My 16yo son was asked to take the place of a friend to go to a concert tomorrow.
I know the music is explicit but listening over your ear buds at home vs going to a concert is just different.
Here's the circumstances:
Concert is 1.5 hours away It'll be 4 boys 16-17yo 17yos dad is driving them and they are all staying over in a hotel. Dad however has his own room.
FWIW these are good kids. None of them have ever been in trouble.
The parents of the dad going are not native English speakers so its a little difficult to get exact details since theres a slight language barrier. I did confirm with the mom the dad is going but not INTO the concert. She said she was glad if my son goes because he's a good boy.
I texted with the mom who pulled her kid from the plans and she said she and her boyfriend have been to and taken her son to rap concerts and she said no due to safety concerns about the evironment of rap concerts and its wasn't necessarily about the artist itself. She would only be comfortable if a parent was going in the concert and not only the 4 boys.
My son in particular has never been to any concerts. He definitely doesn't understand what the environment may be. I also don't think he realizes his anxiety may come rearing its ugly head. He hasn't had any concerning anxiety since he started prozac (he is now weaned) but before meds, any tight crowded areas really bothered him so this is not ideal.
My DH and I are very torn on what to do. I have a feeling if we say no, the others will go, have a great time and be fine and he will miss out. but I'm nervous, what if something happens?
DH was reading all morning and saw that the crowds are often very young for this artist. One person said he felt old in there at 21.
I don't want to share the details of who the artist is and/or where since this is a public forum. Feel free to lists artists you'd be cautious of. lol.
I don't understand the safety concern of a rap concert vs other concerts.
I'm sure other concerts have concerns as well, but the moshing and the young age of the attendees in this particular case is the safety concern. I can't speak for all concerts but this particular one (not this venue) has oversold tickets and had overcrowding issues as well.
I'm only repeating what the mom said about rap concerts and how crazy things can get for the ones she has been to
My son in particular has never been to any concerts. He definitely doesn't understand what the environment may be. I also don't think he realizes his anxiety may come rearing its ugly head. He hasn't had any concerning anxiety since he started prozac (he is now weaned) but before meds, any tight crowded areas really bothered him so this is not ideal.
This is the part that would be concerning to me. I limit what concerts that I go to, and when I do go i make sure that I have an aisle seat and am close to an exit. I absolutely cannot handle being trapped in the middle of long row of seats. I am an adult though, and could work out a solution if I got there and felt panicky (which has happened).
I am not sure that a teenager who has never attended a concert could navigate that kind of panic without an adult?
Obviously you know your kid better than I do though-- do you think you can talk through a strategy of what he should do if he feels uncomfortable?
The specifics of the concert itself aren't as worrying to me.
Maybe you can search reddit to see if there are any forums on the artist where people talk about the concerts, to give you an idea of the environment?
My 16 year old DD went to a Suicide Boys concert with friends a few months ago. I was a little nervous about it, but it was fine. The kids drove themselves, it was about 45 minutes away. No parents. In this case a parent is driving them, will pick them up after. It seems totally fine for that age.
Because of bad decisions in my DDs past we regularly random drug test her and my biggest concern was drugs at the concert, but she came up clean (of course she knows she’s randomly drug tested and if she pops positive we will take her license so she has a lot of incentive not to). But, with the dad picking them up after and then being good kids who probably don’t do drugs it’s probably fine.
I went to a Vanilla Ice concert when I was...14ish and it was fine. I know that's pretty limited experience, though.
Factors in my decision would be: - who the artist is (you don't need to say, but I'd probably do some googling/asking around about what the vibe of their concerts are generally like). - if there's assigned seating (vs. a big open space) I'd be more included to be o.k. with it - the crowds/mosh pits that can happen at a concert scare the crap out of me, even as an adult. - knowing that the crowd tends to skew younger makes me lean more toward being o.k. with it (if you know that's the case for sure).
Will dad be accessible if the kids decide it isn't for them and want to be picked up early?
I think it would be a yes for me. I would be nervous the whole night though lol. It is a big step. If it goes well it was a successful opportunity to learn and grow. And obviously have some fun.
Edit- A big part of my decision would be how well I know the other kids. I know we don't totally know our kid's friends,but generally you have an idea if they are going to be the type to want to get into some trouble. If I generally trust them I would take the leap and say yes.
Post by emilyinchile on Mar 9, 2023 10:38:11 GMT -5
Do people mosh at rap concerts? I think of that more with like, heavy metal, but I'm definitely not an expert.
I'd take the venue and seating into consideration. If they're sitting in the nose bleeds of a big sports arena, that's different to me from being on the floor or somewhere small where he could feel and be more crushed by a rowdy crowd.
How big is the venue? How many people does the venue hold? Where are they sitting?
I don’t know. If the dad was going to be there no problem at all. Since he’s just dropping/picking up I’d probably say no. If it is a smaller venue then I could be swayed.
Fair or not my mind goes to the Astroworld tragedy. I would want a parent there to navigate the first concert experience (for any artist).
Do people mosh at rap concerts? I think of that more with like, heavy metal, but I'm definitely not an expert.
aka crowd crush - relatively recent example was Astroworld. It's the open-floor/no fixed seating setup that can cause problems, the type of music doesn't matter.
I don’t think I understand why a rap concert would be more of a concern than any other concert.
As for the crowds, that’s specific to him but even really small venues normally have places that are less crowded like the back of the room or even a hallway if he needed a break. I would have him look at the venue map online and see how it looks to him—I’m assuming they won’t have seats. I would also assume that the risk of Covid would be very high.
Having a cell phone, a parent right there able to pick them up if something happened and a hotel room for after? I don’t think it’s that much different than a field trip to an amusement park.
My decision would be artist and venue specific, not musical genre specific.
There are specific country, rock, metal, rap, etc. acts that would give me pause, but it's not like I'd ban my kid from *every* country/rap/rock/metal show.
I am leaning towards yes, depending on the venue. Some places are better equipped to handle large crowds, if it was one of the bigger places near us (TD Garden) it would be fine, if it is a smaller place I would want to know where the seats were and I wouldn't want my kid near the stage area.
Post by Patsy Baloney on Mar 9, 2023 10:49:53 GMT -5
I wouldn’t blink at this.
Go forth, my son, have fun.
ETA: and wear ear protection! Just the little orange mushy ear plugs will do. If you don’t, you get to be old like me and listen to the tinnitus whine of concerts past, lol.
Yes I’d let them go. I think we live with a lot of fear around our kids and in ways it stifles them. I would talk to son about proper safety precautions - but I’d do that sending them to the mall or movie theatre. And I’d let them go.
I need to know a little more about the vibe of the artist's concerts and what the seating is like, and also how accessible dad is / how comfortable your son would be about calling him if needed. Rap concerts are not inherently more dangerous than others -- this has a racist undertone I'm not loving -- it's really about the general vibe of the show and the venue for me.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
I don’t think I understand why a rap concert would be more of a concern than any other concert.
Yes you do. We all know what that other parent was saying in singling out rap but no one wants to talk about that elephant in the room.
ETA: this is not a call out of you, tacokick. I went back and forth between being explicit or oblique in my first post. Like you, I vaguely implied rather than called it out.
I don’t think I understand why a rap concert would be more of a concern than any other concert.
Yes you do. We all know what that other parent was saying in singling out rap but no one wants to talk about that elephant in the room.
My post was kind of biting my tongue but I should be more direct-- directing fear at a genre of music that is made up largely of black creators and attendees is racist.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus