I know some of you have thrown parties before. You know that planning takes time and money. This isn’t a very big one we are having tomorrow, which means an accurate head count is pretty darned important so we have enough (but not too much) food. So when we have 2 families, making up 7 people, as “definite maybes” less than 24 hours before the party, I’m kind of ready to smack you. Dude, am I going to have 10 or 17? That’s a really big swing.
Signed, Annoyed Hostess with the Mostest Leftover Pizza
PS One of the families has a kid with undiagnosed stomach pain who has had a CT scan. So I get it. It’s really up in the air depending on how he feels. But the other? Sheesh, just say yes or no already.
We are having kind of the opposite problem. A mom invited DD2 and her soccer buddies to her house tonight for ToTing... and has ghosted all us completely. Like other moms are asking for updates- times, what should we bring, etc - and she's just not responding at all... so I'm thinking I need to come up with a quick plan B for tonight...
Signed, If she didn't want us there, she shouldn't have invited us??
That sounds familiar. Remember when I had 11 maybes for our BBQ. We ended up with 15 people total, 11 of whom where guests. It's a big swing from 11 to 22. Even though we invited whole families, I've decided it will either only be the child or the parent and the child that are closest to my kid's age.
FFC? I hate "maybe" RSVP's. You either can make it, or you can not. "Maybe" makes it seem like you're trying to decide if you have something better to do. If that's the case, please just say no.
We made it to the "having a few friends to ToT" house just as the kids were leaving to start ToTing... OMG... There were literally over 100 kids, people everywhere, total chaos. I'm so glad we didn't get there earlier. DD2 is a lot like me, and does NOT like crazy crowds like that. We walked there just in time to see the kids leave, and it looked like the rope drop at Disney.
k3am , I tried to be more efficient by sending out evite or FB invitations, both have a Maybe option that I can't edit it out. I had to follow up with everyone out of my maybe group (3-4 families) and everyone on my yes group to have a better head count. Yes group had 3 older kids, so I wasn't sure the high schoolers were coming. One friend refuses to mark invites as no (even if she is 100% not coming) in order to be more "polite" I guess. I noticed it with both my BBQ and our mutual friend's tailgate. I even complained verbally to a co-worker about the maybes and in the next sentence she responded with a maybe. ha ha. I mean... I can't...
I was so happy to throw DS's sleepover party- 2 friends, both yeses, done, the end. None of this large party maybe crap. I think I may have talked myself out of throwing large parties. My last one was 12 years ago. So I thought OK, will do a couple because socializing again after a pandemic, yeah, not worth it ultimately. I will say out of the 3 parties I have had the sleepover (2 friends) was the best, followed by the gymnastics party, and then the BBQ was the worst. The last 2 were the big parties. Gymnastics was better because it was inside, but I was doing favors and the numbers changed constantly. The BBQ was the worst because it was weather dependent. I always have these dreams of outside parties, but the usually don't work out weather wise.
k3am I frequently have to respond "maybe" because of my kids' sports - as in "DD has a softball tournament that weekend, so we have no idea when they'll be eliminated/what times her games will be that day, so we'll make it if we can." I find that the maybes on our invitations comment with a good reason for their "maybe" but it would be frustrating if it was just kind of a "we'll see if we feel like it."
waverly , I get that aspect of it. I'm not annoyed that evite has a maybe option, just annoyed that people use them so often.
sdlaura , even with that, my opinion is still probably in FFC territory. What you mentioned is still a situation where I'd just prefer the guest to just RSVP no or circumstances where if we were invited, we'd RSVP no. Generally, my kids being there won't make or break someone's day. Same with other people being at our event.
My kids know that when they signed up for activities with weekend commitments, that they would likely conflict with birthday party invites or other fun things, and that the earlier commitment almost always prevails. We don't have to and we can't do everything.
We’ve always known what times our games are. But I have heard that before. For a tournament where we are eliminated we would know the game would be Sunday at 3 but not know if we were selected. But we’ve only done one official tournament. Our tournaments are for club sports. Don’t get me wrong I sometimes have to prod coaches but we usually know 1-2 weeks out.
This reminds me of when I planned a family party for DD’s 4th birthday. Only H’s family is local (His brother, brother’s wife, nephew, his cousin, cousin’s SO = 5) + my parents came to town. We hosted a kids party at a play place with an invitation for the family to join us for a late lunch/early dinner. Of fhe 5, 1 declined and 4 said maybe. So, I had to plan a meal for anywhere from 2 - 6 guests. That’s a big swing. If it was just my parents, we’d go out to a restaurant. For 6, I’d need to bring more chairs into the kitchen. How the hell do you plan a meal for 2 up to 6 guests? I really didn’t want to have food for 6 guests if it was just going to be my parents.
They would not tell us UNTIL THE DAY OF THE PARTY.
I decided on a pasta dish, Caesar salad, and baked lemon chicken. I figured I could make a Vodka sauce ahead and just boil as much pasta as needed for however many showed up. And I prepped a tray of lemon chicken that I could pop in the oven and just have enough OR lots of leftovers.
Everyone showed up, even the one who declined. They told us when they were on the way and we were leaving the kids party. My plan worked. It all worked well and we had a ball. But what’s wrong with adults that they can’t commit one day ahead.
waverly, for DD’s softball tournaments, we find out Tuesday or Wednesday what times the Friday game will be. Then the results of that one determine your seeding for the Saturday games, which determine your seeding for the Sunday games, and different seeds play games at different times. You may play one game Saturday morning and lose so you don’t play again till Sunday, but if you win you keep playing Saturday, or similar. I think that’s a pretty common structure for tournaments - my sister’s son who plays travel baseball on the east coast deals with the same thing. I was unfamiliar with the tournament play schedules till DD started all-stars.
Right now DD’s friend wants to go to legoland with DD for her bday on Sunday. DD is in a softball tournament this weekend and has two games Saturday at 2:30 and 4. If they end up as a 1 or 3 seed (out of 4) they play at 1 pm Sunday, but is they end up as a 2 or 4 seed after the Saturday games, they play at 2:30 Sunday. They need to get there an hour in advance for either game. So if it’s a 2:30 game, the girls could go to legoland 10-1:15, but if it’s a 1 pm game, she’d have less than 2 hours at legoland so it wouldn’t be worth it (both girls have passes so it’s free, and only about 20 minutes from us/10 minutes from the tournament location). We won’t know till Saturday night what time the Sunday game will be. I told the friend’s parents that we’ll have to play it by ear and they get that (I also offered that we could just try for another day but they want to try for this one). And this tournament is a relatively simple one schedule-wise.
Yes k3am it depends on the size/type of the party and how close we are to the people - but generally when I’ve said ‘I don’t think we’ll be able to make it because DD might end up having a game’ the host will say ‘if it works out, come on by’ if it’s say a party at a playground/beach/pool/backyard. If it’s a dinner or party where an official headcount is required then we’d say no. Like so much stuff I think communication/using common sense is the key - and I agree that not everyone does that
We don’t do club softball so that might be the difference. Neither of my kids were that interested in baseball or softball. DS played 2 years rec and that was it, no tournaments.