Fitting room question

[mofongo]

Jun 27, 2022 18:57:38 GMT -5 whattheheck said:

Jun 27, 2022 18:54:07 GMT -5 waverly said:

Yeah I’m going to go with this is a design issue and they should have a bench outside. That’s where I usually see them.

Interesting.  I feel like there's usually a bench inside the fitting room area and, personally, I prefer it that way.  If my daughter is trying on clothes I'm not sure she or I would be comfortable if she had to come outside the fitting room and into the store to show me.  

Some def have them outside as well. If my H is with me he does not want to come in! Lol

[gummybear]

Another design aspect that most accessible stores should have is a larger fitting room for families, people with mobility issues or assistance devices, women with strollers etc. If a mother and daughter are shopping together I always ask if they’d like to go in together. That room has a bench inside it. I also put women with their elder mothers/relatives in there if they wish so grandma doesn’t have to come out rocking her sports bra. Just kidding. It allows more room for assistance in dressing another person too.

[waverly]

This entire thread is why I shop online and hate trying on things. Every last thing mentioned here.

[purplepenguin7]

It’s very odd he was asked to leave. Usually a person who wants a companion to see their outfit would call said person into their room, or at least right by the door, especially if they felt self conscious.

I worked in retail in the early 2000s and we definitely had people having sex in our very not private fittings rooms. It was actually a policy that two people couldn’t share a fitting room, regardless of gender.

[af1212]

The only thing I have to add here is that recently I was in a dressing room area where a tween girl was shopping with her dad. I was with my daughter.

The dad clearly didn’t feel comfortable going into the dressing room area but needed to give the ok for what the girl wanted to buy. So he told me - I trust your judgement - can you let her know if it’s the right size and looks ok?

Thank goodness she looked awesome in everything she came out in!!

Which made me realize what a challenge it must be to be a single dad to a tween girl. I have no idea if this was their situation but made me think about the many times he probably feels out of his element.

[whattheheck]

Jun 27, 2022 20:23:46 GMT -5 af1212 said:

The only thing I have to add here is that recently I was in a dressing room area where a tween girl was shopping with her dad. I was with my daughter.

The dad clearly didn’t feel comfortable going into the dressing room area but needed to give the ok for what the girl wanted to buy. So he told me - I trust your judgement - can you let her know if it’s the right size and looks ok?

Thank goodness she looked awesome in everything she came out in!!

Which made me realize what a challenge it must be to be a single dad to a tween girl. I have no idea if this was their situation but made me think about the many times he probably feels out of his element.

Yeah, I remember when DS was young and he hit that age where it was awkward to bring him into the ladies' room but I wasn't comfortable sending him solo to the men's room.  Single parenting sucks in so many ways.

Anyway - there did not appear to be a large enough age difference between them for them to be parent/child.  They appeared to be roughly the same age - I would guess both in their early twenties?

Again - I think I found the whole thing weird b/c we had just come from Old Navy which has one fitting room area (with individual stalls) that is for everyone.  So a male could sit on a bench while waiting for a female companion there just fine.  But at Aerie it was an issue - albeit just for this other mom.

[goldengirlz]

Jun 27, 2022 18:22:17 GMT -5 penguingrrl said:

That’s bizarre and sexist. H often comes with me shopping and as long as it isn’t a labeled women only area he’ll hang out there so I can get his opinion on how things look. Also, the inherent transphobia in saying that only women can be in a space hurts my heart for my two NB kids. Do they not deserve to use a fitting room because they might not appear to fit there?

I agree it’s sexist, especially when I think of it in reverse. I would have no qualms about going into the fitting room area of a “menswear” store and no one would assume I was there to leer at teenagers. That said, I know cis-men, as a group, have given themselves this reputation and they really have no one to blame but themselves. So I also understand the knee jerk reaction (cis- and trans-)women have of wanting spaces that are safe for them. Of course, that doesn’t solve the issue of transwomen and non-binary people being asked to leave spaces to appease cis-women.

It’s a nuanced problem but at the end of the day, I think that mom was wrong to complain.

[chickadee77]

Honestly, I don't see an issue. He didn't seem to, either, so good on him.

My fitting room experiences would have whoever is trying on the clothes basically coming back onto the sales floor to show whoever, unless they're standing right outside the fitting room door. So trying on something like swimsuits? You bring whoever into the fitting room with you, or they stand directly outside.

[mofongo]

Jun 27, 2022 20:23:46 GMT -5 af1212 said:

The only thing I have to add here is that recently I was in a dressing room area where a tween girl was shopping with her dad. I was with my daughter.

The dad clearly didn’t feel comfortable going into the dressing room area but needed to give the ok for what the girl wanted to buy. So he told me - I trust your judgement - can you let her know if it’s the right size and looks ok?

Thank goodness she looked awesome in everything she came out in!!

Which made me realize what a challenge it must be to be a single dad to a tween girl. I have no idea if this was their situation but made me think about the many times he probably feels out of his element.

This was kind of you! My parents divorced when I was a baby, so my dad wasn’t technically a single dad as I did have my mom, but there were times we were in this situation. He would sometimes send me with an older female cousin!

[isabel]

Team Very Weird. It’s a gender neutral space. There’s no reason he shouldn’t have been allowed to stay unless he was being overtly gross and leering or something (which I’m assuming he wasn’t).

[gummy]

That mother needs to release the grip from her pearls. How does she know this man would "gawk" at her? He was there with someone else and not all men "gawk" at every woman in their presence. Additionally, unless she only allows Miss 19yr old to wear the swim suit in their own private backyard, she's going to get gawked at by someone at some point anyway. Get a grip.

[al dente]

Jun 27, 2022 18:24:20 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

I think it's weird but also 20 years ago when I worked in a fitting room we didn't let men go back with their partners because too many people tried to have sex in the fitting rooms and our average employee was 16 and didn't need to be dealing with that shit. Shockingly, this was never a problem with women, no matter their sexual orientation.

NGL as someone that also use to work at a clothing store I thought that is where this story was going lol. We just had a strict no two people in a dressing room, but there also was no sitting area or any extra space for people to be hanging out outside the stalls.

[starburst604]

Jun 27, 2022 22:28:57 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Jun 27, 2022 20:23:46 GMT -5 af1212 said:

The only thing I have to add here is that recently I was in a dressing room area where a tween girl was shopping with her dad. I was with my daughter.

The dad clearly didn’t feel comfortable going into the dressing room area but needed to give the ok for what the girl wanted to buy. So he told me - I trust your judgement - can you let her know if it’s the right size and looks ok?

Thank goodness she looked awesome in everything she came out in!!

Which made me realize what a challenge it must be to be a single dad to a tween girl. I have no idea if this was their situation but made me think about the many times he probably feels out of his element.

This was kind of you! My parents divorced when I was a baby, so my dad wasn’t technically a single dad as I did have my mom, but there were times we were in this situation. He would sometimes send me with an older female cousin!

My dad would sometimes get saddled with taking us school shopping after my parents divorced (I was tweenish) and he would literally sit on a mall bench outside the stores and have me tell him when it was time to go to the cash register and pay lol. He wanted NO part of it. I guess he figured if my mom disapproved of anything, she could take the stuff back to the store.

[af1212]

Jun 27, 2022 22:32:38 GMT -5 isabel said:

Team Very Weird. It’s a gender neutral space. There’s no reason he shouldn’t have been allowed to stay unless he was being overtly gross and leering or something (which I’m assuming he wasn’t).

I wouldn’t do what the mom did but I disagree it is a gender-neutral space. The store sells girls/womens underwear, pajamas and bathing suits. While the dressing rooms may not be labeled by gender I do think most shoppers would assume they are womens dressing rooms since the whole store is selling womens intimates.

Of course this is problematic for people who are transgender but I think that is a separate issue from a man sitting in the dressing room of what is marketed and designed to be a womens underwear store.

[whattheheck]

Jun 28, 2022 6:34:28 GMT -5 af1212 said:

Jun 27, 2022 22:32:38 GMT -5 isabel said:

Team Very Weird. It’s a gender neutral space. There’s no reason he shouldn’t have been allowed to stay unless he was being overtly gross and leering or something (which I’m assuming he wasn’t).

I wouldn’t do what the mom did but I disagree it is a gender-neutral space. The store sells girls/womens underwear, pajamas and bathing suits. While the dressing rooms may not be labeled by gender I do think most shoppers would assume they are womens dressing rooms since the whole store is selling womens intimates.

Of course this is problematic for people who are transgender but I think that is a separate issue from a man sitting in the dressing room of what is marketed and designed to be a womens underwear store.

About a quarter of the floor space is for intimates. The rest is everyday clothes.

[isabel]

Jun 28, 2022 6:34:28 GMT -5 af1212 said:

Jun 27, 2022 22:32:38 GMT -5 isabel said:

Team Very Weird. It’s a gender neutral space. There’s no reason he shouldn’t have been allowed to stay unless he was being overtly gross and leering or something (which I’m assuming he wasn’t).

I wouldn’t do what the mom did but I disagree it is a gender-neutral space. The store sells girls/womens underwear, pajamas and bathing suits. While the dressing rooms may not be labeled by gender I do think most shoppers would assume they are womens dressing rooms since the whole store is selling womens intimates.

Of course this is problematic for people who are transgender but I think that is a separate issue from a man sitting in the dressing room of what is marketed and designed to be a womens underwear store.

No. They sell plenty of other clothing. This man could have been a parent, a partner… there is nothing weird about him sitting in the designated seating area near the fitting rooms. Again, unless he was leering or otherwise being weird, it was perfectly fine for him to be there. He had just as much right to sit there and interact with whoever he was shopping with as that mom did.

[af1212]

Jun 28, 2022 7:50:08 GMT -5 whattheheck said:

Jun 28, 2022 6:34:28 GMT -5 af1212 said:

I wouldn’t do what the mom did but I disagree it is a gender-neutral space. The store sells girls/womens underwear, pajamas and bathing suits. While the dressing rooms may not be labeled by gender I do think most shoppers would assume they are womens dressing rooms since the whole store is selling womens intimates.

Of course this is problematic for people who are transgender but I think that is a separate issue from a man sitting in the dressing room of what is marketed and designed to be a womens underwear store.

About a quarter of the floor space is for intimates. The rest is everyday clothes.

This is different from the layout of my store then. My store has two sort of “rooms”. One is solely bras and underwear. The other is divided sort of in half by the checkout. The back half is bathing suits and workout wear. The front half is a few seasonal displays. I was there on Sunday and they were short/tee shirt sets I would describe as lounge-wear or pajamas.

In my store the dressing room is accessed through the bra/underwear side.

I googled it just to see what it is categorized as and this is what aerie says about themselves - “We're all about being REAL! Aerie is women's clothing, like high-waisted leggings activewear, swimsuits, bras, bralettes, women's underwear and more!”

And here is Wikipedia description - “Aerie, stylized as aerie, is an intimate apparel and lifestyle retailer and sub-brand owned by American Eagle Outfitters. In addition to lingerie such as a wide variety of bras and other undergarments, the aerie line also sells dormwear, active apparel, loungewear, accessories and sleepwear.“

Again I would not have handled it as the mom did but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect that many people think of it as an underwear store that is designed for teens and young women, and that the dressing room inside of it is a womens dressing room.

I personally think of it in the same category as Victoria’s Secret was when I was that age.

[af1212]

Jun 28, 2022 7:56:06 GMT -5 isabel said:

Jun 28, 2022 6:34:28 GMT -5 af1212 said:

I wouldn’t do what the mom did but I disagree it is a gender-neutral space. The store sells girls/womens underwear, pajamas and bathing suits. While the dressing rooms may not be labeled by gender I do think most shoppers would assume they are womens dressing rooms since the whole store is selling womens intimates.

Of course this is problematic for people who are transgender but I think that is a separate issue from a man sitting in the dressing room of what is marketed and designed to be a womens underwear store.

No. They sell plenty of other clothing. This man could have been a parent, a partner… there is nothing weird about him sitting in the designated seating area near the fitting rooms. Again, unless he was leering or otherwise being weird, it was perfectly fine for him to be there. He had just as much right to sit there and interact with whoever he was shopping with as that mom did.

I didn’t say anything about his right to be there. I was commenting on the “gender-neutral” piece.

I think that aerie markets themselves as a store for women, and as such I think many people would feel like it was a Women’s fitting room.

[newnamesameperson]

Is it against the store policy for him to sit there? If not, then no she should not have asked him to move. Also, if she needed implementation of a store policy that was gender specific (I am not saying this is wrong/right) then she should have reached out to an employee instead of making the request herself.

Lastly,  she can walk her happy *ss on over into her daughter's fitting room and look at the bathing suit in there.

[af1212]

Jun 28, 2022 9:58:13 GMT -5 newnamesameperson said:

Is it against the store policy for him to sit there? If not, then no she should not have asked him to move. Also, if she needed implementation of a store policy that was gender specific (I am not saying this is right or wrong) then she should have reached out to an employee instead of making the request herself.

Last, she's there so she can walk her happy *ss on over into her daughter's fitting room and look at the bathing suit in there.

I agree with all of this. I also really liked PP store policy that if a minor was alone in a dressing room they tried to situate them carefully and marked it in some way.

[foundmylazybum]

I wonder what the lady would have said if the gentleman came back and had clothes he wanted to try on? I get that it's a "womans" clothing store but as others pointed out, that doesn't really mean it's a "woman only" space...

[circa1978]

Jun 28, 2022 2:21:34 GMT -5 al dente said:

Jun 27, 2022 18:24:20 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

I think it's weird but also 20 years ago when I worked in a fitting room we didn't let men go back with their partners because too many people tried to have sex in the fitting rooms and our average employee was 16 and didn't need to be dealing with that shit. Shockingly, this was never a problem with women, no matter their sexual orientation.

NGL as someone that also use to work at a clothing store I thought that is where this story was going lol. We just had a strict no two people in a dressing room, but there also was no sitting area or any extra space for people to be hanging out outside the stalls.

Right? I feel like being part of that TikTok meme: You can't hurt me, I worked in retail fitting rooms. 

The things.i've.seen. 👀 

[letsgetweird]

Does Aerie only sell women's clothing? If so, I don't think he should have been in the fitting room.

[Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear]

Jun 28, 2022 22:28:46 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

Does Aerie only sell women's clothing? If so, I don't think he should have been in the fitting room.

Men can't wear "women's clothes?" What year are we in?

Dressing Room Mom is wrong plus guaranteed to be screamingly transphobic as perhaps are some of you all. Just a thought.

[heygrey]

Jun 28, 2022 22:28:46 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

Does Aerie only sell women's clothing? If so, I don't think he should have been in the fitting room.

Why? Are men unable to give opinions on the outfits chosen by their shopping companion? 

[mofongo]

There are many legit reason a man could be in a ‘women’s dressing room’. Honestly, the best solution is just more private rooms with doors, not curtains, that are big enough for someone to come check out how you look in the room.

While I don’t think anyone should be prohibited, I also don’t think anyone should feel uncomfortable. It doesn’t have to be either/or!

[sonrisa]

Jun 27, 2022 18:27:22 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

a full grown, cis, hetero man 

No one here knows that is who was in there. He may have been trans. He may have been gay. he may have been trans *and* gay. He might not have been a "he" at all and the mom might have been misgendering her/them.

And that is aside from the idea that a cis hetero man isn't "allowed" to shop for himself in a store that primarily caters to femme presenting people.

[foundmylazybum]

Jun 28, 2022 22:28:46 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

Does Aerie only sell women's clothing? If so, I don't think he should have been in the fitting room.

What a quaint and exclusive thought

[TR]

Even if he WAS a cis-hetero man, if it's an open area where shopping companions can sit then he had every right to be there as a shopping companion if and until the store says they have a policy that he can't. He didn't just wander in and sit down randomly.

[Jalapeñomel]

I wonder where my spouse will wait when his child needs to try on clothes if not the bench outside the dressing room…?