I thought at 36 I’d have this figured out by now, but it just feels like every day is a rush and then there’s still a million unfinished to dos. For example: I’m at work, and things are due, and I get them done on time! Field trip requests handed in, lessons done, meetings scheduled, phone calls made- I’m crushing it! Feeling motivated!
But uh oh, here comes another ticket because our car is overdue for inspection and I forgot to call to schedule it again, we made dinner and cleaned up in the kitchen, but the pile of laundry in the living room still needs to be folded. The trip to San Diego is all booked but I keep meaning to book the rental car and instead I fall asleep on the couch again. I’m overdue for a haircut, there’s still some Christmas decorations up, and I need to sweep out front and pull up the dead window boxes. And I’m pretty sure we have a bill due from my urgent care appointment in Kauai from this summer that needs to be paid and I can’t remember where I stuck that letter. And this is with a very supportive partner who really is pulling his weight plus more!
I just feel like, as an adult, I’ve never had even a minute where I was like “ah yes, I’m good. Everything is done, everything is clean, everything is up to date, no bills outstanding, nothing forgotten.”
Is there anyone who is able to keep all the balls in the air? If so, teach me your ways.
Post by wanderingback on Jan 31, 2023 21:37:53 GMT -5
I think being an adult means there’s probably always going to be something that needs to get done/balls in the air, that’s life. So what you describe sounds like life stuff, unfortunately.
So I don’t have any secrets, I just don’t let it bother me and make to do lists in my journal as I think of things that have more pressing deadlines.
Post by mysteriouswife on Jan 31, 2023 21:46:26 GMT -5
I don’t have my shit together but somehow my friends think I do. I am also sitting with baskets of clean laundry. As my great aunt said “There’s tomorrow. You are only this old once. It’s okay to do what you can.” Her other wise advice eating out is fine. It’s self preservation and care.” She also said to marry someone who is better at cleaning than you. 😂
I'm very structured and planned, my parents were the same, my sister not so much, I think our brains are just like that but different doesn't mean better if you're focusing on juggling the balls and not everything else in your life. If I'm feeling overwhelmed I ask is this really that important, that doesn't seem to be an issue based on what you've written.
BTW when I say planned and structured everyday has a plan and a list, including holidays! So while it works for me a lot of people would feel stiffled
Post by steamboat185 on Jan 31, 2023 21:58:43 GMT -5
I’m not sure I’d want to everything together tbh. Having everything together for us would require a very small life. I’d rather spend my mental energy elsewhere than making sure everything is in its spot. This doesn’t mean that I don’t constantly tell my kids to pick up their crap, or do laundry, clean the kitchen etc. In this stage my life just isn’t always perfect and that’s ok.
I had a meltdown this weekend after we ate pizza for the zillionth time in 2023 and my husband fell asleep on the couch at 6pm.
Why? Because we can’t get our act together to make a decent meal. Or clean up. Or put the laundry away. Or find the mental space to read a damn book. Work’s a mess. My house is a mess. We’re eating and sleeping like college kids while our child plays Roblox like a zombie.
I’m pretty darn organized (I only have one 10YO kid and no pets though, so not “that much” to take care of).
My secret? Writing things down. I use a paper planner (nothing fancy, just a basic two-page per week one), which is always open to the current week in its spot on the island with a pen on top. When DH brings in the mail I go though it immediately, pitch the junk, and any bills get slotted into the planner in the week that I need to pay them (typically pay everything online), and I jot a note on one day that week to pay X.
Anything I think I’ll need to take care of when I’m at work (like calls that need to be made during business hours) I enter into my calendar on my phone instead (linked to my work calendar, which is open on my screen all day so I’ll definitely see it). So things like making appointments, for example, I’ll do on my lunch hour.
Other things you mention: - I fold laundry as I take it out of the dryer and put it away immediately. I typically do laundry on the weekends. - Rental car reservation and haircut booking, I would make those calls on my first available lunch hour. - Kauai bill: if you’ve lost the bill I’d tackle that on a lunch hour (or evening if need be due to time zone) - google to find contact info and make some calls to sort it out. - Christmas decorations and outdoor cleanup, I’d plan to do that on the weekend, and get started on it right after breakfast (enlist help from rest of your family).
I feel like once you find the organizational strategies that work for you and get into the habit of using them, a lot of it will sort of become second nature and seem a lot less daunting!
No one has all their shit together. Some people focus more on things that are visible to others (like, I really focus on having a clean, organized house and actually wear outfits to school drop off). The things you CANT see are shit though lol. Other people are doing great emotionally and have messy houses or whatever (I realize these are not the only two examples but it’s all I can think of). So when you see someone who has it all together, know that they only have that particular moment you are seeing right then together. There’s a TON you don’t see.
And ignore all social media! It’s fake! Moms putting their Pinterest homemade valentines whatever are NOT showing the full story of how those valentines were made of the aftermath!
Post by steamboat185 on Jan 31, 2023 22:05:39 GMT -5
We have outdoor Christmas lights up still as do most of our neighbors. We’ve had snow on the ground and an average temperature in the mid 20’s for like 6 weeks. At this rate they will be up will spring, but it’s very festive!
No one has their shit together. If they say they do they are lying liars who lie.
I guess this depends on what your definition of "shit together" is. I guess in general I feel like for me I have things together based on what makes me happy and sense for my life!
Agree that there is always stuff, and writing it down really helps. H and I have a shared note on the phone for anywhere we might buy things. Run out of something? Sign up for the potluck? Goes on the list.
I have a separate to do list note. Knowing I have it written down somewhere relieves a ton of stress.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
Post by mccallister84 on Jan 31, 2023 22:30:11 GMT -5
I don’t but I agree with PP that writing things down is helpful.
When I feel most on top of things is when I sit down on Sundays and plan out the week - putting two to three manageable to dos on each day and then crossing them out as I go. I also write down all our commitments for the week and the meal plan on the same weekly planner.
Now, I know that this helps me feel more like I’m keeping it together. So you would think I would just do it every week then right? Absolutely not.
I do love list making- i think I need to get better about prioritizing what I’m doing first. The inspection is like… way overdue. Lol.
I will say, the school day really throws me. My prep/lunch (all 30 minutes) is really taken up by prepping, copies, hanging up work, meetings, just general classroom stuff. I need to find a balance between home/work.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
Post by wanderlustmom on Jan 31, 2023 23:00:39 GMT -5
Ha ha I’m a therapist. Nobody has his or her shit together if we are meaning it in the way I’m thinking. I think of having your shit together as in having a life without flaws or problems. Not possible. I want to spend my time with people who say they don’t have their shit together.
I'm just now finally getting to a hugely important project at work that I had to put off for a bit because DS was born.
DS is turning 5 in March. 5 years, not months.
I always tell my friends that good thing I'm the boss because if I wasn't, I would have been fired a long time ago. And since I can't fire myself, my job is safe LOL.
A few weeks ago I was cleaning out my work bag and my office manager could not stop laughing. I must have pulled out like 8 different to-do note pads, sheets, notebooks, post-its etc. Some of them had unfinished to-do lists on them and were from months and months ago. Some of them were unopened and brand new.
My H does way more than I do toward household, outdoors, and car maintenance. I do more tidying, meal plans, cooking, and like 💯 of the emotional work re: my kids (he is stepdad and not exactly a natural at it). I’m also responsible for pulling him up out of debt and enforcing financial responsibility. We each have our strengths.
Our shit is more or less together now because we are older and have gotten better at it (and better at knowing what to let go), we get housecleaning 2x a month, meal plans are easy for just the two of us, which leads to the main point: by FAR the biggest factor is the kids are grown.
Mornings and that hideous time between getting home from work/daycare and getting dinner on the table were, at best, rushed and uncomfortable. At worst, total chaos with multiple tantrums (some of them the kids’). Middle and high school were full of school angst (social and academic), hormones, arguing, and resentment (some of it the kids’)
I promise it’ll ease up. You are on hard mode right now; give yourself a break! Your family is safe, loving, and sheltered. Shit is getting DONE. You really are doing better than you think you are.
Post by mcppalmbeach on Jan 31, 2023 23:16:03 GMT -5
I have no job outside of the home and my shit is not even the least tiniest bit together. I’m a mess (Physically, emotionally and mentally) our finances are a mess, our house is a mess, our kids are great but also a mess. So that doesn’t help you, but maybe makes you feel better!
I have four kids, work part time at nights usually after they are sleeping, and feel like I’m dropping more balls than not so you’re not alone. Maybe one day when they’re older I will feel like I have it together!
Post by gretchenindisguise on Jan 31, 2023 23:17:40 GMT -5
I think if I didn’t have kids, I’d have my shit together. But I do, so I don’t.
I think I’ll feel like I have my shit fully together when we have no more debt and we can afford at least bi-weekly cleaning service. That is the threshold to me for shit togetherness.
Post by goldengirlz on Jan 31, 2023 23:17:55 GMT -5
I set alerts on my phone for specific things that need to be done at specific times. Otherwise my memory for that stuff is shit.
I’ve also lowered my expectations. My laundry sits in my dryer for a week before I fold it. I don’t make Pinterest-level, well, anything. My hair is often in dire need of a haircut (at least until I have something I need to look good for — then I’m scrambling to get it done). I’m usually behind on dental appointments.
It is what it is. First rule of therapy: be kind to yourself. It’s a lot. But the important stuff usually gets done. Prioritize what’s most urgent on any given week and forgive yourself the rest.