Intergenerational wealth transfers (e.g., inheriting $)

[buckeyegirl]

My parents paid for all my undergrad. I went to a state school and commuted for 2/4 years. I also worked at a bank and they did tuition reimbursement. My DH had the majority of his college paid for by his parents. He went to a much more expensive school than I did. Also, my parents paid for our wedding.

[Nugget T. Brain, The OG]

My mom sold us her house for what she owed on it after 20 years of ownership rather than what the actual property value was when she decided to downsize. The amount of equity allowed us to gut the inside and completely renovate, and still have a lot of equity left. I don't think I would have a house with the equity we have right now if it wasn't for that.

[jinkies]

I noted this in the net worth thread, but my parents paid all of my undergrad. They also gave me use of a car for sophomore-senior year of college (including insurance). They did sell the car after I graduated and moved to a city where I didn't need a vehicle.

They were able to do this from income from a property that they themselves inherited. I actually had a really interesting talk with my son recently bc a teacher of his asked them if they thought everyone in America has the same opportunities. He initially thought yes, but I was able to draw a direct line back to a decision that my great-great grandparents made in the 1920s to buy a property, that ultimately allowed me to graduate college and begin my adult life debt free, which has in turn afforded DS with a ton of opportunities that he would not have otherwise had. It was eye opening for him, I think.

H's parents had him pay rent for living at home as soon as he got his first job after high school, but secretly saved the money and gave it back to him to use as down payment when he went to buy his first home. So that's somewhere between a gift and forced savings...

My grandparents lent me about $5000 when I was a senior in college and let me pay it back very slowly without interest over the course of 2 or 3 years, which was enormously helpful to me getting through the end of college and on my feet with my first job.

Even though it's doesn't look like a huge amount of money on paper, we absolutely would not be in the position that we are in without support of our parents.

[tacokick]

I benefited from lack of family wealth because I was able to go to college for free thanks to financial aid due to their low income, Pell Grants, my grades/test scores resulting in scholarships and being first gen. My parents saved a literal few dollars a week for me and that covered my computer and books. I went to grad school for free through a service program. Not having student loans has been such a blessing!

My grandfather inherited some money from a distant relative via marriage when he was in his late 80s which is now my father’s (his son-in-law) which has been a great help. While my parents always were savers, there is a limit to what you can accumulate when you are a low income earner and your SS checks are quite low. His medications are incredibly expensive and that would have been a real stressor without this cushion. It’s not a massive amount but if there is any left, it will go to me.

[quesyrah]

We both definitely have.

My parents paid for my undergrad and gave me a brand new car for graduation. It really set me up well for starting adult life.

We then had a series of unfortunate events that led to bad decisions that led to quite a bit of debt.

6 years ago my MIL gave us her house, the one DH grew up in. We took out a small loan (just over $100K) to build her an ADU on the property. This allowed us to crawl out of the hole we had dug by paying off our debt, start putting real money away for retirement and get our family on secure financial footing. We never told her about the debt, she did it because she wanted us to have a home and was in a position to give us one.

Then in 2022 my parents died and left quite a large inheritance. We used it to create an Efund, replace my vehicle which desperately needed done, put some money in savings for our kids, start some sinking funds and finish off some home projects (the house is old and hasn’t been touched since the early 90s). We did also splurge and took a vacation that we otherwise could not afford.

It doesn’t seem like much and we definitely had our years that we struggled on one income in a HCOL area. But we could be so much worse off than we are. We are finally in a really good place financially and it feels really good. But I 100% acknowledge that we didn’t do it on our own.

[flygirl]

Our wealth is all self accumulated except for approx 5k I was gifted during the first 2 years of college and $3k for our wedding. H worked 2 jobs and went to school for his Assoc. We both had student loans. There was probably 4-5 years early on that I didn’t have health insurance which thank goodness I never had anything catastrophic happen. I envy those whose parents helped them with cars, college and or just help with other issues that come up. I had to move across the country once and asked my mom if she’d drive back with me - she would but I had to buy her a plane ticket and pay for all hotels and food. My dad basically said my stupidity wasn’t his problem.
Recently a family member, who was like a mother to me died in 2022 and I received an inheritance which I didn’t include in the box I checked because it’s still too fresh-I don’t want to consider it mine I guess.

[womet]

We have. My parents paid for my undergrad (except housing in the last 2 years that I paid for by being an RA). I took out loans for my graduate schooling and living expenses. Those were just discharged under PSLF recently. My parents also contributed a set amount of money towards our wedding. They gave me a car to drive when I was 16. That I promptly got into an accident with-- it was totaled, not my fault, and they let me have all of the money from the lawsuit against the driver.

My husband has benefitted to, although most is recently. His parents helped him out with a car when he was younger. And on multiple occasions when he needed some more help financially. His dad died 18 months ago, and we've benefitted from that. H inherited half of his dad's IRA, which we used towards our downpayment on our house. And we are about to close on his dad's house, so my H will get some more money then (some will be reimbursement for paying all of the bills for the estate and some will be H's portion of the proceeds from the sale of the house).

[agnes]

i benefited from the gift of equity on our first house. Lost it all in the recession. So I guess that counts. Although, I think we would have been better off not dealing with all that. Hind sight.

My H grew up poor.

other than that we haven’t received inheritances or anything like that. H paid for his own community college education. My work reimbursed for school, so no student loans for us

[EvieEthelGarland]

My parents paid for my bachelors and H's grandparents paid for his bachelors and masters.

I was given a car at 17.

When my grandmother died when I was 19, I inherited $10k. Because my parents already had the college money, my dad instructed me to learn about investing--something he wasn't able to start doing until he was in his 40s. I was able to use that money for my first downpayment and I learned a lot.

My parents paid for DS's braces and have treated the whole family to two trips to Hawaii. They helped my sister with her down payment. Their main goal was always for their grandchildren to earn bachelors degrees without taking on debt. They only have one so he'll get that boost as well (H and I have saved on our own for this so its not all on them).

DH had a 15k loan from his dad forgiven when FIL passed and once his mom's estate is settled will inherit a not insignificant amount. I also stand to inherit a fair amount when my parents pass. Because of their military service (mom outranked dad!) they are not concerned about medical costs.

I didn't really think it was much help until I typed it out. My dad never made over 50k and DH and I still haven't broken 100k each but these boosts have helped us become millionaires. I am beyond grateful.

[Nugget T. Brain, The OG]

Jan 29, 2024 13:54:23 GMT -5 flygirl said:

Our wealth is all self accumulated except for approx 5k I was gifted during the first 2 years of college and $3k for our wedding. H worked 2 jobs and went to school for his Assoc. We both had student loans. There was probably 4-5 years early on that I didn’t have health insurance which thank goodness I never had anything catastrophic happen. I envy those whose parents helped them with cars, college and or just help with other issues that come up. I had to move across the country once and asked my mom if she’d drive back with me - she would but I had to buy her a plane ticket and pay for all hotels and food. My dad basically said my stupidity wasn’t his problem.
Recently a family member, who was like a mother to me died in 2022 and I received an inheritance which I didn’t include in the box I checked because it’s still too fresh-I don’t want to consider it mine I guess.

I'm so sorry for your loss....but I totally get it.  My grandma passed in 2022, and my mom still hasn't touched the bank account she left her because she doesn't feel like it's her money. 

[kadams767]

DH and I split the cost of our wedding with our parents, so we were gifted about 2/3 of our wedding expenses.

I received about $15,000 inheritance from my grandparents while I was in law school, so that went directly to law school tuition and lessened the amount of debt I had to take out in student loans.

ETA:  Regarding the future, I will not inherit anything further from my family and likely will end up almost fully supporting at least one family member.  DH will probably inherit a decent amount from his family, which is kind of crazy to think about now that we are in our 40s and doing just fine on our own.  I definitely see the side of trying to help your kids when they are young and really need the money, because now we really don't, but it's hard to predict the future, I guess.  His parents would have no way of knowing they wouldn't need that much for their end-of-life needs.  

[ellipses84]

Not much. I got about $7,500 inheritance combined after all 4 of my grandparents passed away. Most of their inheritance went to their living children and the only reason I got most of that was because one of my parents died before their last living parent. That basically covered funeral travel expenses for my family, with a little bit going toward our wedding and toward a family vacation to visit the country one of them was born in. My dad and DH’s dad didn’t have anything when they died. It’s complicated reasons why, but nobody collected a small insurance policy from FIL’s death although this post reminds me we should contact the insurance again. MIL is still working in her late 70s and has nothing.

We come from working poor families and my mom is the only one who had upward mobility, partly due to getting a higher education and marrying my stepdad, both when I was a teen. That meant I didn’t qualify for a lot of financial aid and I had student loans. Most were parent loans but I always paid them myself. The one “generational” benefit I recently got was most of my student loans forgiven via PSLF via my mom. This should have happened in 2017 and even thought they refunded payments, it would have been more beneficial for me to have the forgiveness back then when the housing market was cheaper, or less student loans in general since I paid hundreds per month my entire adult life. My mom and stepdad inherited some property from their parents/ grandparents when I was an adult and sold it but it all went to their retirement fund since they were majorly behind from being poor single parents before they met. My mom has Parkinson’s and my adult brother may never live fully independently so I don’t know if me and my other siblings will inherit much (and I would trade any $$$ for my mom to be healthy and live longer).

[ellipses84]

I’m currently reading Poverty, By America and recommend everyone read it.

[dcn]

My H inherited $100k in an IRA and $50k in cash when his Mom passed away in 2015. His Dad had passed away in 2010. Had she lived longer (she was 66 when she died) he likely would not have inherited anything. Maybe the cash from the sale of her home. It wasn’t a planned wealth transfer, just really unfortunate health issues.

My parents helped me with undergrad - I had a 50% tuition scholarship, they helped some and I took out the rest in loans. It was $15k back in 2003 when I graduated. My parents otherwise haven’t given me any large amount.

H’s parents took out parent plus loans to help him with undergrad. He had $75k in loans after his master’s. When his Dad passed away the parent plus loans were forgiven.

[bcv513]

My parents paid for whatever my undergrad scholarship didn’t cover. And they let me live with them while I was in grad school. I think the biggest thing they did was watching C so we didn’t have to pay for daycare. That was life changing

[dr.girlfriend]

My parents paid for undergrad and gave a set amount for my wedding, but honestly the most amazing thing they did was give us a big check to cover my MIL's funeral expenses. We were okay financially and would have managed to finance it and pay it off and all that, but our kid was still in daycare and it would have been a struggle.

[aprilsails]

Another poster mentioned this which reminded me that the greatest gift my own parents gave me was their divorce when I was in grade 10. Due to their reduced financial capacity it meant that I qualified for large provincial grants and was able to leave undergrad with $27k in provincial loans. I got a good job and paid it off aggressively but their divorce probably saved me $40k in grants I would not have qualified for. They had not saved any money for me in the previous 15 years so I would have had to get private loans.

[mrsukyankee]

Context:

My inlaws are immigrants and lived very frugally. They also gained some money because my FIL was in an accident (not his fault) where he lost an eye and he sued as he also lost income. It allowed them to buy a house in London.

My H did not have any debt ever - university was paid for and he lived at home during uni.

I have had my parents as a safeguard - I was able to move in with them when I broke off an engagement. They did not pay for my university costs (outside of what was expected of them by the uni). They have never given me any money and I will not get any inheritence from them. I still appreciate that I was able to take some risks knowing that I could always move back with them.

I came into my relationship with my H with a lot of debt (medical and university) which I paid off before we got married (thanks to the exchange rate, a good paycheck, living in shit places and doing very little enjoyable stuff for a few years).

My H and I will become benefactors of inheritence. My H lived at home until he was 30 to save up money for a downpayment for a flat in London. We sold that a few years later after we got married. We then bought a house with a very large down payment and so we were able to save a lot of money each month as our mortgage was quite low. When my FIL passed, we rented out our house and moved in with his mom and did her house up (each paying half the costs from savings). At that point, we worked with her and a solicitor to start a process to help us not have to pay as much in inheritence tax once she passes. We sold both houses and moved into our current house in early 2020 with no mortgage needed. We currently share a house with my MIL and if she lives another year, we will inherit her half of the house along with her stocks and shares in the future without any inheritence tax. We would never be able to live in this house and area w/o buying with my MIL.

I expect that we will be contributing to the finances of my mother, in the future, as she had Alzheimers and no money. We'll probably have to do something with my MIL if she needs help in the near future (likely physically, possibly dementia). Hoping that we can retain enough so that we can retire at a decent age and live ok.

[holly116]

I mentioned in the NW thread, DH's grandparents paid for his in-state public university undergrad. I received $10k from my paternal grandparents towards college and my parents maybe contributed around $10k.

DH's parents might have loaned him a bit for a down payment on his first home (bought before we met, but sold after we were married). They also wrote us a surprise check for $10k towards our wedding and give us $1k every year for Christmas. They are frugal and we assume there would be a small inheritance depending on when they eventually pass, but it is not in our planning. We tell them often to spend all their money now and not worry about leaving us anything.

My now divorced parents have not been in stable financial standing until just the last few years, there was no $$ towards the wedding or anything else. There will be no inheritance, I will be thrilled if we don't have to support either in any way in the coming years.

[holly116]

Jan 29, 2024 8:46:45 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

Jan 28, 2024 20:31:46 GMT -5 keweenawlove said:

It doesn't feel like major money but my grandma put $25 in savings bonds for me every birthday and Christmas. It ended up being about 1/3 of my first house down-payment.

I can remember as a kid thinking savings bonds were total crap gifts, but now I'm like "Hellooo rainy day fund!"

We've been lucky to just let them sit and mature. We've slowly cashed them in here/there, especially once they fully max. Some of the interest rates on them are like 4%!

My grandparents did this too, but I cashed them out early to go on spring break my senior year while earning a degree in FINANCE.  The irony.  

[mae0111]

My parents paid for part of private high school and part of college for me. High school tuition was about $9k/year at the time (early 90's - now over $50K for the same school). I got $6K in scholarship money, and my mom took a job at the school to cover some of the rest. Her salary and the tuition assistance that was part of her benefits package paid for my sisters and me.

In college, my parents and I took out loans, and I received minimal grants for freshman and sophomore year. Junior year I lost all grants because my older sister graduated college. I came out owing about what I made in a year - just over $20K. I was able to pay back some of my parents' loans with money from a lawsuit settlement (bad car accident at age 16). I gave them what they told me they needed, but honestly, I don't know if it was the full amount. They wouldn't take more. It was about $30K.

DH's parents did about the same as what my parents did - took out a bunch of loans, as did DH. He graduated owing about what he made in a year - about $40K. He didn't pay back his parents' loans. They also loaned him money for his divorce

In my late 20's I got engaged, and then my ex-FI left me about a week after we bought a house. He walked away completely, signed the deed over, and never contributed to any costs. I couldn't afford the house, but I couldn't afford to sell it so quickly. Ex-FI had also run up my credit cards and left me with all of the wedding debt, so I was literally living on 1/2 can of soup and cold cuts to pay my bills. So my dad loaned me money for 6 months to keep me afloat until I was able to sell. He never let me repay him.

So while I started my professional life in the hole, it wasn't as deep as it could have been thanks to my parents. Same for DH. We both made things worse for ourselves (financially) in different ways, but we both dug out of debt and started building our savings together.

I don't anticipate an inheritance. I've encouraged my parents to SPEND IT ALL, and they don't have a ton - they are comfortable and not struggling. We bought MIL a house a few years ago - she pays us enough rent to cover taxes and upkeep. She gets a really healthy sum of money through pensions monthly, so also very comfortable, but no assets that will be passed along to kids. I'm thankful that both my parents and MIL are able to support themselves financially (MIL could have afforded the house, but she was afraid to take out a mortgage alone after FIL passed away, so we just bought it - VLCOL area). But if we ever had to jump in, we are in a position to do so.

[jamaicam]

themoneytree, I was also in that year at university so didn't pay tuition fees and qualified for a grant. Between my parents and summer jobs, I was able to get by and not take out a loan. I was also able to get through my Masters with only a small loan (like $5,000) due to UK fees rules.

None of my grandparents owned a house or had much money so there wasn't anything to inherit there. But there are 3 major things my parents have done for me:
1. Allowed me to live with them rent-free when I moved back here after university. So I was able to save hard for a downpayment on my first apartment.
2. Gave me money each month for a year after my husband died, which allowed me time to decide what I was doing and not have to rush into decisions. I am so grateful for this.
3. And most importantly, they have planned and saved for their own retirement which means I do not have to worry that I will need to support them. I see many of my friends have to include supporting their parents in their financial planning and I know I am fortunate not to have to consider this.

[quesyrah]

Jan 29, 2024 19:15:41 GMT -5 Stan said:

flygirl Nugget T. Brain, The OG I had that same issue re: not wanting to spend anything. The grandmother who left me money was a huge solo traveler late in life so I took a grandma trip with some of it. That was the only time it was easy to even think about spending it. Grief is so complicated.

This is interesting to me. Not that I blew my inheritance (as I outlined above most of it was spent responsibly), but I had no guilt using the money.

My dad loved nothing more than spoiling us and always wanted to help out financially even after we got married (which I always declined). So I felt my dad was smiling down on me knowing that he had given me one last financial boost into security and that he also provided my family with an amazing vacation. I tried to do things with the money that would honor him and make him proud.

[flygirl]

quesyrah, Nugget T. Brain, The OG, Stan, I did use a little bit to buy tickets for a vacation but other than that, I don’t know what feels right yet. She was a very frugal person so I feel like it has to be something good. Plus she went from being diagnosed with cancer to gone in such a short time, I don’t know if my brain will process it fully.

[sandandsea]

Our parents were/are very much working class and we hope we don’t end up having to support them in their later years as they’ve saved and lived frugally, and stayed out of debt but they just never had extra. So we put ourselves through college and are working our booties off to build our own wealth so we can pay for our kids college, weddings, and help with down payments as it’s a huge hand up when you’re starting your adult life.

[ellipses84]

The college financial aid thing is probably something our parents hardly considered (and definitely didn’t think about the lifelong impact it would have). I ended up on the wrong side of it, having no college savings but mom/stepdad marrying and suddenly making more right before I went to college. Another poster had the opposite due to divorce.

I heard a story (and I think this happened a long time ago in Chicago suburbs) where parents were giving guardianship of their 17 year olds over to relatives with less income, like retired grandparents, so their kids would qualify for financial aid. I believe they got in trouble for fraud.

There’s a lot going on with the new Fafsa changes that anyone with kids going to college in the next few years should look at. I heard a rumor it doesn’t account for 2 kids in college at the same time, the same way.

[shaynaatl]

We have benefited quite a bit from family, and are very grateful for that. We will plan to do similar for our kids.

- DH's undergrad and grad school was paid for by his parents.
- My undergrad was paid for, though I did pay for my own grad school.
- My parents gifted us $16k for a down payment, for our first home.
- My in-laws helped watch our first baby, which saved us $$ on daycare.

[egishere]

My parents paid for my college, wedding and gave us $ to do IVF, My two siblings and me will inherit a decent amount of $ when my Dad dies (Mom died a few years ago).

[neeps]

Reading these just makes me so very aware that the kind of poverty DH and I grew up in is probably unfathomable to most on this board. There has never been any money for our college, cars, wedding, houses, etc. (Ironically, our kid's answer to the question down the road is going to be a 180 answer.)

Edit: because it felt boot-strappy and was bothering me. 

[mcsangel2]

I am not quite sure which answer is correct for my situation. PDQ I received about $15k from my mom's estate after everything was settled. I didn't really feel like this was a life changing amount. I would like to have a slightly larger house (we've been living in our 1250sf starter house for 19 years) but prices are pretty much out of reach for us now. We are financially stable enough that we don't need it for new cars, maybe someday we'll use it to update a bathroom or the kitchen. Otherwise I have it in a separate account.