Mine are almost 16 and 13, no SM (except for the not-really SM private rooms of IRL friends portion of Discord). They both use Discord/text to communicate with friends, but they run in similarly tech savvy crowds, lots of gamers, lots of computers, not all that much love for the lowly phone. Their friends aren't on SM, either- no one seems to want anything to do with it.
They both had access (as in, you're on an overnight field trip, take a phone) fairly young, but didn't start carting the things around until 6th (DD) and 9th (DS).
For me, it was the minimum age set by the app. If you have to lie about your age to get the account , then you shouldn’t be using that app.
But who decided 13 year olds are mature enough for social media? I have heard a lot of bad stories about social media and young teens. It terrifies me to be honest.
For me, it was the minimum age set by the app. If you have to lie about your age to get the account , then you shouldn’t be using that app.
But who decided 13 year olds are mature enough for social media? I have heard a lot of bad stories about social media and young teens. It terrifies me to be honest.
It's due to COPPA (from 1998). At 13y, COPPA regulations around data collection no longer apply. That's all. Obviously, we need some legislative updates- until then, it's on parents- and unfortunately, parents tend to be quite accustomed to handing over their own data freely.
Eta: 13yo isn't the minimum age for SM accounts because 13yo is when SM becomes safe for them, it's solely because their personal data is no longer protected- it becomes valuable.
Post by textbookcase on Jun 18, 2023 10:52:19 GMT -5
Mine all have their own phones, and they got them around 11-12 years old as they were out more at activities and with friends etc. and I wanted a way to track and reach them. The older two (19 and 16) have had social media at high school age, but I have access to passwords etc and can check it out when I want (19 year old not so much anymore lol). 11 year old just got her phone for her birthday this year. She texts with her friends and has messenger kids to talk to friends who don’t have texting/phones. No social media for her until high school. She asks for it on a weekly basis 😅
Post by purplinsky on Jun 18, 2023 11:46:11 GMT -5
I feel like I’m on the breezy end of the spectrum for phones based on these responses, but in line with what other parents do in our area. DD 13yo now) got a phone at 9 years old (4th grade). She got a new iPhone at that point but it was the SE version. Everyone was eligible for an upgrade a year or two ago and everyone got the latest version of the iPhone at that time; SO and I got the Pro version and the girls got the regular version. All of DD’s friends have had phones since 4th grade, some earlier, and without it DD would definitely lose out on daily social interactions and opportunities to get together with her friends.
She also has TikTok and discord, so some SM. DD knows that I get access to her phone anytime I ask and I can look through any part of it that I want, but she’s the type that comes to me first with anything that might be questionable and she’s a huge rule follower, so I’m not overly concerned at this point. Maybe I’m too lax about all of this, but I think how much freedom you give with the phone is really kid dependent.
Again, as a career middle school teacher, I say 13 is too young for social media, largely because their parents don’t monitor it. If your kid says they don’t have social media, they are lying — check their hidden apps or Google “how teens hide apps from their parents”. Most who “don’t have it” use a friend’s device so you don’t know.
Monitor your kid’s shit. Talk to them regularly about it. Follow through when they do dumb stuff and take away their phones at night!!!
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Our 11 years old got phones for this very reason. All communication was on WhatsApp with friends, and even school groups with teachers are on WhatsApp.
Again, as a career middle school teacher, I say 13 is too young for social media, largely because their parents don’t monitor it. If your kid says they don’t have social media, they are lying — check their hidden apps or Google “how teens hide apps from their parents”. Most who “don’t have it” use a friend’s device so you don’t know.
Monitor your kid’s shit. Talk to them regularly about it. Follow through when they do dumb stuff and take away their phones at night!!!
I agree that you should monitor your kid’s phones. Implement rules, no kid needs a phone at night, disengage airdrop, know passwords, etc. I disagree that all kids are lying about not having social media. They aren’t all sneaking around with burner phones. Some (mine) are actively annoyed about how obsessed some kids are with certain apps (TikTok to be exact—she hates it). This is where personality comes in to play. I think it’s important to know what kids are capable but trusting your kid until they prove they shouldn’t be trusted is ok, too.
Again, as a career middle school teacher, I say 13 is too young for social media, largely because their parents don’t monitor it. If your kid says they don’t have social media, they are lying — check their hidden apps or Google “how teens hide apps from their parents”. Most who “don’t have it” use a friend’s device so you don’t know.
Monitor your kid’s shit. Talk to them regularly about it. Follow through when they do dumb stuff and take away their phones at night!!!
I agree that you should monitor your kid’s phones. Implement rules, no kid needs a phone at night, disengage airdrop, know passwords, etc. I disagree that all kids are lying about not having social media. They aren’t all sneaking around with burner phones. Some (mine) are actively annoyed about how obsessed some kids are with certain apps (TikTok to be exact—she hates it). This is where personality comes in to play. I think it’s important to know what kids are capable but trusting your kid until they prove they shouldn’t be trusted is ok, too.
abs I feel like if we lived closer our daughters would be great friends. That is exactly what my DD says….also there is no point to social media.
My kids aren't liars- but my definition of social media (and I imagine, many on here) is confusing. My kids watch Youtube. They know that YT is problematic, and they know that they have to actively look for the content they want (don't go down the rabbit hole of "next video"). They watch tutorials and how-tos, math videos, game tips, cooking stuff, debunking- they are nerds with nerdy parents- it's not that shocking that we sometimes manage to find each other and reproduce. They don't sign in to google/yt, so no comments (and they know that comments are where the dregs of society exist). And they watch on their computers- why would you pick a tiny phone screen over a gaming monitor?
DS reads (doesn't post) Reddit, when it's not imploding.
Twitch is a tricky one- they do have friends who stream gameplay, and I support my kids supporting their friends- it's tough to keep the awful out there. They've both seen things they wish they hadn't. Mine thankfully aren't very "watch-me, watch-me", so making content themselves is not one of their ambitions.
They just don't do the Snap/Insta/TT trio, and they're pretty deliberate about their other SM use. Again, the crowds kids hang out with can help or hinder this- and parents matter. We (H and I) are far from traditional SM users, ourselves- and we have been very vocal about why.
My kids both got flip phones when they turned 10. They can text and phone that way, so they’re not completely out of it.
DD1 got iPhone when they turned 13, but only just was allowed on social media at age 15. We also have parental controls installed so DD1 can talk or text as much as they want, but all internet and apps are restricted to one hour a day, total. Yes, there is constant pushback on that. 😄
C is 10 - she got an Apple Watch for Christmas so she can communicate with us when she is at a friend's house or an event without us. She had to borrow the coach's phone when basketball practice was canceled because of a power outage so I decided I wanted her to have something. She recently saved up her money for an iPad because ours was so old it wouldn't support the drawing app she desperately wanted. She use that to talk with friends.
She has Snap Chat on my husband's phone solely to talk to her cousin.
Again, as a career middle school teacher, I say 13 is too young for social media, largely because their parents don’t monitor it. If your kid says they don’t have social media, they are lying — check their hidden apps or Google “how teens hide apps from their parents”. Most who “don’t have it” use a friend’s device so you don’t know.
Monitor your kid’s shit. Talk to them regularly about it. Follow through when they do dumb stuff and take away their phones at night!!!
I agree that you should monitor your kid’s phones. Implement rules, no kid needs a phone at night, disengage airdrop, know passwords, etc. I disagree that all kids are lying about not having social media. They aren’t all sneaking around with burner phones. Some (mine) are actively annoyed about how obsessed some kids are with certain apps (TikTok to be exact—she hates it). This is where personality comes in to play. I think it’s important to know what kids are capable but trusting your kid until they prove they shouldn’t be trusted is ok, too.
She does this every time this subject comes up. Look, I'd let David have social media, lol. He's not interested. The end.
DD newly 12 doesn't have a phone number. DD is the only kid in her group of friends without a number and actually has lost a few friends because when they did get numbers they refused to continue communicating via email or Kids messenger. DD uses my old Galaxy S7. She has kids messenger on it and uses it to check in with me when she gets home from school and now only 1 school friend. DD uses the phone as a e-reader 99% of the time. The phone doesn't go to school and it only leaves the house if she asks first or if she is getting a ride to practice she takes it to tell me she got there safely (gym has wifi).
DD says she wants nothing to do with social media as it is a waste of time and just causes drama. DD actually texts more adults with kids messenger than anything (aunts/uncles/grandparents). I'm really wavering on actually getting her a number for next fall but so far am sticking to no.
DS’s Gabb phone doesn’t allow apps. He can barely remember his own phone, so I doubt he has a burner phone. It’s possible he has social media on a friends phone, but unlikely maybe because they are 12 year old boys. They just aren’t there yet in his friend group. Maybe the burner phone comes later? That doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen since the middle school has sent out emails about problems with social media hidden folders. I think that’s why I was saying if you have an I phone then they can figure out how to get around limits to downloading apps. And there are ways to get around pretty much anything on almost every device. That’s why I like the kid friendly phones no access to internet and no App Store. No access to download apps and no way to get around it.
He does watch You Tube which is technically social media. And he plays games online. We monitor friends and chat is turned off so there is no way for him to talk to strangers.
I think when parents don’t monitor at all what starts out innocent can go sideways quickly. 4th grader gets in trouble because she posts pictures of teachers to twitter. Then I’m told there is location tracker in Snapchat and she is tracking her friends all around the world. I don’t know the ins and outs but gives me pause. It starts so early if they have 💯 unfettered access at 9 then yes what are they doing at 12? 15?
I can’t say my approach is totally better. He may have less get togethers because his phone can’t group text, but maybe that’s an opportunity to move him to a Pinwheel in a year or so and his sister gets his old phone. I know group chat is still onerous but if he wants an iPhone he can pay for it- when he’s old enough to be responsible. So far he’s left his phone outside overnight and at his Grandma’s. She had to mail it back so he’s not ready for anything over $100 to take care of at this time.
She has an Apple Watch that we got a few months ago and has a few friends that she texts. She also has an iPad she can use at home for video calls. No phone (at least for another year or two, hopefully) and no social media.