TWERKS, updates etc

[campermom]

PDQ: [

[waverly]

I’m sorry you are going through this.

We recently changed insurance providers. Kids have always been under DH. We are still married and we both have legal custody. And the insurance wouldn’t talk to me without his permission because he is the policyholder. I thought of you and thought keep fighting on the health insurance to keep it in your name. No way will he give his permission for you to talk to them and you do everything for the kids. He does nothing. They made me do a 3 way phone conference with DH so that I could get the policy number while the cards were in the mail.

[campermom]

PDQ

[twinmomma]

I would think in court, he would look bad and the judge would side with you on all of this, right? The legal document says the insurance is under you, not him. Now, whether he listens to the legal document is a different story. But wouldn't court just hurt him, not you at this point? What an absolute jerk. I'm sorry you're dealing with this!

[mommyatty]

We finally had our call with the psychologist who evaluated DS. He meets the criteria for autism. But he also has a borderline genius level IQ and his language skills are extremely high, so his prognosis for improving enough in the future to not meet criteria is good. What’s bad is we missed the early intervention window since he’s 8 already and early intervention is defined as 0-6. Since he doesn’t have any of the behaviors that ABA therapy generally focuses on stopping, there’s no recommendation that we stop that. But she recommends finding social skills classes to help him understand how to make friends, a therapist who specializes in ASD kids, pragmatic speech therapy, possibly some animal therapy, and an ADHD coach. So it’s a lot.

[waverly]

I’m sorry @mommatty, that’s a lot.


I have holiday vents. After 3 years (on break due to Covid) we decided to host Thanksgiving. That seems to be fine.

However, I invited SIL and she declined. No problem. She’s out of state so totally understandable.

But then she invited herself for Christmas. We aren’t hosting Christmas and didn’t invite anyone. We never host Christmas so it’s not a tradition. We always hosted Thanksgiving. Ok so whatever, she may be here around that time. 1. I have no idea when or what or anything. 2. She was extremely derogatory to DH on the phone about his work stuff. Just really mean for no reason. 3. She apparently sent a text to everyone (not me) that she doesn’t want to exchange presents just the kids. Again, you weren’t invited but ok, no problem. I’m not a big gift giver or receiver. I have no idea when you are even seeing us to exchange or not exchange presents. 4. Got mad that no one responded to her text. The text is for people in 2 different states, so which state are you even going to? 5. There was nothing asked or including us. Everything is just declared that she is doing X. Again, the invite was for Thanksgiving. It was not for Christmas. We’ll be nice around that time if you want to stop by but we never said we are hosting Christmas, Christmas Eve, Boxing Day or anything else. I’ll be working except for long weekends so 🤷‍♀️.

[twinmomma]

mommyatty, I'm sorry, that's a lot of news to digest all at once. But it sounds like they gave you good direction on what to look into for supports. I know when we did our evaluation for DD2, their report listed a ton of stuff they recommended, but it certainly wasn't all realistic for us to pull off. I think they try to cover all the bases, but you can do what works for your family, one step at a time. For example, they pushed OT really hard for DD2. And she loved OT. But it was basically us dismissing her from school for an hour of playground time to get her energy out and not covered by insurance. We ended up finding swimming as a good alternative that gave her the same energy release without the stress of OT.

[k3am]

waverly, just tell her no. Sorry, we have plans for Christmas already and aren't able to host. The end.

campermom, his soon to be wife will figure out what a nut job he is before too long, he won't be paying for a family plan for long. =\ Hopefully you've kept everything documented. Everything. If I were him, I wouldn't want to be in court with his history of behavior. I was going to call him the gift that keeps giving, but really he's like glitter.. can't seem to make him go away.

[twinmomma]

Random update for us: I think we're basically getting an entire house of new furniture from beau's sister if we want it? She and her family are moving overseas this spring and offered us whatever we want from their house. So next week while we're visiting for the holiday we will "shop" and see what we want to claim. We're thinking we'll just have a pod loaded up down there, then have it delivered up here. They have a lot of VERY nice stuff, most of which is only a couple years old.

[k3am]

I've decided that we're not going to my mom's for Christmas this year. This reduces my likelihood of smacking my oldest sister and/or my kids seeing my mom in one of her terrible moods, eliminates the costs of boarding the dog, driving for 10+ hours or flights and ubers. We would only be able to stay from Sunday afternoon to Tuesday morning. DH doesn't particularly care one way or the other. DD is okay with it. I haven't mentioned it to DS yet.

We've only ever not gone once before (2020), and that year was kind of amazing. I still have a guilt complex about not going. At this rate, it could be the last opportunity for the kids to see my mom. Or she could have another 15 years of this limbo. Which also makes me feel bad.

[polecat8]

campermom, kudos to you for keeping calm and documenting the hell out of all of this. You are a saint for dealing with all of his BS!

[polecat8]

DH has been horribly sick since early Wednesday morning with fevers, chills, headache, fatigue, and sore throat. He can barely get out of bed so I have been taking care of everything. I ended up taking the kids with me to my grad school class last night since I was reviewing final project status with each group. The kids were able to stay relatively quiet for those 2 hours. But now I am exhausted!
I'm worried that DH hasn't made much improvement and that I might get sick too. I don't have time to get sick and my Dad is having surgery at the end of the month.
So now I am praying to all of the gods, disinfecting everything and quarantining DH.

[mustardseed2007]

We went to a 2nd Endo for confirmation that we are doing all we should do for her height.

Our normla/original endo sent me a very long message in the portal and also called and left me a VERY long message about things we can do for her care. Kind of imploring me not to take a different course of action but using very professional language.

I think she's right but it kind of makes me feel weird about the 2nd opinion. But I guess all is well that ends well.

Random: I just discovered a mistake at work. My associate made it, and I didn't catch it, which means it's my mistake. It's a mistake that is costing us money. It's not the biggest mistake I've ever made but it's definitely annoying and, like I said, costing us money. Our real estate director is justifiably mad but also not talking to me about it. I hate situations like this. Really hate them.

[supertrooper1]

campermom, I'm sorry you're dealing with that crap and worry that may be my future too. We agreed to no child support and DS is on my health plan. Without me paying for the health care, I could have owed, but this put it where he would have owed me $100 a month. Forfeiting the $100 helped us reach an agreement. My state calculated only what it would cost for DS on my plan, so if it won't cost him anything to add your kids, then I don't see them subtracting anything from the child support.

I signed the final divorce decree on Tuesday. It still needed my attorney's review and signature, and ex-H's signature. His attorney said she would file the paperwork today. I haven't heard anything, so I hope the plan is still to be filed today!

I felt old at a concert last night! It was a country concert at a local theater. We had 2nd row seats and thought we would have a great view. Wrong! Every 18-20 year old rushed to the stage and the ushers didn't do anything about it. I ended up standing most of the time when I wanted to just sit and enjoy. The couple in front of us in the front row were pissed and just sat there the whole time with scowls. The lead singer even asked her if she was having a good time since she looked pissed.

[waverly]

I told DH that he can suggest a local Italian restaurant. That is if they are not thinking actual Christmas. When she visits the area, we usually don’t see her on the actual day. She stays with her in-laws.

I told the story when we forced to host last time. It was 2019 or 2018. Not the actual day, but MIL was telling mean stories and SIL said this is why all MIL’s kids are in therapy. And then we had to cook burgers cause BIL only eats beef. The other time they suggested a $$$ restaurant and then SIL spent the whole time whispering on trying to get out of paying for mine and DD’s meal. She didn’t even need/ have to pay for it. It was just her being cheap / extra.

[186momx]

campermom, hugs!
mommyatty, hugs that is a lot of info to process

DD and I have finally figured out the university covid testing deal through school that we had been struggling with.
I just realized that I have 3 Fridays without DD home before tax season starts.

[mommyatty]

Thanks, everybody. Since our pediatrician already warned us that the therapist was going to make the autism diagnosis, the bad part wasn’t a surprise. But the high IQ (like really freaking high IQ) news was not expected. We knew he was very bright. But apparently I’m raising Sheldon Cooper. He’s a crazy brainy kid but needs a whole lot of social skills help.

[campermom]

mommyatty that is a lot-a tough day. Sent you a pm.

supertrooper1 I can’t believe it’s finally happening! How long was this process for you?

[supertrooper1]

campermom, it's taken 3.5 years!

[mae0111]

TWERK/DDOT: DD1 took the entrance exam for private school earlier this week. We hired a tutor in September when we realized that she was really behind in math (though pulling all A's/A+ at school... total mismatch but no one at school wants to discuss it).

She performed at an average rate for the verbal and reading comp sections, which was disappointing considering her test scores in the past and the testing that she had a few years ago. But her math and quant reasoning scores were abysmal. Math was slightly better than quant. The quant piece lines up with her NVLD, but I'm really disappointed in the math. How can she get straight A's and perform so poorly? No one can blame test anxiety - she doesn't get anything like that. No nerves about anything, ever. It's that her school's math program is poor, and no one is executing on it properly. I never anticipated that she would get in the 90th percentile, even if the school's math program was better. But the 20th percentile?

I don't know how she can get in with scores like that... It's another instance where I feel like I failed her.

[mommyatty]

mae0111, what else could you have done? You have her in a private school, you got a tutor for her.

Has her educational testing indicated she needs accommodations for testing? For example, DS can’t do timed tests. He just can’t. He either figures he won’t finish anyway, so dawdles, or panics and just starts guessing to get it over with. Those are both common responses for ADHD kids, even if they don’t show any sort of testing anxiety. When he did his most recent round, he just got frustrated with timed tests and was like “I’m not doing it.” His processing speed was in like the 1st percentile, even on meds. So when they took his processing speed out of his IQ scores, his IQ score went up over 30 points. So maybe her test results won’t ever really show her abilities. Maybe the school will take that into consideration.

[traveltheworld]

mae0111, I don't have any advice; but just want to say you didn't fail her. You did the best you could given the information you had - that's all anyone could ask for.

We came back from a week in Mexico earlier this week. It was a good trip. Slightly disappointing that the kids didn't get along better, but I suppose that's siblings for you.

My happier update - in the summer I got given a team to manage. 3 of them wanted title changes / raises. I've managed to get all 3 done this week. This is after years of no movement on those points as our HR department is notoriously difficult. I'm very proud of myself for my incessant push on HR on these.

[mae0111]

mommyatty - the testing didn’t indicate extra time, but I know that her time management is terrible. She rushes, but then doesn’t utilize the leftover time.

For DD2 I’m pushing hard for time accommodations because I know she panics and can’t function under pressure. But I kind of assumed that DD1 wouldn’t improve with extra time. Maybe I’m wrong. I will investigate.

[mustardseed2007]

mae0111, is she currently in a private school? If so is she doing map testing or any other type of similar benchmarking?

[campermom]

Pdq

[mommyatty]

campermom- lol, if he has a lawyer, they’re crappy if those are the grounds they filed on. Materiality means affecting the welfare of the children. So… before he was married he was unable to care for his kids? Otherwise how is the marriage material? And a change means it’s different than when the order was signed. So… his mom didn’t exist before you signed the agreement? I really hope in your state they have a fee shifting statute so he has to pay for your lawyer for filing a frivolous case.