So again. Dogs. Still on list for February puppy (secret from kids) and still not sure what we will do.
I joined a FB dog group and people constantly post about their dog's health (lots of sad stuff), potty, and behavior issues!
So tell me about your dogs. Net gain for your family in love and happiness? Or too much to handle? Lay it on me.
I keep coming back to the fact that this is an experience I want us to have as a family. A dog would be awesome for my kids. But every time the weather is awful and I'm curled up warm inside, I think I'm glad I don't have to go take a dog out! Argh. (FYI I have had a dog before but not as the parent)
If DH were 100% supportive, I wouldn't hesitate. But I also don't want to miss out on this experience for our family (if it's a good experience!!!!).
Post by purplepenguin7 on Dec 13, 2022 14:34:22 GMT -5
I mean this very sincerely....I think you would know (and not be doubting it) if you wanted a dog.
I love dogs, I walked my neighbor's dogs as child because I couldn't have my own. I knew as soon as I was able to do it as an adult, I would. My dog is the best, I love her to death. She is the sweetest, she loves belly rubs, sleeping on the couch, coming under the blanket with me. She is great with my daughter (4 yo). She was great with potty training (but has accidents time to time if we are off schedule), no major behavior issues (but she does bark a lot). Of course, she's been sick over the years, we had a few emergency vists which were expensive. I only recently moved to a house with a yard so for 11 years I had to get up and walk her before work in any weather. Again, it sucked and I was freezing but it was just the fact of life.
Anyway, you don't have to be dog obsessed like me to be a dog owner but all that to say, you seem to be very doubtful. I think you need to go in with full force especially if your kids are young.
We got a dog mostly because my son was pushing REALLY hard for one, and, IDK, they're cute. My H was indifferent at best about it.
My H and I had both lived with dogs but never been responsible for them as adults. We did have other animals though (cats, chickens, fish). My MIL and SIL acted like we couldn't possible understand what it was like to have a dog. We applied to countless rescues, and the theme of every application was basically, "DO YOU REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GETTING INTO?? ARE YOU SURE? REALLY?". It was really intimidating and made it sound like having a dog was going to be incredibly difficult.
The dog turns 5 next month. It has been WAY easier than we expected. My H, who was not particularly excited about a dog, is completely obsessed. He would definitely save the dog before me if the house was on fire LOL.
We have an electric fence for our dog, but he is not a wanderer and I think was only shocked once. He goes outside for bathroom breaks by himself. We walk him most days unless it's raining, but he's OK to skip it if the weather is bad.
The kids love him. We are fortunate that we have family close by to watch him when we go away. If you don't have that option, then coordinating dog care during vacations is probably the biggest downside/expense.
We had a golden retriever. H got her before we met and she was 1 when I came into the picture. She was 5 when DS1 was born, and died while I was still pregnant with DS2. Like all dogs, she had some health issues, but it was predictable based on her breed (ear infections and then later in life benign lumps) but once we figured out a preventative maintenance plan that actually worked for her ears that more or less solved her issues until the last year of her life. Overall, she was fairly healthy and there weren't massive amounts of unexpected emergency expenses.
Overall, it was a positive experience. DS1 adored her, and she loved him. He could sit on her head, poke her in the eyes, and pull her ears and she would wag her tail, lick him, and basically encourage him to do it again. We would correct DS1s behaviour because obviously we didn't want him doing this to her. She was terrified of thunder and DS1 would go into the bathroom and sit on the floor telling her it was ok to feel scared and that he would stay with her so she wasn't alone. She lived to be 11 and DS2 was 5.5 when she died. Telling him that she died was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do as a parent and I can still see how his little face crumpled.
DS1 is 7.5 now and is finally expressing his sadness that she's gone. After telling him she died initially he didn't want to talk about it for a long time. We read books, and he would look at her plaster casted paw print but refused to talk about her. It's only been in the last few months that he's now started talking about her a lot, saying he misses her, and asking things about where she is burried and can he visit her. He also made a grave for her in Minecraft which was incredibly sad. I was not prepared for how lengthy the grieving process would be for him.
Overall, given the choice, I would do it again. We do want another dog at some point, but DS2 is 21 months and we don't feel like we have the bandwidth to deal with something else we have to keep alive at the moment.
ETA: Adding onto other posters, we have family close by but none of them were interested in dog-sitting for more than a day or two so when we went on vacation it was an extra $600-700 for boarding. Having family close by and having family close by who are willing to dog-sit are definitely two different things.
ETA2: I don't know why I can't think of words other than "overall" today. Insert eye roll.
I mean this very sincerely....I think you would know (and not be doubting it) if you wanted a dog.
100% this If it's not a hell yes, it's a no. Unless you're anxious like me and second guess everything, even things you know you want.
A dog is like another child. They're totally worth the troubles for some. For others, it's another thing to take care of. You've mentioned that you want them to have the experience before. What is the experience you're looking for? There are other, lower maintenance pets.
H and I agreed that we both need to be all in before we get another dog. We put our old guy down this summer and still miss him daily. I sometimes tear up I want a new dog so bad. But, I also don't want to take care of a dog. For me, that hesitation means it's not time yet.
Post by luckystar2 on Dec 13, 2022 14:53:25 GMT -5
I grew up with dogs but getting our first dog as an adult and a parent, it was a lot of work at first. we had a VERY challenging 1.5 year old shelter dog so it was just straight up hard. A puppy will be hard too but a little different. I know that most people would have given up on our dog so our case is pretty extreme. She had a lot of behavioral issues and we did a lot of training. But life was still challenging and it added more onto my plate as a parent. Also just having a dog really changed some things. Dd was 4 and I was just feeling a little more freedom with her. I was going to the gym after work with a friend and our kids would play in the gym play area together. But getting a dog meant I couldn’t do that. I had to go home to let her out. Obviously I expected these things but honestly it felt a little depressing at first and took an adjustment period.
While our dog has had many issues and she can be a jerk at times…she can also be so loving. She drives me nuts but I absolutely adore her. I really couldn’t imagine my life without a dog! She’s almost 12 now and had a few health scares and i was sobbing thinking about losing her.
Also she quite frankly changed my life. You mentioned it’s cold and not wanting to have to take a dog out. Well that was me. And our dog was soooo full of energy she needed walked. I would take her for walks and started thinking well maybe I will start learning how to run. I had never run before but I figured why not if I’m out here anyways. I did couch 2 5k and moved on to longer races, half marathons and even a full marathon. Now running is a constant part of my life and my dog continues to be my running partner. I cant imagine I ever would have gotten into it without her.
Post by InBetweenDays on Dec 13, 2022 14:58:53 GMT -5
We've had 3 dogs - our first we adopted at 8 weeks, our second was a "failed foster" that first came to us as a foster at 6 months old, and our third (current) we adopted when he was 8 months old. We have also fostered a handful of young dogs and puppies.
We've certainly had our share of high highs and low lows. Lots of tears but even more love and laughter. I mean I can't imagine our household without our current dog. He's the one living being in the house that everyone always seems happy to see
But yes dogs are a LOT of work: ongoing obedience training, potty training, crate training, getting up in the middle of the night with them, etc. Of course that gets easier as they get older but you still have to plan for their care when out of town or when traveling with them, make sure they aren't left home for too long or someone will be home to feed them, get them out for daily exercise. And they can be a big expense. I once tallied up what we spent on our first dog and then quickly regretted it.
And while it can be (and in our case is) a great experience as a family, I would expect most if not all of the care and feeding to fall on you. When you say your DH isn't 100% supportive - what does that mean? Will your H help if you're out of town or just gone for the evening? Will he be ok if there are large expenses (our first dog needed CCL surgery)? Will he help keep an eye on the puppy if you are just busy around the house? Because puppies need pretty much constant supervision unless they are crated.
All that said I think we will always have a dog in our house. But I will NEVER again get a young puppy. And we will never "buy" a dog (I am firmly against buying dogs unless you plan to show them). We will always adopt a dog that is 8 months+.
Post by puppylove64 on Dec 13, 2022 15:22:36 GMT -5
I agree, you either know and want one, or don’t. They are alot of work. My old girl just got sick and died last month. The last several months were a lot of work trying to get her back healthy and her medicines and medicated baths and vet trips. But I am devastated to not have a dog in the house and can’t wait for another. I know a puppy is going to be alot of work, especially with a 2 year old ds. I hope my bigger kids help and I know DH will, But I would not have allowed another dog if I wasn’t 100% ready to care for it all by myself. We have had multiple dogs before and I will say, I can only handle 1 now while my kids are so young.
I also love the effect having a pet has had on my kids. It teaches them a love and compassion that I don’t think I could ever otherwise teach them.
Post by steamboat185 on Dec 13, 2022 15:28:36 GMT -5
Our dogs both died of cancer last year. They were 16 and we loved them dearly and miss them every day. That being said they were a lot of work. We spent thousands of their medical care- one dog had cancer 3x, she got very sick from a dog food recall, she managed to rip a whole in her skin while running near our fence, she ate an entire chocolate bar, had bad teeth and more. We probably spent 20k on her medical care plus another 7-10k on the other one (I think their last year was about 12k). Every time we went away we had to plan to either take them with us or pay 50-100 dollars a day for boarding. That 2 week vacation- tack on an extra 700-1000 dollars for doggie care. Have a long day out of the house you’d better figure out someway for the dogs to get out. Our 40 pound dog was a bundle of energy everyday until she was about 14 she required at least 45 minutes of running or walking a day- usually more.
I would bring them both back in an instant if I could, but if you aren’t sure it’s a lot of work.
I want to reiterate that you should not get a dog in February because they first thing you will likely be doing is potty training. I think April would be a better time frame.
Our dog needed a lot of potty training and regular training. We hired a trainer. She barks at airplanes and other dogs and is generally annoying. She is also very very sweet. She wants to eat my cat, so they have never adjusted and they live in separated areas of the house for the most part.
That being said, we love her and are glad for the experience.
Ways to make it easier: Fenced in yard if you have one or a very big yard where you monitor them for running off A trainer Have the kids help with monitoring, treats, feeding and watering. We have an automated feeder Hire a trainer
As for cost, you could try a pet insurance policy. It took some time to find someone to watch the dog, but we did eventually on Rover. She costs $40 for a day/ over night so it is not cheap, but it is not terrible. Our dog also travels well, but that is just luck probably.
I also did not want the dog at all. DH and the kids did. Despite that DH did not do much at all, and I was resentful. I did ALL the training because it was necessary for my standards of well behaved dog. DH did no training. DH does get the kids to pick up poop, and does buy food and treats. I expect him to take the dog out in the morning because he was up the soonest and that did not happen. If your DH does not want the dog, I don't think it fair to expect him to do much of the work. So yes, most of the work will fall on you and maybe you can delegate some to the older kids. It has though been a good experience for our family overall.
I mean this very sincerely....I think you would know (and not be doubting it) if you wanted a dog.
100% this. It doesn’t feel right in our house without a dog, so we have a dog. It’s like having another child, but one that will never grow up and become even remotely self-sufficient. Even more so when you start with a puppy.
Post by wanderingback on Dec 13, 2022 15:49:26 GMT -5
I don’t have personal experience but it sounds like you live in a cold climate, so why would you get a dog in Feb? That seems like a horrible time to potty train and have to go for walks when they’re small.
If your husband isn’t on board, that sounds like another red flag. Dogs are a lot of time and money and I wouldn’t go down that route if my partner wasn’t on board and I’d be worried about resentment.
Oh and we got a dog that was 1 year old, so to make things easier I would not get a puppy. It still involved behavioral and potty training, but far easier than a puppy keeping us up all night.
If you want a young animal a kitten is far cuter and easier than a puppy and still gives you that young animal boding and growing up experience. Was their an allergy in your family that precluded cats?
Post by imimahoney on Dec 13, 2022 15:57:53 GMT -5
We just adopted a 7 month old puppy.
It's a lot of work and money. Thankfully she was already crate and potty trained but she needs a ton of behavior training. It's like having a toddler between putting her down for naps and taking her to potty frequently so she doesn't have accidents.
Get pet insurance - day 1. Pet insurance is very strict about pre existing conditions, so if you ever bring your dog to the vet for basically anything rhey won’t cover you. We got our insurance the day we got our puppy and thank goodness we did. She’s a lemon (but we love her) and have had around $20k in emergency medical bills for her so far - but it’s all been covered in full by our insurance.
She had all sorts of medical issues, she takes up all the room in our bed, I hate walking her in winter/snow/salt. She’s anxious. But she is the best dog in the entire world and we are obsessed with her. We don’t deserve dogs, they bring pure love and joy to your home. But get insurance! Lol
If you're waffling do not get a dog. Not all families need a dog.
I love dogs and mine is a member of the family, but that also means there are things we have to keep in mind. You can't be gone all day because she needs attention and exercise. Travel either includes the dog or finding a place to board them.
We are lucky that we have a vacation home and she just comes with. If we're gone on an extended trip, my parents take her because my dad loves her (and she him) and it's temporary. We do have her in daycare 1-2x a week based on who is home and they also do boarding if we needed that. Our dog trainer does boarding as well, so we do have options.
But it's work and puppies are a lot of work. Even getting an older dog will be an adjustment, but not the same level as a puppy.
Post by estrellita on Dec 13, 2022 16:07:24 GMT -5
I've always wanted a dog, and we got one in May. She's a corgi puppy. I completely understand why people say they'd never get a puppy again. They are a TON of work. It's like having a newborn baby. She caught on to potty training pretty quickly, but she's a terror sometimes. She bites a LOT. Usually not in a viscous way, but it's still painful and worries me with the kids. They like to play with her but they're also a bit anxious because she jumps on them. We're taking her to obedience classes and she's one of the absolute worst in the class, lol. We love her and will continue to work with her, but this has been much more than I thought it would be.
My advice is to be very sure about wanting a puppy and taking on that work. And make sure you know the breed's quirks, especially if they're purebred. Yes, a lot of it is of course the owners, but the breed can have some traits that will come through (like our corgi and her constant herding, stubbornness, etc). So make sure the breed(s) fit well with your life and willingness to train. These are a lot of reasons we waited until recently to get a dog. Definitely make sure you're all on board before finalizing anything!
Post by estrellita on Dec 13, 2022 16:10:06 GMT -5
Someone else mentioned a kitten - if there are no allergies, cats are a million times easier to care for. Don't need to take them out, they are pretty independent, and we can leave them for the weekend with extra food and water no problem. If we are gone longer, ILs come check in and give them more food and water. Cats are awesome, haha.
Post by redpenmama on Dec 13, 2022 16:44:56 GMT -5
I think unless you are 100% certain you (both) want one, I would not get one. Dogs are wonderful but are expensive, time-consuming, and a lot of work. We love our dogs immensely and they are a big part of our family, but they are also a pain. And the care at the end of life can be really overwhelming (this coming from someone who put their 16-year-old dog down last week). They complicate travel, etc. unless you have family locally who can watch them.
Again, love our dogs and wouldn't trade the experience for a second, but I think if you have any hesitation, then you shouldn't do it.
Post by AdaraMarie on Dec 13, 2022 16:45:21 GMT -5
For me, I do not want a dog as much as my kids do. And they really really do. I do not want the responsibility, I do not want to have to make inevitable medical and end of life decisions, I do not want to make sure the floor is clear of things that can be chewed, I do not want to have to rush home to let it out or worry about finding someone to take care of it during vacations. I had a dog when I was married and my kids were little, and I would like to have a companion sometimes, but I know I would not be a good dog (or pet) owner. Also, depending on the breed, a dog might still be here with me after my kids move out so that is another nope.
We adopted an 8 week old puppy (Belgian Malinois/Chihuahua mix) in June. We have both been dog owners before, and all 3 of our senior dogs died ~6 years ago.
We've invested a lot in training ($$ and time) with this pup, and he is a really well behaved adolescent dog. We love him, the kids love him, he's generally pretty lazy and isn't terribly needy. That said, we seriously discussed returning him in the past few weeks. I have realized I don't like having a dog. I like this dog...but not not the things that come with dogs. If I'm honest, I regret getting him. We're still on the fence about whether we'll keep him, but I'm giving it some more time.
If you don’t think you will be a good dog owner then please don’t get a dog, a puppy especially who will need socialization and training. If you don’t want to go outside with it then don’t get one. Because those dogs end up in shelters with issues that have to be undone.
That all said we got our dog when my kids were 12, 10, and 7 and it was the best thing we could have done. Our dog provided comfort and a reason to live for my oldest during some really dark days for her. That alone makes the dog a net benefit forever and ever going forward. Even though we have to take him to a vet dermatologist for allergies and recurrent skin infections at the moment.
But, DH and I both wanted another dog after our old dog had to be put down. We wanted to put the work in with it and understood that it’s a lifetime commitment and that it can come with not awesome parts as well as the truly awesome parts.
You don’t really sound like you want a dog and all that comes with it and if your DH isn’t into the idea then it’s all going to fall to you and you will probably grow to resent that.
So, maybe a Pug? Lol. My dogs have had a LOT of medical issues, but they were easy puppies! Part of the reason we were attracted to the breed was that they don’t require a lot of physical activity. Now, they’ll never be doing show tricks, but I don’t remember potty training being too terrible.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
If you aren't sure, apply to be a foster and try it out.
We want the foster to own route. Honestly she forgot about us so we fostered for 2 months. We decided it was official and contacted her to adopt. We hadn’t heard from the shelter in 6 weeks at that point. It did give us lots of time to make the decision.
I REALLY wanted a dog. My DD sort of wanted one and my H was very neutral about the whole thing. So we got a dog and I love her, but even I have days where sometimes I think life was easier without her.
She's a breed I have a lot of experience with but she is definitely on the higher end of the energy/neurotic spectrum, and I wish I had been clearer with the breeder about what sort of temperament we should have been matched with, as it's been stressful to have both an anxious kid and an anxious dog (to be clear, our dog is not at all anxious ABOUT DD, thank goodness).
We live in an area where it rains all winter. Since she's so high energy, it's not enough to just take her out on these days - she still needs her hour long walk.
I can't remember what breed you're on the list for, but I really suggest thinking about what it is you see your family doing with the dog. Cuddling on the couch and playing the occasional game of fetch? Weekly hiking? Some breeds are just more suited to certain activities and activity levels. For example my dog is willing to fetch until my arm falls off, lol. I didn't go the rescue route because I already had experience with a certain breed, knew I wanted another one, and COVID created a complete lack of available rescue dogs in my area. But I think maybe the foster route would be good for you - you can try out the dog first, see how everyone adjusts, and be able to make a more informed decision.
What do you mean by your husband not being 100% supportive? We have a dog and it is so much work for me. I was 100% on board with it but it has turned out to be a really bad move for me, if it was something he kind of pushed me into I would be absolutely furious now. I'm glad my son has one, but I'm sure he would have gone on to live a happy productive life without one!
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”