ADD in girls

[keyslover]

I know this has been discussed and I have started looking at articles too- but I would appreciate real world stories.

DD2 is in 6th grade and is a good student, respectful in class and wants to learn. Smart kid. She constantly forgets to turn things in! I realize there is a learning curve for middle school/time management, but we are well into the year.

What makes me wonder is last night she talked about her morning and flat out mentions she gets distracted by “things” or sits just staring/thinking.

She does get hyper focused on things- if she wants to learn to
Crochets, that is all that is on her radar. When are we getting supplies, can we do it today, if not today when.

Teachers just say she’s a wonderful kid, love having in her class, but she forgets to turn things in.

Any thoughts?

[countthestars]

I'm not sure there is enough information here for us to know, but I commend you on thinking about it. If I had only known about my ADHD as a kid, I think my education would have really benefitted from it. For me, the first step for diagnosis was for me to fill out a survey about myself and then to have family members or other people close to me fill it out as well. From there, they could see what areas I struggle with. I'd recommend asking her pediatrician for an initial evaluation.

[mrsGreeko]

My 16 year old DD is extremely bright. She was a joy to have in class, did really well in school, polite, respectful and has a little brother who presents as so much more typical ADHD. In 5th grade she started to falter a little with school, I didn’t think much of it, her dad was deployed and there was a lot going on. In 6th grade she told me she thought she had ADHD, I blew it off because she was doing fairly well, although starting to really struggle with turning in assignments and she didn’t outwardly appear to have anything else.

Fast forward through middle school where she struggled more and more and more both educationally and socially and became depressed. She started treatment for depression. Then covid and the absolute effing disaster that was online school and my kid was barely passing classes. I tried to get her evaluated for ADHD, but the evaluator wrote things like “very impulsive”, “mind goes to fast before reasoning kicks in and at that point she’s already acted.” And did not diagnose ADHD because he didn’t feel she presented with attention deficits during the evaluation. I should also mention that in these interim years she self medicated, first with ungodly amounts of caffeine, then with marijuana.

Fast forward to switching psychiatrists for the depression and new psych read that report and looked at her history and her and decided she most likely had ADHD and started her on meds right before she turned 16. She is having an easier time now. She also ended up switching to an alternative high school program based at a college so she doesn’t have to take 6 classes at a time, she is taking 3. She now has straight As and no longer using pot (randomly drug tested to be sure of that).

So if you suspect, get an evaluation before it gets really bad.

Also, it tends to run in families so if others in her genetic line have ADHD there is a much higher chance she does than if no one in her genetic line does. My DH most certainly has ADHD and our youngest DS also has it. Our middle DD definitely does not. My DHs nephew has it also. My SIL thinks my niece might have it and my brother almost certainly does.

Things that were early warning signs that I didn’t recognize between the two kids (especially having a neurotypical kid in between): a complete inability to keep their room clean ever, major struggles to fall asleep, having a difficult time keeping track of them as toddlers, constant movement (big movements for my DS, but tiny ones for DD1 like shaking a leg or drumming a pencil), caffeine seemingly having the opposite affect on them or no effect as far as keeping them awake.

[Patsy Baloney]

We are still kind of walking this path with my DD. She’s what I’ve been calling an, “on any given day” kind of kid. I think on any given day she could receive an ADHD diagnosis, or not. Her grades and classroom behavior will never have anyone taking a closer look. It’s just what we know behind the scenes.

We did some questionnaires with her teachers and family. She’s been seeing the school counselor and an outside counselor as well. When I read the list of symptoms for a girl, she definitely has several of them. But it may just be anxiety?

We’ve gone back and forth with her doctor and we’re just treating anxiety now. I feel like we’ll probably revisit ADHD in the future, but who knows?

All that is to say, we found the evaluation process to be pretty non-invasive. It amounted to some medication for her and some extra appointments/check-ins. It never hurts to get on someone’s radar. I just think of it as me wanting my child to have the easiest life possible, and this is a way I can help her from the jump.

[luckystar2]

For my dd she has always been a challenging kid from a young age. I never thought of her as hyperactive in the traditional sense. But looking back now-especially if we look back at old videos we can recognize that she was high energy if you will. She was always in need of attention etc. we did put her in gymnastics early to keep her activity in check.

Our biggest challenge likely stems from the emotional dysregulation that can happen with adhd. I didn’t realize this back then. I think some of the impulsivity would come through more with emotional outbursts and temper tantrums.

The more inattentive aspects showed up as often just not paying attention to things that were said. Forgetting to do things. Losing things. Forgetting items needed for school etc.

She did fine in school itself but even in elementary school she would struggle with homework. She would get easily frustrated/upset. Sometimes it was clear that she had missed hearing something in class that made things a challenge.

We saw a therapist in 2nd grade for a while who was totally not helpful. By 6th grade she would spend tons of time crying and upset most nights doing homework. We would get in huge fights. Finally a new therapist pretty quickly diagnosed adhd and she got on meds. She is now a freshman. She’s a high honor roll, junior national honor society, varsity athlete. To say she is excelling is an understatement. We still have issues with her at home with emotion dysregulation. We have suspicions she has something else going on but her therapist is working with her on things.

Getting adhd diagnosis for my kid was a CHALLENGE!! Nobody seemed to care because she did well at school but she would be awful for us and spent hours and hours on homework. Adhd was not on my radar at all. How she acted was just not what I had in my mind as adhd. But like I said now that I know more about it and have a diagnosis - things from her younger years make sense.

[loira]

My brother and sister both have ADHD (both are considerably younger than me), but my sister was not diagnosed until she was in university a few years ago. She had been coping in high school when assignments were a lot smaller, but it all came crashing down in uni when the workload became overwhelming and she started having major anxiety. In retrospect I think there were other, secondary signs - she was always terrible at regulating her emotions, seemed overly sensitive to anything perceived as criticism, had trouble falling asleep.

At this point I'm pretty sure I have undiagnosed ADHD as well. As a child, I was forever leaving things to the last minute but somehow pulling it all together right before a due date. Or I simply charmed my teachers into accepting late assignments. My grade 7 English teacher described me to my parents as "a type A person in a type B body" and that should have been a red flag right there, but it was 1995 and "girls didn't have ADHD" then. I'm keeping my eye out for signs of it in my daughter.

[cleo29]

First, ADHD has no bearing on intelligence and in fact many with it are above average. With anything, there is a scale as to how severe something is; for me my school work was never truly consistent. But management of time, keeping organized and neat, etc are all challenges for me.

Girls do present differently, so I would read up on that. We just got K's diagnosis, which I was not surprised by in the least, but if you think she might, it might be worth getting her screened. It is not cheap when done in the legit manner, but I think it is worth it to get a clear picture of what is going on so it can be addressed.

[dutchgirl678]

They don't call it ADD anymore but ADHD inattentive. My DD is in 9th grade and was just diagnosed. Like your DD she is very smart and not hyperactive but she is bad at organizing tasks, forgets to hand things in, lies about stuff and has trouble keeping her room clean. We were getting very frustrated with her but after talking with her PCP and having her in therapy for a while we figured out that she most likely has ADHD inattentive. We also had her teachers fill out questionnaires and we filled them out as well.

She has recently started taking Strattera and is still in therapy to try to develop skills to remember/organizer her life. We are looking for a therapist who specializes in ADHD but it is currently impossible. Her therapist did recommend a book recently that I just ordered on Amazon this week. It's called "Smart and scattered teens".

[hermione]

If you are worried, you should definitely have her evaluated.

I will say my 4th grade girl is terrible about turning things in. For her it is that this was a big year where her teacher just expects more independence from them. the kids are told know when things are due and there are no reminders like previous years. I am trying to help her be better about organization and deadlines.

[twilightmv]

I didn't get diagnosed until I was an adult, but as a child, I spent a lot of time day dreaming. My report cards would say that I would solve problems my own way, I rarely read directions. I got points deducted for forgetting to write my name on my paper for basically my whole third grade year. I'd forget stuff at home, on the bus, everywhere. I was pretty messy. I'd get my work done very quickly but in bursts. I'd spent hours obsessively researching things I was interested in. I interrupted people a lot and could come off as "too much". 

[cuadrado]

I also have the inattentive type of ADHD. As a child, my room was very messy and I had a hard time studying for tests. I procrastinated on anything related to school. I was also very smart and did well in school anyway until college. I’m in a mastermind full of ADHD entrepreneurs who have inattentive type and everyone presents slightly differently. I highly recommend getting her tested if you think she may have it. My diagnosis was life-changing!

[keyslover]

Mar 13, 2023 11:35:16 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

First, ADHD has no bearing on intelligence and in fact many with it are above average. With anything, there is a scale as to how severe something is; for me my school work was never truly consistent. But management of time, keeping organized and neat, etc are all challenges for me.

Girls do present differently, so I would read up on that. We just got K's diagnosis, which I was not surprised by in the least, but if you think she might, it might be worth getting her screened. It is not cheap when done in the legit manner, but I think it is worth it to get a clear picture of what is going on so it can be addressed.

I do understand it has no bearing on intelligence. I added the “doing well in school” because I’m not sure school thinks there is an issue since she’s doing fine. We had a similar issue with my older one, she was getting to grades in math so “nothing to see here”- when in fact she has dyscalculia.

[keyslover]

Thanks for the info, my sister has ADHD and given some of your stories, I wonder about myself.

All the situations make me feel like I’m not making things up in my head, many of your kids behaviors are similar to hers.

[nicolewi]

Is there a good or recommended free online screener that would be a good first step? I can Google and find them, but us there a vetted option that is good?

I sometimes wonder if I have mild undiagnosed ADHD inattentive, and my 14-year-old has made some comments that make me wonder about her sometimes. Also a very good student, but very disorganized and messy, struggles with longer projects, always doing a little fidgety movements. But nothing is to the point where it’s affecting her schoolwork significantly, or would warrant paying for a really expensive evaluation without more evidence.

[karinothing]

Mar 13, 2023 13:28:19 GMT -5 nicolewi said:

Is there a good or recommended free online screener that would be a good first step? I can Google and find them, but us there a vetted option that is good?

I sometimes wonder if I have mild undiagnosed ADHD inattentive, and my 14-year-old has made some comments that make me wonder about her sometimes. Also a very good student, but very disorganized and messy, struggles with longer projects, always doing a little fidgety movements. But nothing is to the point where it’s affecting her schoolwork significantly, or would warrant paying for a really expensive evaluation without more evidence.

The Vanderbilt screener is what pediatricians will use. That being said. The screener said my kid doesn't have ADHD. A 6 hour neuropsych diagnosed him with ADHD, but it was likely too mild to be picked up on screeners at the time. 

[lightbulbsun]

Mar 13, 2023 12:23:08 GMT -5 twilightmv said:

I didn't get diagnosed until I was an adult, but as a child, I spent a lot of time day dreaming. My report cards would say that I would solve problems my own way, I rarely read directions. I got points deducted for forgetting to write my name on my paper for basically my whole third grade year. I'd forget stuff at home, on the bus, everywhere. I was pretty messy. I'd get my work done very quickly but in bursts. I'd spent hours obsessively researching things I was interested in. I interrupted people a lot and could come off as "too much". 

I was diagnosed when I was a kid, but I experienced pretty much all of this. I have combo type, so I also had weird physical stuff, like I would fall out of chairs a lot. At dinner my mom would use one of my dad's belts to literally belt me to the chair so I wouldn't fall out. 

My most common report card comment in elementary school was "doesn't perform to full potential". I think that's fairly common with ADHD kids. I could never remember things outside of my normal routine. If I had to stay for the after-school program instead of walking home like I normally did, most of the time I ended up just walking home and only realized when my mom called the house looking for me because the after-school program told her I never showed up. 

Anyway, it doesn't hurt to get her tested. 

[Patsy Baloney]

The Vanderbilt screener seems to lean into the more traditional presentation of ADHD. I think it tends to miss a lot of signs that are typically found with girls.

[pinkdutchtulips]

There's not enough info to make any comments. 

Mine checks ALL of the boxes for ADHD - the inattention, the hyper focus (makeup), the total lack of executive function skills, constantly interrupts, had a very hard time waiting, impulsive, disruptive in class. The inattention is the worst as it has resulted in 2 failed grade levels and as we found out during her evaluations and assessments for her IEP (where they found her SLD - Inattention) she has maybe a 5 minute attention span tops. 

These are all things that teachers started seeing in her at age 5 in Kinder that came to a complete head in 3rd that spiraled out of control during the year of distance learning due to covid. Her kinder teacher took a wait and see approach has she was one of the youngest in her class and didn't attend formal preschool. She thought Miss R would grow out of it. That didn't happen. I wish I would have had her tested in kinder has the problems with activity transitions, following multi-part instructions, and paying attention were all noticed there. In 8th grade its an uphill battle. 

[MDmomof2]

keyslover, I am speaking about my son, so it doesn't exactly apply. He has a deficit in executive function. He does assignments but doesn't turn them in and struggles with multi-step directions. We've had him screened for ADHD twice and he did not meet the clinical definition. We put some supports in place to help him - making lists of tasks, sticking to a routine, and breaking down instructions for him at home. It's gone a long way towards making him successful. At the same time you are considering having her evaluated, I'd take a look at what specific struggles she's having and talk to her teacher or counselor about what supports may help.

[mae0111]

Both of my DD's have ADHD.

DD1 has always been a pleasure at school. The teachers LOVE her. They say that she's kind, a hard worker, always willing to help out.

At home, however, her behavior was just terrible. Hours long meltdowns every single night for years. She tried SO HARD to keep it together at school that when she came home, the wheels just fell off her wagon and she couldn't handle anything anymore. She was diagnosed in the 4th grade, and the first day she took her current meds, she ran out of school, dove into the car, and told me that the meds were "magic pills" and she was able to pay attention ALL DAY. The home behavior took a bit to correct and it's still not awesome, but it's better. We get her when her meds have worn off. Hyperfocus, impulsivity, overspending, social issues, etc. are all still challenging for her. She speaks to a therapist once a week, and benefitted from a social skills class.

DD2 is a more classic "ants-in-her-pants" presentation. She started taking meds in 4th grade as well, and her classroom behavior and focus is much better. She really didn't have any behavioral issues at home, so we don't see a difference in that respect.

I agree with others - it couldn't hurt to have her evaluated.

[jlt19]

Wow, this is so very timely. I just spent the weekend with my 7th grader at an out of town tournament and spending 6 hours in a car one way really opened my eyes to a lot. DS was dx in K for the “typical” ADHD, which he clearly gets from his father. But reading about it in general made me realize I too had it. I did the whole big test that took a few sessions and sure enough…

She’s been really struggling with what on the surface I’d say is anxiety. But now I’m curious because I do know there’s a lot of overlap and so much of what you’ve all said sounds like her.

Luckily (?) she actually has an appointment this week with a psychiatrist for the first time, so definitely something I’ll bring up.

She has seen 3 counselors over the course of 4 years with some good “tips”, but she’s never truly honest with them. I definitely worry about self medicating or some kind of dopamine chasing habits as she gets into the teen years. Her dad has struggled and her maternal cousin is currently in a drug treatment program. And he’s been taking ADHD meds for 10 years, it’s anxiety that has gone undiagnosed 😞. DH and I are medicated for both as well.

My poor kids.

[cleo29]

Mar 13, 2023 13:12:55 GMT -5 keyslover said:

Mar 13, 2023 11:35:16 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

First, ADHD has no bearing on intelligence and in fact many with it are above average. With anything, there is a scale as to how severe something is; for me my school work was never truly consistent. But management of time, keeping organized and neat, etc are all challenges for me.

Girls do present differently, so I would read up on that. We just got K's diagnosis, which I was not surprised by in the least, but if you think she might, it might be worth getting her screened. It is not cheap when done in the legit manner, but I think it is worth it to get a clear picture of what is going on so it can be addressed.

I do understand it has no bearing on intelligence. I added the “doing well in school” because I’m not sure school thinks there is an issue since she’s doing fine. We had a similar issue with my older one, she was getting to grades in math so “nothing to see here”- when in fact she has dyscalculia.

I get it.  I first suspected it of K in first/second grade and the woman who was screening her for dyslexia did not think so. I think, as parents, a lot of times we know our kids best and just having that feeling that something more is going on. I have also found that some people only associate ADHD with learning so think that if they are doing well in school they must not have it. But it is about executive function and so, it is about how one simply lives and moves through their life. 

And interestingly, there was a study done recently of brain scans of preschoolers and then again those who were later diagnosed with ADHD and there are differences. For me, this validates that it is real, if that makes sense? Not just being lazy or I can't learn the right way or I am just forgetful. 

[loira]

Mar 13, 2023 18:18:17 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

Mar 13, 2023 13:12:55 GMT -5 keyslover said:

I do understand it has no bearing on intelligence. I added the “doing well in school” because I’m not sure school thinks there is an issue since she’s doing fine. We had a similar issue with my older one, she was getting to grades in math so “nothing to see here”- when in fact she has dyscalculia.

I have also found that some people only associate ADHD with learning so think that if they are doing well in school they must not have it. But it is about executive function and so, it is about how one simply lives and moves through their life. 

And interestingly, there was a study done recently of brain scans of preschoolers and then again those who were later diagnosed with ADHD and there are differences. For me, this validates that it is real, if that makes sense? Not just being lazy or I can't learn the right way or I am just forgetful. 

This resonates so much with me. I was trying to explain to my mother just the other day that I likely had ADHD and she kind of brushed it off and said it didn't hold me back from obtaining 2 degrees and having a successful career... And I was like, "no, but a childhood diagnosis sure as hell could have saved me a lifetime of feeling overwhelmed, wondering why my peers could organize their work and I couldn't, or feeling completely paralyzed every time my job presented me with a task I'd never done before!"

[jobofferae]

Would anyone be able to share what medication(s) have worked and have not worked?
And how does one go about getting the extended assessment?

[luckystar2]

Mar 14, 2023 15:14:12 GMT -5 jobofferae said:

Would anyone be able to share what medication(s) have worked and have not worked?
And how does one go about getting the extended assessment?

I originally talked with her pedi. She suggested a therapist that works out of their office. We did not click. I got some names from the school guidance counselor. Spent quite a while with a therapist and she was not helpful. A while later we still were having issues so I looked again for therapist and got a rec from somebody in that area. She pulled some strings to get us in. Finding a therapist taking patients is HARD! And almost impossible to find one who has later afternoon/evening hours. I’m not taking my kid who is having issues out of school! After a few months the therapist thought it was adhd. She suggested we talk with pedi about meds. Pedi had us do Vanderbilt assessment. It was during lockdown so she didn’t have a teacher do it too since she wasn’t actually in school. She came up positive on it. Pedi suggested starting with concerta. We played around with dosage but it’s worked enough that we’ve stuck with it and haven’t tried alternatives.

I had NO idea it was adhd or I would have had a better sense of trying to get a diagnosis earlier on. There are definitely different routes for diagnosis.