Post by lovelovelove on Mar 25, 2024 11:36:44 GMT -5
I'm so glad that they came to you and know how much you love them. It sounds like you have been and will continue to be an amazing parent. Thank you for sharing with us the experience and your feelings.
Good on you guys for being a safe place for them to turn to! I think it’s normal to grieve during this process because it’s such a huge change that requires a lot of thoughtfulness and work. Plus the scary side of the world we live in, so it’s understandable. But it sounds like your family has such a solid foundation, and you’ll make it through together!
The most important thing is that your kid knows you care for and love them! Best feeling in the world! You are allowed to have your feelings, and I 2nd (or 10th) a support group.
Thanks again. I very much appreciate the wisdom and support here. I have a screening phone call with a therapist who runs a parent support group set for tomorrow afternoon. I saw my kid yesterday and I’m happy to report that everything felt just like it always did. Onward, I suppose!
One thing you mention is your fear your child won’t ‘pass.’
’Passing’ isn’t central for everyone. For many people, living a personal truth is more important. That also doesn’t mean anyone wants people going around clocking them or making an issue of it.
As a side note: I see you using ‘they/them’ here. Is that how your child now identifies? Or she/her? Practice using the correct pronouns here. We will too. practice thr new name while looking at photos, change it in your phone, etc. I retold myself memories using the new name and pronouns. practice makes all the difference on these things
I can’t pretend to have real experience here but we do have a distant family member (who we rarely see) who is transitioning as a teen. I aim to be inclusive and so far it is mainly in the form of reminding the olds to use the right pronouns and emphasizing with the younger generation that there is a spectrum for everything and that’s okay. Even from where I sit, I feel sadness that things will likely be harder for her. However, I am also happy that she is now who she truly feels she is. I mean, yay for that! I can imagine those feelings are amplified exponentially if you’re the parent. I am thinking of you and your family as you all adjust.
I don’t have any advice to share that hasn’t already been shared.
Sending you hugs as you navigate this unexpected change and grieve for what was and have anxious feelings for what the future holds. You clearly love your child and they know it. That is going to make their life so much easier.
sending you lots of love, all your feelings are valid and like others have said your child has had time to process and you will be able to process too. New information can come as a shock and we all have a vision for our kids that sometimes we have to grieve if it turns out differently (not always bad just different)
Post by mysteriouswife on Mar 26, 2024 17:45:21 GMT -5
Lots of great advice and support. I do want to caution about other people you may know. They may not be as supportive or helpful as you would expect. That is on them and not you or your child. We are trying to navigate the process with a distant relative. While I try to remember the new name and correct pronouns I do fumble. I apologize and let them know I still am trying to remember. They seem to be more comfortable when I acknowledge my mistake.
Lots of great advice and support. I do want to caution about other people you may know. They may not be as supportive or helpful as you would expect. That is on them and not you or your child. We are trying to navigate the process with a distant relative. While I try to remember the new name and correct pronouns I do fumble. I apologize and let them know I still am trying to remember. They seem to be more comfortable when I acknowledge my mistake.
practice works for distant relatives, too retell their relationship and family narrative to yourself with the correct name/ pronouns. ‘That is Fred. His mother is my cousin. He has 2 sisters. Fred wax born in Fresno. His oldest sister is wilma. Fred plays soccer….’
Lots of great advice and support. I do want to caution about other people you may know. They may not be as supportive or helpful as you would expect. That is on them and not you or your child. We are trying to navigate the process with a distant relative. While I try to remember the new name and correct pronouns I do fumble. I apologize and let them know I still am trying to remember. They seem to be more comfortable when I acknowledge my mistake.
practice works for distant relatives, too retell their relationship and family narrative to yourself with the correct name/ pronouns. ‘That is Fred. His mother is my cousin. He has 2 sisters. Fred wax born in Fresno. His oldest sister is wilma. Fred plays soccer….’
Post by somersault72 on Mar 27, 2024 11:59:04 GMT -5
The fact that your kiddo said "I don't expect this to change anything. I know you love me." makes me a little teary. How wonderful that they feel so loved. I HOPE my kids feel that way.
As most others have said you get to feel what you feel, whatever that is.