Post by starburst604 on Dec 13, 2022 22:01:39 GMT -5
We got a 10 week old lab puppy in March 2022, and my experience is probably well documented here but I’ll lay it out for you! Me and H were equally on board, both having had family dogs growing up but not since, and DD (7) was obsessed with having a lab.
In the beginning it was like having a newborn/destructive toddler all wrapped into one. With really sharp teeth and no diaper. There were the same inequities of responsibility that existed when DD was small, so my resentment level with H was off the charts. Just like a newborn it was hard to know exactly how it would change our lives.
But eventually, we all got into a routine. He was potty trained and we found a good dog play group for him to go to on weekdays to get out all that puppy energy. He’s 11 months old now and has really become part of the family. He’s destroyed a lot of shit but we love him. We are always refereeing squabbles between him and the cats, who hate him. We call him the best mistake we ever made lol, but that’s based largely on adding him to the family before we bought a new house with a fenced in yard. So yea, we have to walk him for every bathroom trip which isn’t the best but we’ve adjusted. He’s a good, sweet boy.
Hard parts now are finding care anytime we want to travel and having to factor him in if we are leaving the house for an extended time. And he’s just expensive. We’ve easily increased our spending by $1000 a month between doggy daycare, health insurance, training, food, toys and whatnot.
Post by maudefindlay on Dec 14, 2022 6:43:06 GMT -5
Can you deal with 4 kids and a puppy all on your own? You've posted for years, so I know your DH is a farmer from previous posts and that the bulk of childcare and home stuff falls on you. Is your DH perhaps not 100% because he knows he cannot help and that he feels you'd be taking on too much? Is this also the reason you are questioning this decision? If so to any of the above don't get a dog/puppy.
Post by minniemouse on Dec 14, 2022 9:02:53 GMT -5
Honestly, I wouldn’t get a dog unless I was 100% on board with doing all the work. Lol. Even if I assigned a job to a kid to feed or walk the dog, I’d still have the mental load of making sure it got done. Also, making sure it got to the vet, had someone to watch if/or a kennel when we travel. If it’s a puppy, who is going to train it? I didn’t have a dog growing up, but did have one as an adult before we had kids. He passed when my oldest was 1. I love dogs but know at this point it’s too much work, and I don’t need more of that. I don’t think my kids are missing out on anything, and if they want a dog they can get one when they are grown.
I will say that I think at least 1 parent needs to feel 100% confidant about the decision before doing it. I was really scared and unsure because I had never had a dog, but my H was confident and had no doubts. I ended up loving it so moot point, but I think unless at least 1 person is 100% there it should be a no.
My good friend just got a dog and returned it after 2 weeks. They weren't all as on board as they thought. It was a sad situation all around.
Can you deal with 4 kids and a puppy all on your own? You've posted for years, so I know your DH is a farmer from previous posts and that the bulk of childcare and home stuff falls on you.
This exactly.
I really want this; the kids really want this. I just don't know if I can take on one more thing, so I'm really thinking about it, a lot.
DH's concern isn't his lack of availability, though, it's more than he just doesn't like the extra mess/hassle/etc of a dog. He didn't grow up with pets and just doesn't see the upside.
Our beagle mix just passed away last weekend at 15 y/o and we adopted her when she was approximately 1.5 without knowing much about her background besides the fact that she'd been picked up as a stray in the rural community where I was working at the time. She was the best dog-house trained and crate trained from the get go, and knew how to sit and shake. Aside from demand whining and getting skunked once a summer for 5 years she was darn near perfect. Kid #1 came with us to the vet to put her down on Saturday and he was just as gutted as we were, despite the fact that we knew it was the right thing to do.
Other dog is a whippet/pit mix that we adopted at less than a year old, he's 13 now. He was part of a drug bust that turned into seizure of approximately 200 pit bulls/mixes that were used for dogfighting in some capacity. He has NOT been easy between behavior stuff, health stuff (anxiety, allergies, thyroid issues, frequent ear infections), and occasionally using the house as his toilet though this is mostly controlled with meds. As an old man, his counter surfing is worse than it ever was and we've learned the hard way that pasta will almost certainly make him throw up (especially Kraft Mac and Cheese). He also loves wearing his new Christmas sweater and spends at least part of every night in my bed being the little spoon to my big spoon...so there's that.
Having both dogs has been 100% worth it, difficult dog and all. They have both added so much value to our family, in very different ways. That being said, we are not getting any new pets anytime soon including after dog #2 is gone. If you and your husband are not equally 100% on board with getting a dog, I would hold off. Like PP said, not all families need a dog and that's okay.
Post by thebreakfastclub on Dec 14, 2022 11:20:50 GMT -5
This is like where someone wants to have a third kid and most people with a third kid are like, go for it, it's wonderful.
I've never had a dog and I never want one, so I would definitely not get it assuming a non-dog person will change along the way. I also never wanted a second kid, haha. Maybe choose a young adult dog vs a puppy to make things easier and give better insight into the dog's personality.
This is like where someone wants to have a third kid and most people with a third kid are like, go for it, it's wonderful.
I've never had a dog and I never want one, so I would definitely not get it assuming a non-dog person will change along the way. I also never wanted a second kid, haha. Maybe choose a young adult dog vs a puppy to make things easier and give better insight into the dog's personality.
ALL OF THIS. What I wanted most was a dog we could take everywhere, who would take long walks and hike with me. He's reactive to everything so I usually can't take him on walks and never on hikes. He cries continuously in the car which is extra fun on the 2 hour drives to our vacation house. Get an older dog so you know exactly what you're getting.
I think if your husband really doesn’t want one and doesn’t see the upside it’s probably not a good fit. I think there is a difference between being ambivalent and being what it sounds like your husband is—not interested and not seeing the point at all.
What happens if the dog is more work or more messy or more sick than expected? What if it is a barker? Is that going to be a source of even more stress than it normally would be because your husband would not want to help take care of the dog or pay for medical care? Would he be urging you to rehome the dog?
What if you travel without him and can’t take the dog? What will happen then? Would he do any care of the dog at all? If the dog escapes would he help look for it? What if you are sick (or you and the kids) would he feed the dog, walk it, brush it etc?
Basically how much does he not want a dog?
I think everyone needs to be 100% on board before introducing living creatures into your house. I love dogs but they can be a lot of work and very unexpectedly. It was hard having dog as a single person, it really is so much better splitting the work with another person.
I literally cannot even put into words how much I love my two doggie sons. They are truly a delight to the entire family.
I'm an outlier on this but I don't think dogs are much work at all. We've raised our two dogs (currently 8 and 1) from puppies. Neither was a hard puppy and as adult dogs they're super easy. We walk them most days but they are okay to skip if the weather is yucky. Personally, I aim for a walk a day anyways so this isn't extra work.
Our yard is fenced so it's just a matter of opening the door to let them out to go potty. The kids do "poop patrol" every afternoon when doing their other animal chores.
They give us to much love, so many laughs, so many cuddles. I can't say enough good things about family dogs.
Can you deal with 4 kids and a puppy all on your own? You've posted for years, so I know your DH is a farmer from previous posts and that the bulk of childcare and home stuff falls on you.
This exactly.
I really want this; the kids really want this. I just don't know if I can take on one more thing, so I'm really thinking about it, a lot.
DH's concern isn't his lack of availability, though, it's more than he just doesn't like the extra mess/hassle/etc of a dog. He didn't grow up with pets and just doesn't see the upside.
Puppies are a lot of extra mess and hassle. Another compromise could be waiting until kids are older and can help more. I know you have some that are older I just don't remember their exact ages. But even a couple more years might be easier.
Post by Velar Fricative on Dec 14, 2022 12:57:02 GMT -5
If you don't want one, don't get one. Your kids will not grow up with some kind of lacking feeling because they didn't have a dog. It sounds like that's why you want one, not because you actually do want one.
I love the *idea* of having a dog because my kids would love one, but DH and I are adamant against having another living being to care for in our house. We've dog-sat and that's as far as we'll go lol.
I understand where you are coming from. Dd would love a dog and begs for one all the time, but we aren’t ready for that responsibility right now. We both grew up with a childhood dog and do feel like she’s missing out on that experience. We have fish which are not the same lol. We will probably start looking into it once our youngest has learned to walk.
In the past we had 2 dogs, which both passed before DD was born. We loved them both but they were extremely different experiences.
Dog S - heeler/corgi mix. Lived to be 15 and had no health issues other than some arthritis in his later years. Well behaved and very little work. Unfortunately was extremely loyal to DH and even after living together for years never really came to like me, lol. He tolerated me well enough though and I think he would have enjoyed children in the house.
Dog P - lab/Anatolian shepherd mix. Lived to be 12. Cost $$$ with health issues. Had an autoimmune disorder which required a special diet and also did weekly laser therapy. Passed away after surgery for cancer and also had to have a portion of his foot amputated at one point. We got him as a puppy and he had no known abuse in the past, but unfortunately he bit people and could never be unsupervised around non-family members. We spent $$ on training and it was very difficult to travel because few boarders would take the liability of him. Aside from all that, he was a lovable, goofy guy that was a huge couch potato and brought a lot of bright moments to our family.
The biggest worries I have with getting another dog are: - behavioral issues, especially now that we have small children. - the cleaning. Omg the hair. I don’t miss it at all and still occasionally find random dog hairs even though they died 9 years ago and we have moved multiple times. - added hassle of trying to travel
I’m not sure I’d do it unless your husband is 100% onboard. Also I’d be sure to make sure you are getting the puppy from a reputable breeder and that the parents have had the appropriate genetic testing done.
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Dec 14, 2022 14:05:46 GMT -5
I will say, having a spouse that is ambivalent towards dogs can work out if you are 100% yourself. My dh really did NOT want a puppy and was ambivalent towards having dogs in general when I brought home our 1st puppy, but I didn't care because I wanted a puppy and knew I was going to be doing 99% of the puppy phase stuff myself. And that is what happened...he interacted with our pup a bit when she was a puppy, and he would take her out or feed her if I wasn't home and I asked him to and left him instructions, but that was really it until she was trained. Once she was trained and worked into our regular life routine, he fell in love with her and he regularly sits with her on his lap petting her, plays with her, etc. and he will definitely feed her/walk her/let her in/out as needed if I'm not around without needing instructions because it's easy, but I am still the primary person. I walk her every day unless I can't for some reason. I'd say he literally walks her maybe 10 times a year total.
Same thing when we added our 2nd puppy. Dh was more on board for this one because he knew I'd do it all again, but made it clear I would be doing it all again because he still didn't have the time or interest in doing what I did the 1st time around. But again, as soon as we were past the puppy training phase, he was happy to have her as part of our lives.
BUT it still doesn't sound like you are 100% ready to take on the responsibility yourself, and that can be hard. I get how hard this can be...you don't really know if you're up for it until you try it, but if you do try it and you realize you're not up for it, it's not like you can just return the puppy with no ramifications and be like, oh well, that didn't work out. Do you have any friends who would let you pet sit for their dog for a week or so as a 'trial run' to see what it would be like to care for a dog full time for a week? It doesn't sound like you are interested in fostering to adopt, but that would be another good trial option.
Post by midwestmama on Dec 14, 2022 15:24:32 GMT -5
I would say I feel neutral about having a dog (there are pluses and minuses that balance out for me).
I love my dog, and loved our last dog. (Both German Shepherds.) Coming home to a dog who is so happy to see me makes my day. But to be very honest, I wish DH and I had stuck to what we said and not gotten another dog after our last dog passed away. (COVID lockdowns got us - we were stuck at home and still grieving our last dog (passed away in Jan. 2020, so in our weakness we got another dog.) We are busy with work and kids' sports and activities and have out-of-town baseball tournaments. I wish we could give him more time. Because he's a German Shepherd, when we do go away, not just anyone can or is willing to dogsit him, and due to separation anxiety, we try to go with boarding as a last resort. He also has some allergy, so we have him on Apoquel (which is about $250 for a 2 month supply) and a more expensive food ($86/bag, which lasts around a month) and usually have to put him on an antibiotic a few times a year due to skin irritation flare-ups from the allergy (the Rx I just picked up was $66). And bouts of diarrhea are never fun.
As much as I love our dog, if I could do it again, I wouldn't have gotten him. My house would be cleaner and the money we spend on his Rx's, food, etc., we could use for other things (home improvements, a weekend trip, paying down debt, etc.).
If you have any doubt, at the most, fostering before committing to getting a dog might be the best route. At least once a week, if not more, I see someone in a regional GSD owners FB group I'm in trying to rehome their GSD. And it breaks my heart. GSDs become attached to their families, and don't do well in shelters, so it's so hard on them when they are moved around. And while I have regrets about getting my dog, he is a good dog and part of the family and I knew the commitment I made going into it.
Post by pinkdutchtulips on Dec 14, 2022 17:43:06 GMT -5
My house doesn't feel like a home w/o a dog. I had 2 jack russells that predated Miss R and when the last of the 2 jacks passed away at 14 1/2 (R was 10 at the time), we took a breather from dogs but after about a year started looking again. 2 1/2 years later we brought home a beagle pup.
E2 is now 18months, she was a breeze to potty train and crate train at night compared to the jacks but she has the mountain goat tendencies they lacked (my dining room table isn't safe and my kitchen counters are barely safe). She still chews things .. grr BUT she is a fun lively addition to our house. There's nothing I like more than watching tv w the dog on my lap. We have our own welcoming committee of 1 when we get home.
We got her in August so we could potty train before the 'wet' season. I wouldn't be too keen on getting a young puppy during the winter or early spring bc of the wet and mud. Another reason I'm glad we got her in late summer, the sleep deprivation with her was AWFUL !! worse than with my own kid. Thankfully we've gotten past that point but for awhile i never thought we'd get there.
A dog is a lifetime (their) commitment bc of that if you're not 100% on getting it than skip it. I had J's lab Kona to fill the doggie void until we got E2. Kona passed 9 months before we pulled the trigger and got E2.
We got a puppy this past summer. I never had a dog before. She was a crazy puppy and at times we thought we made a mistake. We hired a trainer and she’s great now. She’s a ton of work. Walks, dog parks, feeding, medicine when necessary, fur brushing, picking up poop, playing with her, baths, making sure she doesn’t chew things she shouldn’t. It really is like another kid. We all love her though. That being said, I don’t plan on getting another pet after her.
We have a 1.5 year old border collie that we got as an 8 week old puppy. She is very high energy and requires a lot of exercise. The kids love her. They come looking for her when they get home from school and squeal when she comes looking for them. They feed her, they run her around outside. All the neighbor kids love her. She has the sweetest temperament. We had a senior dog (that we got as a puppy before we had kids) that they liked fine, but the border is their dog. We will always have a dog (or two).
I would not get a dog. My dog over all is very good, he never chews stuff, no accidents, no health issues (knock on wood). But omg I am over taking care of one more living thing, and I only have 2 kids. It is just constantly something else to clean up behind, feed, and give attention to.
Cons: He is big (80lb), and a lot of people are scared of big dogs. Even though he is calm once you're in the house, he barks a ton when people are at the door and it scares kids A LOT so we can't have playdates like my kid would want. So much fur! I vacuum everyday and our house is still always so covered in fur. Obviously this is personality dependent, but getting a puppy you don't know what your getting, but he's not fun to take out. He's again a loud barker esp around other dogs so we can't take him places, doesn't enjoy the dog park (he'll just lay under a tree lol), doesn't like the water... So he just stays home. When we go away it's another expense and stress figuring out what's happening with him. Without fail once there is finally a moment of quiet in the house he starts barking. It wakes up the baby all the time which drives me crazy. Vets are so expensive and just the most basic check up appt is always like $500. God forbid something actually has to be done that is easily close to a grand.
I mean he's taken care of, the kids love him, he sleeps in our bed, but omg I can not wait until we don't have a dog anymore.
We were potty training our first dog in the winter. We got our second dog late spring. It was much, much, much better potty training in the warmer weather. You will spend a lot of time outside.
We adopted an 8 week old puppy (Belgian Malinois/Chihuahua mix) in June. We have both been dog owners before, and all 3 of our senior dogs died ~6 years ago.
We've invested a lot in training ($$ and time) with this pup, and he is a really well behaved adolescent dog. We love him, the kids love him, he's generally pretty lazy and isn't terribly needy. That said, we seriously discussed returning him in the past few weeks. I have realized I don't like having a dog. I like this dog...but not not the things that come with dogs. If I'm honest, I regret getting him. We're still on the fence about whether we'll keep him, but I'm giving it some more time.
Can I please see a pic of your Mal-Chi mix? I cannot envision this mix!
Oh, I'll dissent and say that it's ok to be doubtful. I don't have kids but I think it's similar - you are making a big life change by bringing in a pet, and it's ok to question if that's something you want to take on. It's scary not knowing what life is going to look like after a change like that. I also think it's similar to having children in that people rarely regret it - or if they do, they still love the crap out of the pet and can't imagine life without them. The few people I've known who are frustrated with owning an animal usually are in the thick of having little kids and just don't have the bandwidth, but I think your kids are getting past that stage IIRC?
I waffle on getting a dog all the time. I've had dogs before and it was a 100% worthwhile experience. I loved being a dog mom, and yet I also like that I don't have to get up early to let the dog out or go out in bad weather or whatever. But I know if I got a dog I would not regret it, it's just MAKING the change that is hard. And I truly can't imagine living the rest of my life without a dog. I also personally never thought that the work involved was a problem - it was just the tradeoff for having such a wonderful addition to my life.
ETA: I WILL add that puppies are a ton of work and if you aren't sure you want a dog, you may want to explore adopting an older dog. 1-2 years old will still be young and have the energy for a family, but won't be the level of craziness that a puppy would be. I do think I'd hesitate on a puppy in your shoes.
I do not enjoy having a puppy, but I love having a dog. Right now I’m tolerating our puppy which we got for a variety of reasons. I’m basically just waiting him out until he’s not a puppy anymore.
As an example, this morning my 9 month old puppy jumped up and got my daughter’s cup of milk. It spilled everywhere. Then he ran off and chewed the cup. This all happened when we walked away for 30 seconds. I had to clean the large spill, throw away the destroyed cup… not fun. And actually he also did this yesterday so now we have a pattern and we’re going to have to watch milk cups like hawks.
He’s a sweet boy and I don’t regret him. I knew what I was getting into, which is basically nonstop vigilance and hassle until he’s older. But I wouldn’t want to do it with 4 kids, and if you have to seriously ponder whether you can take on one more thing, you really might regret a puppy. I got this puppy because my mindset was “life is extremely easy right now, I have nothing but time! Might as well bite the bullet now.” My job is settled and I don’t work 40 hours, I have one six year old and a part time teenager. And my husband does 75% of the dog care.
Basically if you feel like life is really full and you don’t get enough time to relax as it is, don’t get a puppy. If you have free time to devote, a puppy is great.
Getting an older dog doesn’t seem like something you’re willing to entertain, but the 3 year old dog I adopted when I was younger was the absolute best. All I had to do was scoop food, let her out in the yard, and enjoy her. The best.
We got two 10-month old puppies this week after a 1.5 pet-free gap. It has been a lot. Several accidents, a toppled houseplant, a sock used for tug-of-war, and alllll the stuffed toys we bought a week ago are now deconstructed and turned to scraps. I'd be lying if I said I didn't occasionally have doubts that this was a good idea, but then they wag their little docked tails at me when I come downstairs after a meeting, and look so darned cute in their new matching purple raincoats. I agree that it's sort of like adding a child to your family - there are new strong highs and also new strong low. Over time you settle into new routines and the lows get easier to manage, hopefully letting you focus on the joyful parts.
We got two 10-month old puppies this week after a 1.5 pet-free gap. It has been a lot. Several accidents, a toppled houseplant, a sock used for tug-of-war, and alllll the stuffed toys we bought a week ago are now deconstructed and turned to scraps. I'd be lying if I said I didn't occasionally have doubts that this was a good idea, but then they wag their little docked tails at me when I come downstairs after a meeting, and look so darned cute in their new matching purple raincoats. I agree that it's sort of like adding a child to your family - there are new strong highs and also new strong low. Over time you settle into new routines and the lows get easier to manage, hopefully letting you focus on the joyful parts.
Bring them to school drop off some morning, I want to see them!!
Post by hbomdiggity on Dec 15, 2022 16:18:49 GMT -5
I’m not sure I understand wanting a dog as something to experience as a family. Does your family actually want the dog? Or is this some notion that you need 2 kids and a golden retriever to have a happy family?
We have had great dog experiences. Our first bulldog had a bunch of $$$ health issues which is not unexpected for the bread. But it was 100% worth it. Our second has actually been very healthy. We are also more experienced pet owners and don’t freak out at every little thing.
If I had to walk the dog, my thoughts may be different esp with this climate. Thankfully we have a fenced in yard which is more than adequate for a bulldog. It’s all about finding the right dog for your family.
So, maybe a Pug? Lol. My dogs have had a LOT of medical issues, but they were easy puppies! Part of the reason we were attracted to the breed was that they don’t require a lot of physical activity. Now, they’ll never be doing show tricks, but I don’t remember potty training being too terrible.
Mabel snuck into my room and POOPED ON THE BED while I was in the shower last week because I wouldn't let her outside to chase squirrels and eat her own poop.
My first two did not need lots of activity but she is crazy. I send her to doggie daycare 2x a week to get out some of her crazy and my husband has been taking her on 4 mile runs on the weekend when it's cool out and she is not even tired after. She DOES crash in the evening at least but won't even sit in our laps and snuggle us. What did I do to deserve all this? lol.
nicolewi I would wait. You can get a dog any time so wait til you all feel more enthusiastic about it and do it in the warmer months.
I also think fostering is a great idea. Most rescues are so in need of foster homes these days. We got our pug when she was about 5 months old and she was already crate trained at least, kind of potty trained, 100% crazy puppy.
So, maybe a Pug? Lol. My dogs have had a LOT of medical issues, but they were easy puppies! Part of the reason we were attracted to the breed was that they don’t require a lot of physical activity. Now, they’ll never be doing show tricks, but I don’t remember potty training being too terrible.
Mabel snuck into my room and POOPED ON THE BED while I was in the shower last week because I wouldn't let her outside to chase squirrels and eat her own poop.
My first two did not need lots of activity but she is crazy. I send her to doggie daycare 2x a week to get out some of her crazy and my husband has been taking her on 4 mile runs on the weekend when it's cool out and she is not even tired after. She DOES crash in the evening at least but won't even sit in our laps and snuggle us. What did I do to deserve all this? lol.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus