Wwyd: long lines and kids

[katfco]

I’m at the museum today with my family, ILs, SIL and her 2 young kids. We split up and agreed to meet for the planetarium show which was at 2. Dd and I got there around 15 till and DH, who was already there said the 1:30 show had just started and it was packed. So we ended up as the first in line for the next show. It was the 4 of us plus my MIL. When I got back from the restroom the line had grown by 50-75 people and SIL, FIL and the 2 boys weren’t there.

They showed up a few minutes before 2 and joined us at the front. I said something about it being rude, and evidently SIL thought we were all in agreement that we were saving spots for them. She said, “you’ve never had one person stand in line for a group before?”

She also felt it was okay because her boys “wouldn’t wait in this line.” My MIL walked off to cry because her feelings were hurt about the he criticism and SIL at one point said to her 5yo, “they don’t want you with them.”

So am I just really off base here?

[sofamonkey]

Yes. But to be fair, no one handled any of this well.

[mofongo]

Mar 18, 2023 14:03:01 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

Yes. But to be fair, no one handled any of this well.

Yes, this. I mean, you’re not wrong, but I probably wouldn’t have said anything. 

[eb777888]

Wow, that escalated at the end there. Is there more going on between you guys?

[katfco]

I only said something because FIL commented that someone said something to him about jumping the line and he seemed baffled that anyone would have a problem with it

[katfco]

Mar 18, 2023 14:05:02 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

Wow, that escalated at the end there. Is there more going on between you guys?

They…don’t do conflict well.

[rachers]

Seems like an overreaction on all parts. 😬

[hannahgruen]

Haven't they ever been to a store, that when the person ahead of you gets to the register, up come her friends with 500 items, and get waited on along with her?

[TR]

I really don’t know if I would’ve said something or not, it would probably depend on who it was. But if I was in line behind you I would be really annoyed and I would have been mortified in your position.

[W.T.Faulkner]

I feel like all of this could have been headed off with a text or two? Definitely seems like you guys have other stuff going on.

[katfco]

Mar 18, 2023 14:43:25 GMT -5 W.T.Faulkner said:

I feel like all of this could have been headed off with a text or two? Definitely seems like you guys have other stuff going on.

I did text her. She didn’t check her texts

[waverly]

I think it’s fair for 4 people to stand in line and hold spots for 4 other people.

I also think it’s fair for others to be upset about it. Dealing with strangers comments is a social skill, and I’m sorry your FIL was baffled. I would have probably rolled my eyes and ignored FIL and critical stranger’s conflict. I always feel awkward talking about conflict in front of the strangers involved in the conflict so I avoid it.

In my experience with those kinds of shows they manage to get people in and out pretty quickly and I wouldn’t feel pressure to be first in line unless you really wanted certain seats.

[gardengal]

If she didn’t answer texts & it was a big deal…call? I’m not glued to my phone so sometimes miss texts but phone calls are harder to miss.

What she said to her child was completely unacceptable though.

This feels kinda BEC.

[emilyinchile]

I would have assumed that meeting up at the planetarium meant whoever got there first would get in line for the whole group, so if you'd said that to me I would have been really taken aback and felt like you were changing the "rules" so that I was now in the wrong for doing what I thought we'd agreed on. That would upset me, but I wouldn't cry about it haha. And that comment to your nephew was totally wrong of your SIL.

I think the fact that you guys were first in line makes it a bit awkward that you had more people join you, but it's not like one person was doing the line for a group of 10.

[ECB]

This is the kind of line where if they didn’t join you in line, you’d just end up saving them seats once in anyhow. So .. does it really matter?

[mysteriouswife]

All the adults needs to eat a snack and get some space from one another. Everyone is in the wrong here.

[devonpow]

I think holding spots for other group members is very very normal.

[redheadk]

You are off base; it's fine to hold spots for young kids and a caregiver in this situation. But your MIL and SIL's reactions are ridiculous.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Mar 18, 2023 15:46:51 GMT -5 ECB said:

This is the kind of line where if they didn’t join you in line, you’d just end up saving them seats once in anyhow. So .. does it really matter?

Yes this...I was trying to imagine if they had gotten to the the line and not come up and joined you, the line opened, you went in, would you NOT have looked for them to then sit with them or saved them seats?  Did they miss their chance to be with you at the planetarium by not arriving at the line with you at the exact same time you did?  

We've gone to our planetarium may times, and it's one of those places where they tell you where to sit and make you move all the way in to the middle of the row too, and plenty of people ignore the nice volunteers/workers telling you where to sit and to please move all the way to the middle of the row and sit where they darn well please anyway.  People do all sorts of rude things.  Your own threshold for rude behavior is up to you, but I definitely wouldn't have commented on them joining you in line when the plan was for them to meet you at the planetarium.  

[rachers]

Also having gone to Disney with a 16 person group (don’t get me started, not my idea) where everyone was panicked about sitting together for everything… sometimes I appreciated that break where we sometimes sat apart. Then you regroup at the end and it’s all good!

I also don’t really care about people adding to their group in lines.

[katfco]

I guess my feelings about line jumping aren’t the norm. I admit no one handled it well. I realize my response stemmed from my social anxiety about being “those” people. I also knew DD was feeling the same anxiety. It all happened in the course of a few minutes.

As to the question of it we would have saved seats, yes, we would have tried, but in the case of saving seats vs people ahead of them not getting a seat at all, we probably wouldn’t have been able to.

It didn’t help that we were all stressed and confused because there was no one running the thing.

[4speedy]

If they all wanted to jump in line and do individual transactions, yes, rude. They’re holding up all the people behind you who actually waited. Why didn’t they just have you do one transaction for 10 tickets (air however many) and then Venmo you the money. That wouldn’t take up the time of all the people behind you.

[katfco]

Mar 18, 2023 17:20:38 GMT -5 4speedy said:

If they all wanted to jump in line and do individual transactions, yes, rude. They’re holding up all the people behind you who actually waited. Why didn’t they just have you do one transaction for 10 tickets (air however many) and then Venmo you the money. That wouldn’t take up the time of all the people behind you.

It wasn’t ticketed. Their concern was that if they didn’t jump in with us, they might not get to see the show that round.

[mcppalmbeach]

So personally a large group of people saving spots in line for a relatively small group of people doesn’t bother me, especially when there are kids involved because sometimes little kids need to take a lap. I’ve learned from a Disney board I’m on, however, that people feel very strongly anti line holding so I try not to do it myself if I can help it. But I probably wouldn’t have called them out as rude and your sil probably reacted to that and went way overboard. I was out of town this week and at a crowded area outside waiting for a seat. I didn’t want to hover by people, but every time I went for a seat someone swooped it up. I finally saw a huge bank of empty seats and there were two women standing by them who told me they were all saved. There were 9 seats. That was annoying.

[rosiebear]

I’m on your side! I HATE line jumpers and I would want to die if my family members pushed their way past a long line to get to me at the front.

My sister did this to me when I was a teenager and I was so embarrassed I made us all go to the back of the line together.

[cville]

This low stakes/high conflict situation is a good lesson in why message boards exist.

A better outcome would be you posting here like "ugh, SIL just is so entitled and acted like of course we'd be holding places for her which pushed every one of my SIL interaction and social anxiety buttons, but I didn't say anything. Whatabitch."

And her posting "my hellion children really wanted to sit with family so I was glad my SIL saved seats, but she rolled her eyes so whatabitch and also my mom needs to seriously unclench about all of life."

And your MIL telling her canasta group about how she just can't control her kids' interactions anymore now that they're grown and she's losing her shit about it.

[tacokick]

I think I would have assumed they too would get in line if they wanted to see the show unless it was discussed that whoever arrived first would hold a spot in line. People get angry at line cutters at things like this, especially if the line is long, you’re getting close to show time and part of the group is at the beginning of the line. I don’t want to deal with irate strangers.

I don’t see the big deal of sitting separately at a show as long as all kids were with an adult. I’d just assume we’d meet up after the show and figure out what we doing next then.

That said, I’d talk all this out ahead of time so there was no confusion; this just sounds like a misunderstanding and their reactions were really extreme. I wouldn’t do anything else with these people without laying out a plan or staying together all the time.

[wanderingback]

I do think it’s rude in that situation to jump the line since the theater only holds X seats, so people at the end of the line now won’t get in. Plus in those situations I judge if I want to wait based on how many people are in front of me and if I’ll get in with the next seating. So if it looks like I’ll get in and I’ve waited for 20 minutes and then all of a sudden everyone in front of me has 5 people added to their party so I can’t get in that showing then I would be annoyed.

If it were my family member like my mom or something I would def tell them they were being rude. If it were my partner’s family member I would’ve kept my mouth shut. Everyone does not need to sit together.

Doesn’t sound like anyone who is an adult should’ve cried over the situation though.

[blondemoment123]

Wait, why is MIL crying?

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Sounds like a fun day!