Post by whattheheck on Jun 27, 2022 17:12:33 GMT -5
I was in Aerie with my teen-DD and she was trying on clothes and I was sitting in the waiting area. The fitting room has several individual rooms (but the doors don't go all the way down to the floor or up to the ceiling but do afford sufficient privacy) and a bench for waiting that is part of the fitting room area if that makes sense. Another woman was there and her 19-year-old daughter was trying on bikinis (and coming out to show her mom). Another woman came in with a male and the woman goes into a private room to try on clothes and the male goes to sit down on the bench next to me. The other mom told him he wasn't allowed in there and instructed him to leave. Which he did - no scene or anything. Then she explained to those of us there that he daughter was trying on bathing suits and she didn't want some strange man gawking at her.
So what says ML? I thought it was kind of weird that he was asked to leave. We had just come from Old Navy which has one fitting room area for everyone (so individual fitting rooms with a waiting area that's all set off from the rest of the store). But also - presumably her daughter is going to wear whatever bathing suit she buys somewhere where she doesn't know everyone (i.e., beach, public pool) and anyone could be "gawking" at her. And also - when my daughter is ready to show me something she's trying on she calls me into her fitting room, she doesn't come out for everyone to see.
I don't know what I'm looking for here - the whole experience was a little odd.
Unless he was being weird he should have been fine to sit there. If the daughter didn’t want to come out, she could’ve poked her head out and the mom could’ve gone into the fitting room. What if the woman he was with wanted him right there so she could show him stuff?
I think once you get past the sign that says “Women,” male-presenting people should not be there and it would startle me to come out of the dressing room to see a man there.
He can stand by the rack of clothes closest to the dressing room and hold her purse there like every other man.
Editing because I’m rethinking this. I’m not terf and this does read that way. I’ll have to think on it - being on a beach full of other people in bathing suits is very different from being indoors, in close proximity to a fully clothed man in your bathing suit.
I agree with that male should have been allowed to stay, but it’s probably wasn’t worth the fight and I don’t blame him.
1. It’s a bathing suit, people are going to see you in it 2. If you don’t want this individual to see you in it stay in your private room and call mother over.
If it was a random guy that just came in and sat down I might feel differently but since he was with someone using the rooms he had a right to be there. Perhaps the person he was with wanted to show him what she was trying on.
For a gender-neutral fitting room, he should have been fine to stay. If the mom didn’t want him seeing the daughter in a bikini, she could have joined her daughter in the cubicle, or the daughter could have signaled to the mom to come to the door. But also, yeah, presumably some strangers were going to see her in bathing suits at the beach or the pool.
I think once you get past the sign that says “Women,” male-presenting people should not be there and it would startle me to come out of the dressing room to see a man there.
He can stand by the rack of clothes closest to the dressing room and hold her purse there like every other man.
There wasn't a sign that said "women." There was only one fitting room area. The store sells what would historically be considered women's clothing, bathing suits, and undergarments.
I think once you get past the sign that says “Women,” male-presenting people should not be there and it would startle me to come out of the dressing room to see a man there.
He can stand by the rack of clothes closest to the dressing room and hold her purse there like every other man.
There wasn't a sign that said "women." There was only one fitting room area. The store sells what would historically be considered women's clothing, bathing suits, and undergarments.
That complicates the question, then, but I do want to push back on the idea that being in a dressing area, with a fully clothed man a few feet away, in a swimsuit, is very different from being on a beach. My teenage self would’ve been mortified.
So I guess the question is his and his adult girlfriend’s convenience v a teenage girl in a swimsuit’s comfort. I’d still opt for her in this case. If I was mom I might have asked him to leave for that reason, but it’s not true that he “wasn’t allowed” there.
Yeah, I think that's weird on the other mom's part. The guy came in with a woman who was trying on clothes - it's not like he went into the fitting room to sit there for no good reason. She could have easily gone in with her daughter, like a PP said.
I think of the place outside of the dressing room as a public space. If I felt uncomfortable with strangers seeing me in my bathing suit then I’d call my mother over to the door when I was finished changing and let her in to look.
Men work at the Aerie here and run the dressing rooms. I wouldn’t assume it’s some women only space.
Honestly, outside of movies/tv I rarely have seen people actually leaving the cubicle for a fashion show, normally the person they are with walks over to them.
Post by penguingrrl on Jun 27, 2022 18:22:17 GMT -5
That’s bizarre and sexist. H often comes with me shopping and as long as it isn’t a labeled women only area he’ll hang out there so I can get his opinion on how things look. Also, the inherent transphobia in saying that only women can be in a space hurts my heart for my two NB kids. Do they not deserve to use a fitting room because they might not appear to fit there?
I work at a store that solely sells woman’s clothing (thus it is a “womens” fitting room). We allow men to sit in the fitting room and also allow men to try on the clothing. If a minor is in the fitting room we have a symbol we put on their name board so all the employees are aware and if a man is sitting in the fitting room (chair is at entrance) we typically put the minor as far away as possible. In 3.5 years I’ve never heard anyone have a problem with this.
I think it's weird but also 20 years ago when I worked in a fitting room we didn't let men go back with their partners because too many people tried to have sex in the fitting rooms and our average employee was 16 and didn't need to be dealing with that shit. Shockingly, this was never a problem with women, no matter their sexual orientation.
That’s bizarre and sexist. H often comes with me shopping and as long as it isn’t a labeled women only area he’ll hang out there so I can get his opinion on how things look. Also, the inherent transphobia in saying that only women can be in a space hurts my heart for my two NB kids. Do they not deserve to use a fitting room because they might not appear to fit there?
I am sorry. I’m absolutely not saying that. But if a full grown, cis, hetero man is making a swimsuit clad teenager uncomfortable, is it really so awful to ask him to accommodate her?
Post by fangoriagurkel on Jun 27, 2022 18:27:28 GMT -5
I’m (unfortunately at times) a loudmouth and would have told the gentleman he was fine where he was before telling the woman she could pop her head into her daughter’s fitting room when she was needed. To me, it’s no different than someone asking a gentleman to leave the “husband couch” at Macy’s fittings room, etc…Eff that noise also.
Sometimes it backfires on me (being seconds away from being in a fistfight in a Boston 7-11 over line cutting) but it pains me to witness stupid entitlement.
If it’s a womens clothing only store then presumably womens only dressing room. What might make sense is for them to have benches near the dressing room but not in it. They could also include a room that is marked gender nuetral for transgender.
He didn’t seem offended and left easily so I guess I won’t be offended on his behalf. I don’t know if I would ask him to leave per se but maybe I would go in with my daughter for things like swimsuits. Sometimes the mirrors are better if one comes out though.
I don’t think it’s the same as the beach since some suits might be poorly fitting and presumably you chose a better fit for the beach. And that the point of trying them on- to check the fit.
If it’s a womens clothing only store then presumably womens only dressing room. What might make sense is for them to have benches near the dressing room but not in it. They could also include a room that is marked gender nuetral for transgender.
He didn’t seem offended and left easily so I guess I won’t be offended on his behalf. I don’t know if I would ask him to leave per se but maybe I would go in with my daughter for things like swimsuits. Sometimes the mirrors are better if one comes out though.
I don’t think it’s the same as the beach since some suits might be poorly fitting and presumably you chose a better fit for the beach. And that the point of trying them on- to check the fit.
I feel like a 19 year old would know if it was ill fitting though before coming out? Like, it's not a small child that might not know.
That’s bizarre and sexist. H often comes with me shopping and as long as it isn’t a labeled women only area he’ll hang out there so I can get his opinion on how things look. Also, the inherent transphobia in saying that only women can be in a space hurts my heart for my two NB kids. Do they not deserve to use a fitting room because they might not appear to fit there?
I am sorry. I’m absolutely not saying that. But if a full grown, cis, hetero man is making a swimsuit clad teenager uncomfortable, is it really so awful to ask him to accommodate her?
The 19 y/o never saw him. She was in her individual room during this entire interaction - which took all of maybe ten seconds. Only to say that her comfort did not appear to be applicable in this one situation.
That’s bizarre and sexist. H often comes with me shopping and as long as it isn’t a labeled women only area he’ll hang out there so I can get his opinion on how things look. Also, the inherent transphobia in saying that only women can be in a space hurts my heart for my two NB kids. Do they not deserve to use a fitting room because they might not appear to fit there?
This thought went through my mind as well. The store sells what would historically be called women's clothing. But really - anyone can wear them, not just cis females. So ostensibly anyone can go into one of the fitting room stalls, so who cares who's sitting on the waiting bench?
That’s bizarre and sexist. H often comes with me shopping and as long as it isn’t a labeled women only area he’ll hang out there so I can get his opinion on how things look. Also, the inherent transphobia in saying that only women can be in a space hurts my heart for my two NB kids. Do they not deserve to use a fitting room because they might not appear to fit there?
I am sorry. I’m absolutely not saying that. But if a full grown, cis, hetero man is making a swimsuit clad teenager uncomfortable, is it really so awful to ask him to accommodate her?
Also - I have no idea if this person was a "full-grown, cis, hetero man." Things aren't always as they appear at first blush. The other mom clearly made that assumption though.
Post by fangoriagurkel on Jun 27, 2022 18:41:15 GMT -5
circa1978 That is wild to me! In my mind, fitting rooms are like the least sexiest place ever to do it. That level of desperation must be off the charts, lol. Oh, and the lighting can be terrible also!
My last retail gig was at Old Navy as seasonal PT help a couple years ago, so obviously nothing sexy took place there (or if they did, I didn’t notice).
Well if the dressing room has the better mirror when I came out I might utilize it to check fit. I’m assuming the man is in the dressing room.
Someone above mentioned the gentleman's couch at Macy’s so that would be outside the dressing room in my experience.
But if she’s just walking straight into the actual store like there is no room between her door and the rest of the store then that’s on her and just stay in your room.
That’s bizarre and sexist. H often comes with me shopping and as long as it isn’t a labeled women only area he’ll hang out there so I can get his opinion on how things look. Also, the inherent transphobia in saying that only women can be in a space hurts my heart for my two NB kids. Do they not deserve to use a fitting room because they might not appear to fit there?
I am sorry. I’m absolutely not saying that. But if a full grown, cis, hetero man is making a swimsuit clad teenager uncomfortable, is it really so awful to ask him to accommodate her?
But it’s not like the teenager HAD to come out of the fitting room where he could see her. So there were other ways to accommodate her. If that was necessary, I know we don’t know if it was and we’ve reached the making up our own scenarios portion of the thread lol
That’s bizarre and sexist. H often comes with me shopping and as long as it isn’t a labeled women only area he’ll hang out there so I can get his opinion on how things look. Also, the inherent transphobia in saying that only women can be in a space hurts my heart for my two NB kids. Do they not deserve to use a fitting room because they might not appear to fit there?
This thought went through my mind as well. The store sells what would historically be called women's clothing. But really - anyone can wear them, not just cis females. So ostensibly anyone can go into one of the fitting room stalls, so who cares who's sitting on the waiting bench?
This is exactly why my store has the policy we do. They want to be as inclusive as possible. It’s not really all that uncommon. I’ve helped married men pick out clothing for themselves (who doesn’t love leggings with pockets?), gender fluid individuals shop, cis women with the physique of a man (body builders) pick out items…sometimes I don’t even know if they identify male or female. Most of the men who are sitting in the fitting room chairs really don’t give a shit - I’m pretty aware of it and I’ve never seen anything close to inappropriate. Lol.
I’m imagining my H in this scenario, no way in hell he’d sit there, but he’s kind of shy and feels awkward easily. 🤷🏼♀️ I also think it’s easy enough for the girl to call her mom over to see when she’s dressed, no reason she has to come out.
I think she was wrong to say something to the guy, and it was a nice gesture that he moved. He was prob like this bitch is crazy, and ran.
I agree that seats outside of the dressing room would be nice.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
That’s bizarre and sexist. H often comes with me shopping and as long as it isn’t a labeled women only area he’ll hang out there so I can get his opinion on how things look. Also, the inherent transphobia in saying that only women can be in a space hurts my heart for my two NB kids. Do they not deserve to use a fitting room because they might not appear to fit there?
I am sorry. I’m absolutely not saying that. But if a full grown, cis, hetero man is making a swimsuit clad teenager uncomfortable, is it really so awful to ask him to accommodate her?
Looking at how a person presents in one particular moment tells you nothing about their gender. Also, fitting rooms are a public place, so if the teenager is uncomfortable maybe she shouldn’t come out in a bathing suit.
Well if the dressing room has the better mirror when I came out I might utilize it to check fit. I’m assuming the man is in the dressing room.
Someone above mentioned the gentleman's couch at Macy’s so that would be outside the dressing room in my experience.
But if she’s just walking straight into the actual store like there is no room between her door and the rest of the store then that’s on her and just stay in your room.
I'm not sure I'm explaining it well - there's the fitting room area and within that area are individual fitting room stalls. So at the front of the fitting room area is where the attendant is and where the bench is, and that small portion of the fitting room area can be seen from a section of the store. The stalls - if a person comes out of them they cannot be seen by the rest of the shoppers.
Yeah I’m going to go with this is a design issue and they should have a bench outside. That’s where I usually see them.
Interesting. I feel like there's usually a bench inside the fitting room area and, personally, I prefer it that way. If my daughter is trying on clothes I'm not sure she or I would be comfortable if she had to come outside the fitting room and into the store to show me.