We also have an 8 year gap between DD1 and DD2. DD1 was perfectly capable of watching DD2 during the daytime at home from 5th grade on and could get her ready for bed at age 11/12. She’s not an uber responsible kid, but DD1 was good at following rules/routines. Once they are potty trained, it’s a lot simpler.
So much depends on the actual personalities of the kids themselves. DD2 is the most responsible of my kids. DS is more likely to wander off, so I trust him more with DD2 than DD1 even though DD2 is only 3 years older than him.
share.memebox.com/x/uKhKaZmemebox referal code for 20% off! DD1 "J" born 3/2003 DD2 "G" born 4/2011 DS is here! "H" born 2/2014 m/c#3 1-13-13 @ 9 weeks m/c#2 11-11-12 @ 5w2d I am an extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, pro marriage equality, birth control lovin', Catholic mama.
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Oct 7, 2023 6:52:09 GMT -5
I think it was 10 and 8 for short times, but my 8 year old was always more mature. For a whole evening is still dependent, because my younger one is 12 now, but has anxiety, and it still depends on the situation if she feels ok being left alone for the evening. She doesn't like to go to bed on her own still, and we have grandparents that are around and often offer to hang out and we take them up on it. If we're going to be home shortly after she'd normally go to bed, she just stays up a little later and waits till we get home. The few times she's tried to go to bed when we haven't been home, she hasn't been able to fall asleep, so we haven't done any super late nights with no adults since.
So we will get maybe a year before he goes to college. 😭
Ha I think that's pretty extreme. I would trust a responsible 14 year old to babysit pretty much any age. Siblings during daylight hours, the oldest being 12 or 13 would probably be fine depending on the personality of both kids.
I just need to run to the train station and back. We do this now with just the 10 year old.
But there are times when DH comes in after dark and takes a cab home. I’m just wondering when I can do it and stop paying for cab fare. I still think he’ll be ok at 13, because she’d be asleep and it’s less than 10 minutes away. DH seems to side with the responses here 😏
Ha I think that's pretty extreme. I would trust a responsible 14 year old to babysit pretty much any age. Siblings during daylight hours, the oldest being 12 or 13 would probably be fine depending on the personality of both kids.
I just need to run to the train station and back. We do this now with just the 10 year old.
But there are times when DH comes in after dark and takes a cab home. I’m just wondering when I can do it and stop paying for cab fare. I still think he’ll be ok at 13, because she’d be asleep and it’s less than 10 minutes away. DH seems to side with the responses here 😏
I think that sounds totally reasonable at 13 with your super responsible son. But I think my partner is more conservative on things than me so I can imagine him feeling the same way if we were in your situation but I hope you can persuade him
The reason I ask is that we are trying to eliminate one car, and we are looking forward to eliminating a Lyft on the occasions I’m home with the kids.
My oldest is very responsible, and I was thinking my he needed to be 12 or 13 to watch his sister (they’re 8+ years apart). DH thinks that’s too young.
Same age difference. We let DD stay starting around 13 for short periods. Then about 15 for a few hours. At 16 she still needs to mature before we can do it regularly. She refused to feed him stating he was old enough just a few months ago. He couldn’t open the package. It’s dumb stuff like this that makes me question her ability to care for anyone. I also stopped allowing her to babysit after seeing how she acts towards DS.
Ha I think that's pretty extreme. I would trust a responsible 14 year old to babysit pretty much any age. Siblings during daylight hours, the oldest being 12 or 13 would probably be fine depending on the personality of both kids.
I just need to run to the train station and back. We do this now with just the 10 year old.
But there are times when DH comes in after dark and takes a cab home. I’m just wondering when I can do it and stop paying for cab fare. I still think he’ll be ok at 13, because she’d be asleep and it’s less than 10 minutes away. DH seems to side with the responses here 😏
This isn’t that different than walking the dog without them. Sometimes I’m gone 45mins walking and she’s 10 and home alone. She can call me on Alexa, FB messenger kids, or a neighbor.
For our family it’s very personality dependent. DD is a mature 11-year-old and then we have 3 boys ages 9, 6, and 3. No one has stayed home for a full evening yet, but DD and our oldest son could probably do that soon if the little boys weren’t involved.
Currently, I’ll leave them all for a few minutes with DD babysitting. Or other combinations - like just one of the older kids and the 3-year-old - for a bit longer (20 minutes?). 3-year-old is good at just watching a tablet or playing quietly and independently. 6-year-old, on the other hand, is super high energy and loves risk-taking and it worries me to leave him with just my older kids.
One of the babysitters we use is 14. She’s hasn’t watched all four kids or done bedtime, but she’ll watch 2-3 of the kids for a few hours during the day. She lives a few houses from us and her mom and older sister (who also babysits for us but is busier/less available) are usually home if she needs any help.
We just did it the first time this year for a 1 hour meeting at school a mile away. 11.5/7. We spied on our security cameras and they didn’t move from their video game the entire hour.
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Oct 7, 2023 20:25:04 GMT -5
With that updated info., I would have left my mature and responsible dd with a young child any time of day while I did a quick trip taking dh to a train station and back with a much younger sibling starting at 10 IF that younger sibling was napping/sleeping/otherwise didn't NEED anything (was a toddler engrossed in a screen and could be reliably left watching that screen for 10 min., etc), and I'd leave her now starting at 12 again any time of day that SHE felt comfortable with. When we go on extended family trips, she watches her cousins who range in ages from 2-6, and I'd trust her to 'watch' a kid for up to 30 min. totally unsupervised at this age as long as she was ok with it.
For my less mature and MUCH less interested in younger kids ds, I would have had to do some training with him to leave him with a younger kid (I mean, I leave him with his younger sister, but I didn't leave them until I was comfortable leaving dd basically because they've always kinda been on the same maturity levels even though he's 2 years older).
So it's definitely kid-dependent, but since it's their own sibling, I'm sure that will help in that they will KNOW how to take care of them a bit and hopefully be more willing!
I wouldn’t hesitate to leave them home alone for 20 minutes now if the younger one was asleep and the older child felt comfortable. I’d just wait to leave until your husband texted that he was at the station to minimize the amount of time you are gone. Your husband can wait 5 minutes.
share.memebox.com/x/uKhKaZmemebox referal code for 20% off! DD1 "J" born 3/2003 DD2 "G" born 4/2011 DS is here! "H" born 2/2014 m/c#3 1-13-13 @ 9 weeks m/c#2 11-11-12 @ 5w2d I am an extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, pro marriage equality, birth control lovin', Catholic mama.
Post by honeydew1894 on Oct 10, 2023 4:27:15 GMT -5
DS (11) is home for about an hour alone after school. He takes our dog for a walk in the neighborhood and then does his HW and watches TV. We do not have him watch DD (8) yet because they argue. I do use a babysitter for DD who is 12 yo, so I send DS to a friend's house so as not to insult him bc the sitter is his BFF's twin sister.
Ha I think that's pretty extreme. I would trust a responsible 14 year old to babysit pretty much any age. Siblings during daylight hours, the oldest being 12 or 13 would probably be fine depending on the personality of both kids.
I just need to run to the train station and back. We do this now with just the 10 year old.
But there are times when DH comes in after dark and takes a cab home. I’m just wondering when I can do it and stop paying for cab fare. I still think he’ll be ok at 13, because she’d be asleep and it’s less than 10 minutes away. DH seems to side with the responses here 😏
With this situation I would be completely fine with that at 11 or 12, if she's already asleep. I know my kids, and my older kid would watch TV and the other kid would be asleep. I think its different than actively watching the younger kid.
We have a situation now I've been figuring out. DH travels a lot and I go to the gym from 6-6:45ish am. Kids are always still asleep when I get back, so is it ok to leave them (kids are 9 and 6)? They know where I am, can contact me, and would just watch TV if they woke up.
I just need to run to the train station and back. We do this now with just the 10 year old.
But there are times when DH comes in after dark and takes a cab home. I’m just wondering when I can do it and stop paying for cab fare. I still think he’ll be ok at 13, because she’d be asleep and it’s less than 10 minutes away. DH seems to side with the responses here 😏
With this situation I would be completely fine with that at 11 or 12, if she's already asleep. I know my kids, and my older kid would watch TV and the other kid would be asleep. I think its different than actively watching the younger kid.
We have a situation now I've been figuring out. DH travels a lot and I go to the gym from 6-6:45ish am. Kids are always still asleep when I get back, so is it ok to leave them (kids are 9 and 6)? They know where I am, can contact me, and would just watch TV if they woke up.
I did that exact thing probably when they were that age as well. I was gone 5-6:30am and would wake them up when I got home. It really saved my sanity bc dh was always traveling. I still do it, but they're older now. They now get themselves up, fed, and out the door before I get home from the gym 2x week. (My class moved to 6:30-7:30)
Drawing on my memory- it might have been late 12 watching his 8 year old brother for a couple hours. Normally only if one of us was easily accesible and in close proximity. For example, we had a close restaurant that H and I might go grab dinner at if they didn't want to come along.
Couple minutes it would have been age 11? THe phone would have been the issue as I wouldn't have felt comfortable doing it if there wasn't a phone left behind. My oldest got his phone at 12 so before that I would have had to leave my phone and instruct them to call dad if something happened?
Post by picksthemusic on Oct 10, 2023 9:06:30 GMT -5
11/8 for short spurts (like a 30 min trip to the grocery store), and now 12/9 they can be alone for a few hours for sure. We won't leave them overnight at all for a while, I think. DH is too paranoid (and frankly so am I), but definitely for a night out where we come home a little later, sure.
Ha I think that's pretty extreme. I would trust a responsible 14 year old to babysit pretty much any age. Siblings during daylight hours, the oldest being 12 or 13 would probably be fine depending on the personality of both kids.
I just need to run to the train station and back. We do this now with just the 10 year old.
But there are times when DH comes in after dark and takes a cab home. I’m just wondering when I can do it and stop paying for cab fare. I still think he’ll be ok at 13, because she’d be asleep and it’s less than 10 minutes away. DH seems to side with the responses here 😏
Given that your son is a responsible kid, I would be comfortable with this situation! My brother and I walked home from school and stayed home alone daily from 3:30-5:30 starting when we were 9 and 10. In the winter, it was dark by the time my mom got home, so I don't really see daylight alone as a determining factor. In this situation, it sounds extremely likely that most of the time, your daughter would stay asleep while you were gone. In the off chance she woke and he couldn't get her back to sleep, you'd be back within 10 minutes. And in a true emergency, I'd trust a responsible 13 year old to get a younger sibling out of the house safely for sure (honestly I'd be comfortable even younger - definitely 12, maybe 10 or 11 depending on the kid).
I would also take neighbors into account. Do you have a good support system in the neighborhood should there be an emergency? We’ve been working hard to connect with neighbors this year for a variety of reasons. I feel confident that DS would have a good handful of doors to knock on and people to call should he need something unexpectedly.
Is there someone elderly or a work from home adult that’s usually around when school lets out? We had a few retired neighbors growing up that had an eye on us from their window/yard, while not “watching” us. They were aware we were alone and would shout over to us if we were outside and they saw an unfamiliar face, etc.
My sister is 5 years older and started babysitting me when she was in 6th grade. She turned 12 that September, so on the older side for 6th.
In the age of technology I would even consider having your son FaceTime with a grandparent, aunt/uncle, or close friend, when running to the train station. Even if they’re just prepping dinner and he’s live on screen in the background. Heck, you could leave video open on your own phone during that time. For a quick pickup from the train I would be more comfortable from a younger age than hours of extended time after school.