Brought to you by my own life and a couple of comments on here recently about Chicago and Glee.
How do you decide what is okay media/books/movies/plays for your kids to consume? Is it by rating or gut instinct or what?
Background: DD is 10 but a very mature 10. MIL let her watch Chicago. I probably wouldn’t have without watching it with her with some background commentary. But I’m not losing my mind or anything. More like “well, that happened.” She’s really into musical theater, and any musical can be questionable (A Chorus Line. Grease. Gypsy. Hamilton. All have at least discussions of violence or sex or whatever. I mean, Gypsy is about the world’s most famous stripper ffs.) I have been considering letting her watch Glee and I think she would enjoy it. But then I wonder if it’s too much too soon.
I struggle a lot with this. DD1 was reading at a 10th grade level when she was in 3rd grade, so it's been hard to find appropriate material that will challenge her. But she's extremely immature in a lot of ways, so I've struggled with how to deal with certain books/plays/shows.
I do rely on Common Sense Media a lot for books, movies, and shows. You definitely have to weed through some things and read comments to see if they support the rating. For example, I don't think that my 13 year old can't see a movie because someone drinks a beer.
mae0111, when DD was in 3rd grade, one of her teachers recommended A Fault in Their Stars, which is a book about the Holocaust. I was pretty shocked and worried that she would be traumatized, but she absolutely loved it. And now she’s read a gazillion books about WWII and the Holocaust and is a historical fiction nut. And that made me realize I was likely sheltering her too much. So I’m trying but I sometimes wonder if I’m giving in too much.
For most things it is TV14. If it is a higher rating then we watch it together.
DD is also 10 and reading in a high level so she’s reading YA mysteries which does contain drugs. One of the characters is a drug dealer. But I’ve read the book before and we are watching the series together. So I kind of know what to expect. We watched Valentines Day and I fast forwarded the sex phone scenes because I didn’t feel like she needed to hear or repeat that stuff.
I try to stay away from sex for them. I definitely feel that they don’t need to be reading smut books or anything like that at this age.
DS read Milkweed and also reads along the lines of WWII and the holocaust but nothing graphic yet.
I made the call to delay the Giver for DD. I just kind of felt that killing on a whole society level was a bit heavier than a non graphic murder mystery of an individual. Maybe that makes no sense but that’s where I landed.
There are definitely better musicals than Chicago for that age group. I’m not strictly against it but if given the choice I would pick something else.
mommyatty, I feel the same way. I was worried about the WWII stuff for DD1, but she's really enjoyed it. But she was definitely older when she read it. DD2 will be terribly upset by all of it.
I bought Are You There God It's Me Margaret like 2 years ago for DD1, and I still haven't given it to her. I think she would be horrified by the movie. And then my sister (with 3 college kids and a high schooler) sent me the trailer for the movie and was like "This looks so cute! Are you taking DD1?" FFS I JUST had to break the news about Santa. This feels... not right yet...
We go to a lot of school plays and community theater. A lot of them do the junior plays so that’s helpful. We’ve seen Into the Woods, Godspell, Little Mermaid, Newsies, Sound of Music, Momma Mia, Music Man, and more. She loves Come From Away.
I’ve definitely had to do a little research and try to avoid the Gypsy type musicals. Nothing against them but I figure there is time to do the edgier stuff later.
Post by librarychica on Feb 14, 2023 13:28:08 GMT -5
I prioritize context over subject matter. So I didn’t get too wound up when DD1, 11, went through her “bad things happen to good people, and bad people, and all people” phase last year — seriously the Holocaust and the plague and the flippin crusades? — because it was in the context of diaries and fiction told from the perspective of children and clearly aimed at a child audience. I’d have been more watchful if it were TVs/movies (because knowing myself and my kid that is more intense/affecting), and social media or stuff like YouTube on the topics is flat-out banned or only under supervision so we can reinforce lessons on evaluating accuracy of content.
Similar with religion. I’m an atheist, I was raised in the Bible Belt. I teach my children about religion as a thing that exists and is important to people, they can (and do) read books written about/from the perspective of kids of different religions and I think that’s great, TV shows are also fine if they’re targeted toward kids/young adults, they are absolutely not allowed to attend church or youth group events without a parent because the context there isn’t literature or entertainment, it’s worship and sometimes recruiting.
Sex, my kids know the details of sex but I do check over any manga (our library doesn’t have a children’s manga section) and any YA-type novel for actual sexual descriptions. I think I was 12/13 when my access to grandma’s bookshelf made that a moot exercise but for now, I do try. DD1 is starting to edge into books, especially mangas, that have a romcom type lens, which is fine, so long as she doesn’t stray from the children’s and maybe select YA sections of the library. Again, I am more watchful of TV and internet media.
For tv rating systems, if it’s rated above their age they have to watch it (or at least the first few episodes) with H or I. All anime must be approved by H because he has probably watched it, lol. Right now our oldest is very noisy about her interests and so we have a high level of visibility into her consumption and DD2 is young. I am not kidding myself that this will last forever, but I am hoping that the girls will feel we have a strong enough relationship to bring anything sketch to us and ask questions.
Post by librarychica on Feb 14, 2023 13:42:22 GMT -5
FWIW, I would not show DD1 Glee because of the overly sexual storylines, the depiction of teen drinking/drug use, and the sexualing of student characters by teachers/adults. I love Glee! And I wouldn’t disallow content based on the existence of sex/drug/etc all alone. But I do not think DD has the capability to separate entertainment and humor from appropriate real life behavior at this point. She would not pick up on the nuance from it.
Maybe you can just show her select musical numbers?
Post by sandandsea on Feb 14, 2023 13:43:39 GMT -5
I also use common sense media, ratings, and gut.
Ds2 watches a lot of shows way before we let ds1 just because he’s exposed to a lot earlier by having a big brother. They’re both into Star Wars, marvel movies, etc.
My concern with some of the teen shows (Glee, Dawsons, one tree hill, 90210, Ginny & Georgi, types) is that they touch on so many serious topics that I want to guide my kids on vs having them learn from media. Things like eating disorders, domestic violence, drugs, sex, alcohol, etc. that I know my 11 yo has no real concept of yet. And seeing these on tv can really misconstrue how prevalent/normal/okay they seem but in real life are a big deal.
For me it's generally my gut and pre-screening things. I've found that Common Sense Media is a little too uptight for me to use it as a real gauge. There are some movies on there that I wouldn't let the girls watch, then I saw it and realized it would be totally fine for them. Free Guy and some Marvel movies, for example. DD2 read the entire The Giver series last year and loved it. They're definitely dark books, but I read them with her and we had good conversations about it. But I think a big part of it is that those are obviously fictional story lines, so it's easier for the kids to see that as "just a movie" or "just a book."
Shows like Glee feel like they're too realistic so it's hard for the kids to understand that it's still fiction at this age. I wouldn't show the girls that show yet. (Not to mention the obvious complication of exH being a former teacher and his sordid past there... That show is a bit too much for us in this house right now)
So I guess that "obvious fiction" vs "realistic fiction" is a big deciding factor for me too.
I'm pretty lax when it comes to my kids and media consumption. Similar to physical stuff like climbing trees. Luckily my kids generally have a good feel for their own limits and I let them self-regulate. That means DS1 will climb a tree and be like 30 feet off the ground and I'm OK with it, and means that when DH and the big kids watched "City of Ember" together last weekend, DD decided it was too scary and came and hung out in the kitchen with me.
twinmomma I agree about Common Sense Media being not a great indicator for my comfort level - I'll let the kids watch things younger.
I'm more concerned about media giving my kids ideas that I disagree with when it comes to gender roles and that sort of thing rather than actual sex or violence.
Post by sandandsea on Feb 14, 2023 16:50:06 GMT -5
Re common sense media. It does run a bit conservative in their aging so I’m generally about 2 years ahead of their rankings. For example if they say something is 12 and up, my 10yo was totally fine with it. If they say 16 or 18+, the. It’s probably a bit too much for my kids. Also I like that they say what “problems” they have with the content as im okay with some bad areas more than others.
sandandsea , exactly. I saw someone give something like a 16+ ranking to A Christmas Story Christmas because... beer. You do have to weed through the comments. But it's a decent guide.
DD kind of guides herself. She didn't watch hardly any TV before she was 5 and then she watched lots of PBS kids stuff. Now at 11 she doesn't like anything with blood, guts, or violence. She can't stand NCIS, Criminal Minds, and a lot of stuff DH prefers to watch. She is fine with Harry Potter but I think that is because the books are more graphic than the movies in her mind. She loves watching baking/cooking shows and sometimes those are just as out there as other TV shows.
Mine are 14 and 12, and I teach middle school so I feel like this is one thing I have a decent grasp on. I talk with them A LOT about internet porn -- what kids have access to for free online is largely misogonystic and degrading, and it is an awful model for kids exploring their sexuality. I don't limit books and I screen TV and movies for self harm and harmful relationships (not to ban them, but to be able to talk about them).
Language doesn't bother me at all. We all watch Ted Lasso together.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Post by librarychica on Feb 15, 2023 11:21:13 GMT -5
Oh god, erbear. I don’t want to have to discuss porn with my children but I know it must be done.
Idk, I was thinking more about this last night and my rubric of checkpoints makes it sound like I rigidly evaluate content. And I will, if I must. But I mostly don’t. I have to have a reason to go looking.