Post by gretchenindisguise on Mar 4, 2024 17:58:12 GMT -5
I find it helpful to think of it as a physical illness for which treatment didn't work. Regardless of what you had done or not done, the treatment failed. It sounds like you were there for her and gave her tremendous kindness. Be mad at depression, be mad at the lack of effective treatment for her.
Fuck depression in the same vein and vigor that we say fuck cancer.
I'm sending you and her entire family light and love.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Depression is cruel. Many people who succumb suffer at different intensities for some time, going back and forth between utter despair and sorta okay. The decision to die is often made and executed very quickly. So it’s entirely possible that when she talked to you, she thought she was okay(ish), and sometime later that changed quickly and suddenly.
Recent research into this has actually been pretty promising in finding ways to prevent people from completing, which doesn’t help your friend, but may help other people.
I’m really sorry. It’s not your fault. There is nothing you could have done that would have changed the outcome. Sometimes that makes me feel better and sometimes it doesn’t, but please don’t beat yourself up. I know all too well how you are flooded by questions and regret when this happens. It is awful. I’m so sorry.
I lost a close friend to suicide a few years ago and, for me, the grief was unlike anything else.
It was hard for awhile, to be around people who didn’t know him. Almost everyone I told (who didn’t know him) said some version of “how sad that he didn’t get help.” He fucking DID and it was unsuccessful. Would you say the same about someone who died of cancer?
It’s been over 7 years now and I remember him fondly and his wife and young child have adjusted well. But I will never, ever get over the sadness that he must have felt. It was overwhelming in the beginning but years have helped.
winnied, I know she was sick, but it is very hard not to be angry. Especially when her kid had to witness what he witnessed.
it's perfectly normal and acceptable to be angry. My sister in law died by suicide, it'll be 3 years in July. I was angry at her, the world, and God. Sometimes I still am. I'm angry she allowed my brother to be the one to find her and for many other reasons.
Logically, I know she was sick. Emotionally, I hate the choice she made that flipped our worlds upside down.
There are suicide loss support groups on Facebook and Reddit. Reading them helped me feel less alone. Even friends that very much meant well would piss me off with the things they would say because they just couldn't understand what I was going through.
My brother’s death was a result of depression and using alcohol to cope. When it happened, my mom and I had so many questions. Did he know what he was doing? Was this his choice? Did he not realize how sick he was getting from the alcohol? How did we not know? We literally either saw him or talked to him daily. How did his coworkers not know (from what we can tell, he started drinking around 7 after he called to talk to my mom which he did every night after my dad died and drank until he passed out)? Why didn’t we push harder when we told him he should see a doctor? Why didn’t I force him into my car and take him to the ER sooner (I finally did this three days before he passed and his organs were already failing)?
We are a bit over a year out now. We still have all these questions but we know that we took action when we knew something was really wrong and this was likely not something we could have prevented. For a while we placed a lot of blame on his estranged wife who knew about his drinking and basically said she didn’t help because he made his choice and had to live with it and the woman he started dating after his separation who slept there most weekends and knew how much he drank. But over the year we also realized that the blame game doesn’t help.
It’s a really weird and hard thing to find peace with. I don’t know if and how I ever will. But I have come to understand that I could not have prevented this. He was an alcoholic. He was sick. The mental health part of alcohol is so misunderstood, as I am assuming is the place someone has to be with their mental health to die by suicide. After my brother died, I had to call his friends and tell them. One of his college friends told me stories about how my brother would always update them on my kids as he didn’t have any kids of his own and loved them so much. The friend told me how happy he was when he’d talk about being with my kids. I did find some peace in that - knowing that we provided him happy time. You too will peace. But it takes a long time.
I wanted to add that over time you will find ways to honor your friend. My teen has a friend who died by suicide their freshman year. I know the parents. They honored him by attending things he would have gone to that year like team banquets and such. This year would have been his senior year and they decided to launch a local mental health foundation and are going to award a scholarship in his name to honor him. He was on my son’s sports team and they all have those rubber bracelets with his name that they wear at matches (it’s a sport that allows it obviously).
((karinothing)) I'm incredibly sorry. I wish I had something helpful to say. Your feelings are so relatable, and the whole thing is just horrible and heartbreaking.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
I’m sorry for your loss. We lost a good family friend to suicide last year and all of us, especially his parents, constantly think about what we could have done differently to prevent it. It is completely devastating and even after the shock wears off, every day can be a struggle. They have found some comfort working with suicide prevention organizations and doing things to honor his memory.