My sixth grader does not have a phone and most of his peers don’t as well. A few do and many have flip phones to make emergency calls. Many like my son have an Apple Watch so they have phone numbers and can text/call but are not on social media. I’m thinking eight grade for a phone for DS1.
Post by fancynewbeesly on Jan 15, 2023 20:03:00 GMT -5
Our sixth grader has a phone. She got it at the very end of fifth grade. Mostly due to taking late busses and her going off more independently.
Two of her best friends don’t have phones. Hasn’t stopped them from being on the phone constantly. 🤣🤣🤣 DD isn’t allowed social media at all which in my mind is a way bigger issue than just talking on the phone.
Mine did due to after school logistics and lack of land line. A few others in her grade had them then for similar working-parent reasons. Honestly, even now at 14, there is no phone related drama in my kid’s circle — no interest in social media, just texting and occasional calls with friends, but even that is limited and very reasonable IMO. Fingers crossed we stay this lucky.
Mine only got one because she was scheduled to get an old phone activated only for after school purposes as we were pulling the kids from after care on 3/17/20 and the world shut down on 3/13 so she lucked out. It was helpful with limits during shutdown but there was no going back so I wish we had waited.
DS is a 4th grader but he doesn’t go to school. He’s on a club soccer team that’s predominantly 4th graders and I would say the majority have phone watches. I don’t think they are Apple Watches. I think they are Gabbs and Gizmos.
DS (9) has a Gabb so he can walk out of sight to a friend’s house. It’s also handy when leaving him at birthday parties or running quick errands.
Post by SusanBAnthony on Jan 15, 2023 22:12:50 GMT -5
I think my kids got them in fifth. They were extremely locked down and basically used for two things.
1. To keep DS from losing his shit on the bus 2. They biked ~2.5 miles home from elementary school and it was good for the oldest kid in the bike posse to have a phone.
We had them extremely locked down and still do. No issues ever. They were limited to 30 minutes a day outside of phone calls so just enough for the bus ride. (they bussed or biked depending on the weather).
ETA: my oldest is in high school now and still gets 45 minutes of phone time a day and no social media. We've had no phone issues but it's always been 100% non negotiable and expected that mom and dad control phone access and can (and will) take it away. We use Google family link to control access. It's free and works fine for Android.
Post by ilikedonuts on Jan 15, 2023 22:12:57 GMT -5
My oldest has had one since the summer before 4th grade. She’s now in 5th. She rarely takes it to school (only if someone other than me is picking her up). Shes very responsible with and we’ve had lots of talks about what she texts and what people text her.
Not a single friend from her school has a phone. But every one of her friends from swim team (40+ kids in 4th grade and up from all over) have phones. It’s kind of weird how different it is for school vs swim friends. Maybe because we all literally drop our kids off at the crack of dawn half the time at random pools and don’t often go in and during Covid weren’t even allowed to go in.
Dear god, no. My 8th grader just got a phone; my 6th grader won’t get one until 8th. There is a very rare circumstance where I think a 9 year old should have a phone. - career middle school teacher
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
DD has an Apple Watch that is very restricted. She takes it to ballet, especially longer rehearsals that may end a little early or go over time. She also wears it when she rides her bike to play with friends in our neighborhood and the surrounding ones. If she was with a sibling or a friend who lived closer, I wouldn't feel the need. She doesn't take it to school; just uses it on an as-needed basis. It stays on the charger downstairs otherwise.
We know a few kids with phones at this age but the watches seem much more popular. A lot of kids get phones in 6th; our district is not one-to-one with devices and some parents swear their kids need one starting in middle school. Friends who actually teach at the middle schools promise that it isn't necessary. I guess we'll find out soon!
I strongly prefer to wait until at least 7th grade, if not 8th, for DD. We have a lot of discussions on how having a phone gives people access to you when you are home in a way that they otherwise wouldn't.
I'm sure it causes drama. Even when I was still teaching in the classroom 11 years ago, we had issues with drama from texting with our 5th graders.
I live overseas in Scotland but in a city so maybe it's different but my daughter got her phone at 9 and we'll do the same for my son (that's P5 here so I think 5th grade maybe?). She walks herself the mile to school and crosses several busy intersections so I wanted to be able to track her and for her to be able to phone me whenever she wants (they all have to leave their phones at the teacher's desk during the day so mostly thinking of sleepovers, ballet rehearsals, etc). She wouldn't wear a watch due to skin issues and we had an old phone sitting around so it was the easiest option. Surprisingly she was actually on the later end of her friend group - one strong parent is holding out but everyone else in her circle had a phone before her.
She's not super into tech or gaming so is using it for WhatsApping her friends cute photos of kittens in costumes, Duolingo and listening to audio books from the library - I'm happy with this. I check her phone regularly and read her texts (she knows this) and have various things locked down as we are both on apples so it's super easy.
My son is much more into games and being a bit cheeky so will see if we need to revise our thinking when he's a bit older.
She does have a lot of friends with laptops or tablets in their rooms without restrictions at all so I'm really glad we are exploring all this when she's young enough to still come to me with questions. She came across something super confusing from a friend's older sister and came to me right away - I think if she was a bit older she might not do that and then she'd be walking around with terrible information. So I actually have come round to thinking it's safer to let her explore at a younger age - would be different if she was a different sort of kid of course.
DD is in 5th and still does not. There have been some serious problems with kids in 4th that have them. We were on the receiving end of the frustrations of a 4th grader with a phone last summer (long story, won't go into). We are holding off for as long as possible.
I know there are a few kids in her grade now that do, but it's definitely not the norm.
Post by penguingrrl on Jan 16, 2023 8:54:31 GMT -5
My 4th grader just got a phone, but he isn’t allowed to have friends numbers at all, only parents, siblings, and grandparents. I was tired of him going to the school office constantly to call me (usually to ask me to pick him up instead of walking home). I also wanted to be able to see where he was the days he and his friend run later getting home after school. He’s also ready to stay home alone for brief periods and we don’t have a landline, so we wanted it for that.
He won’t be allowed friends numbers until 6th grade, which is when my older two were being shut out socially because the kids contacted each other and if they didn’t have a way to text said friend you were left out (not meanly, just a group chat would decide to meet up on bikes at X location and anyone not on the chat had no way of knowing).
No, but my kids have no need for one. Some of their friends who have divorced parents or extremely busy/competitive type sports schedules have them, and I think it makes sense. My niece also has one as her school bus stop is far from the house and drop offs/pickups have been erratic, so my sister felt more comfortable being able to contact her daughter. My kids do have iPads and use them to FaceTime their friends, but they have a very low drama/nerdy circle anyway.
My oldest is in fourth grade and does not have a phone. He wants one and according to him everyone else has one. But really it's a few others. I'm holding out for awhile.
My fourth grader does not have a phone. We just got him a Gizmo watch for Christmas and so far that meets his needs. He does have friends in his grade that have phones but agrees with us that he isn't ready nor is it necessary. We (meaning the fourth grade parents as a whole, not my husband and I specifically) had two emails go out between the first day of school and Thanksgiving about bullying amongst the 4th grade girls and from what kid #1 has told me it's all been to do with things over text, Tik Tok, etc.
V is in 4th grade and we will probably get him a phone and put Freedom or Bark on it, so he can be more independent in the neighborhood this spring & summer. I think most of his friends don't have phones.
Post by awkwardpenguin on Jan 16, 2023 11:24:44 GMT -5
We recently got a home phone so we can kick this can down the road as far as possible. It's a feature cell phone with a cradle, so we didn't have to get a landline. We use the $5/month Tello plan to get service.
I don't think we're planning to get the kids phones until 6th or 7th grade. We're working to develop independence and self-efficacy outside of having a constant tether to mom and mom in your pocket.
If I could step on my soapbox for a moment as an anti-truancy attorney, please make sure that you set a phone curfew for kids of all ages in addition to other forms of "locking down" the phone. 1-2 hours before bedtime, the phone gets handed over to you until the morning. Get a regular alarm clock instead of letting them use the phone's alarm. Even if they don't have social media on their phones, the number of kids I've met with who stay up late or wake up in the night just to watch YouTube for hours upon hours without parents having any idea .....
Post by secretagent on Jan 16, 2023 14:14:29 GMT -5
My 6th grader got a phone in 5th for safety (walking home/being home alone for an hour some days). It's locked down but a nonissue. Pretty much everyone has a phone in 6th (and in 5th here) but my kid just isn't into texting etc (yet).
DD 6th grade uses my old phone that works on wifi only. She contacts me via messenger when she gets home and takes it to gymnastics right now as she is getting rides from friends/family. She doesn't take it to school. K-8 school rule is kids can have phones at breakfast time but once the bell rings they must be put away 5-8 into lockers, younger into backpacks and turned off. If you are caught with a phone during the day it is taken away and put in the office. So far she hasn't' said very much about phone drama at school. She has a friend at another school and the phone drama and social media crap is very rampant. DD keeps asking for a phone number & data and I'm sticking with no. What we are doing works and allows her to contact me when home alone.
Her gymnastics team has kids as young as 7 and everyone but 3 kids out of 20 have phones plus they all have social media accounts. She says the little kids are so annoying with ticktock this and ticktock that and they get in trouble all the time for checking phones during practice.
My 4th grader just got an Apple watch for Christmas. It's a nice in between for us where she can call or text but no social media. It was time - she's away from us more and more after school and needed a way to contact us if she needs or wants to. Yes, she could borrow a phone but I also like being able to reach her directly if I want to. It goes on a charger in our room at 8pm and she knows I read all of her texts.
Post by longtimenopost on Jan 16, 2023 15:33:41 GMT -5
Yes, my 4th grader who just turned 10 got my H's old phone for her birthday. Our main purpose was communication, as we are starting to leave her home alone for up to an hour (we have no home phone) and giving her more freedom in the neighborhood. We use the google family app which requires parent permission to download any app or make purchases and we can set quiet hours, daily time limits, and time limits for each individual app. We can also track her location and see what apps she's using and for how long.
If I could step on my soapbox for a moment as an anti-truancy attorney, please make sure that you set a phone curfew for kids of all ages in addition to other forms of "locking down" the phone. 1-2 hours before bedtime, the phone gets handed over to you until the morning. Get a regular alarm clock instead of letting them use the phone's alarm. Even if they don't have social media on their phones, the number of kids I've met with who stay up late or wake up in the night just to watch YouTube for hours upon hours without parents having any idea .....
Yep all technology (school laptop, iPad, phone) has to be charging downstairs by 9 pm on school nights and 9:30 on weekends. Later can be negotiated for school reasons and that’s it. DD will wake up to texts sent at 1 am from friends. It’s crazy to me!
If I could step on my soapbox for a moment as an anti-truancy attorney, please make sure that you set a phone curfew for kids of all ages in addition to other forms of "locking down" the phone. 1-2 hours before bedtime, the phone gets handed over to you until the morning. Get a regular alarm clock instead of letting them use the phone's alarm. Even if they don't have social media on their phones, the number of kids I've met with who stay up late or wake up in the night just to watch YouTube for hours upon hours without parents having any idea .....
There are plenty of ways kids get around it too. My oldest’s phone was super locked down. But she figured out that she could hot spot the phone to make other devices work without triggering screentime rules or wifi limits. She also found a friend willing to sell her his old phone for cheap so she had a burner phone that had no limits on it. I think a lot of parents are doing the best they can, but it’s HARD because there are so many avenues around the roadblocks parents put up. For everyone in this thread saying their kid’s phone is super locked down there are probably at least a handful of kids who have figured out ways around it and their parents don’t know yet.
If I could step on my soapbox for a moment as an anti-truancy attorney, please make sure that you set a phone curfew for kids of all ages in addition to other forms of "locking down" the phone. 1-2 hours before bedtime, the phone gets handed over to you until the morning. Get a regular alarm clock instead of letting them use the phone's alarm. Even if they don't have social media on their phones, the number of kids I've met with who stay up late or wake up in the night just to watch YouTube for hours upon hours without parents having any idea .....
There are plenty of ways kids get around it too. My oldest’s phone was super locked down. But she figured out that she could hot spot the phone to make other devices work without triggering screentime rules or wifi limits. She also found a friend willing to sell her his old phone for cheap so she had a burner phone that had no limits on it. I think a lot of parents are doing the best they can, but it’s HARD because there are so many avenues around the roadblocks parents put up. For everyone in this thread saying their kid’s phone is super locked down there are probably at least a handful of kids who have figured out ways around it and their parents don’t know yet.
Your DD is going to do some great things in life. I know it led y’all to some super bad times but I kind of admire her tenacity!