Middle school boy party

[waverly]

DS is 12 and in 6th grade.  For his last 2 birthday parties he had a small group.  The first one was a neighbor outdoor movie party during Covid, and then the following year was a sleepover so we wanted to keep it small.  

I would like to invite his larger group over which is about 6 boys that all sit together at lunch.  Well they used to sit together at lunch, but then *other kids got in trouble and now they all sit with their class.  So hopefully they will be able to sit together again. * Not kids in his group, other 6th graders. 

My house is kind of small to entertain 6 boys.  I'm not planning anything outdoors because it is too stressful for the weather to cooperate.  Any ideas that wouldn't totally break the bank?  I could rent a half basketball court for $35.  Or I could just have them at my house, but do what?  If I take them out, I feel like it could get really expensive because then you are talking arcade, laser tag type stuff.  I would do that for a birthday party but not a one off get together.  

Examples of other get togethers: One family had a Halloween party.  I tried a BBQ, and it was successful, but not for middle school boys because they couldn't make that date.  It was summer and lots of people were out of town or going to weddings that weekend.  But it was successful for the parents and my daughter's friend group. 

The middle school group all attended a dodgeball event through the Park District, and another family is having a birthday party, but they have a heated garage that is perfect for parties- like literally set up as a party space at all times.  

I could do something like last day of school since I know everyone is still in town that day (for the most part).  Or I could skip it and see if he just wants a larger birthday party.  

[osulori]

What about one of the mobile video game truck/buses? I admit I have no idea what the cost is like on these.

[mrsGreeko]

I don’t understand the question. This isn’t for a birthday party, you just want to facilitate the 6 boys hanging out?

My DS is 11 and in 5th grade, but if he wants to hang out with his friends he just calls them or goes to their house to see if they want to do something. No one is planning random large get togethers for them, especially not parents. The other day he brought home one friend after school and then another friend showed up after about a half hour to hang out and then another showed up at some point after that.

My DD’s are 16 and 13 and there were a few really really rich parents who would throw random parties in middle school for my older DD’s entire grade at a local music studio, but otherwise kids just figure it out. If they want to hang out they find a way, if they don’t maybe they just don’t want to hang out outside of school and that’s okay too. It’s okay to have school friends and home friends.

My suggestion would be to have your DS invite them to go play basketball or to the skating rink or whatever, but you don’t have to pay for everyone or rent anything out. My middle DD goes to the skating rink fairly often and meets other kids over there, they all plan it out and I only pay for my own kid. I drive her and her BFF and the other kids’ parents drive them and drop them off. The parents are only the money and the ride not the planning committee.

Yesterday her BFF’s grandma took my middle DD and her BFF to the rec center to play basketball. There is usually 30 middle school boys playing basketballl over there at any given time so I assume they met up with some other kids they knew.

[waverly]

mrsGreeko, I guess it is different here because the parents did facilitate in those 3 examples I gave in my post. One was a birthday party. But parents did facilitate in the Halloween party and the Dodgeball event (requires registration). The kids do facilitate if it is neighbors, and no driving is required, but they don't seem to be moving outside the scope of neighborhood yet.

I guess it is step up from chill/ hanging out, but doesn't have to be a full blown "party". And I am open too be talked out of it, and just doing a larger birthday party.

I feel like the parents are excited that the kids found this middle school group. But I wonder if with the new lunch rules, if it will fizzle.

[jinkies]

I am also confused about whether this is a bday party or just a "lets hang out" situation. But for hanging out, we definitely did things like "hey, we are going to Skyzone on Saturday, we'd love it if your kid could meet us there." The expectation was that the kids would pay for themselves. I would think that the same could be done with something like bowling, or Top Golf, or some other indoor activity.

[expectantsteelerfan]

I am also confused now too. I totally thought you were asking about birthday party ideas at first but now after these responses I think you aren't. If you aren't, then coordinate a get-together, but you only pay for your son. So if they go to an arcade, bowling, movie, escape room, etc, etc. etc., you can drop them off at this age and you pay for only your son, right? I think it's totally fine to help coordinate your son in setting up something like this and send out texts to parents if with a day/time and not be expected to pay for everyone if it's just to get them together and not for a birthday.

[mrsGreeko]

I still don’t think you need to facilitate per se. Offer to carpool to the basketball court or skate rink, encourage your DS to make plans with those friends if he wants to and be willing to drive to make it happen. Say something like “hey do you want to invite these boys to go play basketball on Saturday around 2? I can drive you and 3 other kids (whatever you are willing and able to do) and you can see if the others want to just meet you there?”

I think you are making it too complicated. Does your DS even want to hang out with this kids outside of school, because in my experience if kids want to hang out with other kids outside of school they will make it happen (I guess that assumes that you are willing to not have things planned weeks in advance and such too)? My kids have plenty of friends they like being around at school, but don’t have any interest in seeing outside of school.

[ECB]

If this is just a hang out, I do this a fair amount for DS (14, 8th). He's now the one who coordinates, but regardless. I've taken him and some friends to SkyZone - that's actually probably the most common/ easiest place to drop a group of boys.

But recently, I took him and a few of his friends skiing. Over the summer, another friend and I took a group of boys to Hershey Park.

ALL these events - the parents pay for their child. They buy tickets ahead of time and give their kid $$ or a credit card to buy stuff. If that goes awry (a place doesn't accept cash, for example), I'll pay and then the mom will just Venmo me.

[waverly]

mrsGreeko , yes he wants to hang out with them outside of school. But it is not an urgent matter. It is more like oh we haven't done this since before Covid, and wasn't really thinking about it. Added to that, he doesn't have all of their phone numbers yet as he just got his phone somewhat recently. I at least have to initiate to say I am willing to carpool to X. Can you text friends? Can you get their numbers?

Some kids need a bit more prompting as they start to take over their social interactions. I don't think that makes me the "planning committee" just because my kid is a bit more introverted.  

ETA- In your scenarios do the parents not talk at all, only the kids?  

[nicolewi]

This is probably pretty regional/school/friend group dependent. In our area, parents would definitely still facilitate for our sixth grade boys (my son is also in 6th and just turned 12). My eighth grade girl is setting things up more on her own, but parents still need to be involved for driving and stuff. I feel like it would be OK to say that Kid really wants to get together with his friends, and he thought they might all like to go skating or whatever, and just say it would be so much per kid and you could drive.

I don’t know cost in your area, but things that DS has done lately for birthday parties that might work for you would be bowling, laser tag, escape room, arcade. They all really liked laser tag lately. Oh, also snow tubing! If you have that in your area.

ETA: most of them still do not have their own phones, including my son. Maybe that plays into it.

[mrsGreeko]

Jan 12, 2023 13:05:22 GMT -5 waverly said:

mrsGreeko , yes he wants to hang out with them outside of school. But it is not an urgent matter. It is more like oh we haven't done this since before Covid, and wasn't really thinking about it. Added to that, he doesn't have all of their phone numbers yet as he just got his phone somewhat recently. I at least have to initiate to say I am willing to carpool to X. Can you text friends? Can you get their numbers?

Some kids need a bit more prompting as they start to take over their social interactions. I don't think that makes me the "planning committee" just because my kid is a bit more introverted.  

ETA- In your scenarios do the parents not talk at all, only the kids?  

Kids make the initial contacts and parents talk afterwards if things need to be coordinated. But, usually the kids can go back and forth with parents to get it taken care of without much the parents having to set it all up between the parents.

I have also made my kids start calling friends and such from the time they entered elementary school so they have a lot of practice. I’ve never really been all that in charge of their social interactions. And we didn’t stop social interactions during covid because I had a suicidal teen that would have been deadly for whereas covid was a minor illness for her so they didn’t have that disruption.

You are literally talking about renting out a basketball court so your DS can hang out with his friends so I take that as being the planning committee. You didn’t say your DS came to you and asked you to rent out the court, maybe he did and you didn’t mention it, but it seems like you are the one driving this not him. Which, do whatever floats your boat, it just seems like a lot of effort and money on your part when it doesn’t need to be. You can encourage your kid to invite his friends to go play basketball and to get their phone numbers. That’s totally different than renting out a basketball court. Do you plan to do that every time they want to hang out? Because that will set that expectation.

[momin2013]

I get what you're trying to do, but I wouldn't put the same effort into organizing a "hangout" vs. say, a birthday or Halloween party. What I'd do is have your DS pick an activity (or have him chat with his buddies at school and they pick one together and decide on a day and time that most of them want to go/can make it), then you can coordinate carpooling if you like to get them there, etc. If it's a hangout at, say, an arcade, you wouldn't be needing to pay for them like you would for a birthday party, so it wouldn't be expensive. Then you'd get them there and pick them up a couple of hours later (or hang around if you like).

[abs]

DD is also in 6th grade and is just now starting to make her own plans. This is the first year she’s really found her people so there is that, too.

In all instances it’s really just checking with parents to see if it’s ok. Recent examples:
“M is going to see a movie and wants to know if I can go with her.” M’s mom stopped by the house, picked up DD, and that was the first time I met her mom.

“C wants to know if I can come over for a sleepover. Can you drop me off at 5?”

“H and I want to go to the batting cages. Can you take us?”

In all instances stuff is kid led now. I’m just saying yes/no and don’t always know the parents super well. It’s kind of weird but also amazing. I don’t think I would plan a big get together without a reason though. We may do something for Valentines Day since we didn’t do a birthday party and they are off school that week. We will see.

[waverly]

mrsGreeko , If I rented out the BB court that would probably be more of an actual party than a hangout.

While this thread may seem obvious to some of you, we have not done the whole meet up somewhere thing really. The omicron surge hit us hard last winter. My state was still masking until Feb 2022, so this is the first year for indoor get togethers (unmasked) during the cold season. If it is warm, everyone in the neighborhood plays outside and there is no coordinating of rides/ money for activities. Last year around this time every single person we knew was sick.  I had to cover for illness at work for 6 weeks straight, so there was very little coordinating of anything.  

[mrsGreeko]

My state was still masking until February 2022 also. Luckily for us that didn’t stop people from letting their kids hang out inside without masks. I feel badly for kids in places where that did happen.

If your DS is introverted he needs alone time to recharge. He may get enough social interactions at school and not need nor want many more outside of school hours. I was that kid. Two of my kids are heavily extroverted and need interactions with others to recharge. One is introverted and needs alone time to recharge.

Help your son remember to get his friends phone numbers and to give them his. Tell him that you are willing to drive him and his friends to x, y, or z places if they want to go. Encourage him to talk to those friends and make some plans to do something. Be a scaffolding and support, but don’t do it all for him. That’s all I’m saying. Don’t make things so complicated for yourself, it doesn’t have to be complicated.

[expectantsteelerfan]

My dd (who is 11 and in 5th) doesn't have a phone yet, but she and her friends have a google chat set up on their school chrome books that they use after school/on weekends (one good thing to come out of Covid?). So they will often initiate a plan and see if everyone seems to be available and nominate a parent (usually with talking to their own parents likely going on behind the scenes) and then my dd will come to me and say 'we are all free to go to the mall and then eat at Red Robin on Saturday, x's mom is going to stay with us and can drive us home, can you drive me and y there at 2?' And if I say yes, she goes back to the chat, and then I get text from x's mom confirming that she'll be there with the girls and drive my dd home, and then I'll text y's mom confirming that I'll drive her there, and that's all I need to worry about other than making sure my dd has some spending money. But she has also been friends with these girls for a few years and I've known the moms for a few years too, so that helps.

My ds, who is 13 and in 8th and does have a phone, tends to make his own plans, but when they are with kids I don't know well, I do ask to see his messages with them to confirm that he is meeting them at a time/place or something or I will ask for their parents contact info to confirm with them if it involves getting rides to/from places (I'm more laid back if it's just dropping off at a house).

But I try to follow my kids' leads in what they are comfortable with too. This is the first year ds has really been dropped off with friends places, and I think dd and her friends still need an adult in the general vicinity.

[wanderingback]

Why can’t they just come over and hang out? At that age they certainly don’t need $$ entertainment and ideas.

If your son does want to go to the movies, arcade, etc, I don’t think it would be the expectation that you’d have to pay for all the kids. Since this isn’t a birthday party he would just need to tell his friends and the parents drop off their kids with money, right?

[waverly]

wanderingback, I have the space for 3 kids + my own, but maybe not 6 kids.

That being said he could divide them up in several groups or try it once and see how it goes.

[momin2013]

Jan 12, 2023 15:47:05 GMT -5 waverly said:

That being said he could divide them up in several groups or try it once and see how it goes.

Yes - I don't see why all 6 of them need to hang out at the same time. I think trying to organize a group of 6 kids to all do something together at the same time requires more planning than it's worth, considering this isn't for a party. Seriously, I'd let him know to chat with his buddies at school to ask if anyone wants to get together on the weekend, and if so, to decide on something to do (maybe give him a few ideas that you'd be o.k. driving to/from), and see what comes of it. They might surprise you!

[mcppalmbeach]

Jan 12, 2023 13:34:56 GMT -5 waverly said:

mrsGreeko , If I rented out the BB court that would probably be more of an actual party than a hangout.

While this thread may seem obvious to some of you, we have not done the whole meet up somewhere thing really. The omicron surge hit us hard last winter. My state was still masking until Feb 2022, so this is the first year for indoor get togethers (unmasked) during the cold season. If it is warm, everyone in the neighborhood plays outside and there is no coordinating of rides/ money for activities. Last year around this time every single person we knew was sick.  I had to cover for illness at work for 6 weeks straight, so there was very little coordinating of anything.  

I don’t think helping facilitate with a 6th grader is weird. My son is 13 and in 8th grade. He was virtual for 6th and in 7th tried to invite a group of boys for his birthday. Holy crow it was a nightmare. He texted them all a Canva invite and the response back was like “cool” and he literally had to stay on their asses to get them to rsvp. . He had one friend who never said he was coming, just showed up on our doorstop the day of the party. Which normally is no big deal, but we had everyone meet at our house to drive to a venue about 40 minutes away so it’s good we hadn’t left yet.

Now he has a group of 8 kids - mix of boys and girls - and they do a lot together so the parents know each other and it’s much more streamlined. In addition to hanging out, there have been a ton of parties. Most have been birthday parties, but not all. General parties have been for Halloween, New Years, cookie decorating and another for a king cake party. When it’s a party it has been the mom communicating. When it’s a hang out, the kids work out the details.

Anyway, I feel your pain because we are the only ones who haven’t hosted something. My son’s birthday is next week and we can’t have the party then for various reasons, but he wants a house party and I’m 😱 I know the kids entertain themselves, but I feel like the other parties have had a theme that gave them something to do before they were left to their own devices.

[mcppalmbeach]

Honestly, I’d rent the basketball court…that’s cheaper than what I pay for just my son to go to Urban Air. You don’t have to do a meal if you plan it from like 2-5 or 2-4…just bring chips, cookies and waters. For something like that I would have your son tell his friends what you are doing and ask his friends for their parent’s numbers. If this is “his group” it will do you good in the long run to have their numbers. We all share photos of the kids and it’s helpful dealing with logistics.

[waverly]

mcppalmbeach, this too. DS is not super great at communicating and same goes for the other 6 grade boys. I am comfortable for a level of uncertainty if we are just hanging at home, but not really if I am driving or meeting people there. I feel like the other parents are on the same page and that is why when there is a bigger group the parents also communicate behind the scenes.

Right, we have TV and Switch and a park if it is nice out. But if we are doing a party, there should be a tiny bit of structure. For his birthday sleepover, they played outside until dark, then had pizza then they did the TV/ Switch. Did they entertain themselves 99% of the time oh absolutely, but I had to plan the timing of the party so that it was light out, then tell them hey come home for pizza and then hey you can't go back out now that it is dark out so lets transition to TV/ Switch play inside time.

I am not trying to be a Pinterest mom by any means, but even when I had playdates over for DD, I was like hey let's decorate this super easy cookie kit that I spent $10 on, then you can entertain yourself. Or hey why don't you do some board games, and then entertain yourselves. This is for my girl who is 10. For her sleepover party, I am providing craft kits that she got as a present, and she is planning a game on her own, which I think is cool.

[wanderingback]

Jan 12, 2023 15:47:05 GMT -5 waverly said:

wanderingback, I have the space for 3 kids + my own, but maybe not 6 kids.

That being said he could divide them up in several groups or try it once and see how it goes.

Ahh ok got it.
You mentioned renting a basketball court so I thought that was at your house. I live in a 1 bedroom apartment so I know small living!
Anyway, so if that’s the case then I’d just ask your son if he wants to go to the movies or whatever and if he wants to invite some friends. Once he picks an activity then you can let the kids and parents know you’ll be at X location on X date.

[waverly]

Jan 12, 2023 16:45:52 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Jan 12, 2023 15:47:05 GMT -5 waverly said:

wanderingback , I have the space for 3 kids + my own, but maybe not 6 kids.

That being said he could divide them up in several groups or try it once and see how it goes.

Ahh ok got it.
You mentioned renting a basketball court so I thought that was at your house. I live in a 1 bedroom apartment so I know small living!
Anyway, so if that’s the case then I’d just ask your son if he wants to go to the movies or whatever and if he wants to invite some friends. Once he picks an activity then you can let the kids and parents know you’ll be at X location on X date.

No it is about a mile away at our rec center. That one is indoors.  But there is an outdoor one about a half mile away that they could bike to with the neighborhood boys, so I will suggest that to him when it is warm, and that would not need me to coordinate it since it is free.  The rec center is paid, so parents would need to provide money and rides.    

[lilac05]

My oldest is 12 and in 6th grade, but none of his good friends have phones or use messenger like programs to communicate. Either they talk at school and then parents make final arrangements or parents just take care of it.

For his bday, we had 6 boys over for pizza and video games. We added a few folding chairs to the living room & called it good. Our house is big, but they stayed in one small place, so size of house doesn’t matter much. I ordered pizza, blew up some balloons and dropped them on the floor (so they could throw them around/pop/whatever) cut some veggies and bought some snacks/desserts. It was super easy, not super expensive, and the kids declared it “the best party in a LONG time.” (And these are kids used to doing the $$$$ events for parties all the time. Oh! They thought the “drink station” was the coolest thing ever. Hawaiian Punch, lemonade, sprite, and encouragement to have fun and make their own concoctions.

No need to overthink it. Food, video games, more food, more food, more video games. We did have a few extra games out in case they got tired of video games. They had fun playing Tenzi and Twangled.

[nicolewi]

I don’t think trying to organize something for the group of six boys is odd at all. My DS his friends would be so ridiculous if they tried to make a plan for six of them at once. It’s like herding squirrels. And if you want all six to have a chance to get together and re-connect a bit, I think that’s nice. Other parents and I did similar things with my daughter and her five friends over the past year or so. Now they’ve kind of taken over getting the ball rolling, but again, they are in eighth grade and a little more capable.

[nicolewi]

The pizza place is a good idea! Do you have any restaurants within an arcade section? Might work.

[jorja]

What about bowling? I want to say it was like $50 to reserve a lane last time I did it? You could throw in some set amount towards food and leave the rest to them.

[erbear]

I also have a 6th grader. I do not coordinate social events for her unless she asks me to check with a friend’s parent to make sure a plan she’s made is ok. Middle school is a great time to start cutting the cord — kids will handle it if you let them. This (and other posts of yours) does read a little like your insecurity speaking and not something coming from your kids.

To answer your question, I often take another kid along with us to do stuff on weekends — bowling, out to dinner. My kids do the same with other kids and their families. It’s the way our friend group operates. Kids make contact. Usually I’ll text the parents just to make sure it’s ok what they have planned.

[jeaniebueller]

What did you end up deciding?