We give each kid 1 skip day per semester, mostly no questions asked.
Directly on this topic - I was really annoyed at L last week. She overextended herself because I was talked into allowing it - I’m totally regretting it. Anyways- then she got actually physically sick on top of it. She had dress rehearsal Tues. She stayed home Weds. Opening night Thurs.
I was pretty annoyed. But she was legit sick and with rehearal for 2 other shows + 2 other runs of current show - I knew if she didn’t have a day off she wouldn’t be able to get over her cold. I normally would have told her to buck up. But yeah.
We had a long conversation about stretching too thin.
Now that you mention this, my parents did this (one day) with us. I definitely see value in in
*** Also, when you have a jampacked schedule, the cookie has to crumble somewhere, but that somewhere shouldn't be school. ***
This was my mom's logic--school never gives. When I told her what I'd done for my daughter and how I thought of it like my own PTO my mom was floored. She never thought of it that way. She was like "well, I guess I could've let you have one and then figure out how to deal with the consequences." Vindication!
DotAndBuzz , my friend's mom gave her one mental health day a quarter in school. I think that is awesome. we all need that from time to time. So, I would say yes.
Edited: read your post about her ADHD screening.
I think it is fine, but I think, like you are already doing, having her pick a day where it will be easiest for her in terms of not missing anything big.
I have no problem letting my kids take a day here and there because they don't abuse it. They know it means they have to figure out what they missed and get it done/learned.
My mother wouldn't ever countenance a mental health day. All school was important. All grades were important. High level achievement was expected because she knew, she said, that I was capable.
Let me tell you, I really could've used a couple.
Oh hi, we had the same mother. The statement I heard often that still plays in my head is, "Average is unacceptable; you are not average."
You and I have the same kid! 14, anxiety issues, theater nerd, good grades, right down to being in a play last weekend and being burnt out from tech week.
Since your kid is doing well in school, I would probably let her have her day. My kid always gets super deflated after their play runs are over, and they need a minute to adjust to “normal” life.
I think it’s great your kid has fun socially and volunteers. Yes, ‘work vs fun’ got a little out of balance last weekend, but as long as this happens only once in a while, it’s probably all good. I would prioritize mental health over perfect attendance.
But, you're burned out because you did a show, and then partied till 1:30 am, and....yes, you still have commitments. You don't get to take a day off to watch Netflix because you are wrecked from an extracurricular, and CHOSE to go to a party, is kind of where I'm landing.
I guess I don't understand this line of thinking. I do this all the time as a fully functional adult. I'm a person who really needs time to DECOMPRESS not just sleep (however I may also be exhausted sleep wise). I think of wedding weekends with friends for example. I'm introverted and love being there with my friends to celebrate and choose to participate but damn, I just need a break afterward. I constantly use PTO or a sick day to decompress from overextendeding myself by choice to be with and participate in things with those I love. Overall, it's not a time management issue. I'm not doing this every weekend. I guess I'm a big proponent of rest and self care regardless of why, and in whatever way that looks like to someone. For me it's often trashy reality TV on the couch.
But, you're burned out because you did a show, and then partied till 1:30 am, and....yes, you still have commitments. You don't get to take a day off to watch Netflix because you are wrecked from an extracurricular, and CHOSE to go to a party, is kind of where I'm landing.
I guess I don't understand this line of thinking. I do this all the time as a fully functional adult. I'm a person who really needs time to DECOMPRESS not just sleep (however I may also be exhausted sleep wise). I think of wedding weekends with friends for example. I'm introverted and love being there with my friends to celebrate and choose to participate but damn, I just need a break afterward. I constantly use PTO or a sick day to decompress from overextendeding myself by choice to be with and participate in things with those I love. Overall, it's not a time management issue. I'm not doing this every weekend. I guess I'm a big proponent of rest and self care regardless of why, and in whatever way that looks like to someone. For me it's often trashy reality TV on the couch.
Agreed! I'd also let her spend her mental health day as she likes, even if that's zoning out to Netflix. I personally don't want to take a hike when I need time to decompress and would be supremely annoyed if that was my expectation to unwind.
But, you're burned out because you did a show, and then partied till 1:30 am, and....yes, you still have commitments. You don't get to take a day off to watch Netflix because you are wrecked from an extracurricular, and CHOSE to go to a party, is kind of where I'm landing.
I guess I don't understand this line of thinking. I do this all the time as a fully functional adult. I'm a person who really needs time to DECOMPRESS not just sleep (however I may also be exhausted sleep wise). I think of wedding weekends with friends for example. I'm introverted and love being there with my friends to celebrate and choose to participate but damn, I just need a break afterward. I constantly use PTO or a sick day to decompress from overextendeding myself by choice to be with and participate in things with those I love. Overall, it's not a time management issue. I'm not doing this every weekend. I guess I'm a big proponent of rest and self care regardless of why, and in whatever way that looks like to someone. For me it's often trashy reality TV on the couch.
With my kid the issue is that she would always choose this option if I gave her the leeway.
I guess I don't understand this line of thinking. I do this all the time as a fully functional adult. I'm a person who really needs time to DECOMPRESS not just sleep (however I may also be exhausted sleep wise). I think of wedding weekends with friends for example. I'm introverted and love being there with my friends to celebrate and choose to participate but damn, I just need a break afterward. I constantly use PTO or a sick day to decompress from overextendeding myself by choice to be with and participate in things with those I love. Overall, it's not a time management issue. I'm not doing this every weekend. I guess I'm a big proponent of rest and self care regardless of why, and in whatever way that looks like to someone. For me it's often trashy reality TV on the couch.
Agreed! I'd also let her spend her mental health day as she likes, even if that's zoning out to Netflix. I personally don't want to take a hike when I need time to decompress and would be supremely annoyed if that was my expectation to unwind.
im here too. I did one play in high school. The cast party was a huge deal! It’s not just some random weekend party. As someone else said - it’s a part of they theater experience and commitment!
And when I’m home sick, or just need to rest- zoning out to the TV is what I do. Most of the time, I fall asleep! The idea that her “rest day” can’t include watching tv…. Really??
Post by basilosaurus on Mar 13, 2023 14:24:36 GMT -5
I feel asleep in class exactly once. It was during tech week.
My parents had the no TV (fine by me) and no reading (hell no) and temp above 100. Funny that this did not apply to sister. They even rolled the TV to her room. They'd have laughed at my health break and probably would have told me that's how the real world works which, no, that's the problem
Just last week I needed a couple days of read doze read cycle. After doing something entirely fun by choice but for too long. My body and brain just could not do more. I'm not sure I even bothered to eat more than a leftover soup. It probably added up to a total of 15hrs sleep each time.
To me a mh day is one to give your brain a break as much as body from lack of sleep (a physical need especially for teens). Whether Netflix binge or books, they allow my brain to not think too much. It's restorative as much as sleep.
So, yeah, I think she's earned it. But I agree with no phone. I did not come on here or fb at all on my off days, just Kindle, wifi off. Reasonable accommodation
Post by heyyounotyouyou on Mar 13, 2023 14:30:49 GMT -5
I wish mental health days were more the norm for both kids and adults. Putting parameters around them kind of ruins the point of them (when I say parameters, I mean no netflix, no reading, etc. I do not mean, not to use them when you have a big test).
I urge my employees to take mental health (sick) days often. We have stressful jobs and I certainly wouldn't want them to remove all of the fun things in their life just because the job takes a lot out of them.
OP - I would monitor her HW time more. Her "taking a break" and looking at her phone for 30 - 60 mins, and multiple times? No. DS can really get caught up on his phone too, and if he wants a break, he gets a BRIEF (no more than 10 mins) break (he also doesn't have a TON of HW). And I'll sometimes make him put his phone out of reach of where ever he's doing his HW. We can probably all use it - but kids really do need guidance on how to use their time more effectively.
She didn't ask to miss school this morning, but I think we may bail on school Thursday AM after a dr appt and go out to breakfast. She has stuff that afternoon she can't miss, but not much is happening that morning.
We've done stuff like this with DS! He has A/B/C/D days - just a couple weeks ago, he asked if he could to in after first period the next day because it was gym. He was really tired and just wanted to sleep in. So... sure. He can skip gym!
And even I’m like, “Dude, high school is not this serious…”
Please tell the high schools. Here no student ever wants to miss because if you are out more than 3 days a semester or 5 in a school year you lose all eligibility to skip the final exam. It’s all a little bananas.
I am always shocked by those that don’t allow TV or screens on sick days. How do you get better if you can’t watch The Price is Right?!
OP - I would monitor her HW time more. Her "taking a break" and looking at her phone for 30 - 60 mins, and multiple times? No. DS can really get caught up on his phone too, and if he wants a break, he gets a BRIEF (no more than 10 mins) break (he also doesn't have a TON of HW). And I'll sometimes make him put his phone out of reach of where ever he's doing his HW. We can probably all use it - but kids really do need guidance on how to use their time more effectively.
This strategy might work well for neurotypical kids, but absolutely would NOT work well for many with ADHD. I agree that the OP’s daughter’s current strategy is probably not the best, but I think she could use professional help finding a better work/rest cycle that works with her own brain.
And even I’m like, “Dude, high school is not this serious…”
Please tell the high schools. Here no student ever wants to miss because if you are out more than 3 days a semester or 5 in a school year you lose all eligibility to skip the final exam. It’s all a little bananas.
I am always shocked by those that don’t allow TV or screens on sick days. How do you get better if you can’t watch The Price is Right?!
Also, learning to recognize when you're overwhelmed and taking a step back could easily be a skill she's learning in therapy to manage her anxiety. It's very important to recognize your limits and not drudge through them if you can help it. Obviously it's a balance between avoidance and disassociation but if a person with anxiety tells you they're burned out, we should probably listen.
Post by NewOrleans on Mar 13, 2023 16:11:13 GMT -5
I would give the day off… but I would take my child’s phone as part of the mental health day. I say that not as a punishment but rather to assist in the detox that a mental health day means. I believe we’re all as burned out from our phone use as we are from all this (::gestures weakly at literally everything:: )
Team, take the day off. I often give my 14yo straight A, theater kid the Friday of the first show off (for community theater). Tech week is brutal then they add 3-4 shows on to that and it’s exhausting for me, the mom.
I generally support mental health days but I'd likely say no so close to spring break.
Depends on the school. DS’ high school posts the work in a portal so he’d be able to see it during the day and work on it that day if he’d like. He missed classes today for a school golf tournament, and is catching up now in his portal.
Post by jillybean222 on Mar 13, 2023 18:23:33 GMT -5
My girls are 15/14/11 and I give them days off it they feel they need it. If it became a regular occurrence I might change my policy but it hasn't been abused yet. I look at it like taking a sick day from work! And when I call the school I tell them it's a mental health day.
And even I’m like, “Dude, high school is not this serious…”
While this is true, I think it can depend on where you go and which schools you might want to go to. Getting accepted at schools is getting harder, even for instate schools.
DotAndBuzz, does she have music on when doing homework? i know plenty of people that need some light background noise when working and prevents them from spacing out or needing more breaks.
I’d give her the day, and let her do whatever she wanted (within reason). I wouldn’t take anything away, like her phone or Netflix. This may be controversial in this thread lol.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus