9 year olds physical fight

[countthestars]

I'm so sorry this happened. I don't have any advice, but can only imagine how scary it was for your DD and for you.

[erbear]

I would not allow my daughter around the boy until 1) he apologized and 2) put in some real work in therapy for anger issues. And after that, he still wouldn’t be allowed to be alone with my kids without an adult in the room. I don’t think you have to make the other kids stop hanging out, but all trust with that child would be gone. I’d also follow my daughter’s lead if we were spending time with the family again or not.

I’d say to the parents “I appreciate your apology. Please get your son some help”. Rinse and repeat.

[noodleoo]

That sounds terrifying. I’m not sure how to move forward given how close your families sound, but at the minimum 1) I would never allow your DD1 to be alone with him again and 2) if she doesn’t want to be around him, I’d respect that and pull back as much as possible. My DD1 is about the same age and I can’t imagine that happening to her. It sounds traumatic and if she never wanted to be around him again, I’d try my best to respect that even if we were friends with the parents.

I’m glad it was on video so you know the extent of what really happened. It sounds really violent and so far from OK, I’m not sure I could ever really go back to the way things were before with him and his family.

You mentioned blotches on her skin, did he hit her so hard he left marks?

[erbear]

Dec 10, 2023 22:13:22 GMT -5 mofongo said:

I am 100% on your side, I’m just trying to figure out how this is on camera?

I assume they were filming the “play”. My kids do this all time time

[maudefindlay]

I think it's too early and fresh to think about the future and moving forward. Agree I would not allow him in your home and I would not drive him anywhere where your DD had to be in a car with him. I think it will be trickier as far as kids playing outside and him being there and trying to monitor that with the exception of saying he cannot come in your yard. I'd just tell your DD she can come inside, invite a kid or a few to come play in your yard, or invite a kid or two inside to play if he is outside. It's a good thing the parents sound upset and that they weren't making up excuses. Time will tell what they do with this info. It would seem though that he likely has acted in a similar way before that they are aware of.

[sonrisa]

As you handle this, I would consider what lesson you are teaching your child about possible future domestic violence. (If all goes well, this may be your only chance to model for her the appropriate response to such a situation).

With that lens, I'd be be sure my kid knew: (1) that behavior is not okay, (2) she can advocate for herself and doesn't need to focus on protecting him (3) you will always be a safe space for her. No matter what.

[marie3246]

Dec 10, 2023 22:14:16 GMT -5 erbear said:

Dec 10, 2023 22:13:22 GMT -5 mofongo said:

I am 100% on your side, I’m just trying to figure out how this is on camera?

I assume they were filming the “play”. My kids do this all time time

They were making a movie and filming it. They set it up in the corner of the room and were acting out a scene when he started going after her. I'm thankful she wasn't hurt worse, but I can't imagine how scared she must have been. When she told me, I didn't realize how bad and aggressive he was to her.

I think we are all in shock, he certainly can be a real jerk, as all kids can be, but this is another level. When she told me, she was upset, but not hysterical or anything to alert me that it was this bad. She said he pushed and punched her, but she wasn't hurt and we had a discussion about how that isn't ok ever and to always tell me and that I would talk to his parents in a bit when they got home (they were out of town for the weekend) He had already gone inside and the other kids were all still playing fine in the same room, so it didn't seem as bad of a situation as it was. I took her to a Christmas party and in the car she mentioned that he may have yelled at her on the video and that he pushed her into the camera and it moved and she would delete the video later.

I went home and found it and it was so much worse than I imagined. He kept coming after her as she was backing away and she kept saying geez what was that for.

[tacokick]

Dec 10, 2023 22:12:43 GMT -5 erbear said:

I would not allow my daughter around the boy until 1) he apologized and 2) put in some real work in therapy for anger issues. And after that, he still wouldn’t be allowed to be alone with my kids without an adult in the room. I don’t think you have to make the other kids stop hanging out, but all trust with that child would be gone. I’d also follow my daughter’s lead if we were spending time with the family again or not.

I’d say to the parents “I appreciate your apology. Please get your son some help”. Rinse and repeat.

Honestly, at that age and her reaction about not wanting him to get in trouble, I wouldn’t take her lead about not being around him. I would not allow him around her at all until some serious time and therapy has gone on and even then I wouldn’t leave them alone or encourage a relationship. I would not put her in the position to be the one to make the choice to exclude someone who assaulted her. People who assault you should not be around you anymore.

[dochas]

If they are not immediately getting him in therapy then any relationship is over. Definitely a rule that he can't be unsupervised. But get this out in the open and make sure everyone insists that he be supervised, otherwise it will be your daughter who is excluded.

[marie3246]

Dec 10, 2023 23:07:28 GMT -5 tacokick said:

Dec 10, 2023 22:12:43 GMT -5 erbear said:

I would not allow my daughter around the boy until 1) he apologized and 2) put in some real work in therapy for anger issues. And after that, he still wouldn’t be allowed to be alone with my kids without an adult in the room. I don’t think you have to make the other kids stop hanging out, but all trust with that child would be gone. I’d also follow my daughter’s lead if we were spending time with the family again or not.

I’d say to the parents “I appreciate your apology. Please get your son some help”. Rinse and repeat.

Honestly, at that age and her reaction about not wanting him to get in trouble, I wouldn’t take her lead about not being around him. I would not allow him around her at all until some serious time and therapy has gone on and even then I wouldn’t leave them alone or encourage a relationship. I would not put her in the position to be the one to make the choice to exclude someone who assaulted her. People who assault you should not be around you anymore.

This is how I feel. She would never make the choice not to be around him. She loves to play with him and his siblings. I'm not sure how this will work in reality though. All the neighborhood kids play outside together all the time, we are closest to this family so they run in and out of each other's houses all the time. This is going to be a big change and I'm not sure how to do this without making my daughter feel excluded. Like she's just going to be really upset if she has to come inside every time he comes outside. And our lives are just so entwined, we spend holidays together, we are each other's emergency contacts, we all carpool to and from school together. And we have our work schedules around this, so for us to take our kids to all things ourselves we will have to take time off work which we don't have. It will take some major adjustments to not be around them.

[dochas]

Dec 10, 2023 23:24:19 GMT -5 marie3246 said:

Dec 10, 2023 23:07:28 GMT -5 tacokick said:

Honestly, at that age and her reaction about not wanting him to get in trouble, I wouldn’t take her lead about not being around him. I would not allow him around her at all until some serious time and therapy has gone on and even then I wouldn’t leave them alone or encourage a relationship. I would not put her in the position to be the one to make the choice to exclude someone who assaulted her. People who assault you should not be around you anymore.

This is how I feel. She would never make the choice not to be around him. She loves to play with him and his siblings. I'm not sure how this will work in reality though. All the neighborhood kids play outside together all the time, we are closest to this family so they run in and out of each other's houses all the time. This is going to be a big change and I'm not sure how to do this without making my daughter feel excluded. Like she's just going to be really upset if she has to come inside every time he comes outside. And our lives are just so entwined, we spend holidays together, we are each other's emergency contacts, we all carpool to and from school together. And we have our work schedules around this, so for us to take our kids to all things ourselves we will have to take time off work which we don't have. It will take some major adjustments to not be around them.

This boy physically assaulted her, or he didn't. If you're in shock over this you need to shake it off. Plenty of us have to survive without a carpool.

[noodleoo]

Dec 10, 2023 22:56:04 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

As you handle this, I would consider what lesson you are teaching your child about possible future domestic violence. (If all goes well, this may be your only chance to model for her the appropriate response to such a situation).

With that lens, I'd be be sure my kid knew: (1) that behavior is not okay, (2) she can advocate for herself and doesn't need to focus on protecting him (3) you will always be a safe space for her. No matter what.

This is what I keep thinking. How you respond to this is going to set her mindset on physical abuse. If you give “let it go” because it would be too inconvenient for you and her brother to separate your lives from the kid who attacked her, you are sending the message that what he did was ok. I’m having a real hard time with that, especially since it is so ingrained in society that girls should prioritize everyone else over themselves. I know it will be hard, but please take this seriously.

I know it just happened, but a lot would depend on how seriously the other parents are taking the incident. If they are minimizing it at all as “kids being kids”, I’d be done with them.

[marie3246]

Dec 10, 2023 23:40:43 GMT -5 dochas said:

Dec 10, 2023 23:24:19 GMT -5 marie3246 said:

This is how I feel. She would never make the choice not to be around him. She loves to play with him and his siblings. I'm not sure how this will work in reality though. All the neighborhood kids play outside together all the time, we are closest to this family so they run in and out of each other's houses all the time. This is going to be a big change and I'm not sure how to do this without making my daughter feel excluded. Like she's just going to be really upset if she has to come inside every time he comes outside. And our lives are just so entwined, we spend holidays together, we are each other's emergency contacts, we all carpool to and from school together. And we have our work schedules around this, so for us to take our kids to all things ourselves we will have to take time off work which we don't have. It will take some major adjustments to not be around them.

This boy physically assaulted her, or he didn't. If you're in shock over this you need to shake it off. Plenty of us have to survive without a carpool.

I'm not saying we can't make changes, but completely erasing him from our lives is going to be nearly impossible unless we sell our house and move to a different side of town. And how do we do this so my daughter doesn't regret telling us because she will feel left out? We have joint birthday parties, even if we don't carpool together they are in a group that walks in and out of school together. They do activities together, etc. Sure we can pull our kids out of them but she's still going to see him at school, parties, and every time he leaves his house. The younger ones are currently best friends, do we stop them from playing as well?

The parents are taking it seriously. I imagine they will get him into therapy. They have apologized to us and we aren't carpooling. For now we are taking it a day at a time.

[robot]

Dec 10, 2023 23:07:28 GMT -5 tacokick said:

Dec 10, 2023 22:12:43 GMT -5 erbear said:

I would not allow my daughter around the boy until 1) he apologized and 2) put in some real work in therapy for anger issues. And after that, he still wouldn’t be allowed to be alone with my kids without an adult in the room. I don’t think you have to make the other kids stop hanging out, but all trust with that child would be gone. I’d also follow my daughter’s lead if we were spending time with the family again or not.

I’d say to the parents “I appreciate your apology. Please get your son some help”. Rinse and repeat.

Honestly, at that age and her reaction about not wanting him to get in trouble, I wouldn’t take her lead about not being around him. I would not allow him around her at all until some serious time and therapy has gone on and even then I wouldn’t leave them alone or encourage a relationship. I would not put her in the position to be the one to make the choice to exclude someone who assaulted her. People who assault you should not be around you anymore.

I completely agree with this. If the assault is as bad as you describe, this a deal breaker of any further relationship, as far as I'm concerned. It sounds like a bigger issue with this kid than just a moment of poor judgement or impulsivity, or said something mean.  Don't make her be the one to tell you to cut off the relationship.  I'm not going to put any details here, but my parents were friends with the parents of a neighbor boy when I was a child who was deeply problematic (and he never got any better with age).  In retrospect, I wish they'd cut off the relationship sooner once they started to suspect that kid was treating me badly.

[robot]

Dec 11, 2023 0:03:40 GMT -5 marie3246 said:

Dec 10, 2023 23:40:43 GMT -5 dochas said:

This boy physically assaulted her, or he didn't. If you're in shock over this you need to shake it off. Plenty of us have to survive without a carpool.

I'm not saying we can't make changes, but completely erasing him from our lives is going to be nearly impossible unless we sell our house and move to a different side of town. And how do we do this so my daughter doesn't regret telling us because she will feel left out? We have joint birthday parties, even if we don't carpool together they are in a group that walks in and out of school together. They do activities together, etc. Sure we can pull our kids out of them but she's still going to see him at school, parties, and every time he leaves his house. The younger ones are currently best friends, do we stop them from playing as well?

The parents are taking it seriously. I imagine they will get him into therapy. They have apologized to us and we aren't carpooling. For now we are taking it a day at a time.

"And how do we do this so my daughter doesn't regret telling us because she will feel left out?"

I'd be much more concerned that she thinks it's okay to keep being friends with someone who beats the crap out of her, than her feeling left out.

"We have joint birthday parties, even if we don't carpool together they are in a group that walks in and out of school together"

You don't have to keep having joint birthday parties. I would guess the kids will outgrow wanting to do that very soon anyways.  Yes, she'll see him at school, but that is different from spending time outside of school frequently. You could encourage play dates with other friends?  As for the younger ones, maybe just invite the younger kid over to play at your house?  I do appreciate that it's complicated, given how your lives are set up.  But it seems...potentially quite important in the longer term picture...

[gretchenindisguise]

If you don't go nuclear for this, what do you go nuclear for?

[mommin]

I would try to keep my distance until you hear from his parents about how they plan to deal with this but I wouldn’t cut anyone off completely, for now. It sounds to me like your friends have a little boy with anger issues that needs some counseling or other help. Ostracising them just doesn’t feel like the right answer. If they come to you tomorrow and say “Little Johnny is sorry but it’s not his fault,” I would be more inclined to set people on fire.

It doesn’t sound like they are neglectful or negligent so I assume they are probably at home wanting to crawl in a hole and die out of embarrassment, anger at their own child, and fear of the repercussions of all of this. Obviously, things like an apology and supervision any time he is around sound very reasonable but I feel like you may need to have a talk parent-to-parent. Not a talk of accusation but a “how are you handling this?”, “is this something he has done before?”, “Have you considered counseling?” kind of talk. They may feel like they have ruined your relationship and are nervous going forward. Don’t brush it away but also give them an opportunity to deal with their own child.

This is a board with a lot of mothers of children with special/emotional needs. Most of these kids have not physically assaulted another child, but some have. Others have children that have said or done things that could send their friends running. Even the best parents still need to be offered some grace. I think offering a level of grace and understanding (while still protecting our own children) may salvage a friendship and, assuming this boy gets some help and correction, may turn out okay in the end.

[VillainV]

Dec 11, 2023 0:03:40 GMT -5 marie3246 said:

Dec 10, 2023 23:40:43 GMT -5 dochas said:

This boy physically assaulted her, or he didn't. If you're in shock over this you need to shake it off. Plenty of us have to survive without a carpool.

I'm not saying we can't make changes, but completely erasing him from our lives is going to be nearly impossible unless we sell our house and move to a different side of town. And how do we do this so my daughter doesn't regret telling us because she will feel left out? We have joint birthday parties, even if we don't carpool together they are in a group that walks in and out of school together. They do activities together, etc. Sure we can pull our kids out of them but she's still going to see him at school, parties, and every time he leaves his house. The younger ones are currently best friends, do we stop them from playing as well?

The parents are taking it seriously. I imagine they will get him into therapy. They have apologized to us and we aren't carpooling. For now we are taking it a day at a time.

The way I see it, it’s HIS PARENTS’ responsibility to make sure their child isn’t around any of your kids, and not your responsibility. They need to keep HIM inside so your daughter can play freely outside with her friends without worrying about being assaulted again.

I know it’s a big upheaval in your lives, but she cannot be around him anymore, and neither can your other kids. If his parents don’t immediately take action to make sure she (and other kids) are safe, then they’re part of the problem too.

[chchchia]

I was looking at your title thinking, kids fight, especially kids that are close. Reading your description, THIS WAS NOT NORMAL. I would immediately tell this child's parents and not allow my kids around this child until satisfactory amends are made 9if they can be) and agreed to by your daughter.
Is this out of character for this child, if so, something is going on with them. If not, no amends could ever be made and I'd keep my child away from that child. These are huge red flags, please pay attention to them and make sure your daughter knows how unacceptable this is and wrong.
So sorry this ever occurred.

[mala]

I was your daughter in a similar situation. My mom didn't believe me when I told her the first few times the kid was a bully. She didn't believe me (or my brother) until she caught him in the act. We never saw that family again after that. Don't be my mom ignoring the situation, especially as you have video proof. Do be my Mom and cut the kid off from your daughter. Unfortunately you may have to go extreme and distance yourself from the family if they don't get him appropriate help or consequences.

[fivechickens]

I would not allow him around your daughter or son. This is his reaction to something he did? I doubt it’s the first time he has overreacted that way.

[meanie]

I would send them the video and say just want to let you know this happened, and that you will be taking some time apart.

Also a follow up conversation is needed with your DD, you were obviously blind sided in the moment but going back and talk with her when emotions aren't as high to address what happened is important. Maybe role play some things she could do or say and reinforce coming to a trusted adult right away. We tell our kids to yell STOP very loudly if anyone tries to do something physical that they do not want. To be clear, I am not saying you or your DD did anything wrong, just that a follow up conversation to affirm that she did nothing wrong and give her some tools would be good.

We have close friends who live down the street that we have had to distance ourselves from for many reasons,, one of them was that their son was aggressive towards our DD. It came from seeing the behaviors at home, my heart hurts for him but we also can not tolerate our children being exposed to it. Unfortunately this might be something you need to consider depending on how they respond.

[mala]

I'll also add that I had to put distance between us and some close friends, too. It seemed like every time we got together and the big kids (6months apart in age) played together, mine ended up in tears. From being grabbed and dragged around the room, to being soaked by the hose in 60 degree weather and unable to get inside, I had enough. It sucks, but the kiddos safety and well being has to come first.

[wanderingback]

Geez, I don’t think everyone needs to jump on OP. They said they were going to not have them play together they were just explaining how it might not happen overnight that she 100% never sees the kid again since they go to school together. Also, if they’re both invited to a birthday party OP is going to have to talk to the kid’s parents to make sure he’s not there, etc. OP was just explaining that they will have to change things going forward in their daily life.

[marie3246]

Dec 11, 2023 0:23:17 GMT -5 robot said:

Dec 11, 2023 0:03:40 GMT -5 marie3246 said:

I'm not saying we can't make changes, but completely erasing him from our lives is going to be nearly impossible unless we sell our house and move to a different side of town. And how do we do this so my daughter doesn't regret telling us because she will feel left out? We have joint birthday parties, even if we don't carpool together they are in a group that walks in and out of school together. They do activities together, etc. Sure we can pull our kids out of them but she's still going to see him at school, parties, and every time he leaves his house. The younger ones are currently best friends, do we stop them from playing as well?

The parents are taking it seriously. I imagine they will get him into therapy. They have apologized to us and we aren't carpooling. For now we are taking it a day at a time.

"And how do we do this so my daughter doesn't regret telling us because she will feel left out?"

I'd be much more concerned that she thinks it's okay to keep being friends with someone who beats the crap out of her, than her feeling left out.

"We have joint birthday parties, even if we don't carpool together they are in a group that walks in and out of school together"

You don't have to keep having joint birthday parties. I would guess the kids will outgrow wanting to do that very soon anyways.  Yes, she'll see him at school, but that is different from spending time outside of school frequently. You could encourage play dates with other friends?  As for the younger ones, maybe just invite the younger kid over to play at your house?  I do appreciate that it's complicated, given how your lives are set up.  But it seems...potentially quite important in the longer term picture...

The parties aren't of our two kids, but since we live close, go to school together etc, the kids are invited to the same parties, playdates etc.

[marie3246]

Dec 11, 2023 5:01:28 GMT -5 VillainV said:

Dec 11, 2023 0:03:40 GMT -5 marie3246 said:

I'm not saying we can't make changes, but completely erasing him from our lives is going to be nearly impossible unless we sell our house and move to a different side of town. And how do we do this so my daughter doesn't regret telling us because she will feel left out? We have joint birthday parties, even if we don't carpool together they are in a group that walks in and out of school together. They do activities together, etc. Sure we can pull our kids out of them but she's still going to see him at school, parties, and every time he leaves his house. The younger ones are currently best friends, do we stop them from playing as well?

The parents are taking it seriously. I imagine they will get him into therapy. They have apologized to us and we aren't carpooling. For now we are taking it a day at a time.

The way I see it, it’s HIS PARENTS’ responsibility to make sure their child isn’t around any of your kids, and not your responsibility. They need to keep HIM inside so your daughter can play freely outside with her friends without worrying about being assaulted again.

I know it’s a big upheaval in your lives, but she cannot be around him anymore, and neither can your other kids. If his parents don’t immediately take action to make sure she (and other kids) are safe, then they’re part of the problem too.

We'll see how tomorrow goes, I do think they will take it very seriously, but I don't think it is realistic for them to keep him inside all the time. I will say that we all know each other very well and none of us expected this. I certainly believed my daughter, but I have never seen this rage and anger from him before. They have gotten into disagreements before, but he's been more of a whining,crying and goes inside when he doesn't get his way kid. The video was much worse than any of us ever expected. When she told me, I assumed it was more like pushing/shoving and not him attacking her while she was trying to back away.

[konapoppy]

I’m really sorry you are going through this. How horrible for your whole family, obviously especially your daughter.

I hope the parents react with the appropriate actions to set their son up for success and prevent future incidents. I also hope the kid takes accountability for his actions and shows true remorse and commitment to learn from this.

[expectantsteelerfan]

I'm going to offer another perspective on this, because my kid has been the one who has done this. He also has ADHD, is medicated, and was in therapy at the time. I mean, he hasn't done THIS SPECIFIC thing, but he has hit his friends, thrown things at them (really inappropriate things), kicked them, pushed them, broken things at their houses, said inappropriate things to them in the moment, etc. When he was younger, he would go from playing and having fun, to losing his temper and 'snapping' and lashing out inappropriately in the blink of an eye, and it was the biggest thing we worked on with him with having ADHD, the biggest thing we worried about, and honestly, it happened most often with his sister and the neighbor friends that he felt the most comfortable with and he was around the most (although it also happened once at school, which landed him an ISS).

When it happened with the neighbors for the 1st time after we moved here, I met in person with the parents (because the kids often played outside unsupervised) to go over what happened (we didn't have a video, were just going off what the kids had told us) and it was him as an 11 year old boy playing with 8 and 9 year old girls at the time (they were dd's age) and he had hit and kicked one of them and threw something at another and broken something at one of the neighbor's houses. So I did let them know about his ADHD, his impulsivity issues, that he is in therapy. I had him do a 'reflection sheet' on the incident (which is what our therapist recommended at the time) and write them each an apology. I also let them know that I was fine what how they wanted to move forward with interactions with him moving forward, but obviously if their girls came to our house to play with dd, he would be there, and if they played in our yard, I wasn't going to keep him inside, but I could keep more of an eye out, but I also couldn't guarantee that this kind of behavior wouldn't happen again. I also assured them that we did reinforce to him that this type of behavior was wrong an unacceptable and we are disappointed in him every time he reacts that way and we try to reinforce with him appropriate ways to react when he is upset, but unfortunately he hasn't been able to internalize it yet and is still struggling with that.

They did limit contact with him some, but they didn't cut it off all together. So they would invite dd over to play inside MORE SO than just all play outside, and he would play more with just the boys in the neighborhood, but the girls would still come over and play inside at times. And I think there was a clear 2 week 'ds wasn't allowed to play on next door neighbor's trampoline' consequence from the nextdoor neighbor since that was who he hit and kicked. And I do think that helped reinforce that he had to keep his hands to himself with her specifically. And over the years he's definitely matured and gotten a lot better with this. He is 14 now, and I just spoke this his therapist last week about how he had an angry outburst for the 1st time in about 6 months a few weeks ago, and all he did was yell at me to 'get out' and when I didn't, try to push me out of the room, so we considered that a HUGE improvement.

Anyway, I'm very sorry this happened to your dd. I know it's scary. But I would start by talking to the parents of the kid. I don't want to minimize what happened in any way, but I think there are ways to deal with this that don't involve exiling this kid from your lives forever if that's not what you want.

[livinitup]

This was probably not the first time this child has attacked yours. Just the first time she told you. And the first time it was caught on video.

[tacokick]

Dec 10, 2023 23:24:19 GMT -5 marie3246 said:

Dec 10, 2023 23:07:28 GMT -5 tacokick said:

Honestly, at that age and her reaction about not wanting him to get in trouble, I wouldn’t take her lead about not being around him. I would not allow him around her at all until some serious time and therapy has gone on and even then I wouldn’t leave them alone or encourage a relationship. I would not put her in the position to be the one to make the choice to exclude someone who assaulted her. People who assault you should not be around you anymore.

This is how I feel. She would never make the choice not to be around him. She loves to play with him and his siblings. I'm not sure how this will work in reality though. All the neighborhood kids play outside together all the time, we are closest to this family so they run in and out of each other's houses all the time. This is going to be a big change and I'm not sure how to do this without making my daughter feel excluded. Like she's just going to be really upset if she has to come inside every time he comes outside. And our lives are just so entwined, we spend holidays together, we are each other's emergency contacts, we all carpool to and from school together. And we have our work schedules around this, so for us to take our kids to all things ourselves we will have to take time off work which we don't have. It will take some major adjustments to not be around them.

I’m sure it will but sometimes things happen and you have to make adjustments. Are there other people you can carpool with? It sounds like your neighborhood has a lot of kids. Find other emergency contacts.

People who assault you are not your friends. We do not spend time with people who hurt us. Yes, we may see them at school or other places in our community but we don’t invite them to our home and we don’t have birthday parties with them. I’m sure it will be a big change for her but she might actually feel relieved when she gets a break from him and his behavior. He sounds like a lot even before the assault.

I would also hope since his parents seem to be taking it seriously, they’d stop him from attending some playdates and parties on their own for him for a while until they can get this under control. That might solve some of the problem and at nine, I’d think these joint parties and big class parties will be a thing of the past pretty soon.

Are they playing in the yard a lot in winter? Weather might be on your side here too and winter break is probably soon and might mean a break from carpool and seeing him at school as well.

Honestly, the best thing my parents ever did as parents was have a zero tolerance for this sort of thing. We always knew that if something felt wrong or happened they had our back over everyone else. Even if in the moment it was awkward or it was actual family.