Helping adult children

[dr.girlfriend]

My parents paid for college and although I got full tuition and some funds from teaching assistantships in grad school they paid my rent through internship. I was financially independent starting on postdoc, but they gave a sum of money towards my wedding as well.

I was very lucky, and plan to provide the same support for my kid as long as they take it seriously and are appreciative which I think they will be.

[sdlaura]

I was on my parents’ cell phone plan for several years after college. That was less than $100 a month. I’m sure if I needed help they would have helped, but I wanted to and could live within my means through having a lot of roommates and other similar decisions.

They also paid for stuff for my sister and me on one or two family vacations per year.

[chpmnk1015]

dont have adult kids yet but i hope we are in a position to help w DP or something or student loans when the time comes.

My parents did not help me but i did live at home a couple of years after college.. i paid minimal rent- like 150 and did a lot aaround the house and bought groceries here and there... i was working 3 jobs at the time and it was great to help me save and pay off stuednt and car loans..

[egishere]

Not regularly- I graduated college and moved in with DH, then Fiancé six months before our wedding my parents quit giving me money so early 20s. They did pay for us to do IVF in our 30s which was $$ but they have the funds.

[calico]

My parents supported me into my early 20s. I was able graduate with a BA and no debt. I want to do that for my daughters and we are planning accordingly. My H was partially supported when he moved to college and it worked for him but his relationship with his parents is more distant than mine was.

[janegold]

I was on their cell phone plan until I was 25, but other than that, no.

[quesyrah]

I didn’t vote because my answer doesn’t apply. My parents did stuff like occasionally paid for something for my kids (swim lessons, bought a museum membership, etc). It wasn’t regular, just occasional.

I can’t say for certain what I’ll do for my kids but I don’t have any intention of supporting them past college. We have an ADU that they would both like to live in while attending college locally. So I imagine they will stay there for a couple years past college while they figure out adult life.

[mlkgls]

sadlebred, I listened to that same show this week and was honestly shocked by the amount. As an aside, I need another, similar show to add to the rotation for my commute. 

My parents helped me remodel my first house, with sweat equity. Actually, I think my dad paid for one costly mistake during our first project, but otherwise I’ve been on my own since graduating. My parents wouldn’t have really had more than a nominal amount to share though. They were focused on saving aggressively due to being behind in retirement because of the economy and general shift away from pensions. 

I have an only child and plan on trying to help him with any student loans, if that becomes necessary. I don’t really expect to help him regularly past maybe mid-20s though, other than family trips. We should be comfortable in retirement, but I want to make sure we have enough for memory and/or end of life care. 

[sadlebred]

mlkgls Try "How to Money." It's someone that used to work for Clark Howard. A bit of a different, younger vibe but the same consumer and money focused podcast....and occasionally something about beer.

[ECB]

My parents helped a little. When I lived at home after college for a year ,they didn't charge me rent. My dad paid for my car insurance for a couple years when I was RIGHT out of college. And he would occasionally send me money during college - like $20. They also paid for my college education.

But by and large - once I was out of the house, I totally supported myself.

DS is taking a "Financial LIteracy" class next semester (10th grade). DH and I want him to understand money, savings, etc. He worked last summer and this summer and we do make him put 1/2 into savings. We're going to do all we can NOW to hopefully make him appreciate and understand money, but once he's out of college - depending on the needs, I know we'll be willing to help him on some level.

[jamaicam]

I moved back to the country a few years after graduating and I lived with them for nearly 2 years then. I paid some rent but not full value by any means; and was able to buy my first apartment when I moved out.

When DH died, there were a lot of complicated legal issues which meant it took a while for my finances to get sorted out. They gave me money every month for a year or so until things were sorted out which removed a lot of stress at a bad time.

[Susie]

My parents mostly supported me until I graduated from college (22).  I paid for some of my own living expenses, like car insurance, cell phone, etc.  

After undergrad, I was self-supported.  I think my mom bought me a suit as a 1L when I was applying for jobs, but that was it.  It was not an easy road, and despite working a lot during law school (summer and during the year), I finished with $160k in student loans.  Back in 2007, when my starting salary was $65k, that seemed like a bigger and more shocking number.  

I don't know what I'll be able to do for my kids, but I hope to make that transition a little smoother for them.

[lessel]

My parents didn't provide consistent support for bills or living expenses after I moved out at 18. They'd give me cash for my birthday or Christmas and pay for dinners together and such. And they gave us a few thousand for big life events like wedding and buying a house. But not month-to-month support.

My step-brother, on the other hand, lived with them on and off until he was 30, worked for my parents' company, and had things like car insurance, cell phone, etc. paid for by them. Oh and they paid his college tuition when he decided to take a class or two. (Mine was scholarships, a gift from my paternal great grandfather, and student loans I took out.) But y'know... he's a self-made man and no one ever gave him a hand up or a hand out in life. 🙄

[fortnightlily]

My parents gave me many legs up: paying for college, giving me one of their old cars, letting me live at home rent free for a year after college to build up savings to move to California to follow my dream. But once I moved at 22 and got a job I took over my car insurance and cell phone bills and they never gave me any money for living expenses.

[niq]

My dad co-signed on a line of credit so I could go on a big trip after college, but I had to pay it back.

I didn't get any other help with bills or anything.

Dad does put money into the 529s, I don't know if poll respondents counted that.

msniq lived at home and paid then discounted rent for a year or two in between moving back from Japan and finding her own place.

[supertrooper1]

My parents have never supported me as an adult. I paid for my own college. By my mid 20's, I was out earning both of my parents combined, so I never felt like I could ask for help if I ever needed it. My brother on the other hand, is in his late 30's and I think he just recently stopped borrowing money from them. He has never paid them back and it got to the point where my parents said they even changed their will because he borrowed so much money. It upsets me that he has taken so much from them because they're not well off and deserve to enjoy their retirement.

I tread lightly when it comes to my FI supporting his mid 20's son and family because my son is only 11, and I don't know if I'll help him when he's that age. I put my foot down when it's something that could affect us when we finally buy a house or get married. The latest is FI's son has a bunch of consumer debt and wanted him to do a HELOC to buy his debt, and then he would be able to get a lower interest rate to buy FI's house that he currently rents from him. FI said no because there would still be a chance his son wouldn't be approved for the loan. With interest rates right now, it's still better for his son to pay the mortgage as rent instead of taking on a larger mortgage payment if he buys the house. His son makes almost as much as FI, but spends a ton on toys such as cars and motorcycles and other non-essential stuff. I'm ok with FI paying for his cell phones right now. He was paying for streaming services too until they cracked down on password sharing.

[SusanBAnthony]

My parents didn't support me at all after undergrad. I was firmly in the same camp, watching my in-laws support my SIL for 15 years.

But damn I look at my 16.75 year old and ca t really imagine him being self sufficient in 5 years. I suspect he'll be living in my basement.

[sent]

My dad said he would pay for college and grad school. But then he kept making me take out student loans and 20 year old me didn't understand why he didn't just pay the bill directly to the university. He tried to tell me the loans were "free money" but again, 20 year old me couldn't process how "loans = free money" and my dad didn't do such a good job of explaining his position. He then paid my student loans through my 30s. I think he stopped and asked me to take the payment over sometime around when I turned 40. He also paid one other bill related to my career until I was in my mid 30s. Both of these expenses totaled around $500/mo.

Back then they used to give student loans with extremely low interest rates. Now 40-something me understands the significance of this and why my dad viewed them as "free money." But I'll do a better job of explaining this concept to my kids if they ever find themselves debating about taking a loan with an interest rate of 5% or less.

[Nugget T. Brain, The OG]

My mom didn't give me direct regular help, but she did sell me her home when she downsized at what she owed vs market value. That is the biggest financial assistance she's given and it let me not only be a homeowner but with enough equity to completely renovate the house and still have a lot of equity left over. There were other times where she gave me money to help pay off a bill or something. I also lived at home until I was about 24 without having to pay rent. She was a single mom with 2 kids so money was a little tighter and most of her direct financial assistance went to my little brother who took until like 35 to get his shit together.

I'm on vacation with her right now and she keeps trying to sneak money into my purse because I won't let her pay for any of our meals lol.

I don't have kids but if my nieces or nephews needed help with something that their parents either couldn't afford or they weren't comfortable asking for I'd do it in a second.

[macmars45]

My parents got me through undergrad debt free. Then I lived with them for 1y2m while working 2 jobs and planning my wedding. They haven't supported me for the last 15 years.

My ILs didn't help H very much. A bit until he was 19 and then they were done. They took out a loan for him but them asked us to pay it back because they couldn't afford to. The irony of a 23 and 24 year old being given more debt (H graduated with 60K in loans of his own) because the 60ish year old adults who took out the loan couldn't pay it back. I'm still salty about it 15 years later.

[lindyanne]

My dad bailed me out of a situation one time when I was around 22 with a few grand. Otherwise I received no help. DH is the baby and I think when he was still living at home his mom would slip him some cash but not on a regular basis.

[definitelyO]

no adult kids (yet)

no money from my parents.... except a wedding gift of $1,000 from each of them