends her money at the concession stand (very food driven). They also use their allowance at the school book sale. So yes, there will be some crap but not weekly.
Some parents do a X saving, X charity, and X spending. I'm not that structured but you can certainly do something like that to further teach some of those savings skills as well as charity/ community/ thinking of others skills.
This is more because I am a slacker that doesn't carry cash and doesn't go to the ATM often, but I don't give them their allowance weekly. They get their allowance monthly or more like every 2 months and then I give larger amount, so let's say for 2 months they would get $40 rather than $5 weekly. It's kind of the same amount of money but they already got it in a large sum, so it's already "saved" for them. Speaking of which I am due (and they are due) for an ATM visit.
Post by cricketwife on Jun 15, 2022 9:48:33 GMT -5
waverly, we do the “spend, save, give” when we do allowance. My last thinking is kids need money more frequently for it to be more concrete and to learn to manage it. But I’m going to reflect on your idea. Maybe it would be better to give them allowance monthly and they will learn “saving” (which I Did for them by waiting a month) gets them something bigger/nicer. Hmmmm.... that’s an idea...
Post by cricketwife on Jun 15, 2022 9:54:34 GMT -5
Also, here’s a fun story - DS1 and I joke a lot about how I “hate crap” and I’ve taught him to refuse things like the t-shirt they give you at camp or whatever., basically, anything he knows up front he won’t use, he should politely decline, and I’ve told him he can “blame” me . We also joke by doing a rating scale of “how much crap” in a goodie bag from a party. “Mom, you’ll like this one, it’s all candy!!! “ (Ie, consumable).
We went to a neighborhood live music, food truck thing on Sunday. After we got home, DS1 told me, “Someone asked me if I wanted a glow stick and I said ‘no’”. I told him “good job” and gave him a high five. 😂
So I think he’s getting it. We can try to empty some of the crap in the box he has to store stuff and move forward. This has helped me see that he is learning and does understand somewhat about minimizing “crap.”
Post by AdaraMarie on Jun 15, 2022 10:11:49 GMT -5
My kids have gotten a little better over time/with age. I think they have to learn by experience if something is "worth it." I am the opposite of the wait a week, because the dollar spot/dollar tree stuff is generally not going to be there the next time we go back. I also wish my kids would stop binging on candy and buy something that lasts longer so I guess there is another side to everything.
I was very into the idea of my kids having an allowance when DD was a baby. I wound up having 2 kids who are very resistant to bribes. Paying them for doing chores is still a form of bribery in their minds. DD is now 8 and I've decided I'm better off just talking to her honestly about money rather than giving her an allowance for doing xyz random chore that she doesn't want to do in the first place. My husband and I did not grow up with allowances. I grew up to be MMM and he grew up to be an adult where money burns a hole in his pocket so I doubt an allowance would have changed our adult attitudes toward money.
Anyways, that's my long answer of how I keep them from buying junky things. I don't give them their "own" money so they can buy whatever they want without my approval just because it's their money. I occasionally do buy junky things that I approve of (for example, they love those squishy window clings) so they're happy and I'm happy too.
Post by maudefindlay on Jun 15, 2022 10:28:09 GMT -5
Our kids are allowed to spend their money the first day of the month and that's it. This forces them to really think if they want something or not. DD generally buys something, but usually just one thing and the boys rarely spend theirs at all, generally save it up for something big (big meaning pricey, not size).
Post by thebreakfastclub on Jun 15, 2022 10:57:30 GMT -5
I generally talk my son out of that kind of stuff. He can see now at age 9 that he's caught up in the moment vs truly wanting it. He's saving for something he really wants now so its also forcing him to prioritize.
Post by icedcoffee on Jun 15, 2022 11:35:35 GMT -5
How often are your kids in a store? I feel like this would be easy for me because they never come to stores with me so I'd need to agree to take them. Maybe plan a once a month trip?
How often are your kids in a store? I feel like this would be easy for me because they never come to stores with me so I'd need to agree to take them. Maybe plan a once a month trip?
Funny you ask, because when I was writing this, I was thinking that they aren’t really in stores very often... But if they have money, they do request a trip to the store and we usually oblige (not necessarily that day, but usually the next soonest weekend.)
I’m thinking that we will do a once a month trip, and/or they have to have a minimum of $20 (or some amount tbd) to be allowed to go to the store....something like that. This thread is giving me a lot of good ideas.
I also think you might want to give your kids more credit. If your family value is less stuff then you might be surprised at how they choose to spend their money when they have it to control. They might currently buy junky stuff because money is rare for them and when it’s a regular occurrence IME they treat it differently. Some junky stuff, but not constant like it seems some people are imagining. I think the lessons learned by managing small amounts of money on your own are really important. They are much more important to learn with $5/week or whatever than when you finally get your hands on “real” money and stand to lose a lot more with making dumb mistakes.
[mention]mrsgecko [/mention] makes a good point. If you regularly talk in your family about consumption, waste, and responsible ownership with respect to having a plan to dispose of items before you buy them, then your kids will pick up on that. Of course with kids there tends to be more desire for instant gratification (heck, adults are prone to this as well).
If they have an allowance to develop financial literacy, then they should financial freedom to buy what they want. They should have the ability spend it how/when/where they please - that's the whole point.
Sounds like you need a system for getting rid of the $5 stuff. When my kids (9 and 11) buy that shit, I take any of it left out at the end of the night and put it in my drawer. They rarely ask for it or wonder where it is. If they ask, they can have it back. If they don't ask, I put it in my big box that I donate to school for prizes for teachers' treasure boxes.
Post by polarbearfans on Jun 15, 2022 18:14:55 GMT -5
My daughter sometimes wants to buy just random junk but I remind her that if she spends the money on that item it’s gone and she won’t be able to get whatever it is she saving up for. Typically that is enough to get her to put her wallet away. She is also very kind and generous. Recently she was wanting to buy an experience for her Girl Scout troop, even though it meant she couldn’t have the item she was saving up for from the American girl store. She did not end up buying experience because it did not work into the day, but I like that her thoughts are on others and not just stuff. She has also used her money for donations.
We talk about wants vs needs a lot. Also that toys need to go out before toys come in, and did she really care about that prior item if she so easily parts with it to buy some thing else. We talk about not being wasteful and protecting the environment. She has also learned from some bad purchases. An item she thought it was so awesome and amazing turned out to be underwhelming and total junk. We talk about quality vs quantity. It is better to buy fewer quality items she will get a lot of use out of and also can pass on rather than buy a junkie item that she’ll get maybe a days of amusement from and then it goes to the trash.
She is still learning, and she asks me for less stuff because she knows that she has her own money if she wants to buy something that was not a planned purchase that day she needs to use her own money.
Post by fancynewbeesly on Jun 16, 2022 5:44:24 GMT -5
My 11 year old is a toy/junk kid. She is FINALLY aging out of crap stuff. If we are in the dollar section of target or five below usually I remind her to think about it-how much would she ACTUALLY Use it. That helps sometimes.
We also love walking distance to convenient stores so she uses her money for snacks and ice cream.
I guess my take on this is that I wouldn't sweat it too much. They'll learn about money in due time. Especially the 5 year old. 8 is starting to get to the age where it may sink in more, they'll learn something from it. But 5? Doubtful.
DS is 13. We've been hit or miss with allowance, but this summer, he's the one who is more cognizant of it. AND he's also finally at the age where he's starting to see the value in saving $$ for bigger purchases.
But I've talked about $$ with DS all along. We don't go into specifics with him - but we talk about our family finances, what we can and can't afford and WHY. We talk about how DH and I work hard for our money and while we enjoy spending it on certain things (we'll give examples), we also have to save some of it too.
Even stuff like last week, DS wanted to go to Hershy Park and meet some friends. For other reasons, we couldn't make it happen. But I also told him that to go and buy a day pass the day of - it's $$$ and right now, having come off a nice vacation in March, we're trying to slow down on our spending. AND he'll be going to Hershey in a couple weeks anyhow - so it's not like he's suffering!
But - I guess my point is that we talk about money and finances, and we bring it down to his level when we can, and it's an ongoing conversation. Honestly - there is NO WAY, at the age of 8, I would have handed him $5 every week if it was truly only going to be used to by junk. He definitely got junk - don't get me wrong. But it's something I wouldn't entertain doing on a weekly basis "just because" he had the money. I like the ideas of having the kids split the money - savings, etc (we've done that with DS), waiting to decide if they really want something, and maybe even insisting "You need to save up a month of allowance before spending it". Just to help teach patience, and to help them learn about working towards a larger goal (but again, I don't know how much I'd really press this on the 5 year old!)
Could you not take them to the store weekly? If you go every other week maybe they'll now buy $10 of crap but it's also possible that they'd buy something slightly nicer because they have double the budget for that trip. Once the latter situation happens, you could be all "whoa! that's a really cool thing & aren't you so glad you saved up for it?"
While kids may truly "figure it out" I know plenty of adults that just buy the cheap thing for the quick retail hit & it doesn't last & they just throw it away. (And, these adults aren't poor & definitely could buy higher quality if they just bought less of it).
We have been on a minimalism/declutter journey as a family.
DH and I model the ways we want our kids to be responsible with “stuff.” So we ask “do we have a use for this?” “Will this item have a home?” If the answer to one of those questions is no, we wait and think about it. If the answer is yes, okay to buy. If the answer to the second question is no, is there a way to find a home for it? Is there something we can get rid of to for the new item?
Our family motto is that we collect memories and not things. This helps when they want allll the souvenirs.
My kids are 8 and 12 and they (and DH and I) are far from perfect, but they’re doing a great job of budgeting their money, having things they enjoy but not accumulating unnecessary stuff.
Can you empty a drawer and have that be their crap keeping drawer? When it’s full it’s full and no more until they get rid of some?
This is what we do with my 9 yo’s collection of pop it’s, squishees, etc. She can’t get more until she gets rid of some and it all must fit in the drawer.
Same. DS1 has a small bin in his room and once it's full, he has to get rid of some things. He's a total packrat. This is the only thing I've found that generally keeps the clutter at bay.
With their allowances, I also encourage them to think about what will happen if they spend their money on this or that thing. It means they won't have money for the pool snack bar later in the week, or it will mean they're further away from being able to buy some other bigger thing they've asked about. Usually with mine that's enough to make them think twice.