Depends on where my boys end up and how much they hate me by then. And whether they want me to be involved in their lives. And whether I want to be involved in the lives they’ve built.
Depends on where my boys end up and how much they hate me by then. And whether they want me to be involved in their lives. And whether I want to be involved in the lives they’ve built.
I admit, I am a bit surprised at how many people plan to follow their kids. Especially based on some of the posts we have here about parents and in-laws! Lol
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
Depends on where my boys end up and how much they hate me by then. And whether they want me to be involved in their lives. And whether I want to be involved in the lives they’ve built.
I admit, I am a bit surprised at how many people plan to follow their kids. Especially based on some of the posts we have here about parents and in-laws! Lol
Right? Like ideally in my head I’d like to but there’s no guarantee my kid will want to settle down with 2 kids and a dog. LOL. And what if they move somewhere that sucks or their partner is crazy? So many variables!
We do have a rental property we could retire in though. It has a main floor master. Most people in the neighborhood are actually retirees. Assuming climate change doesn’t ship it out to sea. 😳
We do have a rental property we could retire in though. It has a main floor master. Most people in the neighborhood are actually retirees. Assuming climate change doesn’t ship it out to sea. 😳
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
Depends on where my boys end up and how much they hate me by then. And whether they want me to be involved in their lives. And whether I want to be involved in the lives they’ve built.
I admit, I am a bit surprised at how many people plan to follow their kids. Especially based on some of the posts we have here about parents and in-laws! Lol
Lol agreed. I think it would be hard to start over again (new friends, doctors, etc) in a new city when I’m presumably in my 60s or 70s when my child has finally "settled down." Plus, if they live somewhere shitty, no thanks, until I need help with my care lol. My child might be the exact opposite of me and enjoy living in the middle of nowhere.
We are Cowboys fans and have season tickets. We currently live in PA and love our house so I would like to snowbird in Dallas and spend the rest of the time here.
Post by wanderlustmom on Feb 4, 2023 16:44:07 GMT -5
We have been really happy with suburban Atlanta. Moved here 20 years ago knowing nobody. Now my two sisters and their families are here as well. I love the community we have created, being able to exercise outside all year, the hills and trees, COL, moderate change of seasons. I play tennis all year. My husband is months away from an early retirement at 50 and I'll keep working PT indefinitely because I don't want to retire. Not sure if we will stay in our house and just look forward to lots of travel and rent beach houses and mountain houses for a few weeks each yaar or if we will downsize to a small cottage and buy a mountain or lake house that we can go to easily. But if we do that and maintain two properties, I still want to travel a lot and neither of us are handy at all. So that gives us both pause. And we love our home we have now. Hope that kids stay in state for undergrad so we can save money. And yes, we will follow them when they settle. I have heard that can go either way, they may move a lot for jobs--but even with loving our life here and all our friends--my preference would be to be near our kids always. We both want that more than anything. So if both of our kids end up settling in our area (I know that's a stretch) we would be so happy. If they both choose different parts of the world or county, not sure what we will do but seeing our kids a few times a year sounds like the worst kind of hell to us. So we would need to find a way to see them more if they want us to.
The current plan is still to go back to the Bay Area, likely somewhere on the peninsula where all our friends are. Yes, this is stupid from a COL perspective but we loved our years there and have a great community of friends we'd love to be physically close to again.
We're not even 40 yet so I honestly can't really conceptualize it.I think I'd just like to stay where we are and then travel when the weather isn't great (July-August and January-February). My parents retreat to Colorado in the summer and I could see us doing the same.
I admit, I am a bit surprised at how many people plan to follow their kids. Especially based on some of the posts we have here about parents and in-laws! Lol
Lol agreed. I think it would be hard to start over again (new friends, doctors, etc) in a new city when I’m presumably in my 60s or 70s when my child has finally "settled down." Plus, if they live somewhere shitty, no thanks, until I need help with my care lol. My child might be the exact opposite of me and enjoy living in the middle of nowhere.
I would give anything to have my family near by. It’s been hard for us to raise kids without any help. This is also assuming our families would actually help though which is maybe a dumb assumption!
But I also can’t imagine my kids leaving a big city for a rural town, so I guess I’m not worried about them going somewhere in the middle of nowhere!
Also, I’m old, so my kid won’t likely settle down until I’m like 80. 🤣🤣🤣
Depends on where my boys end up and how much they hate me by then. And whether they want me to be involved in their lives. And whether I want to be involved in the lives they’ve built.
I admit, I am a bit surprised at how many people plan to follow their kids. Especially based on some of the posts we have here about parents and in-laws! Lol
One of my friends with 3 kids recently had her own parents and ILs move into their same exact neighborhood from out of state. She says it’s been an adjustment.
I dunno, moving to FL or AZ or somewhere warm, where I know no one, holds no appeal for me. We just moved cross-country like six years ago and it has been hard enough to build a social circle and feel like part of a community.
This is where I think a lot of people will be surprised. My parents are now upper middle class and as their friends have aged they have decided Canada sucks in the winter and they have all coordinated to buy condos in the same community in Florida. My parents are not fully retired as of yet, but they’ve rented a house in the same area as their friends for two months (Jan/Feb) this year and next. They don’t intend to buy because they already have two properties here in Canada. We went down to visit last week and all of their friends are there. It’s pretty strange to be honest.
One thing I can say, is it won't be Florida or a number of other locations. No LCOL is worth moving somewhere that is legally hostile to my kids (or possible grandkids). It's one thing to stay somewhere and fight for better. It's another to vote with our feet and move to somewhere.
I admit, I am a bit surprised at how many people plan to follow their kids. Especially based on some of the posts we have here about parents and in-laws! Lol
Lol agreed. I think it would be hard to start over again (new friends, doctors, etc) in a new city when I’m presumably in my 60s or 70s when my child has finally "settled down." Plus, if they live somewhere shitty, no thanks, until I need help with my care lol. My child might be the exact opposite of me and enjoy living in the middle of nowhere.
If someone had asked me if I wanted to live near my parents before I had kids or while my first was still just an infant I would have said over my dead body lol. Nearly six years into parenting and I now much more fully understand how absolutely impossible this country makes life for working parents, and so yes we’re anticipating our kids might need help when we’re retired and we may want to provide some of that help if we can.
We don't plan to leave Canada (would enjoy extended holidays in a warmer climate if finances allow), our town in a destination for retirees anyway. We bought a small house with a zero grade entry and single level floorpan, every update we do is mindful of aging in place. It will be paid off before we're 60 and our utilities expenses are minimal.
I have no idea of DS will live near us or not. We live thousands of miles from our nearest family members and it's been fine. We will travel to see DS wherever he is. I assume we'll be in a financial position to pay his travel expenses to visit us as well, like my parents have done.
Post by fancynewbeesly on Feb 4, 2023 19:16:36 GMT -5
We bought our current house about a year and a half ago. I love it. And don’t actually want to move ever. In a fantasy world we would be snowbirds in Florida/SC/NC and be here in the summer.
But nothing is in place or planned where. I did say that I don’t want to move for at least 15 years (girls need to be out of school) and then we will consider options.
Our house now is definitely one we can age in. No basement. Ranch house. Enough room for our family of 4. However once the girls move out we wouldn’t feel like we need to downsize.
I dunno, moving to FL or AZ or somewhere warm, where I know no one, holds no appeal for me. We just moved cross-country like six years ago and it has been hard enough to build a social circle and feel like part of a community.
This is where I think a lot of people will be surprised. My parents are now upper middle class and as their friends have aged they have decided Canada sucks in the winter and they have all coordinated to buy condos in the same community in Florida. My parents are not fully retired as of yet, but they’ve rented a house in the same area as their friends for two months (Jan/Feb) this year and next. They don’t intend to buy because they already have two properties here in Canada. We went down to visit last week and all of their friends are there. It’s pretty strange to be honest.
My parents, aunts, and uncles all live within walking distance in their Florida neighborhood. They also have several friends who have all moved within a few miles. My IL’s also picked a neighborhood with friends from home. I think it’s pretty common and it does make it a little easier.
Depends on where my boys end up and how much they hate me by then. And whether they want me to be involved in their lives. And whether I want to be involved in the lives they’ve built.
I admit, I am a bit surprised at how many people plan to follow their kids. Especially based on some of the posts we have here about parents and in-laws! Lol
I am very thankful that my parents live near us and respect that we’re two households.
My mom will even ask “are we hanging out too much?” because she doesn’t want DH to feel uncomfortable.
But like, my kid being gone overnight to their house? So nice!
And my mom joined a local genealogy society and my dad is BFFs with the other retired husbands in their neighborhood. They were able to get referrals for specialists or see who we see doctor wise.
Our tentative plan is to move back to California when DD graduates from high school in 2026. We won't be close to retiring, but we'll likely stay there.
I admit, I am a bit surprised at how many people plan to follow their kids. Especially based on some of the posts we have here about parents and in-laws! Lol
I am very thankful that my parents live near us and respect that we’re two households.
My mom will even ask “are we hanging out too much?” because she doesn’t want DH to feel uncomfortable.
But like, my kid being gone overnight to their house? So nice!
And my mom joined a local genealogy society and my dad is BFFs with the other retired husbands in their neighborhood. They were able to get referrals for specialists or see who we see doctor wise.
I know it can work out, and be great, but based on posts here and real life experience? Not always the case!
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
We want to buy a vacation home in SC in the next year or two. The plan is to stay in our current home in the Midwest and spend winters in SC. We are 20+ years from retirement so I’m not sure we will feel the same when the time comes but that’s the plan.
As someone with minimal family help, I’d love to be close to my kids but I have 3 kids and have no idea where they will all go. We do plan to visit them as often as possible and be as involved as we possibly can and as much as they want. I can’t plan or promise anymore than that.
I admit, I am a bit surprised at how many people plan to follow their kids. Especially based on some of the posts we have here about parents and in-laws! Lol
One of my friends with 3 kids recently had her own parents and ILs move into their same exact neighborhood from out of state. She says it’s been an adjustment.
This would make me move. Even if just one set of our parents did this. Being 4 hours and 13 hours away is good.
One of my friends with 3 kids recently had her own parents and ILs move into their same exact neighborhood from out of state. She says it’s been an adjustment.
This would make me move. Even if just one set of our parents did this. Being 4 hours and 13 hours away is good.
But I realize every family is different.
Yeah, I think everyone involved has to be on board. I also think a lot of people could live near their OWN parents, but not their in-laws, even if they are great in-laws. For better or worse we are used to our family of origin, quirks and all, whereas a spouse may not be able to live near those quirks, lol.
ETA: Yes, I am aware there are exceptions here. For example, I could have 100% lived next door to my dad or MIL, naturally they have both passed away! My FIL is a handful, and my mom would drive my H slowly insane, and me too. I love her, very much she’s a great person, but it’s complicated, as are many parent/child relationships.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
Re: parents nearby, we’re really lucky that my parents only want to hang out when we want to, when they’re in town. And they are only here 1/4 of the year, and near where all their friends are 3/4 of the year. They’ve made friends here and really take advantage of the local area, but I know not all older people are like that. I figure since we have four kids, chances are that one or two of them might want us around part of the time/need our help.
Post by basilosaurus on Feb 5, 2023 5:29:49 GMT -5
My parents never expected us to make our lives influenced by where they are and vice versa. It never even occurred to me even when we did get along. I left for college and never looked back. Fuck Florida.
It certainly would never be a decision I make based on a football team!
LOL same. I have a feeling by the time we retire, the weather where we currently live will be more comfortable/warmer than it is now. It already is!
ETA: winters specifically.
By that I took it to mean she'd die in a fire ball and not have to think about retirement.
I don't even know where I'll be living when my kids start school, and based on past moves retirement is roughly 3 moves ahead of us. Reading this thread I am realizing for the first time that since my H is not a US citizen that might be off the table for us. I'm not sure he'd be able to get a marriage visa/green card when we're retirement age.