I wouldn't be surprised if there are "secret" relatives (maybe aunts/uncles/cousins) of mine in Europe. I recently found out my grandfather had an affair with a woman over there, whom he met during the war, and carried on with when she would come to the states (apparently fairly regularly?). My grandma left him as soon as her youngest was 18, and I'm learning bits and pieces about how he was as a husband and father as my own dad gets older.
I also know I have relatives in Argentina (cousins of that same grandfather) who "fled" to Argentina from Germany after the war, but....I'm not interested in meeting them. I know one of them reached out to my cousin via FB in the past 5ish years, and maybe the younger generations are totally lovely, but I'm good.
All that said, that's why I don't ever plan on submitting my DNA to one of those companies. I don't want to open that can of worms for someone to contact me. There's enough drama with my 2 KNOWN siblings. Not that I think my dad fooled around one my mom, but I honestly just wouldn't want to know about any more.
One year my H gave his parents DNA kits for Christmas bc he thought it would be cool. His mom was thrilled; his dad refused to do it. Now I'm wondering if there is a secret history LOL.
We have a close family friend whose bio father left when she was a baby and they did not keep in touch. This year, at the age of 70, she connected with her half-siblings through Ancestry. Her father apparently led a double life for a while before leaving my friend's mom and committing to the other family. He had overlapping marriages with both women, and I'm pretty sure that my friend was born between two of the half-siblings.
Anyway, they have connected and 2 of the 3 siblings are thrilled to have another family member and have welcomed her with open arms.
I love that all those rapists/murderers who never got caught are now hopefully living in fear. Not fair they got to be free as long as they did, but I hope they all are suffering.
I've been thinking the opposite - I hate that all these women are having rapes from their past dragged up and are faced with either telling everyone the truth or choosing to hide it to protect the child via rape. Even if they tell the truth, the statute of limitations has likely run.
I love that all those rapists/murderers who never got caught are now hopefully living in fear. Not fair they got to be free as long as they did, but I hope they all are suffering.
I've been thinking the opposite - I hate that all these women are having rapes from their past dragged up and are faced with either telling everyone the truth or chosing to hide it to protect the child via rape. Even if they tell the truth, the statute of limitations has likely run.
Also, the fact that people are contacting their relatives can go extremely badly. I hope people are considering what they will do should their found family not want contact with them. Like adoption reunification stories, sometimes there is no "happy ending".
I'm in the not doing it camp. My bio dad was never in the picture. I know I have 3 half sisters. I'm an only child and sincerely wish things were different but I wouldn't feel good about potentially upsetting them. I could give 0 cares about my dad though.
Post by dancingnancy on Mar 7, 2023 15:48:20 GMT -5
I am late 40s and know someone my age who sold her eggs in college that has had her biological child find her through ancestry. I remember being in college in the early/mid 90s and how there were ads in the school paper offering good money to people to do it and am sure it never crossed her mind that 30 years later she’d be found like this.
Post by cheeseplease on Mar 7, 2023 20:18:57 GMT -5
Gosh, this is "almost" me. I have not done a DNA test but at the age of 18 (I'm 54), my mom informed me that the person that is on my birth certificate was not actually my biological father but was some man she had carried on an affair with. He supposedly was/is married with 4 children and she says that he offered to leave that family to be with her but she declined. I grew up with a step-father that was a big asshole to me and I used to dream about my "real" father coming in and "saving" me. To find out that fantasy was incorrect all along was a bit of a mind fuck for me. I think a lot about the fact that somewhere I have 4 half siblings who in all likelihood have no idea I exist. My mom never had any other children besides myself so its weird to be an only child, but still have that connection out there. I want to take a test just for information but really don't want to deal with her screw up, but then sometimes I do. I get very jealous sometimes of people who have a family history that is "normal" and have close relations with them.
I am late 40s and know someone my age who sold her eggs in college that has had her biological child find her through ancestry. I remember being in college in the early/mid 90s and how there were ads in the school paper offering good money to people to do it and am sure it never crossed her mind that 30 years later she’d be found like this.
I have a close friend who donated her eggs about 16 years ago and lives in fear of this moment. She hasn’t done a DNA test but her brother has.
I am fairly confident I don’t have any half siblings out there, but I would like to learn more about my dads maternal side. He was the youngest of six, and his mother died when he was 4. His sister (oldest) was 21 years older and had a son three months younger than my dad. She helped raise my dad while their mother was sick, but after she died, my dad went to an orphanage for a few years until his father remarried. He says that mom’s side of the family disappeared after her death.
Well, his oldest sister just passed last week and at the service were people who signed the book with his mothers maiden name. I asked my cousin (same age as my dad) and he knew all these people for years! I don’t know if my dad didn’t know, or forgot (he’s 73 himself) or just didn’t care, but I’m curious because I look just like so many of them. It was fascinating to me to see all of the old pictures I had never seen before. My cousin said he’d give me whatever I wanted, which is nice of him.
Anyway, I want to know about my family tree, but don’t actually want to know these people, lol. Like, I don’t want someone trying to contact me, but I want to know who THEY are so I can internet stalk them. Guessing that’s not how it works though…
I am confused by the people in this thread saying it's too late for the wife to be mad. LOL, no. I don't care how old I am or how long we've been married, if I find out my husband is a cheating cheater who cheats, I am burning shit down.
My friend did the math based on when she and her half sister were born, and my friend was conceived when his wife was very pregnant, with a toddler to boot. Yeah even in my 80’s I’d burn it down with him!
I would be crushed if this happened to me. My dad likely has at least 2 children outside my parents' marriage. I only found out about this when I was about 28 and saw a picture of a young woman named Valedictorian from the local girls Catholic school-- she is the image of my younger sister.
these are some crazy stories - but I'm still stuck on the fact that someone named their child Valedictorian....
I would be crushed if this happened to me. My dad likely has at least 2 children outside my parents' marriage. I only found out about this when I was about 28 and saw a picture of a young woman named Valedictorian from the local girls Catholic school-- she is the image of my younger sister.
these are some crazy stories - but I'm still stuck on the fact that someone named their child Valedictorian....
lol. I think she means the photo was of the person who was identified as the valedictorian of her class.
Although Valedictorian is kind of a fun aspirational concept. I don't hate it for a name.
lol. I think she means the photo was of the person who was identified as the valedictorian of her class.
Although Valedictorian is kind of a fun aspirational concept. I don't hate it for a name.
My dad wanted to name me Doctor lol
My in-laws dearly wanted their first son to be a doctor as was a family tradition going back to Civil War times. They named him Daniel Robert Lastname. While they did call him Dan, anytime his name was written he was D.R. Lastname. I've seen elementary report cards with D.R. on them.
I have a good friend who did this and discovered her father was not her bio father. Her mother knew this- had been seeing more than one guy but when she was found out she was pregnant she picked the one with more money and they married (they since divorced many years ago). Friend met bio father, who had no idea, and now has a great relationship with him.
I have a dumb question: I thought when women do DNA tests the results are only on the maternal side because we’re XX, no Y chromosome, so how would the test have revealed that? 9th grade biology was a looooong time ago so maybe I have that completely wrong?
I have a good friend who did this and discovered her father was not her bio father. Her mother knew this- had been seeing more than one guy but when she was found out she was pregnant she picked the one with more money and they married (they since divorced many years ago). Friend met bio father, who had no idea, and now has a great relationship with him.
I have a dumb question: I thought when women do DNA tests the results are only on the maternal side because we’re XX, no Y chromosome, so how would the test have revealed that? 9th grade biology was a looooong time ago so maybe I have that completely wrong?
I have a dumb question: I thought when women do DNA tests the results are only on the maternal side because we’re XX, no Y chromosome, so how would the test have revealed that? 9th grade biology was a looooong time ago so maybe I have that completely wrong?
Post by fivechickens on Mar 8, 2023 17:14:49 GMT -5
I know someone who did this and found out who she thought was her bio dad wasn’t. Apparently her mom had gotten pregnant with her (she is the oldest) when her mom was engaged to who she thought was her dad so the mom went on as if he was the father. The father ‘knew’ which she suspected was why they didn’t have a great relationship.
She met her bio dad and ended up having a short but great relationship with him until he passed.
I have a good friend who did this and discovered her father was not her bio father. Her mother knew this- had been seeing more than one guy but when she was found out she was pregnant she picked the one with more money and they married (they since divorced many years ago). Friend met bio father, who had no idea, and now has a great relationship with him.
I have a dumb question: I thought when women do DNA tests the results are only on the maternal side because we’re XX, no Y chromosome, so how would the test have revealed that? 9th grade biology was a looooong time ago so maybe I have that completely wrong?
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
I'm so sorry for your friend and J. I went through a very similar situation that I only found out through Ancestry and it has been really hard. It's also really altered my relationship with my mother. I hope your friend and everyone involved can find some peace.
1. My friend Lisa did a dna test. Discovered a sister no one knew about. Her mom had a baby when she was a teen, named her Lisa, gave her up for adoption. Never told anyone. Many years later got married and had another daughter, named her Lisa also. Older Lisa knew about Younger Lisa. When Younger Lisa found out about Older Lisa, she looked her up on Instagram. Older Lisa already followed Younger Lisa! So creepy.
2. My father in law did a dna test. He was raised with several siblings. Turns out the middle brother has a completely different father than the rest of the siblings! Luckily their Dad had already passed so this didn’t tear apart their family.
3. I have a half sister that was able to track me down through our Dad’s family.
I'm so sorry for your friend and J. I went through a very similar situation that I only found out through Ancestry and it has been really hard. It's also really altered my relationship with my mother. I hope your friend and everyone involved can find some peace.
C and J have been swapping childhood pics, and C looks more like J’s sister than J’s full sister does!
Summary: Guy take an Ancestry test, finds out the CEO of his company is his half-brother. I guess the CEO found out at the same time, and starts making life extremely hard for the guy, including trying to fire him. Read the threads, they are WILD.
That's a crazy story, but not that uncommon any more these days. A lot of adults found out their parents used donor gametes (using donor sperm is a lot more common) by DNA/genetic tests. Back in the day, people were told not to tell the kids. The advice/recommendation is totally different now, but they didn't envision the development of commercial DNA testing for fun 30+ years ago
Someone I know used a donor egg and while it was not a secret at the time of the pregnancy, they have not told the child (who is now a tween) and pretend it didn’t happen. I’m sure there are biological half siblings as the donor donated to several women at the same time. I think in this day and age the chance of the child finding out are pretty good, and it won’t be pretty when it comes out as a secret that was kept from them.
For me, I’m in the camp of don’t want to know. I’m aware of some half siblings from my dad and there are probably others. I’m estranged from his side for good reason, and I prefer to keep it that way. My mom took a test and didn’t find anything unexpected as far as I know.
I have a good friend who did this and discovered her father was not her bio father. Her mother knew this- had been seeing more than one guy but when she was found out she was pregnant she picked the one with more money and they married (they since divorced many years ago). Friend met bio father, who had no idea, and now has a great relationship with him.
I have a dumb question: I thought when women do DNA tests the results are only on the maternal side because we’re XX, no Y chromosome, so how would the test have revealed that? 9th grade biology was a looooong time ago so maybe I have that completely wrong?
And I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that somewhere along the line you have heard about somebody tracing lineage through RNA testing - and that always come from the maternal line
That's a crazy story, but not that uncommon any more these days. A lot of adults found out their parents used donor gametes (using donor sperm is a lot more common) by DNA/genetic tests. Back in the day, people were told not to tell the kids. The advice/recommendation is totally different now, but they didn't envision the development of commercial DNA testing for fun 30+ years ago
Someone I know used a donor egg and while it was not a secret at the time of the pregnancy, they have not told the child (who is now a tween) and pretend it didn’t happen. I’m sure there are biological half siblings as the donor donated to several women at the same time. I think in this day and age the chance of the child finding out are pretty good, and it won’t be pretty when it comes out as a secret that was kept from them.
For me, I’m in the camp of don’t want to know. I’m aware of some half siblings from my dad and there are probably others. I’m estranged from his side for good reason, and I prefer to keep it that way. My mom took a test and didn’t find anything unexpected as far as I know.
Oh I feel bad for that child. We used donor eggs as well. My son will be 9 months old on Sunday, and I've been telling him since he was born about his conception
Post by basilosaurus on Mar 9, 2023 15:34:24 GMT -5
I find it bad practice to not tell a child they were adopted or conceived via donor. I do recognize things were different way back when, but I babysat for a family in the mid 90s, and they were very open about the kids being adopted. So it's not that recent to be open.
Taking babies for adoption, telling moms their kid died, was very much a thing done in so called homes for unwed mothers. Usually Catholic. Parents would send them there, and the girls/women had no choice.
Traveling salesman sleeping with a woman in every town is such a cliche joke. Like my mariner grandpa having a woman in every port during the war. Wild it is actually true here.