@@ NCEP random catchall thread @@

[konapoppy]

bronxgirl, how did it go???

[seeyalater52]

Experienced parents, what the heck do you do when your kid is obsessed with one parent and freaks out when you separate? J is super into me lately and nearly every time I leave the room he cries for me and when he wails “mamaaaa” I feel like my heart is getting ripped out but also he has two competent parents and I need to eat dinner/work/have time to myself occasionally.

He’s my favorite person so obviously I’m glad he loves me back but it is exhausting to be needed all the time and he’s never had a parent preference phase this strong.

[penguingrrl]

Dec 11, 2022 18:59:35 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

Experienced parents, what the heck do you do when your kid is obsessed with one parent and freaks out when you separate? J is super into me lately and nearly every time I leave the room he cries for me and when he wails “mamaaaa” I feel like my heart is getting ripped out but also he has two competent parents and I need to eat dinner/work/have time to myself occasionally.

He’s my favorite person so obviously I’m glad he loves me back but it is exhausting to be needed all the time and he’s never had a parent preference phase this strong.

Sending hugs! All three of ours went through phases with this, and which parent varied. My best advice is to let your wife handle it. They’re a good parent too, and J needs to be confident in both of you. And you need time to be yourself, too. This is going to sound mean, but go out of earshot or put on noise canceling headphones and know that he’s being loved by your wife and you need and deserve a break too. 

[erbear]

Dec 11, 2022 18:59:35 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

Experienced parents, what the heck do you do when your kid is obsessed with one parent and freaks out when you separate? J is super into me lately and nearly every time I leave the room he cries for me and when he wails “mamaaaa” I feel like my heart is getting ripped out but also he has two competent parents and I need to eat dinner/work/have time to myself occasionally.

He’s my favorite person so obviously I’m glad he loves me back but it is exhausting to be needed all the time and he’s never had a parent preference phase this strong.

Everything in parenting is a phase. Just ride it out (the crying sucks but he doesn’t NEEEEEED you all the time). Soon enough it will be your wife’s turn as the fav. And back and forth forever. Good luck!

[pixy0stix]

Dec 11, 2022 19:24:10 GMT -5 penguingrrl said:

Dec 11, 2022 18:59:35 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

Experienced parents, what the heck do you do when your kid is obsessed with one parent and freaks out when you separate? J is super into me lately and nearly every time I leave the room he cries for me and when he wails “mamaaaa” I feel like my heart is getting ripped out but also he has two competent parents and I need to eat dinner/work/have time to myself occasionally.

He’s my favorite person so obviously I’m glad he loves me back but it is exhausting to be needed all the time and he’s never had a parent preference phase this strong.

Sending hugs! All three of ours went through phases with this, and which parent varied. My best advice is to let your wife handle it. They’re a good parent too, and J needs to be confident in both of you. And you need time to be yourself, too. This is going to sound mean, but go out of earshot or put on noise canceling headphones and know that he’s being loved by your wife and you need and deserve a break too. 

Yeah, or just leave the house.

[penguingrrl]

Update on my kid’s audition. They found out tonight they didn’t get it. They did the solo and site reading really well, but flubbed the scales so weren’t surprised. Their friend did get in and they’re super excited for her. Apparently fewer than 1:5 clarinets who auditioned got in. Hopefully next year!

[seeyalater52]

Thank you guys. I think I need to work on my willpower and not melting into a little puddle being needed by my baby and doing his evil toddler bidding 🤣

[wanderingback]

I’ve been a mom for 1 month! So thankful I can take a long leave, per U.S. standards, and that I have my partner home with me during these months. I’m really enjoying parenthood and our family.
And now I can directly participate in @ threads with actual @ experience

[seeyalater52]

Dec 11, 2022 22:12:51 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

I’ve been a mom for 1 month! So thankful I can take a long leave, per U.S. standards, and that I have my partner home with me during these months. I’m really enjoying parenthood and our family.
And now I can directly participate in @ threads with actual @ experience

I’m so happy to see this! I absolutely loved those first sweet months over the fall and winter when J was born. Glad you get to be together as a family. ❤️

[bronxgirl]

Dec 11, 2022 10:20:28 GMT -5 konapoppy said:

bronxgirl , how did it go???

It was amazing!!! I'll post more tomorrow, but it was the most perfect day. Thanks for asking.

[shauni27]

Dec 11, 2022 18:59:35 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

Experienced parents, what the heck do you do when your kid is obsessed with one parent and freaks out when you separate? J is super into me lately and nearly every time I leave the room he cries for me and when he wails “mamaaaa” I feel like my heart is getting ripped out but also he has two competent parents and I need to eat dinner/work/have time to myself occasionally.

He’s my favorite person so obviously I’m glad he loves me back but it is exhausting to be needed all the time and he’s never had a parent preference phase this strong.

S is 5 and we have dealt with this to varying degrees for all 5 years. I am literally in therapy about it right now, lolsob.

[shauni27]

S had his first ever parent teacher conference and his teacher said he was so well adjusted and bright and happy. She pointed out some of his progress over the first few months of school and just said he was a pleasure to have in class. I cannot believe I have a whole kindergartener.

[litebright]

My DD2 has her first-ever musical audition today. She has zero singing or dancing experience but practiced really hard, and I think she's going to do really well. I still don't think she'll get the part that she wants (she's auditioning for a lead -- she aims high!), but I think she'll get *something* in the end and be happy about it.

ETA: I didn't get to hear her entire audition b/c I was in and out of the room (they close the main curtain, so no one can see the auditions except the panel of directors/choreographer), but her song went fine. She got a callback for acting. Which I'm not quite sure what that means for a musical, but she is stronger in acting anyway, so it's nice to see her get some recognition for that. 

[dove]

wrong thread 

[formerlyak]

Dec 12, 2022 10:15:39 GMT -5 litebright said:

My DD2 has her first-ever musical audition today. She has zero singing or dancing experience but practiced really hard, and I think she's going to do really well. I still don't think she'll get the part that she wants (she's auditioning for a lead -- she aims high!), but I think she'll get *something* in the end and be happy about it.

ETA: I didn't get to hear her entire audition b/c I was in and out of the room (they close the main curtain, so no one can see the auditions except the panel of directors/choreographer), but her song went fine. She got a callback for acting. Which I'm not quite sure what that means for a musical, but she is stronger in acting anyway, so it's nice to see her get some recognition for that. 

Congrats. For the acting callback, they will give her sides (like two pages of the script), give her a few moments to read over it, pair her with actors called back for other roles in that scene and the perform the scene. Tell her to be familiar with the character’s personality and basic traits.

[redheadbaker]

DS' show was great! The whole cast did a great job. My brother/SIL, aunt and two of her kids, and my parents all came to see it.

I asked him, if they do another show with roles for kids his age, does he want to audition again? Got a very confident YES. I'm happy he found something he loves to do, and I'm also happy it's something I love, too. I was in six musicals in high school.

Small world, one of DS' friends from summer camp (who goes to a different school, so they only see each other in the summer) was there to see another friend, so they got to catch up

[5kcandlesinthewind]

My 7-year old has been taking a junior improv class, and they had their first show last night. He's super sensitive, has always struggled with socialization (he wants to be everyone's friend and doesn't always seem to get that he doesn't have to be nice to kids who are shitty to him), and was dealing with bullying earlier this year, so we put him in this to see if it could help him process his emotions a little better and boost his confidence. He was SO excited last night, and he did great. His go-to schtick appears to be laughing like a lunatic at everything everyone says and throwing himself on the ground when he can't figure out what to say, but it works (?).

He's also got his first piano recital this weekend, and my mom is driving up here to see him. I feel badly that she's driving over 3 hours round trip to come watch him play a 30-second song, but she insisted on it. I asked the owner if they had a good turnout for the recitals (they're optional), and he said they have 30 kids in each. I don't know what the look on my face actually was, but it must have been pure horror, because he quickly said they'd timed it out to be no more than an hour and a half. I texted my husband to tell him and wrote "thank god there's a bar, hahahasob."

[StrawberryBlondie]

We're having some winter weather up here... Not my area in particular, but about an hour north is pretty bad... Like a foot+ of snow. But here we woke up to like 2 inches and it's been snowing all day and there's been only like 1/2" accumulation. And it's warm so it's not icy.

Apparently some parents in my district are losing their damn minds that school wasn't cancelled today. I'm so confused.

[Saudade]

Dec 15, 2022 17:16:36 GMT -5 StrawberryBlondie said:

We're having some winter weather up here... Not my area in particular, but about an hour north is pretty bad... Like a foot+ of snow. But here we woke up to like 2 inches and it's been snowing all day and there's been only like 1/2" accumulation. And it's warm so it's not icy.

Apparently some parents in my district are losing their damn minds that school wasn't cancelled today. I'm so confused.

I’m kind of surprised their district was open. We’ve been closed today and yesterday. Interstate was closed from Canada down. Now just from us down. It’s so nasty here since it was warm and snow yesterday and overnight it froze.

[StrawberryBlondie]

Dec 15, 2022 17:55:43 GMT -5 Saudade said:

Dec 15, 2022 17:16:36 GMT -5 StrawberryBlondie said:

We're having some winter weather up here... Not my area in particular, but about an hour north is pretty bad... Like a foot+ of snow. But here we woke up to like 2 inches and it's been snowing all day and there's been only like 1/2" accumulation. And it's warm so it's not icy.

Apparently some parents in my district are losing their damn minds that school wasn't cancelled today. I'm so confused.

I’m kind of surprised their district was open. We’ve been closed today and yesterday. Interstate was closed from Canada down. Now just from us down. It’s so nasty here since it was warm and snow yesterday and overnight it froze.

Yeah, I talked to my mom and she said school was closed yesterday but open today and that seems backwards based on what their weather is.

[pixy0stix]

We're taking the kid to see his first professional sport game (minor league hockey), and he's very confused about what is going to happen. It reminds me of the conversations I had with his sister when we took her to her first professional game (baseball). It's very bittersweet.

[abs]

@pixy, ❤️❤️❤️

[pixy0stix]

Thursday morning is supposed to be 0 with the windchill into -25, with 2-5 inches of snow. I was going to take the kid to the daycare that day, but I'm not sure I even want to mess around with that. Just thinking about it makes me want to curl up into a nice cozy den and never emerge.

[Jalapeñomel]

I'm so sad that the snow is going to miss us for the holidays.

[seeyalater52]

I know I’m being a bitch but I’m super annoyed at how overwhelming and excessively my MIL gifts to my toddler at holidays. We are long distance from her and I’m sure she is feeling that presents are a way to make up for that but in general she is fixated on this image of grandparenting that involves extravagant gifts and she has terrible boundaries and doesn’t respect when we ask her to limit to 2 or 3 items. Honestly it sucks when she sends literally 35 gifts for him at Christmas. Not only do we NOT need that much stuff, but I also feel like it overwhelms the gifts I spent time thoughtfully picking out and she literally buys him one of each possible toy available for children in his age group plus a lot of stuff he’s too young to even be interested in yet. And it also makes my family feel awkward, especially my parents, because they don’t have the same financial ability to buy so many gifts (and respect that we don’t want them!) and I have to manage their feelings about it too.

Obviously the answer is to have better boundaries and not to even have my kid open all these presents and to donate them or something but then I feel guilty and sad and uncomfortable that I’m not grateful enough for the gifts which is 100% part of the motivation of her sending them.

[wanderingback]

Dec 19, 2022 13:12:44 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

I know I’m being a bitch but I’m super annoyed at how overwhelming and excessively my MIL gifts to my toddler at holidays. We are long distance from her and I’m sure she is feeling that presents are a way to make up for that but in general she is fixated on this image of grandparenting that involves extravagant gifts and she has terrible boundaries and doesn’t respect when we ask her to limit to 2 or 3 items. Honestly it sucks when she sends literally 35 gifts for him at Christmas. Not only do we NOT need that much stuff, but I also feel like it overwhelms the gifts I spent time thoughtfully picking out and she literally buys him one of each possible toy available for children in his age group plus a lot of stuff he’s too young to even be interested in yet. And it also makes my family feel awkward, especially my parents, because they don’t have the same financial ability to buy so many gifts (and respect that we don’t want them!) and I have to manage their feelings about it too.

Obviously the answer is to have better boundaries and not to even have my kid open all these presents and to donate them or something but then I feel guilty and sad and uncomfortable that I’m not grateful enough for the gifts which is 100% part of the motivation of her sending them.

Omg this would drive me crazy/make me upset. You’re not a bitch. I get annoyed that 1 family member who I tell we don’t do gifts still gets me something that is often not anything I need/want, so I can’t imagine getting that many toys.
Sorry I don’t have any helpful advice because obviously you can’t force people to not buy stuff, but just wanted to let you know you’re not being a bitch!
By any chance could you ask her to give me to put in a college or first car down payment fund instead?

[StrawberryBlondie]

Dec 19, 2022 13:12:44 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

I know I’m being a bitch but I’m super annoyed at how overwhelming and excessively my MIL gifts to my toddler at holidays. We are long distance from her and I’m sure she is feeling that presents are a way to make up for that but in general she is fixated on this image of grandparenting that involves extravagant gifts and she has terrible boundaries and doesn’t respect when we ask her to limit to 2 or 3 items. Honestly it sucks when she sends literally 35 gifts for him at Christmas. Not only do we NOT need that much stuff, but I also feel like it overwhelms the gifts I spent time thoughtfully picking out and she literally buys him one of each possible toy available for children in his age group plus a lot of stuff he’s too young to even be interested in yet. And it also makes my family feel awkward, especially my parents, because they don’t have the same financial ability to buy so many gifts (and respect that we don’t want them!) and I have to manage their feelings about it too.

Obviously the answer is to have better boundaries and not to even have my kid open all these presents and to donate them or something but then I feel guilty and sad and uncomfortable that I’m not grateful enough for the gifts which is 100% part of the motivation of her sending them.

My MIL does this too and she lives about 6 miles from us. 😉

[seeyalater52]

Dec 19, 2022 14:15:12 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Dec 19, 2022 13:12:44 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

I know I’m being a bitch but I’m super annoyed at how overwhelming and excessively my MIL gifts to my toddler at holidays. We are long distance from her and I’m sure she is feeling that presents are a way to make up for that but in general she is fixated on this image of grandparenting that involves extravagant gifts and she has terrible boundaries and doesn’t respect when we ask her to limit to 2 or 3 items. Honestly it sucks when she sends literally 35 gifts for him at Christmas. Not only do we NOT need that much stuff, but I also feel like it overwhelms the gifts I spent time thoughtfully picking out and she literally buys him one of each possible toy available for children in his age group plus a lot of stuff he’s too young to even be interested in yet. And it also makes my family feel awkward, especially my parents, because they don’t have the same financial ability to buy so many gifts (and respect that we don’t want them!) and I have to manage their feelings about it too.

Obviously the answer is to have better boundaries and not to even have my kid open all these presents and to donate them or something but then I feel guilty and sad and uncomfortable that I’m not grateful enough for the gifts which is 100% part of the motivation of her sending them.

Omg this would drive me crazy/make me upset. You’re not a bitch. I get annoyed that 1 family member who I tell we don’t do gifts still gets me something that is often not anything I need/want, so I can’t imagine getting that many toys.
Sorry I don’t have any helpful advice because obviously you can’t force people to not buy stuff, but just wanted to let you know you’re not being a bitch!
By any chance could you ask her to give me to put in a college or first car down payment fund instead?

Thank you for the validation! We do try to direct her to put the money away in his 529 or savings account but she is really overbearing about physical items. I am not minimalist by ANY stretch and it’s a lot even for me. She also gifts us a lot of stuff we don’t want or need and that is also annoying but it feels so much more straightforward to just get rid of it vs stuff she gets for J. The fact that she’s a little toxic also makes it hard because she is so put out about any direction and says we should be grateful she cares or whatever. I know we will need to make a better plan than the current one to intercept this tendency because he will start to be more aware of this stuff soon and I don’t want to be this grumpy every holiday!

[hermione]

Dec 19, 2022 14:58:35 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

Dec 19, 2022 14:15:12 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Omg this would drive me crazy/make me upset. You’re not a bitch. I get annoyed that 1 family member who I tell we don’t do gifts still gets me something that is often not anything I need/want, so I can’t imagine getting that many toys.
Sorry I don’t have any helpful advice because obviously you can’t force people to not buy stuff, but just wanted to let you know you’re not being a bitch!
By any chance could you ask her to give me to put in a college or first car down payment fund instead?

Thank you for the validation! We do try to direct her to put the money away in his 529 or savings account but she is really overbearing about physical items. I am not minimalist by ANY stretch and it’s a lot even for me. She also gifts us a lot of stuff we don’t want or need and that is also annoying but it feels so much more straightforward to just get rid of it vs stuff she gets for J. The fact that she’s a little toxic also makes it hard because she is so put out about any direction and says we should be grateful she cares or whatever. I know we will need to make a better plan than the current one to intercept this tendency because he will start to be more aware of this stuff soon and I don’t want to be this grumpy every holiday!

There's a fix but it will absolutely alienate your MIL. When my SIL would not stop doing this, I posted picture on Dec 26 of most her gifts being donated: "We received way more than one child could ever need or even want so we are excited to donate to those less fortunate!"

[StrawberryBlondie]

Taking DD to swim practice has been my responsibility because the timing just doesn't work with DH's work schedule but he had yesterday off so he took her. The turnaround from school ending to practice starting is really tight, so I've figured out when I need to leave home, where is the best place to park, best place to meet the her, etc, because getting out of certain areas of the parking lot are like the Hunger Games after school gets out.

Anyway, I relayed all this to him and he apparently decided it was overkill so he left home 10 minutes later than I told him to, didn't (couldn't?) park where I told him to, and it took him over 5 minutes to get out of his parking spot.

Pretty sure he'll listen to me next time.