Post by mysteriouswife on Jun 26, 2022 22:22:12 GMT -5
DS (7) has OCD with GAD. We are leaving for vacation and I’m trying to limit his anxiety and stress.
He is very schedule driven. He is having a complete meltdown over three day weekends since school let out mid-may. It’s to the point he’s sleeping in the hall to make sure he is up at exactly 7 am when everyone’s alarms go off. He is in bed at 9pm sharp. If it’s 9:01 the world comes crashing down for him.
One idea I have is to put an outfit in a bag labeled with the day. This takes away the guess work for him. He knows on this day he is wearing this. We are also taking a dry erase board to label what we have planned the next day. We are also bringing two watches for him. He has to know the time. We are bringing his white noise machine and blanket. We are trying to make this as pleasant for him as we can. It will make life for us easier on the back end.
I think you’re doing everything you can. My parents used to let me bring a notebook where I could write down my worries when my schedule was off and it was helpful.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
It sounds like at this moment you are doing everything you can but in the future I would try to work with his psychologist to center the challenges around what you predict will be hard for him and impactful for your family.
This way you will help him overcome his need for it to be a certain way which will ultimately be the most beneficial for him but also those around him so they don’t have to cater to his preferences.
It sounds like at this moment you are doing everything you can but in the future I would try to work with his psychologist to center the challenges around what you predict will be hard for him and impactful for your family.
This way you will help him overcome his need for it to be a certain way which will ultimately be the most beneficial for him but also those around him so they don’t have to cater to his preferences.
We are working very hard on boundaries and him understanding life isn’t always going to be easy for him. Making sure he is successful on vacation is for the better good. If we can avoid one meltdown it’s going to make it more enjoyable for the rest of us. This is hard AF.
We are seeing huge progress with him since starting in-person school for 1st grade. Im thankful for that.
I think you’re doing everything you can. My parents used to let me bring a notebook where I could write down my worries when my schedule was off and it was helpful.
Oh this is wonderful idea. He loves to write. We have some left over comp. Books sent home from school a few weeks ago. I will go put one in our bag. Thank you
Post by foundmylazybum on Jun 27, 2022 12:33:09 GMT -5
It feels like you are working very hard to avoid triggers but I don't see a lot of skill building around coping mechanisms for when triggers happen.
The reality of the situation is is that vacations set off changes in the routine. So what are the fears, feelings and thoughts around that, and what coping skills does he have to address and soothe himself when that happens?
It feels like you are working very hard to avoid triggers but I don't see a lot of skill building around coping mechanisms for when triggers happen.
The reality of the situation is is that vacations set off changes in the routine. So what are the fears, feelings and thoughts around that, and what coping skills does he have to address and soothe himself when that happens?
He has breathing techniques he uses. He is starting to vocalize what makes him feel anxious and nervous. We then talk through his feelings. We ask him to help with planning and packing. (Even for short trips, school, etc) if he is feeling jittery he will do jumping in place. This helps with joint compression. He also has chew necklaces and fidgets. We are working toward talking through the next steps.
Unfortunately, he also has sensory processing. He can go two Days and not talk. He would be fine if he never talked.
ETA I am open if anyone has other tricks and tips. He doesn’t have therapy during the summer. He is also only is school 4 days. This is his last week of summer school. July is going to be a long ass month. Especially since he doesn’t sleep well either 🥴
Post by alicethellama on Jun 27, 2022 13:44:18 GMT -5
You are working so hard to support your son. We always brought a journal along for each of our kids for them to document the trip, and I think it help our kid with OCD and GAD also process some of her feelings and worries. Another suggestion, which you probably already do, is remember less is more. We’d make sure to build in plenty of down time-stopping to swing at a park, taking a bubble bath(this worked well when would stay with family), and balancing out a restaurant meal with a low key picnic, etc.
I know you mentioned the schedule being an issue, but can your son verbalize what other aspects of traveling that are causing anxiety, other than the obvious disruption in routine? For instance, I knew my DD was sad to leave our pets behind when we traveled, but it wasn’t until she started pretending to be a cat (at midnight in our hotel room, instead of sleeping), that it hit how pervasive that worry was. After that, having our pet sitter send periodic pics of our pets at home healthy and happy helped. Hugs to you. It’s hard when a time that’s supposed to be fun and relaxing is anything but.
My 8 yr old DS has GAD and we have him evaluated for OCD but the psychologist said it’s rigidity not your normal OCD. She said as his anxiety gets under control hopefully some of his rigidity will decrease. We did put him on Zoloft he’s in 10mg once a day liquid. It has helped a lot to get his anxiety and fears back under control. Hugs there momma this is hard so very hard.
Post by foundmylazybum on Jun 27, 2022 13:57:09 GMT -5
mysteriouswife okay, thank you for sharing his coping techniques. It sounds like he (and you) do have a lot of resources ❤️.
Honestly, I think you might be accurate that July might have some challenges, but I say this with kindness, that's okay.
Maybe looking inside yourself and thinking about what is reasonable to expect in the face of these changes to routine.
He's most likely going to have some upsets, but if he uses coping mechanisms and voices concerns and feelings..man that's actually HARD bc the threshold got harder! Those are wins.
Even if he has some upsets, if he uses skills to seek relief or to attempt to mitigate those are fantastic steps to celebrate..
I hope that makes sense..mostly, keep an eye on realistic goals..you probably can't stop or control every melt down, but thinking about how you and he process those are also options.
Post by dcrunnergirl52 on Jun 27, 2022 14:12:46 GMT -5
You are a good mom, and it's clear you want so desperately to help him. I totally get that and wanting to avoid a meltdown. DS2 has OCD and GAD, and we have spent many years avoiding his meltdowns.
I also agree with foundmylazybum that he needs more coping techniques that don't avoid his triggers but help him deal with them. I'd keep him in therapy over the summer. DS2 struggles with the change in routine and needs to be in therapy over the summer.
Also, have you tried medication? DS2's OCD habits revolved around saying goodnight and goodbye to us. We had to say goodnight to him in exactly the right tone, the right words, the right number of hugs and kisses, standing in the right place, etc. It got to the point where we were saying goodnight to him 30, 40, 50 times/night. We started him on anti-anxiety meds, working with his developmental pedi, and it made a HUGE, life-changing difference.
Post by mysteriouswife on Jun 27, 2022 14:18:40 GMT -5
I forgot who I was tagging.
We are planning on having lots of downtime. H and I have made a plan to escape the chaos with him if we sense burn out. I promise we aren’t coddling. We are are just trying to make this trip fun for DD and our extended family joining us. At the same time we have to focus on his mental well-being. It’s a never ending juggle of being overly protective and just enough to teach him how to navigate life with an invisible illness.
Someone commented on July. We are okay with him being out of sorts when we are at home. It’s an inconvenience for us, but we have more control to redirect. We also have tools we know works for him to cope. H and I are taking turns working from home with DD watching him. We have lots of busy work and task for them.
I appreciate all the tips and sounding board. This is very helpful.
Post by mysteriouswife on Jun 27, 2022 14:20:44 GMT -5
dcrunnergirl52 therapy wasn’t an option for the summer. 😞 the therapist took a much needed mental health break. There aren’t a lot of options with our insurance and his age.
ETA- he has a doctor appointment when we return. We are going to discuss meds and speech therapy.
My son doesn't have a dx but also loves/needs schedule and routine - so I was just coming in to say I love the whiteboard idea. He loves to refer to ours at home. I may bring it on vacation with us next week. Thank you for the idea and good luck with your trip.
mysteriouswife you're just prepping to make your trip as easy on yourself and successful for your kiddo as possible. It takes a lot of mental, emotional and physical prep to do that. I do the same for my autistic DS6.
mysteriouswife you're just prepping to make your trip as easy on yourself and successful for your kiddo as possible. It takes a lot of mental, emotional and physical prep to do that. I do the same for my autistic DS6.
Exactly. I don’t know why I’m explaining myself. I feel everyone understands what I’m doing. I think it’s years of defense with family and older adults who don’t get it and are not as accepting
Post by foundmylazybum on Jun 27, 2022 15:06:06 GMT -5
Visualizing obstacles, challenges and changes is a great and loving planning strategy! It helps be prepared so when these inevitably pop up you aren't scrambling on the fly trying to come up with a solution out of your butt 😉
If it helps, explaining it here, is a safe space to explore and talk out options for yourself ❤️
mysteriouswife you're just prepping to make your trip as easy on yourself and successful for your kiddo as possible. It takes a lot of mental, emotional and physical prep to do that. I do the same for my autistic DS6.
Exactly. I don’t know why I’m explaining myself. I feel everyone understands what I’m doing. I think it’s years of defense with family and older adults who don’t get it and are not as accepting
(Hug)
It was only once we got an official diagnosis that my extended family 'got it' and didn't second guess everything I did for my DS.
Post by prettyinpearls on Jun 27, 2022 18:10:30 GMT -5
My son (GAD OCD) actually does a lot better when we're on vacation, away from home. His compulsions/rituals reduce by at least 50% (probably closer to 75%) and he's able to relax and enjoy himself. The day before we come home it ramps back up, as a big trigger for him is not being able to go back and re-do something if he's not thinking of the right thing when it happens (he has 'just right' OCD). We went on Spring Break in another state this past March and I was so so worried about how he'd do, especially given his anxiety leading up to it. Once we arrived, we were both pleasantly surprised to see he could relax a bit.
I like the suggestions about the whiteboard! Good luck mama, I know this isn't easy.