DD woke up to a huge rash all over her face. There was no issues last night and she used the same face wash she normally uses. She gets a fungal issue around her nose but that has been cleared up for weeks. It looked like her fungal issue blew up all over her face. She is wearing a hat and face mask today so no one can see her face. I had her put the fungal cream all over her face this morning in hopes that helps.
PDQ waverly and supertrooper1 According to our preliminary calc…he’s only going to reduce CS by ((very little)) and I’m very willing to do that. But not legal custody
campermom, from everything you’ve said about him, no. If you agree to what he asked for, he’s going to assume he should have asked for more. Not a legal thing. This is a psychological thing. So I would be like Briar Rabbit. “Please don’t throw me into the briar patch!” Fight like hell about what you would happily give up to buy peace in order to get him to feel like he won. He just wants to fight.
186momx, we know all about the rashes lately. Hopefully it's just fungal and she gets some relief soon.
campermom, I agree with mommyatty. Give him an inch and he'll take a mile. What's his justification for less child support again? Is he making less money?
Liver levels are still elevated and trending upwards from the prior draws, but not terribly so. And - of course - his PCP is out for the next 15 days. I honestly only remember one occasion that I've emailed her and not gotten an out of office. Le sigh.
campermom, I agree with others. If you give him this then he will go and say well then if I'm a big enough PITA then she will give up therapy, extra, travel, phone plans, etc.
k3am, I hope it looks better when she calls me in an hour.
My brother who we stayed with over the weekend is sick. He thinks he picked something up while we were there or at DD's meet. Other than DD's rash we are both feeling fine.
Post by supertrooper1 on Jan 10, 2023 17:08:23 GMT -5
mommyatty, k3am, 186momx, while I agree that it is a slippery slope if campermom doesn't fight this, he'll keep coming back for more. But as a narcissist, he feels the need to win, regardless of how big the win is. So if she lets him lower the CS by 9% since it doesn't affect her much, he feels like he won and she doesn't have to deal with the mediation. Save the fights for bigger issues.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Jan 10, 2023 17:20:20 GMT -5
I wonder if there is any basis for the reduction in the law. Obviously if he increases his time but it doesn't seem like he intends to increase his time. My concern with giving in to a reduction for no reason at all is that it may suggest to him that he can just get that by throwing enough things at the wall together with a reduction request. Also being in court with him could be a blessing if it lets you firm up any loose issues you have. My guess is that mediation will not be helpful at all what so ever.
Having said all that, narcissists are exhausting so choosing your battles is, of course imperative. So giving him one thing out of all the things he is asking for is not necessarily a terrible trade.
supertrooper1- yes, he needs to win, which means first there has to be a fight. If she gives in, he’s going to assume it didn’t hurt her enough, which frankly is his only reason for doing this. Plus, if the legal threshold is 20 or 25%, and he’s only lost 9% of his salary, then it’s probably going to get thrown out anyway. And I would point out he’s moved into new wife’s house, so his expenses have decreased as well. (And what’s he doing with the property he bought that he was living in? If he’s renting it out, he has added income he might not be disclosing which would just be too awesome.)
Post by mustardseed2007 on Jan 10, 2023 17:34:17 GMT -5
Oh I read what she said to mean it would be a 9% reduction in what he's paying for support. Not that he would reduce his support to 9%. 9% is really low if he's seeking to make CS 9% of his income, so I would not agree to that in any case unless that's what the formula says he should be paying.
He does have another child now by marriage but I would not think that should be a basis for reducing support. No commiserate increase in time so that is not a basis for decreasing support. I forget if he's claimed there is a basis for the reduction?
mustardseed2007- you read it right. But the threshold for the court considering a change is your income has to change by 20 or 25%. So if your ex gets a 3% raise, the court isn’t going to allow you to come in and ask for a 3% increase. But the reverse is also true. A 9% decrease in income isn’t enough for the court to bother with.
There honestly just is no "good" course of action with this guy. Avoid a battle today, you'll still have a battle tomorrow. Fight the battle today, you'll probably still have another one tomorrow. It just seems like he's going to be an unending game of whack a mole.
PDQ Sorry I should clarify. He retired from the guard (one weekend a month of work). We all knew it would not meet the typical criteria for modification, but he had refused to sign the agreement back in March 2021 until that was specially added as a clause to modify CS.
In the end it reduces it by only 9%.
mommyatty yes he lives in his new wife’s 1.5 million house. Although her income doesn’t count in CS, the discovery requires that he name anyone he resides with, how much they contribute to living expenses and how much.
There are no loose ends to firm up in court….he just keeps asking for modifications of the agreement he already agreed to.
As for legal custody, I have mountains of evidence for the request for legal custody. Plus since he already agreed to me having sole, he would need to prove a material change in circumstance (ex: parent is arrested for beating kids, or keeps them home from school and they are truant, etc.) Just the other day for example I texted: “can I just ask a question? Why didn’t you show up to the band concert? Or conferences? Or to 5th grade graduation which is the biggest day of elementary school career.” He replied that he didn’t think it was that big of a deal, he gets so many emails that he can’t tell which ones are important, and if our 11 year old wanted him there she should ask.
I agree and I think it’s also a saving face mechanism. The last 2 rounds of mediation he took me to post divorce, I didn’t agree to change anything. So he said “fine I’ll take you to court” and he looked at the mediator to just hurry up and recalc CS. She said why would she do that if they will just do it in court? So he was backed into a corner in his bluffing game.
There’s no way he can produce discovery. He was also asked for his rental property info. He’s supposed to show evidence of his involvement in education, medical etc. I have all the spread sheets color coded for each appointment. Almost all pink, not blue. For the last 2 full years, every single appointment. 2021 had 110 appointments
Also did I forget to tell you our sons birthdate was incorrect on the paperwork
campermom, I think you should play along with this latest battle. It sounds like he is fighting just to show he can and to exert some control over you and the kids. Pretend to put up a fight, bring all the evidence you have, and watch him back himself into a corner. It sounds like he'll probably trip all over himself in court.
It just sucks that he is now married to someone with some financial means and will now want to do some battles with it. I hope his new wife catches on soon and cuts him off. One can dream right?
I hope you are rid of him someday soon while you and your kids still have some sanity. You are one tough cookie. Good luck to you!
campermom, the good thing about this is you can bring in the places he’s not following the current order, like the insurance issue. The other good thing is that a judge can start holding him in contempt and can threaten his lawyer for filing frivolous stuff that has no basis in law or in fact.
PDQ: Confirmed: they are being added to his health insurance and he plans to claim them on taxes. Both are addressed specifically in the agreement and you can guess what it says.
campermom, it will be an IRS mess. If he files his taxes and claims them first, he gets the money. If you then file your taxes and claim them, then I believe the IRS will flag it and you won't get that money, which will also delay any other refund that you may get. The IRS doesn't know and doesn't care who is supposed to be claiming certain dependents. This is a fight for your lawyer to take up.
I've tried to keep up with this, but... he's just doing that and going against the settlement/court order?
So he's doing it to gain some control over the medical decisions (his insurance, his say), then he will work to slowly gain more control of everything else.
campermom, Unfortunately I think for the taxes if he files first, he gets them. Beau deals with that with his ex every year. They didn't spell out in the agreement who claims when so she just does it and doesn't tell him until it's too late. It sucks.
As for the insurance, is there a way to stop the doctor's offices from using that insurance? If he's not taking them to any appointments, it never has to run through that insurance plan, right? (I actually have no clue how multiple plans would work, just guessing)
At least all of this is black and white evidence that he's blatantly violating the agreement and in contempt. If he does enough against the agreement, can he just be cut out completely from all custody, etc?
campermom, I would have a enrolled agent or a CPA do your taxes. Both of these individuals can talk to the IRS on your behalf. Plus any paid preparer must file an Form 8867 with the tax return. This will show that the preparer verified that you can claim head of household and dependents. These forms have a huge prepare penalty, so we take them very seriously.
Divorce parents with kids are probably the hardest returns we deal and we ask for so much extra documentation. Filing early is a great but doesn't always work. The IRS is holding all CTC and refundable credit refunds until the 15th of February I believe. I'm linking the instruction page from the IRS website. www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/i8867.pdf