Financial recovery after bankruptcy

[roseflower]

It has been a long time since I’ve posted and I know many people have moved on from this forum but I remember there being a wealth of knowledge before and hope that some may still be here or can point me in the right direction.

I have ADHD and it is difficult for me to separate out information that applies/doesn't apply to me and struggle to make a direct plan of action for myself. I was hoping some of you may be able to look at my situation and offer guidance.

Last year I had to file for bankruptcy.
August 2021 my bankruptcy was discharged and I haven't intentionally done anything to reestablish credit since (other than not getting in to debt again)
I did at one point try to transfer my car loan from USAA to Coastal Credit Union and was denied due to the bankruptcy.

I don't know how much information matters so I am going to try and give a brief explanation for context.
A couple of years ago my husband left and our debt became absolutely uncontrollable with legal fees added to the mix. In December of 2020 his divorce from me was finalized and the next month my Dad had a stroke and in February 2021 passed away. Due to finances already being really difficult my...husband (ex?) moved back in to the home and agreed to support me through a year of school as I had been a stay at home mom ever since our daughter was born and I don't have a career to go back to. So as of right now, even though we are legally divorced, we do live in the same home and have a rental agreement that ends in June of 2024 and we will likely continue to share finances until then (still praying for a reconilation but I digress) so I have a little bit of stability for now but I am still anxious about the future.

The banks we "burned" with the bankruptcy are NFCU (so sad about this) and while we didn't have credit cards with balances on them, I do have a car loan with USAA and we are still paying the payments but they have removed my ability to see my loan from the website and I have to call them to make payments and find out my balance.
The other cards I had that were zero balance were Discover, Citi Bank, Bank of America, Chase. So while they weren't burned in the bankruptcy, they closed due to the bankruptcy.

What do I do now? It has been almost a year since discharge. What do the next 10 years look in regards to establishing credit and the ability to buy a house?
My ex is eligible to open a bank account with State Employees Credit Union but I don't know if we will be able to have the benefits with BK on our record.

We have zero credit card debt and no available credit cards.
He has a car loan through Carvana with a balance of $13,500
I have a car loan with USAA for around the same.
He has student loans of around $12,000
I have student loans of around $3500

Aside from reestablishing credit, I have zero retirement savings. I was a stay at home mom for the majority of our marriage so I am quite literally starting over - career wise, financially etc. I am in my late 30s and freaking out that I am so behind and wonder if I will ever be able to live comfortably and not worry about what its going to be like when I am too old to live alone. I realize that is getting ahead of myself lol.

So right now, he and I working together and I would like to do my best to reestablish ourselves, rebuild credit and savings etc and hopefully in a few years one of us might be able to buy a house, but I dont know how it all works with a BK on the record for 10 years. I would love if we could get our car loans at the same bank and be able to manage them online.

Where should I started today? What can we do to be sucessful and set up a better financial future? What things so be in my financial to do list to take care of us and our daughter?

I am embarrassed about how our financial situation was - I never learned about finances and how to plan for the future, but I hope I can learn now and be able to pass the knowledge to my daughter.


Thank you so much for your help and advise and reading through my rambling thoughts.

Also this has nothing to do with bankruptcy but if anyone could point be in the right direction - when my dad passed the sale of his house went in to a trust and cannot be dispursed until 2040 - There is approximately $170,000 in the trust that will be split 3 ways when that year comes. I have no idea what is the best way to invest that money to grow its potentional over the next 18 years.

[Roc A Bee]

I don’t have advice on bankruptcy, but will you get child support or spousal support through your divorce?

[sadlebred]

One way to establish your credit is to open a secured credit card. Typically these require a deposit or an account at a bank/CU with the amount of money the CC limit is for in case of default. Typically the limit isn't high--maybe $500, so they are easy to open with little savings. I'll put a few links below with what they are and some recommendations from consumer guru Clark Howard. I also recommend listening to his podcast for practical financial and consumer info. Also, pay every single bill every single month on time.

Get yourself on a budget and stick to it! There are others here that can talk about YNAB and other budget things.

clark.com/credit-cards/best-secured-credit-cards/

clark.com/credit-cards/secured-credit-card/

clark.com/credit-cards/discover-capital-one-secured-credit-card/

[melmel48]

Jul 3, 2022 23:13:17 GMT -5 sadlebred said:

One way to establish your credit is to open a secured credit card. Typically these require a deposit or an account at a bank/CU with the amount of money the CC limit is for in case of default. Typically the limit isn't high--maybe $500, so they are easy to open with little savings. I'll put a few links below with what they are and some recommendations from consumer guru Clark Howard. I also recommend listening to his podcast for practical financial and consumer info. Also, pay every single bill every single month on time.

Get yourself on a budget and stick to it! There are others here that can talk about YNAB and other budget things.

clark.com/credit-cards/best-secured-credit-cards/

clark.com/credit-cards/secured-credit-card/

clark.com/credit-cards/discover-capital-one-secured-credit-card/

I also recommend a secured credit card. I recently helped a friend establish credit this way.

[ellipses84]

Making on time payments on the car loan will help. You can also get a low limit secured credit card. My DH had no credit / poor credit in his late 20s and did this. He’d put one small bill on it per month (like the water bill) and pay it off each month. It would be best if whatever one you get has free credit monitoring. Most of my accounts, like chase, capital one, Wells Fargo have free monitoring with credit accounts (and I really like capital one’s program). Slowly your credit will improve and you will be able to get an unsecured card, but I wouldn’t worry about that much. If you have one card to do online things, that should be enough, with the goal to pay it off monthly. A lot of places take cash apps like Venmo now which can connect to a bank account. If you have a bank account, savings account and credit card from the same bank you can set them up with overdraft protection, so even if something does slip through the cracks, you aren’t overdrafting.

I know 10 years seems like a long time but you are already part way into it and it will go quickly (I’m assuming 10 is correct for your type of bankruptcy- some types are 7 years). There’s no better time to start now with baby steps that will put you in a much better position when it falls off your credit report.

Create a budget. A lot of people still like the cash envelope method and there are tons of people on social media like Instagram or TikTok who show how they do it. It may be easier for you to physically see the envelopes and money. YNAB is an app based budget tracker. Make sure you have irregular expenses and savings categories.

If you have the option of a 401k through work, start contributing now. If they match a percentage, start there to get as much money from the company as you can (often like 6%) and set it to automatically increase at least 1% per year automatically so you don’t have to think about it. Do higher percentages than that if you can. The sooner you start the better off you will be.

Prioritize an emergency savings account. You don’t have credit cards to fall back on. Also think about a car replacement in less than 10 years since it may be more difficult to get a loan or it may be high interest. If you can at least save a decent down payment for a used car, you will be in better shape, or have money for car repairs.

Are you in a rental house? Some rental companies we’ve used give an option of reporting you rent payments to the credit bureaus and I’ve heard more companies are stating to consider this to make home purchases easier for renters. This helps as long as you always pay on time.

Think about what your long term goals are, financially.

[ellipses84]

To add, IDK about the inheritance account. I’m assuming if you are allowed to invest it, you could put it into a Target Date Fund for 2040. These are a group of investments that are strategically grouped together to mitigate risk and get a good return by 2040. If 1/3rd is going to you, this can help your retirement deficit and you can reinvest it in an IRA as a Target Date Fund for 2060 or whenever you plan to retire.

[dr.girlfriend]

Maybe it's rude and that's why no one else has done it, but I'm going to address the elephant in the room. You guys are fully divorced. You said that "you" had to file for bankruptcy, which I think means the bankrupcy impacted you alone. As much as you are cohabitating currently and hoping for a reconciliation, I think you really need to think about your financial picture independently rather than looking for ways to tie your finances more closely together with your ex-husband's.

Did you not get any of his retirement in the divorce, or does he not have any? As others have asked, what about child or spousal support? If he was spared from bankruptcy, does he or someone else who is very close to you and trusts you a whole lot have an okay credit history? It's a lot stricter than it used to be but someone with a good credit history used to be able to add someone as a co-owner on a credit card account, and it would backdate all that good credit history. That's what my husband and I did, he had no credit history and I had a credit card that was paid off regularly since college, so adding him to that created an instant 10 years of good credit -- although as I said, I'm not sure how it works now, or how it would interact with bankruptcy rather than just a lack of credit history.

What is one year of school going to get you? -- will you achieve any degree or certification in that amount of time that will improve your job prospects? If not does it even make sense to be in school or should you stop accruing student debt and start accruing income in this one year you have before you are potentially paying full housing expenses?

I guess the last thing that sounds weird to me is the trust from your father.  I've heard of people locking up money until a beneficiary is a certain age but not until a certain year.  Are you sure about the terms of that trust?  Maybe that's a thing that I just don't know about but I just don't see the benefit to the decedent in doing something like that.

[wildrice]

I agree with dr.girlfriend - your situation with him is honestly throwing up a ton of red flags. For the sake of your daughter I think it's lovely that you are both on the same page about establishing a better financial future that benefits each of you - but you need to also look out for yourself and your own personal interest far more than his. If he has retirement set aside and you don't, that puts up further red flags for me that he's not looking out for you - you BOTH should have been contributing all along, and if that wasn't the case, whatever he has should have been split when you divorced.

You are still talking as though you are married - the goal for you shouldn't be for "one of us" to buy a house in a few years, it should be for YOU to buy one. Do not help him reach this goal in any way other than giving advice/research. None of your money or money that you could be legally entitled to (i.e. child support or alimony money) should go toward him buying a house. You cannot establish any kind of joint credit since you are divorced, and him opening accounts and getting his credit building will not help YOU at all so don't help him with that either. It sounds like you want to get back together, which IMO puts you in a very vulnerable position - he holds all the cards if he's the holdout on a joint future, and you're more likely to give into what he wants or what would benefit him because you likely want to please him/make him happy enough to get back together. I am not saying that to criticize at all - I am just concerned you won't be seeing this situation with eyes wide open if you feel that way. In other words, proceed with caution.

I honestly don't know all that much about bankruptcy so unfortunately I can't comment much beyond that.

[idahome]

I always say this, but if you have a job does it have an EAP (employee assistance program)?

If it does use it - the program should offer counseling along with resources regarding finances. If nothing else it would give you a good place to start.

As other posters have said - you are legally divorced. This means you and your ex are independent for all intents and purposes. You need to focus on taking steps to obtain your own financial independence at this time, not worry about his.

[sadlebred]

Another thing---tough talk here. Sounds like you need to get your ex-husband out of the house. He is considered your ex since the divorce is finalized. I agree with everyone that you should establish your own credit, retirement, etc.

[roseflower]

Jul 5, 2022 15:40:07 GMT -5 dr.girlfriend said:

Maybe it's rude and that's why no one else has done it, but I'm going to address the elephant in the room. You guys are fully divorced. You said that "you" had to file for bankruptcy, which I think means the bankrupcy impacted you alone. As much as you are cohabitating currently and hoping for a reconciliation, I think you really need to think about your financial picture independently rather than looking for ways to tie your finances more closely together with your ex-husband's.

Did you not get any of his retirement in the divorce, or does he not have any? As others have asked, what about child or spousal support? If he was spared from bankruptcy, does he or someone else who is very close to you and trusts you a whole lot have an okay credit history? It's a lot stricter than it used to be but someone with a good credit history used to be able to add someone as a co-owner on a credit card account, and it would backdate all that good credit history. That's what my husband and I did, he had no credit history and I had a credit card that was paid off regularly since college, so adding him to that created an instant 10 years of good credit -- although as I said, I'm not sure how it works now, or how it would interact with bankruptcy rather than just a lack of credit history.

What is one year of school going to get you? -- will you achieve any degree or certification in that amount of time that will improve your job prospects? If not does it even make sense to be in school or should you stop accruing student debt and start accruing income in this one year you have before you are potentially paying full housing expenses?

I guess the last thing that sounds weird to me is the trust from your father.  I've heard of people locking up money until a beneficiary is a certain age but not until a certain year.  Are you sure about the terms of that trust?  Maybe that's a thing that I just don't know about but I just don't see the benefit to the decedent in doing something like that.

wildrice tagging you as well since you are also wondering along the same lines.

It’s not rude to ask. I put my story here and try to be transparent in hope I can get real feedback but I appreciate you being kind about it.

To clarify - we both filed for bankruptcy. Our financial situation wasn’t great when he left and it only got worse after he left. He didn’t really have any retirement and the few thousand he had he withdrew when he first left.
At the end of the day my lawyer said there isn’t enough money to go around. That we should file for bankruptcy and then we can sit down and establish what any type of support would look like. So we both did file.
I would agree I am definitely more vulnerable as the person who wants their family to be whole - I think I became even more vulnerable at the unexpected passing of my father and the trauma of how it all happened.
My ex had been staying with his parents when he moved out and continued to pay rent in the house I am in but they gave him a time frame.
Once my Dad died that’s when I found out my Dad left my ex as the trustee to his estate. I was hurt at first but then was quickly grateful once family members wanted to express their dissatisfaction over things / he took care of it so I could walk away from those situations.
We talked and he agreed that there is no way he could keep me and our daughter in the house and rent for himself and we agreed he could move back in and we would see how it goes. It’s been a year now and it’s been going well in terms of co parenting and getting along. So much so my daughter forgets we are separated and while I am glad our interactions make her feel safe I also worry about a day when he leaves but our lease isn’t up up until summer of 2024 and we both hope to be more financially stable.
I finished a one year program to become a Licensed Esthetician and recently pass the state board exams for licensure.
I had no idea what else to do.
I didn’t have a career to go back to, never finished a degree of any kind.
After my ex left I got a part time job working at spa and it was the first time I seriously thought I could do something and like it. I had been a stay at home mom for 10 years.
A I started last summer and finished at the beginning of this summer.
As for success…I don’t know. I see many people succeed in this area of work and I need to work on my confidence because I worry I will fail etc.
All that to say, he has continued to 100% financially support me through all of this.

In regards to the benefits of my dads trust: yeah it’s s tough one. He has it specifically written up by his lawyer that it would not be dispersed until 2040. I think my Dad did that thinking he had plenty of life left.
From what I have heard from the lawyer, trying to change it would be a problem.

[roseflower]

Jul 6, 2022 20:07:27 GMT -5 sadlebred said:

Another thing---tough talk here. Sounds like you need to get your ex-husband out of the house. He is considered your ex since the divorce is finalized. I agree with everyone that you should establish your own credit, retirement, etc.

We don’t have the money for that right now to be honest. Even more so with now how much more expensive it is to live. I am still the main caretaker of our daughter and he has made sure we have a stable roof over our head and understands it would be hard for me to suddenly pay rent for myself and for her. Let alone be able to afford for childcare. I know this can be uncommon and I see how awful it is for other women when the breadwinner leaves. I try my best to be grateful that at the end of the day he loves his daughter so much that he doesn’t want to displace me. I quit school to be a stay at home mom while he pursued his career.
I don’t have a career to go back to so he financially supports me and still is. Right now things are status quo. br]
I could be wrong but I am open to hearing all differing viewpoints


I apologize for any spelling mistakes I am literally falling alseep so I’ll have to come back tomorrow and probably clarify 😂.

[dr.girlfriend]

Thanks for clarifying, and I hope my post wasn't too discouraging. It's great that you managed to finish your program and get your certification in one year. Do you have an idea if you can get a full-time job as an aesthetician, and if so what it would pay? Once you're employed full-time and know your salary we can try to help you with a budget.

Are you eligible for or receiving social services, like TANF? I don't know too much about these but if you are divorced I'm guessing regardless of your living situation you and your daughter are considered a family and your income alone would determine eligibility for services.

I'm glad that your ex is currently supporting you guys and interested in your success, but the apparent informality of that arrangement puts you in a very precarious situation.  Is there no formal agreement regarding spousal support or child support?  Do you technically have sole or shared custody of your daughter?  I can tell you are hoping for reconciliation, but to be bleakly realistic if your ex came home tomorrow and told you he met someone new and wants to end the shared rental situation when the lease runs out, do you have any recourse to compel his continued support?

I think contributing to retirement and buying a house are great goals to have, but for now I would focus on financial stability in your current situation and immediate future. That means maximizing your income, minimizing your expenditures, and making sure you end up each month in the black, and that you would be able to continue to do so if your ex moves out. I don't know that there's enough info in this one post for us to help you do that, but I'm sure we can if you keep posting specific questions with relevant info.

I know when I first got on this board almost ... yikes! ... 20 years ago asking about buying a house I got some advice that felt very much like a slap in the face.  The folks on this board basically told me I wasn't ready to buy a house.  I was in my mid-30s, had finally finished my advanced degree, and after a literal decade of higher education and moving from place to place for that education I was finally settled in a city and making a "real" salary.  I really didn't like to hear that I would have to wait even longer for what I wanted, but they were 100% correct and probably saved me from some big financial mistakes.  It took a few more years for me to get my financial picture together but I'm so glad that I did.  I hope the same proves true for you.  It's scary starting over, but people can and do manage it.

[roseflower]

Jul 6, 2022 20:07:27 GMT -5 sadlebred said:

Another thing---tough talk here. Sounds like you need to get your ex-husband out of the house. He is considered your ex since the divorce is finalized. I agree with everyone that you should establish your own credit, retirement, etc.

He is paying the rent for our house. I was/am a stay at home mom, but I will be going back to work soon. I can't afford to live on my own and I don't have a support system here to lean on. I definitely understand why you would say this but we came to this agreement. He can't afford two separate rents and he doesn't want to displace me which I appreciate. 

[roseflower]

Jul 9, 2022 12:08:08 GMT -5 dr.girlfriend said:

Thanks for clarifying, and I hope my post wasn't too discouraging. It's great that you managed to finish your program and get your certification in one year. Do you have an idea if you can get a full-time job as an aesthetician, and if so what it would pay? Once you're employed full-time and know your salary we can try to help you with a budget.

Are you eligible for or receiving social services, like TANF? I don't know too much about these but if you are divorced I'm guessing regardless of your living situation you and your daughter are considered a family and your income alone would determine eligibility for services.

I'm glad that your ex is currently supporting you guys and interested in your success, but the apparent informality of that arrangement puts you in a very precarious situation.  Is there no formal agreement regarding spousal support or child support?  Do you technically have sole or shared custody of your daughter?  I can tell you are hoping for reconciliation, but to be bleakly realistic if your ex came home tomorrow and told you he met someone new and wants to end the shared rental situation when the lease runs out, do you have any recourse to compel his continued support?

I think contributing to retirement and buying a house are great goals to have, but for now I would focus on financial stability in your current situation and immediate future. That means maximizing your income, minimizing your expenditures, and making sure you end up each month in the black, and that you would be able to continue to do so if your ex moves out. I don't know that there's enough info in this one post for us to help you do that, but I'm sure we can if you keep posting specific questions with relevant info.

I know when I first got on this board almost ... yikes! ... 20 years ago asking about buying a house I got some advice that felt very much like a slap in the face.  The folks on this board basically told me I wasn't ready to buy a house.  I was in my mid-30s, had finally finished my advanced degree, and after a literal decade of higher education and moving from place to place for that education I was finally settled in a city and making a "real" salary.  I really didn't like to hear that I would have to wait even longer for what I wanted, but they were 100% correct and probably saved me from some big financial mistakes.  It took a few more years for me to get my financial picture together but I'm so glad that I did.  I hope the same proves true for you.  It's scary starting over, but people can and do manage it.

I definitely understand you are coming from a caring place. I know my situation is messy and I would probably have the same advice for a friend. 

The situation is weird. We do everything as if we were still married (except intimacy sorry if that is TMI) but even when he left I was still in charge of paying the bills, I took care of our daughter. He would come over almost every day to see her, but she stayed with me. Then covid happened and we didn't pursue things legally. He has never taken me off of his bank account, pays for my health insurance, doesn't use money as a means of control over me or anything like that. He agreed to pay for me to go through a year certification/licensure program so that is what I did.
So as of right now, there is no custody agreement in place, there is no legally binding support. My lawyer told me that because of our financial situation that he wouldn't have enough money to support me anyhow and encouraged us both to file for bankruptcy and we did. She said once that was done then we can approach the financial aspect again. However, what we are doing right now is better for us both financially and for our daughter. I know it won't be like this forever - our lease is up in 2024 so I have about two years to establish myself. 
So yes - while I do pray for a reconciliation one day, I am still taking steps to be financially secure on my own as well. The situation is painful but I do realize I am lucky that he is not being a jerk and doesn't want to leave me out in the cold. To answer your question about if he were to start seeing someone and want out - his name is on the lease and it would be hard for him to break it. This may be naive of me but everything he has done so far has shown that he wants to keep a roof over our heads. 

As for work as an aesthetician - I feel like it is an area of interest for me that I will enjoy but I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I struggled through school but finally was diagnosed with ADHD at 35 and now everything makes sense, lol. I had a much easier time learning this past year knowing what and why I struggled and found ways to make learning successful for me. I was actually sad when the program was over. 
I am almost 38 and feel like a loser sometimes. I have lost the family I loved, I don't have a college degree, a well establish savings account or retirement account and I have no idea what my future looks like. We both made the decision for me to be a stay at home mom when we had our daughter and I don't regret that, but I know now I am in a situation where I have a lot of catching up to do. 
People in skincare CAN make good money. I do worry about whether I will or not but that comes down to my own confidence levels and having not been in the work force for so long. I grew up in a family of addicts and not much money so I don't think my brain ever believed I could be different and be financially successfully. I am working hard to undue broken belief systems. 
I have been on this board for a long time (although not recently but I used to read here a lot) and felt so intimated about the amazing women here. Smart. Educated. Financially stable. I try not to compare levels of success as I found being a stay at home mother successful for me. Though, now that I am older and still in a bad financial situation it can be a hard pill to swallow. I had hoped by this age I would actually get to take a vacation  
I need to do the best I can with what I have and find a way to make this work. Its hard to envision not being able to available for my daughter like I usually am too. 

In regards to buying a house - its not so much that I think I can buy a house in two years, its that I would like to do whatever I can to get good credit again and figure out what all I can do post bankruptcy to establish credit and take the steps now that will make it possible to get a credit card, to be able to buy a house one day etc. 
I have checked out FICO forums but there is SO much information it can be hard to know what exactly applies to me. 

[dr.girlfriend]

How old is your daughter? That might also help us figure out if you have to cover full daycare expenses or just school before/aftercare once you start working.

I'm glad you got your ADHD diagnosis. Management of those symptoms should be helpful not just for school but also for good work habits. It sounds like you are making great strides. I'm sure it's intimidating to think about entering (re-entering?) the workforce after some time away, especially without good role models, but you got this! :-D

[strawberry]

I don’t really have any advice to offer for your specific situation. I can suggest a few authors/ financial experts to look for to help you learn more about managing personal finances. SUZE ORMAN (she has a bunch of great books & a great podcast) and Dave Ramsey. Reading Books by both of these authors & listening to their tv shows and podcasts really have helped me over the years with managing my finances & learning about money.

[roseflower]

Jul 11, 2022 9:34:27 GMT -5 dr.girlfriend said:

How old is your daughter? That might also help us figure out if you have to cover full daycare expenses or just school before/aftercare once you start working.

I'm glad you got your ADHD diagnosis. Management of those symptoms should be helpful not just for school but also for good work habits. It sounds like you are making great strides. I'm sure it's intimidating to think about entering (re-entering?) the workforce after some time away, especially without good role models, but you got this! :-D

She's 10. I was home with her 100% during covid, but she is back at school in person. (not during the summer, but will start again in August) She's never done before or after school care because I have always been available and drive her to school/pick her up but obviously that could change depending on my hours. 

Thank you - honestly the ADHD diagnosis and treatment has been literally life changing. I spent years being treated for depression and anxiety but only got worse as the years went on. Learning I have ADHD and getting the right medication has changed so much for the better. While I still have a lot of "catching up" to do in regards to getting my life in order, I can actually start doing those things. 

[roseflower]

Jul 11, 2022 10:00:20 GMT -5 strawberry said:

I don’t really have any advice to offer for your specific situation. I can suggest a few authors/ financial experts to look for to help you learn more about managing personal finances. SUZE ORMAN (she has a bunch of great books & a great podcast) and Dave Ramsey. Reading Books by both of these authors & listening to their tv shows and podcasts really have helped me over the years with managing my finances & learning about money.

Thank you so much! I have read one of Dave Ramsey's book and have watched some of his youtube videos. I find a lot of the information insightful but I think I get overloaded with all of the good advice and struggle to put in place what applies to me. If that makes sense. But I am continuing to try and hopefully I can apply them more now. 

[sadlebred]

roseflower It might help to take the Dave Ramsey class in person. There should be a listing of classes in your area on his website.

I did it years ago and found it useful.

[roseflower]

Jul 13, 2022 22:00:24 GMT -5 sadlebred said:

roseflower It might help to take the Dave Ramsey class in person. There should be a listing of classes in your area on his website.

I did it years ago and found it useful.

Thank you! I will definitely check it out. I agree - in person is much better (for me any way)

[strawberry]

Jul 13, 2022 21:09:33 GMT -5 roseflower said:

Jul 11, 2022 10:00:20 GMT -5 strawberry said:

I don’t really have any advice to offer for your specific situation. I can suggest a few authors/ financial experts to look for to help you learn more about managing personal finances. SUZE ORMAN (she has a bunch of great books & a great podcast) and Dave Ramsey. Reading Books by both of these authors & listening to their tv shows and podcasts really have helped me over the years with managing my finances & learning about money.

Thank you so much! I have read one of Dave Ramsey's book and have watched some of his youtube videos. I find a lot of the information insightful but I think I get overloaded with all of the good advice and struggle to put in place what applies to me. If that makes sense. But I am continuing to try and hopefully I can apply them more now. 

. You’re welcome. I understand, it can be very overwhelming. Just remember every little bit & every small Change can make a difference and add up to big changes over time. You don’t have to “climb the whole mountain “ at once. Good luck! You got this.

[jg183]

are you currently working?

[sunshineluv]

On the financial front, are you employed? Right now is a great time to find entry level positions that pay more than min wage. My 16 year old nephew found a job at a grocery store warehouse for $18/hr for the summer. He fills orders by putting the stuff on a forklift type thing and takes it to the transfer truck, zero experience and sounds like a pretty fun job to me. My niece with no experience got a job at a pet boarding place for $17/hr. $18 per hr won’t buy you rent and a car and child care but it can be a start for savings, maybe you could afford rent with a roommate?

On the relationship front, from an outsiders perspective it sounds like you are living your life in the hopes he one day wants to be with you again, that sounds really emotionally hard, all the time. I hope you are able to really grasp that it is over soon, and move on. Find things you enjoy on your own, new friends, hobbies, whatever, and enjoy life on your terms, not in the hopes he changes his mind. (It sounds trite but is that the type of relationship you want for your daughter? You deserve better than that too)