I would say something. Typically if I hear stuff like that happening, I cheer in a super obnoxious, way over-the-top fashion for the kid - whether I know who she is or not.
The refs should have handled this. I definitely remember my dad refing when I was a kid and tossing parents out of the gym for behavior like this. He would stop the game and say that he would not start again until the disruptive parent left the field/gym/whatever. They would always threaten to wait for him in the parking lot. They never did. Parents like that tend not to want confrontation with actual grown ups. My dad wasn't a paid ref - he was also a coach, and that's how rec worked - you coached a game and ref'd the next one.
Last weekend some boys were harassing DD1 and her teammates (all 13-15 years old) during their rec league basketball game. Their coach (a 20 year old man who is typically the assistant with his girlfriend) called a timeout, and told the refs that he would not send his team back on to the floor until the boys were removed from the gym.
So I'd email the commissioner to maybe have the refs say something at the beginning of the game that outbursts from the sideline that aren't building up the kids won't be tolerated. Maybe the commissioner shows up to the next game to witness it for himself.
Yes, I would say something to the commissioner. Chances of this guy changing? Slim. I know that. BUT there really is NO chance of change or realization if nothing is ever said. Most refs won't throw a parent out unless it is cussing/derogatory remarks to other players.
DD does competitive gymnastics. There is a dad on team A who is just loud and totally positive in his cheering for his kid. But he was so loud at one meet cheering when his daughter was done it caused her own teammate to fall of the beam and get hurt. Next meet we were at with team A the dad was much quieter. He was still loud but more respectful. No idea if the coaches talked to him or other parents but he did change his behavior. I asked DD about it and she said "oh the loud mouth was annoying but you just have to tune everything out when it is your turn".
Post by CrazyLucky on Jan 17, 2023 16:10:23 GMT -5
I wouldn't say anything to the dad. It's unlikely I'd say anything to make him reconsider what he's doing. I would say something to the league commissioner and maybe the coach. Only maybe the coach, because I've been a youth league coach. It's enough to do that without also trying to police asshole parents. What I would definitely do is start chattering for Kate. "Great pass Kate!" "Good defense Kate!" "way to be tough out there, Kate!"
I read something about kid athletes of all skill levels and sports. One of the common themes the researcher mentioned was that so many kids say they hate the car ride home after a game. They are mostly just playing for fun, and their parent is telling them everything they did wrong. I took that to heart and really really try not to say anything negative at all. Even when my kid's basketball team just got shut out. I feel bad for Kate.
Post by polarbearfans on Jan 17, 2023 19:11:07 GMT -5
I would maybe reach out to the commissioner, but I wouldn’t say anything to the parent. That behavior would have had the parent removed from the game in the league my daughter participates. All parents have to take a class about being a good sport parent before their kids can play any sport, and it is made clear this behavior is unacceptable.
I decided to come back to this to share a response. It’s a clearly stated rules violation and it is verbal abuse. You described the child crying. It is totally acceptable and probably required to report him to the commissioner. If nothing more than to insist the coaches and refs feel empowered to enforce the no screaming from the stands rule.
Post by JayhawkGirl on Jan 20, 2023 0:03:23 GMT -5
I would reach out to the league with what happened, and what the other parent on Kate’s team shared. I’d expect the league would have more seasoned officials at Kate’s future games to handle the situation if needed.
We had a parent on one of our teams several years ago who is a registered offender, plenty of public info about the case, awful situation and should not be interacting with other children. And yet the parent decided to ignore the league’s telling them they can come cheer but not coach or participate in warmups. We had very, very experienced officials at all of our games that season and always an extra field supervisor present also.
I decided to come back to this to share a response. It’s a clearly stated rules violation and it is verbal abuse. You described the child crying. It is totally acceptable and probably required to report him to the commissioner. If nothing more than to insist the coaches and refs feel empowered to enforce the no screaming from the stands rule.
Post by pinkdutchtulips on Jan 21, 2023 18:03:39 GMT -5
To a degree my dad was like Kate's dad especially for basketball as he played competitively though HS and college. He wouldn't yell so much as he would give the coach and me pointers from his seat close to the bench.
To a degree my dad was like Kate's dad especially for basketball as he played competitively though HS and college. He wouldn't yell so much as he would give the coach and me pointers from his seat close to the bench.
A friend's Dad growing up did that. Attended all our practices and coached from the bleachers. I ignored everything he said to me.
I don't understand all the "don't say anything; assume the coach/director are taking care of it."
Hell yes, I'd email the director.
100%. Especially if this is like sports for this age where I am, the coach is a parent volunteer. They are ALREADY doing the bulk of the work for the team as the coach. They don't also need to be put in the position of policing the behavior of other parents.
I ended up sending a brief email to the commissioner that I was concerned about some of the spectators and how rough they seemed to be on the girls.
He replied that he’d heard specifics from a lot of parents, and then today he sent this to all parents. Hopefully it sinks in to Kate’s family (and perhaps others too?)
*******
I want to take this opportunity to remind everyone that XXXXXX is an organization that promotes optimism to our youth, through sports. We expect all spectators at our events to act in a positive manner while cheering on our youth. We have seen behavior from our spectators, that is down right inappropriate and won't be tolerated by our organization.
I'll be the first to admit that our program is not perfect. Neither are our refs or coaches. As we work to continuously improve our program, I urge you to restrain from making nasty comments to players, spectators, coaches or refs. If there is any issue that requires my attention, please feel free to email me and I will address it immediately.
Spectators will be asked to leave, if they can't show good sportsmanship in the stands.
I ended up sending a brief email to the commissioner that I was concerned about some of the spectators and how rough they seemed to be on the girls.
He replied that he’d heard specifics from a lot of parents, and then today he sent this to all parents. Hopefully it sinks in to Kate’s family (and perhaps others too?)
*******
I want to take this opportunity to remind everyone that XXXXXX is an organization that promotes optimism to our youth, through sports. We expect all spectators at our events to act in a positive manner while cheering on our youth. We have seen behavior from our spectators, that is down right inappropriate and won't be tolerated by our organization.
I'll be the first to admit that our program is not perfect. Neither are our refs or coaches. As we work to continuously improve our program, I urge you to restrain from making nasty comments to players, spectators, coaches or refs. If there is any issue that requires my attention, please feel free to email me and I will address it immediately.
Spectators will be asked to leave, if they can't show good sportsmanship in the stands.
good. But i hope they follow through on ejecting. General Messages like this often go over the heads of the people they are directed at.