Post by SusanBAnthony on Nov 19, 2022 10:58:42 GMT -5
It was pretty difficult for me to reenter but I did it and didn't have to start over. And now it's like I never stayed home for 6 years.
The transition to SAH was easy for me because I had sahm friends so I jumped right into a active playgroup schedule.
I'd think about if you actually like watching kids all day and if you enjoy things about your job that you'll miss (for me it was the mental stimulation). I'd also think about the long term impact to retirement, etc.
You can always do it for a short time and change your mind.
Division of labor I do probably 95% of stuff. I won't lie when I read threads here I get in a mood about everything I do, but when I'm not comparing I really don't mind it. This was a struggle though at the beginning figuring out what "should" be mine since I am home. Biggest thing my H helps with is bedtime because I'm typically done by that time of day. We have two kids now so he'll do 100% of one kids bedtime, and then finish up the second. He also has kid duty one weekend morning so I can sleep in and have a relaxing start to my day. Also my H has never ever made a comment about the house or dinner or something that "falls" under me which is very helpful because I would lose it if he critiqued my household management when I'm home with two kids all day.
This is my situation. I have to be careful and tune out when people say "I work full time watching the kids, of course we split household chores". Every family is different. Everyone has a different dynamic that works for them. My husband has a high pressure job and when he's done working he still carries some of that on his shoulders. I honestly couldn't imagine him cooking and vacuuming after working all day. He's tied to his computer with calls and video conferences even on the days when he's at home. I have more flexibility to kick my feet up when I have a headache. He doesn't have that luxury.
I'm also fortunate that he doesn't complain when my housework is lacking or we have convenience food for dinner on crazy nights.
I want to thank everyone who took the time to respond! It gave me a lot of points to discuss with DH. We went through the budget one more time and I put in my notice on Friday.
I can especially relate to those who discussed part of their identity being tied up in their career. I’ve worked hard for the position I’m in and am definitely grieving that part of my life right now. It’s going to be an adjustment. I’m also sad about leaving daycare. I love DS’s caregiver and she’s wonderful with him.
At the same time, this is something I’ve always wanted to do and I’m really looking forward to it! Our neighborhood has several SAHMs and our closest family friend is also a SAHM. I’m already coming up with a calendar for activities I’d like to try out and I think I might join a book club through the local moms club. We already have memberships to several places around town, so I’m looking forward to taking advantage of those places without dealing with the weekend crowds. I’ve also been saving recipes and am excited to actually cook again! The baby is also sick for the first time, and it’s going to be such a relief to be there for the kids when they need me most.
CONGRATULATIONS! I have never regretted my decision; this is definitely the best choice for our family right now. It's going to be awesome for you that you already know so many SAHMs.
Also, you are just in time for one of the best parts: NOT having to go back to work right after holiday breaks! That's still a relief to me after every holiday whirlwind.
Be kind to yourself as you make this adjustment, and try not to do EVERYTHING right away. You’ll find the right rhythm for you, but it will take some time. Being a SAHM looks so different for different people, and it takes a bit to figure out what really feels right for you & your kids. Some people sign up for every class, join multiple moms clubs, etc…and some enjoy just attending whatever is free and fits into their day. I was a “free stuff” mom. Libraries, parks, mom groups without paid memberships, home science and art stuff, etc. Some of my good friends are scheduled moms…Music Class Mondays, Gymnastics on Tuesdays, mom goes to the gym daily at a specific time, etc. We often laugh about how we have the same title, but our days look drastically different!
It’s tempting to run full speed out of this exciting gate, but after coming out of a career and heading into the holidays, I encourage you to start slow…and give yourself lots of grace…because you’ll need it! (I hope this doesn’t come across as negative. I’m really excited for you & think this will be great for your family! These are just things I wish someone had said to me when I made the switch.) And I agree…this is the perfect time to start!
Post by JayhawkGirl on Nov 22, 2022 22:47:04 GMT -5
Enjoy the snuggles!! I thought I would struggle with my career identity- I had been in my role for 13 years and built our company’s e-commerce business back when websites were still new. I never looked back (and didn’t tell our PTO about my background lol)
DS and I would snooze and watch Jake and the neverland pirates each morning and I loved it. We did lots of unstructured time. I did lock into weekly swim lessons year round, though, and am glad we were able to do that.
I am so grateful we had the means and ability for me to SAH, but if you’ve always worked and likely have received fulfillment and a great portion of your own self worth through work, it could be difficult.
For me it was slow, but painful for me to completely lose my sense of self worth over time. I was used to contributing financially, I was used to feeling valued and being complimented for my contributions and allllll of that stopped. It was incredibly difficult for me.
If your spouse is generally doting, loving and complimentary you may not experience this at all, but mine is not so it exacerbated how I felt.