Real estate/financial/life dilemma

[fryjack2]

I don't think downsizing to a less expensive job where your monthly payment won't be that much less than what you are paying now would be worth it in the long run. Especially if maintenance costs would potentially be more if the homes in the new area are fixer uppers. Your 1.99% is amazing.

If you or your H quit your jobs or switched to a part time job, would that allow you to receive full financial aid and still cover bills? I know that is not a great suggestion but the school sounds like an amazing place for your boys and keeping them there is a priority for you and just trying to think of anything not mentioned.

[lessel]

Y'all ask such good questions!

icedcoffee - We wouldn't be missing much from where we are tbh. Our across-the-street neighbors who just moved here last year have become good friends, but otherwise we're not really connected to the neighborhood. There are a ton of kids in the neighborhood but not right around us (we're on a street that's almost entirely retirees). DS1 is in cub scouts and rec baseball nearby, but I don't feel like we have strong relationships with either of those circles.

purplepenguin7 - I feel like after the next few weeks, the 'casually looking' is what we have to downshift to really. I think selling in summer or fall will reduce our peak price on selling, but maybe not all that much.

wildrice - Good question about retirement. We're a bit ahead of the game there. We'd really just been flying solo in that dept until last year, but finally have a financial advisor and were pleasantly surprised that we're in a really good place. (I'm a bit under-insured, but I had weight loss surgery about 18mo ago and am currently uninsurable because of that apparently.) I'm 40 a fed, H is 43 has a very stable job with great benefits (our health insurance is actually through his job, not fed benefits). You're right that long-term finance-wise staying put is a much wiser choice. But right now our priority is really probably sacrificing some of that for our kids in the shorter term. Having some cash to help us with tuition for the next few years is kind of my current financial priority.

[lessel]

fryjack2 - I am only willing to accept so much of a small fixer upper for just that reason. Like I definitely feel like we're pursuing the needle in the haystack house-wise. Clever question about quitting/going part time! I honestly don't think the school grants that much in financial aid to be worth that kind of move.

[lessel]

May 4, 2023 17:26:51 GMT -5 wildrice said:

Here's another random though - how tied are you to that general area? Could you move to a completely different area, perhaps one with a better real estate market for what you need, and find a different school there? I don't know your backstory very well, but it sounds like your kids have fairly common diagnoses so maybe there are options other than your currently districted school and this one specialized private school that might also have good supports for their situations?

I missed this bit in my previous response. There's def some long backstory here about us struggling with DS1's public school for over a year to get them to recognize his dyslexia diagnosis, eventually having an IEP that looked fine on-paper (not great, but maybe good enough) but wasn't being implemented. We were doing private tutoring, did a dyslexia summer camp, etc. and he just wasn't making progress. Lot of anxiety and negative self-talk on his part and just next-level stress on me... really affected my mental health too in that I was feeling very much like I was failing to effectively advocate for him in IEP meetings. There are school districts locally that anecdotally I hear do better on this than our current one. The area we're looking at being one of them.

[brooke77]

I would explore a different option. Renting out your home and renting an apartment in your desired area. I completely understand the pain of moving twice and why your H wants to avoid it, but it seems like the best option for your family. Then reevaluate next year if you want to do something more permanent (sell current house and buy new one).

[icedcoffee]

With the added info I'd plan to move this spring/summer. Look for something smaller with no yard. Maybe a townhouse. It's hard to give advice on this without knowing the area. Something that checks all the boxes for the lowest price. Then sell your current house and leave the current neighborhood behind.

Or throw most of your stuff into storage and rent an apartment in the new area for a few years.

But definitely sell the current house. There's nothing tying you to it.

Also--I know moving twice sucks really badly, but if you put most big things in storage it won't be so bad.

[purplepenguin7]

May 5, 2023 6:25:22 GMT -5 lessel said:

purplepenguin7 - I feel like after the next few weeks, the 'casually looking' is what we have to downshift to really. I think selling in summer or fall will reduce our peak price on selling, but maybe not all that much.

I wouldn't worry too much about about this.  Your area seems thriving real estate wise and your house sounds highly desirable. With such low inventory seasonality is less an important. A good condition, desirable home will still sell for the "right" amount. 

but on the contrary, I see a few people mentioning renting your house. I don't know that there is a strong rental market for a 5bd but you could ask a realtor if there is potential for that.

I also would not want to rent a home for your family for the same cost as your mortgage, hold on to that mortgage, and pay private tuition.  It sounds like you are already tight financially with the tuition aspect so taking on being a landlord plus no savings sounds like a recipe for disaster to be frank. (also with a grain of GBCN salt, I am sure you are not on the brink of bankrupty or anything, just not a position I'd put myself in).

[lessel]

May 5, 2023 8:34:05 GMT -5 purplepenguin7 said:

I also would not want to rent a home for your family for the same cost as your mortgage, hold on to that mortgage, and pay private tuition.  It sounds like you are already tight financially with the tuition aspect so taking on being a landlord plus no savings sounds like a recipe for disaster to be frank. (also with a grain of GBCN salt, I am sure you are not on the brink of bankrupty or anything, just not a position I'd put myself in).

I thought I responded to this it yesterday but apparently I got distracted by work.

Right. Things will be tight with tuition one way or the other. This past semester of having DS1 in private has been a neutral change because around about the same time he switched from public to private, DS2 switched from private daycare pre-K to public special ed pre-K.

Part of the appeal of selling is taking some equity out to put that towards our kids. A very attractive byproduct would be landing closer to the school to cut bus commute and cost. I have also been looking at areas along their other bus lines, but that takes us in town (hot market too) or way too far for H to commute (I WFH).

Alas, there are two potential houses we’re looking at this weekend. One at 500k 20 mins from the school (bet it will go around 550) and one that is listed at 575k 10 minutes from the school that I loooove (but I bet this one might go wayyyy higher). 🤞🤞

[cricketwife]

May 4, 2023 21:11:10 GMT -5 fryjack2 said:

If you or your H quit your jobs or switched to a part time job, would that allow you to receive full financial aid and still cover bills? I know that is not a great suggestion but the school sounds like an amazing place for your boys and keeping them there is a priority for you and just trying to think of anything not mentioned.

Fwiw, private schools generally require both parents to be employed full-time to qualify for financial aid.  There are some exceptions for loss job or disability, but in general, you can’t just quit a job and get financial aid. 

[lessel]

Holy shit we’re under contract on the second house I mentioned above. 😱

[sadlebred]

lessel Good luck!!! How exciting!!!!

[purplepenguin7]

lessel, congrats!! I meant to say good luck on your reply but got distracted over the weekend. hoping for smooth sailing through the buying and selling process for you!

[heygrey]

lessel, congratulations! I hope it works out perfectly for your family.

[Susie]

Congrats!  I've been following your dilemma and I'm so glad for you that you're on the way to resolving this in a way that sounds like it will work out great for your family!  

I'm also happy for you for resolution, because the limbo can be so exhausting and stressful!

[maudefindlay]

I was stressed just reading that first post. So happy for you and this resolution.

[lessel]

Thanks, y'all. We had the inspection on Wednesday and no major surprises, so we're moving forward. While we were in the house during inspection, even with the quirks and issues it turned up, I just felt so incredibly lucky to have found a house that fits what we need that is only 10 minutes from the school. I mean, it's really a game changer for us... that's our drive to the bus stop these days. And later that same day after the inspection, there was major traffic and DS1 was on the bus for over an hour and had sweated through his clothes while sitting on the hot bus. I was like, you've only got a few more weeks of this buddy! Poor kid.

We're buying in scenario 1 (600s), so now I am in mega panic mode about selling and maximizing sale price. I've been a walking ball of anxiety the past few months and I feel like it's really peak anxiety now around the house sale. We're listing next week. Send good vibes to the real estate gods for me. 😅

[dcn]

Great news! Sending good selling vibes! I hope it all works out and you are settled soon.

[sadlebred]

I'm crossing my fingers everything works out for you!!

[noodleoo]

Good luck!!! I hope you house sells quickly and over asking! I’m so happy you got the new house!

[lessel]

Thought I'd give a quick update... Our house went on the market Thursday with showings starting Friday. So we cleared out and went to a hotel Fri-Sun. We had 40+ showings, 50+ families at the open house Saturday... and by Sunday evening we had 9 offers. We went with a no contingency offer (much like our offer on the one we're buying). So we are officially under contract on the sale. Only a ballpark at this point, but after the dust settles I think we'll have probably $150k for tuition fund (or some large % of that toward tuition, maybe some toward re-casting our new mortgage, etc... TBD based on future convos with our financial advisor).

My head is still spinning that it might all actually work out after feeling like a completely impossible long shot. I'm still a walking ball of anxiety but trying to settle down.

[jobae1234]

That’s amazing news!!! Pop that 150k in one of those 4% savings accounts that are available right now, maybe?

I really admire how you’re moving mountains to give your kids the best educational opportunities possible.

[lessel]

May 23, 2023 16:15:54 GMT -5 jobae1234 said:

That’s amazing news!!! Pop that 150k in one of those 4% savings accounts that are available right now, maybe?

I really admire how you’re moving mountains to give your kids the best educational opportunities possible.

Thank you. ❤

We have Capital One online savings but our financial advisor also mentioned some kind of Vanguard acct. (This is where I'm a bit dumb about this stuff.) I also know we have 529s that we can pull 10k from for private tuition too. So I feel like once the funds land in our account and dust settles after moving expenses, we'll sort out what makes the most sense.