Post by mrsukyankee on Jul 5, 2023 23:12:46 GMT -5
I'm coming on here to bitch (sorry). Just to put it in perspective, it's 5am here in London.
My husband had a night out with his team. He said it was going to be a late one. I thought, 1am, maybe, 1.30am, because he's working today.
I go to bed at around 11.15pm. 1.30am there are freaking fireworks that wake me up. WTF?! It is not a holiday here. Ugh. I fall back asleep. Wake up at 2.45am. No H. No texts/whatsapps. I try calling. No answer. He hasn't looked at my 11am text. I try to go to bed. Nope. 3am I whatsapp him asking him to let me know he's alive. I get an answer at 3.38am. At 4am, he let's me know he's getting an Uber. And now at 4.45am, he's snoring so loudly he wakes me up. ARGH!!! And my parents are arriving today from the US, so I'm meant to be all chipper and alive for them, and I can't use the extra bedroom to sleep in because the sheets are all washed and set up for them and I don't have an extra set because we rarely have guests. I can't sleep on the couch because it's not that comfortable for sleeping and my MIL is awake and sweeping the downstairs. I am not happy about this at all. This comes after him going out on Tuesday night after work for a drink and not telling me. We're having words again about communication and choices. I swear he's going through some sort of post-Covid thing about wanting to live it up as well as a mid-life crisis about no longer being 20 and able to do whatever he wants w/o consequence. But it's impacting me and my sleep and that's not cool.
Ugh, that's extremely frustrating mrsukyankee. Why don't men check in when they stay out late? It's basic courtesy. I hope you're able to get a nap in before your parents show up.
Post by wanderlustmom on Jul 6, 2023 6:28:13 GMT -5
Yes I would also be so frustrated!
My DH drives me crazy the other way. He is such a homebody that he’s only leaving this house if I make us plans. Before Covid, he went to work every day and two days a week while he was at work and my kids were at school, I had a quiet house. Now he WFH too and just loves being home. He even does his exercising in our basement. I’m working with my therapist on this since he’s also about to retire. He is a great guy and it’s not like he’s trying to talk to me all the time—but it’s too much. And the bad news is he’s perfectly happy. He’s a total introvert and just wants to see me and the kids. He does like sports so I’m thinking season tickets to baseball and get him volunteering. Sorry to ramble
I'd be livid- yes, he's an adult and can stay out, but 1) communicate that he'll be really late to you so you're not wondering, and 2) he can sleep on the damn couch instead of disturbing you when he does come in. No way should you have to deal with the consequences of his choices. DH hasn't done this in awhile, but it's definitely happened and I was not pleased.
Generally I prefer to buy stuff directly from a company's website instead of Amazon, but I was looking at Taos sneakers and they were nearly $40 less on Amazon, look like they're being sold by the brand/not a third party, and will be here tomorrow instead of next week, so ordered them there. I do wonder who's losing money here, Taos? Amazon? some unidentifiable seller?
Oh communication about coming home is a huge pet peeve of mine. The worst thing with DH is he has both a new phone and a new smart watch and I still am lucky if he responds more than 50% of the time! I told him to return the watch if it’s not making communicating easier.
I am on vacation this week. I held a staff meeting last week and reminded everyone, gave POCs, etc. I still had someone text me they were sick today. Nope, replied I was on leave and they needed to refer back to the staff meeting discussion. I am so tired of people thinking just because I’m at my vacation house, I’m still accessible.
Years ago I went on a cruise and specifically said I wasn’t paying for wifi. When I turned on my phone back in port I had text messages with questions. Why??? Is reading and comprehension that difficult?
I couldn't even imagine staying out that late! But even still, he should have at least been communicating with you because that's super late. You have every right to be peeved.
I had my Conciliatory Conference yesterday regarding the emergency petition for custody I filed for my kids. After the conference, my exH called both of my kids to "update" them. We currently have 50/50 custody and I filed for full Primary and Legal. My daughter told him point blank that she doesn't want 50/50 any more and that she wants to live with me full time. My son wants this as well, but he's more worried about hurting his Dad's feelings. In true narcissistic fashion, he made the entire conversation with my daughter about him in spite of her telling him repeatedly that it is about her, and her wants and needs. I was so proud of her for standing up for herself, but goddamn this man for trying to make her feel guilty. Anyway, he did end up telling her that he doesn't want to go through court and that he'll agree to a deal with me, but I know he's lying, because this is the type of stuff he says to placate them only to turn around and change his mind in a few days. Having a narcissist exH is super fun. Not.
Post by starburst604 on Jul 6, 2023 7:05:24 GMT -5
Ugh, my H also goes off the radar when he’s out and it’s so annoying. I’ll just keep calling and calling until he acknowledges the buzzing phone in his pocket and picks up. I’m not asking him to have an eye on the phone at all times but just be aware of the time dude. If he’s out, DD always wants to call him to say good night and it’s disappointing for her if he doesn’t pickup.
I checked on the hamster as soon as I woke up, as I promised DD last night. She’s still kicking. Im going to call the vet when they open in a little while and see what they say.
Post by followyourarrow on Jul 6, 2023 7:23:45 GMT -5
My boss got upset with my again last night when I left at 5:30 to get the puppy from daycare. I told her again I’d be happy to work late from home, but she said no. She moved up and I’m taking her old position. She’s super hesitant to turn anything over to me and let me work on anything independently. But I can’t stay until 9 each night because she comes in late and can’t manage her time well.
followyourarrow you are having terrible luck with jobs. Is there someone you can talk to about your boss constantly wanting you to work late? HR? Boss's boss?
@sameoldstory good for your daughter putting her needs first!
I just woke up! We had such a great day yesterday. Besides the fact that it was hotter than the surface of the sun up there. The show was out of this world. My daughter said she cried 15 times and it was more impactful than Taylor Swift ❤️ I was a rock star navigating us, considering I hadn’t been in NY in almost 10 years. I’ve never been as a tourist so that was my first time actually spending time in Time Square. It’s…something. We got to see my aunt and niece and have dinner which was lovely. The only wrinkle was when we got to PS all the NEC NJT trains were outright cancelled. I had a momentary panic but it all worked out. It’s such an easy trip for us and I’m already planning to go back for Chicago.
mrsukyankee , he was out until 4am (drinking, yes?) and has to work today? WTAF? Does not compute.
And he sucks for 1) not communicating and 2) waking you up. Rehome.
I know! It's unfortunately not unusual for a Japanese bank culture to work like crazy and drink like crazy. He hasn't done this late in years, but he does go out every single Thursday and stays out until 11-midnight most Thursdays. It's also not unusual in British culture to be hungover at work on Fridays. I can't do it as a psychotherapist or a 50-something woman, so I think he sees me as a stick in the mud, a bit.
wanderlustmom, I'm your H in a lot of ways. I'm totally happy to just be home more often than not, though I do enjoy myself when I go out. I know it drives my much more social H crazy. Probably why he ok'd a week long girls trip in August.
Post by maudefindlay on Jul 6, 2023 7:47:18 GMT -5
Someone on the other side of the lake started letting fireworks off at midnight last night. It's over Douchebag, the holiday is over.
Neighbors down the road hired DS1 to water their plants and garden while they are gone on a 2 week trip and to mow the wife's brother's yard (he also lives just down the road). Guys, it's a lot. They have an absolutely gorgeous yard and they are active retirees who clearly spend lots of time working in their yard. The wife gave DS1 a print out of a calendar sheet and the writing is all color coded and there is lots of if, then......if it rains, then do this, but not that....if it's mowing day do this and also that, but don't do this. She walked us around the yard showing us what to water and she points to 3 shrubs in this one area but I saw 4 and asked about the 4th shrub...She paused and looked at me like I was a buffoon "That's another hose"....yes she walked us around the property and pulled out each hose and watered in front of us, set hoses for set flowers/plants. 5 seconds for flowers, 10 seconds for shrubs....and she counted out loud each time one one thousand two one thousand....At least to water the garden is just an on/off switch. There are 5 or 6 hoses around the property and a sprinkler system. This will be a good lesson in following directions, but the pressure, wow, I'm sweating! And the brother is dying, he has very little time left and he just looks so weak. He keeps coming out to talk to DS1, but the heat and humidity are too hard on him, so he goes back in to sit, then back out. It's so sad.
Another one with an H that does not check in. So frigging annoying. And he goes radio silent when he is out fishing, on a boat, by himself. You know, a potentially dangerous thing. And time promises become a dream.
There is this lady I work with who is all the time asking for “5 minutes” or a “quick chat”. She will not give me a subject, even when I ask for a subject before a call. But then, she takes line 45 minutes or an hour of my time asking institutional knowledge type questions. It’s draining. She just texted me if I had 5 minutes (again, no subject). I have my first meeting at 9 and they go til noon. Technically, I had 15, but I am not feeling ready for the day yet, and definitely not ready for a long, meandering conversation before a meeting I need to run. I’ve started saying no to some of there. And then I feel a bit bad because these are some people I would have no problem with this. But I just can’t. But also, give me a subject so I can go into it prepare and judge if it really is 5 minutes or 15. Why can you not do this? I’ve requested it many time.
Oh communication about coming home is a huge pet peeve of mine. The worst thing with DH is he has both a new phone and a new smart watch and I still am lucky if he responds more than 50% of the time! I told him to return the watch if it’s not making communicating easier.
I am on vacation this week. I held a staff meeting last week and reminded everyone, gave POCs, etc. I still had someone text me they were sick today. Nope, replied I was on leave and they needed to refer back to the staff meeting discussion. I am so tired of people thinking just because I’m at my vacation house, I’m still accessible.
Years ago I went on a cruise and specifically said I wasn’t paying for wifi. When I turned on my phone back in port I had text messages with questions. Why??? Is reading and comprehension that difficult?
I always say this to my DH. He has a phone, a watch and an Ipad that alllll receive text messages and he still has trouble getting back to me. He has gotten better but come on dude. He is also slacking in the communication department as well. Last week he was going out with his dad to play disc golf. We discussed that he would text me around 4-4:30 to let me know if he wanted me to pick up food for dinner on my way home from work at 5 (I offered). Well, 4:30 rolls around and of course no text. I text him and no answer. I go home and wait to eat since I figured he should be texting soon and maybe he would be picking up food on his way home? He texts me around 6:30 and says he's on his way home and what did I eat for dinner??? NOTHING IDIOT, I was waiting for you! I did eat a little something but not a full dinner. He was very apologetic but still. This was your idea! Let me know what you're doing so I can plan accordingly!
mrsukyankee yes - I’d be livid!! My H is not a big phone guy (he can go hours without checking text or calls even on a normal day). I get SO MAD when he disappears like that. He’s also a drunk snorer. I may use physical violence when that happens.
We've had a shit ton of organizational overhaul/drama/bullshit at work the past few years and haven't really been awarded for our performance with any money in several years. The board approved a ton of money for the CEO and I'm feeling very "READ THE ROOM. The captain should be the last one off the ship. Not the first" about it and I've made my opinion known. Fuck ya'll.
Another one with an H that does not check in. So frigging annoying. And he goes radio silent when he is out fishing, on a boat, by himself. You know, a potentially dangerous thing. And time promises become a dream.
There is this lady I work with who is all the time asking for “5 minutes” or a “quick chat”. She will not give me a subject, even when I ask for a subject before a call. But then, she takes line 45 minutes or an hour of my time asking institutional knowledge type questions. It’s draining. She just texted me if I had 5 minutes (again, no subject). I have my first meeting at 9 and they go til noon. Technically, I had 15, but I am not feeling ready for the day yet, and definitely not ready for a long, meandering conversation before a meeting I need to run. I’ve started saying no to some of there. And then I feel a bit bad because these are some people I would have no problem with this. But I just can’t. But also, give me a subject so I can go into it prepare and judge if it really is 5 minutes or 15. Why can you not do this? I’ve requested it many time.
I would refuse to get on a call or meet with this person if they couldn't provide a topic up front so you can prepare. It's not a good use of time the way it's going.
Post by helpshareplease on Jul 6, 2023 8:02:50 GMT -5
stbxh moved out this past weekend. Tell me why the hell I woke up to him walking around my house this morning? I don't give a fuck if you were passing by any ways and had to pee. He can't just show up whenever the fuck he wants and let himself in. It scared me to death for a second before I realized it was him. I'm going to start using my security chain locks in addition to the deadbolt that he still has keys for. He won't be able to get past that shit. Oh and he is all mopey about the fact that the kids and I have plans this weekend that don't involve him. Sorry dude you are the one that sleeps with other people. You are the one that moved across town to be closer to the 22 year old that you are in love with. My life is going to keep going. I need to get the girls' mind off this shit. So I planned a fun weekend Hiking swimming cooking out sleep overs all kinds of fun stuff. He is not invited. Fuck him.
Another one with an H that does not check in. So frigging annoying. And he goes radio silent when he is out fishing, on a boat, by himself. You know, a potentially dangerous thing. And time promises become a dream.
There is this lady I work with who is all the time asking for “5 minutes” or a “quick chat”. She will not give me a subject, even when I ask for a subject before a call. But then, she takes line 45 minutes or an hour of my time asking institutional knowledge type questions. It’s draining. She just texted me if I had 5 minutes (again, no subject). I have my first meeting at 9 and they go til noon. Technically, I had 15, but I am not feeling ready for the day yet, and definitely not ready for a long, meandering conversation before a meeting I need to run. I’ve started saying no to some of there. And then I feel a bit bad because these are some people I would have no problem with this. But I just can’t. But also, give me a subject so I can go into it prepare and judge if it really is 5 minutes or 15. Why can you not do this? I’ve requested it many time.
I would refuse to get on a call or meet with this person if they couldn't provide a topic up front so you can prepare. It's not a good use of time the way it's going.
This is where I am with it. Later today, I’m going to make it clear this is what I am doing. After I’m fully caffeinated and make it through these first 3 meetings.
stbxh moved out this past weekend. Tell me why the hell I woke up to him walking around my house this morning? I don't give a fuck if you were passing by any ways and had to pee. He can't just show up whenever the fuck he wants and let himself in. It scared me to death for a second before I realized it was him. I'm going to start using my security chain locks in addition to the deadbolt that he still has keys for. He won't be able to get past that shit. Oh and he is all mopey about the fact that the kids and I have plans this weekend that don't involve him. Sorry dude you are the one that sleeps with other people. You are the one that moved across town to be closer to the 22 year old that you are in love with. My life is going to keep going. I need to get the girls' mind off this shit. So I planned a fun weekend Hiking swimming cooking out sleep overs all kinds of fun stuff. He is not invited. Fuck him.
Post by ProfessorArtNerd on Jul 6, 2023 8:29:13 GMT -5
I have a million appointments to make for myself and the kids and one of them has to be for a therapist for myself. I’m trying SO hard not to parentify Lucy or become codependent with her. But she sees things for what they are with H, and I don’t know what to say when she says things like, “was he really throwing a tantrum bc he had to work? It’s called being an adult”. And “oh vacation dad is gone, so long Disney high”. Bc she’s right. For now I just change the subject.
Post by Patsy Baloney on Jul 6, 2023 8:29:17 GMT -5
Another random -
My H and I have been making playlists for each other of our favorite music. Last week, I built one on the theme of Broadway. I’ve been revisiting some old favorites, a lot from the 90s.
I’ve determined that The Secret Garden has the most beautiful music and story. It’s the best musical I’ve ever seen. Several of the songs bring tears to my eyes. It’s so morose, but hopeful and perfect. The final duet between Lily (ghost) and Archibald (living) where they commit to letting each other go is beyond-words beautiful.
Rebecca Luker had the most beautiful voice! Gone far too soon!
We have finally hit full summer temperatures here, and I hate it. It's in the upper 80's or 90's every day, and humid. I expect this will last through August. I went for a walk this morning when it was supposedly going to be around 79, but with the humidity it felt much hotter. It makes me not want to do any gardening or anything outside at all. I can't wait for September!
I am the main administrator for our learning and performance management system, and I cannot tell you how many people email me with some version of "I am having a problem, can you help me?" Sure, I'd be glad to - but I'm going to need a little more information about what you're experiencing. It makes me a little nuts because we could save so much time if you just told me what was happening. I love where I work and the people I work with, but sometimes I wonder how the heck I ended up in what amounts to a tech support/tech design position most of the time! I don't know that it will always be like this since it's a new system and presumably things will calm down once everything is set up and people get used to it, but it's not my favorite.