Do you give money to people holding signs on street corners in traffic? Does it make a difference if they approach your car? If I have cash, then usually yes. I don't usually carry chase though.
Do you give money to someone asking that is on the sidewalk, more of a pedestrian situation? Does it make a difference if they approach you? Again, if I have some case to spare, then yes.
Do you give food if someone asks for food? It could be someone asking you to buy them breakfast in a diner or even someone in a local FB group. Absolutely
But I also don't feel guilty if I don't have anything to give or aren't feeling it in that moment.
Post by emilyinchile on Nov 2, 2022 16:56:14 GMT -5
I'm not really understanding why giving as a general rule is a safety issue. If someone wants to car jack you, presumably s/he doesn't need to trick you into rolling down your window to do it? And the people on the street you're walking by anyway? I definitely agree there are sketchy individual people who happen to have asked me for money and who I wanted to get away from asap just like there are sketchy individuals who haven't asked me for money and who I wanted to get away from asap, but as a general rule it hasn't occurred to me to see asking for money as an inherently dangerous situation.
And whoever said they didn't want to encourage people running into traffic (sorry, I'm on my phone and can't see the thread while typing!) legit made me laugh. I imagine most requests are happening with stopped cars at red lights, not people playing Frogger.
Wait - do you live in Chicago? PADS Elgin was where I concentrated my reporting!
I live in a suburb about 20 minutes away from Elgin, and a church in my town is a PADS location once a month, so I donate to their program to purchase food.
I don't anymore but used to. I used to live where this was very infrequent, now I live in a city where every 3-4 people I pass is unhoused. There's no way I could keep up with it even if I only offered $1 to each person I see. I did hand over leftovers from a restaurant to someone who asked for food and I was approached by another heading into a fast casual place & I bought them a meal. I otherwise donate to our local homeless organizations instead.
I live in a suburb about 20 minutes away from Elgin, and a church in my town is a PADS location once a month, so I donate to their program to purchase food.
emilyinchile , really? I've been assaulted and harassed by a man after they asked me for money and I politely declined, and it's happened twice. When I engaged, they followed me and grabbed at my arm/bag when there were other people around they could have picked. In both cases I was the only person who responded to them but was otherwise didn't stand out. Sure, I've also had sketchy people yell things at me when I didn't engage but they move onto the next person quickly and I've never been assaulted by someone I ignored.
Since the second incident I do not engage at all with men and save my money for nonprofits. Different cities have different situations, it may be hard to understand if you haven't been in it.
For reasons I won’t explain, I’ve seen first hand what being dehumanized does to people. I see what it is currently doing to someone I care for deeply. It’s not something I wish on anyone. People experiencing homelessness are still PEOPLE. They should be treated as such. You better bet your ass I give when I can and look the person in they eye when I do it.
I think there is such a starkness in how people view those living without houses. Some of the same people who celebrate the folks like Tanqueray that HONY features would walk right on by them if they saw them on the street.
Every single person could find themselves in that same situation under certain circumstances and it’s incredibly hard to pull yourself out of poverty.
Whether or not you can afford or have the ability to give money to everyone you pass, it’s still so important to recognize their humanity. I don’t think anyone here is being intentionally dehumanizing, but some of the wording here is not great.
I think this is my main reason for asking. I can't always give, especially on street corners due to traffic, not having cash, whatever, but I still want to recognize that they are human beings. My city also has signs posted at lots of corners saying not to give cash, to give through organizations. I give through organizations, but I also know that doesn't immediately fill an empty belly. Recently I had a man ask me to buy him breakfast while we were in a local cafe. I did, but looking back I don't think I treated him as kindly as I should have, I gave the money to a server vs giving him the cash so he could pay for it himself and be treated with dignity. I'm kicking myself for it.
Give yourself grace. You are doing what you can. ❤️
emilyinchile , really? I've been assaulted and harassed by a man after they asked me for money and I politely declined, and it's happened twice. When I engaged, they followed me and grabbed at my arm/bag when there were other people around they could have picked. In both cases I was the only person who responded to them but was otherwise didn't stand out. Sure, I've also had sketchy people yell things at me when I didn't engage but they move onto the next person quickly and I've never been assaulted by someone I ignored.
Since the second incident I do not engage at all with men and save my money for nonprofits. Different cities have different situations, it may be hard to understand if you haven't been in it.
Wow, I’ve lived in major cities (Boston, NYC) for 23 years and visited countless others and have never had that happen to me despite always making eye contact and at least smiling and nodding at every unhoused person I come across. What metro area do you live in??
Post by emilyinchile on Nov 2, 2022 19:39:25 GMT -5
bee20 I'm really sorry that has happened to you, and I am definitely not trying to discount anyone's personal experience. Being grabbed would be scary AF, and I understand why you aren't interacting with people/men in that way anymore!
In your experiences, I understand that you didn't give money, right? That kind of supports what I'm saying, that the act of giving itself is not inherently more dangerous than not giving. I can certainly think of people where I've felt like the best course of action was to ignore rather than to engage in any way, but I think some of the blanket safety comments here are coming from a place of white woman fear more than from a place of real risk assessment.
kaneen, I'm sorry you had that experience. I'm glad you're now in a position where you're able to help people.
In some US cities, there is a very visible population of people who are in mental health or addiction crisis and are homeless. These people aren't the majority of homeless people in those cities, but they are the people you might notice and encounter the most as a new person in the city.
Just like the "I heard those guys go home to mansions after begging on street corners" is untrue, it's also untrue that every homeless person just needs a smile and a sandwich. I agree that everyone should give what they can in the way that they can, and homelessness is a societal issue and not an individual failing. But, it's ok to make choices about who you acknowledge in a public place. It's ok to not give money or goods to people who ask you for it. You will probably feel a little bad no matter what you do, but that's because it's a heartbreaking situation.
To answer the questions, I pretty much always give cash if I have it and someone asks (either asks me directly or has a sign/container out). I will also buy food - I live in a city where there are often people asking for money and/or food outside of my grocery store(s). I have no issue offering to purchase something for someone if I don't have any money to give them.
The car thing is trickier for me. I don't often have cash with me in the car, but on occasion when I do, I will donate to someone on a corner/at a light when it is safe to do so. I do understand some of the comments regarding the safety of this. What I am thinking of, there is one specific intersection on my way home from work where there is a someone with a sign several days per week. It is a very, very busy intersection and I have seen this man almost get hit by a car multiple times. Someone will gesture to him or wind down their window to hand him cash, and he walks directly to the car without ever checking the lights or potential oncoming traffic. I've seen the light change and oncoming cars come close to hitting him, I've seen him duck into the street and a car turns right without seeing him, etc. When I do have money to give, I will only give money when I am directly next to him and can be sure that he can get the money without going into the street. When the person asking for money is in my residential area or an intersection that isn't insanely busy, I would give cash through my car window without issue, though.
emilyinchile , in both cases the encounter started with what I'd consider a friendly exchange but the assault was after I said no to money. scm1011 ,2 different metros one of them west coast one midwestern. Glad you haven't had any issues, wish I hadn't either.
[Deleted details, I don't want to play victim blaming with this board]
I'm not saying everyone asking for money is going to assault you, but I'm annoyed that people are being told to ignore their instincts because all homeless people are noble folks down on their luck. Some are, some aren't.
bee20 I'm trying to not be dismissive here, but no one is telling anyone what to do or not be scared of-- you had a super shitty personal experience. I'm sorry that happened and its understandable what your response is.
Middle class white women have a habit of turning real world fears for marginalized groups into their fears and crying about them and I see some very familiar sentiments here.
And again I will echo the others in saying anecdotes are shitty and it also seems shitty to me to stress the point that some of the unhoused and addicted aren't just in need of a smile and a sandwich. Who's that helping? Someone who feels bad about not handing someone a dollar?
Most of us here will never understand what being unhoused or addicted does, how it changes someone, how they got there, what happens while they are there, the abuse, the fear, etc etc. If you don't want to hand them money, don't. But the safety issue at traffic lights and "its a scam!" sentiments are just insane in the year 2022.
I truly don't care if someone does or doesn't give, but the paragraphs of welfare queen sentiments to justify it are eye-roll worthy.
sproctopus, I think both things can be true, though. Scammers do exist (VERY rare, but real…there are scammers in every area of society and people who are unhoused are not an exception) and safety concerns can be legitimate AND they don’t have to deter everyone (or even anyone, for that matter) from giving. Everyone can weigh the pros and cons for themselves. (But I do agree with you that many blow these things out of proportion and use them as excuses when really the reason is just that it’s not how they choose to spend their money…which is a perfectly acceptable reason by itself.)
I wrote and deleted a long anecdote bc it doesn’t really matter…but our police have specifically asked motorists not to give money to people at 2 specific intersections in town for safety reasons. I agree with them. It is absolutely not safe for anyone to stand on those two corners for any reason, there aren’t even sidewalks to allow pedestrians to cross the road there. I’ve seen actual accidents and more close calls than I want to even think about.
bee20 I'm trying to not be dismissive here, but no one is telling anyone what to do or not be scared of-- you had a super shitty personal experience. I'm sorry that happened and its understandable what your response is.
Middle class white women have a habit of turning real world fears for marginalized groups into their fears and crying about them and I see some very familiar sentiments here.
And again I will echo the others in saying anecdotes are shitty and it also seems shitty to me to stress the point that some of the unhoused and addicted aren't just in need of a smile and a sandwich. Who's that helping? Someone who feels bad about not handing someone a dollar?
Most of us here will never understand what being unhoused or addicted does, how it changes someone, how they got there, what happens while they are there, the abuse, the fear, etc etc. If you don't want to hand them money, don't. But the safety issue at traffic lights and "its a scam!" sentiments are just insane in the year 2022.
I truly don't care if someone does or doesn't give, but the paragraphs of welfare queen sentiments to justify it are eye-roll worthy.
This. And I can co-sign this statement with absolute confidence because I used to do it myself. It took me living something I never ever thought I would to open my eyes. I now volunteer for an organization whose mission it is to open the eyes of others who haven’t lived what it feels like to be dehumanized themselves. Any progress I can make there will be worth it.
We are one fragile white woman away from hearing, “I went to give money to someone when my child/children were younger, and someone tried to kidnap little Wilhelmina!!”
Yes, safety concerns are real, so are bad experiences. But some of you. I swear y’all did not get the brains god graced a bag of shredded cheese.
Post by lolalolalola on Nov 2, 2022 22:12:38 GMT -5
I rarely carry cash and I have never been asked for food. I do give on the rare occasions when I have cash. I have to admit I then feel guilty because I gave to 1 and not the next x number of people I pass.
I don’t give from the car because I think it’s unsafe to be standing in traffic.
I used to work for a large non-profit, so I do strongly feel a much better use of funds is to support proven, non-profit organizations in your community that are designed to help people in a more coordinated and efficient way. You can check out an organization's record easily through something like Charity Navigator.
I also usually don't have cash anyway.
I also don’t give cash to panhandlers but I do a monthly contribution to a food bank and an annual donation to a homeless organization that provides comprehensive services.
I used to be panhandled sometimes very aggressively when I worked in downtown Washington DC and Oakland. Oftentimes the people who need the most help and not the ones who are asking aggressively. I would rather give to organizations that can spread the money around fairly. I also am concerned that I might be contributing to someone’s addiction if I give cash. I do try to look the person in the eyes and say “sorry”.
Post by somersault72 on Nov 3, 2022 7:39:54 GMT -5
I do not carry cash typically but I just wanted to say...if I were homeless I can pretty much guarantee my mental state would not be very good. WTF? This thread is very yeeeesh.
If you're bold enough to hold a sign, ask for money and hop in your Maserati at the end....boy, you got me! Good one!
This is how I look at it. I'd rather take the chance on getting scammed once or twice than not give to someone who really needs it.
I live in a rural area that is pretty wealthy or at least upper middle class. Over the last 10 years or so, we see people with signs out on the corners in various communities here. If we have cash or food we always ask them what they would prefer, and give them that. If they are outside of a restaurant we ask what they want and go in and order it for them.
But Jesus, the people in our community are insane--I regularly see social media comments and threads about how these people are just scamming us, "they drive nice cars and live in nicer houses than I do!!1!!" and "just get a job!" and it is one of the most infuriating things to witness. I always comment something like @kadams posted.
Sorry. I grew up being told to not even make eye contact with the unhoused or anyone asking for money. I was told they were all drug addicts or scammers. It's ridiculous considering how poor I grew up, we used the food bank and various church programs to have food on the table and I'm confident we were an inch away from being unhoused ourselves at a few points. I certainly no longer believe those things I was taught and do my best to treat everyone kindly, giving where I can. This thread has been helpful to me.
I never have cash on me but I do buy food when asked. I work in an area that has a very high homeless population because other cities literally bus them in. There used to be a large temporary shelter next to my office and would get asked all the time. Yeah sure there are some scammers, but the majority of panhandling is not a scam. People are legitimately in need and it frustrates me when coworkers act like the homeless are not people or refer to them as "those people."
There is a new scam in my area where teens run around intersections with signs about a funeral asking for donations. It's been 3 years and they're still collecting for the same funeral next week.
Sorry. I grew up being told to not even make eye contact with the unhoused or anyone asking for money. I was told they were all drug addicts or scammers. It's ridiculous considering how poor I grew up, we used the food bank and various church programs to have food on the table and I'm confident we were an inch away from being unhoused ourselves at a few points. I certainly no longer believe those things I was taught and do my best to treat everyone kindly, giving where I can. This thread has been helpful to me.
I don't think any one is "yeeeeshing" your OP. I think its great that you're evaluating your engrained response.
1. None of you are "bad" people for making these assumptions or being wary of people experiencing homelessness. This is quite normal - at least in the US - and is based on a lot of how our society has taught us to think. But it's another one of those topics where we should stop and think about what we're saying, why we're believing it, and whether it's accurate. A lot of what is assumed in this thread are really generalizations, myths, and unfounded fear. You don't have to give people money, but you do have a responsibility not to further the stigma and share false narratives.
2. It is ALWAYS prudent for people - especially women - to be careful when being approached by people, particularly men, on the street. If you are in a car in an unpopulated area or after dark, unrolling your window to a stranger could put you at risk of carjacking. Use common sense, but don't fear everyone you meet, either. Most people panhandling are not going to attack you or steal your car. I've been carjacked - NOT by a pandhandler/person experiencing homelessness - so I am automatically jumpy when someone approaches me in my vehicle, but I always take a moment to think "I am actually in danger or is this a fear reaction" and basically always the latter is the case. A few weeks ago, I gave a few bucks to a young man who cleans windshields for cash in areas with traffic. We were stopped, surrounded by other cars and people, and the likelihood of him carjacking me in that moment was probably 0%. Where could he have even gone if he got in my car - there was traffic! He told me to have a blessed day and I told him to stay safe and we moved on.
3. The proper terminology to use when talking about people is "people experiencing homelessness" or "people with substance use disorder". Some people use the term "unhoused" and I don't think it's wrong, but I work for an organization who work with this population and I rarely hear anyone use that term. I personally like the "people experiencing homelessness" because it is often a temporary situation and doesn't put an attribution on a person based on their housing status. ETA: or as our CEO said at an event today: Homelessness is a state, not a trait.
4. Avoiding supporting someone because they are doing something you perceive as dangerous (using drugs, walking into traffic, etc) is patronizing. They are humans who can make their own choices and it's not up to you to decide if those choices are right for them.
5. This is preaching to the choir here for the most part, but the most important thing you can do is VOTE for local, state, and federal candidates who support affordable housing and harm reduction policies. Advocate for your town to build affordable housing and vote against development that does not include affordable units.
What I do is create "goodie bags" for lack of a better word. In the winter they have a couple pairs of socks in them, handwarmers, granola bars, toohbrush/toothpaste minis, gummy snacks. I keep them in my car and it's very easy to reach back and grab a ziploc to hand out. I've been doing this for a couple years now and each time I hand one out, I get a very genuine thank you back. It's something small to me but I know for them it's huge.
If I have cash and someone is on the street in need, I gladly hand it over. If I was scammed, I am willing to accept that risk, to help a person that sincerely needs it.